Wedding drama / evil mother in law

Roxielove 24

I thought my mother in law and i got along pretty well until I found out she was sabbaotging my wedding date. My FI and I decided we want to get married nov 9 of this year discussed it parents they say ok we will help you with some of the expenses. Keep in mind only my parents have contributes finically to this wedding. After all of this my mother in law to be calls me to let me know this wedding will not happen this year she wants it in April of 2014 after so much stuff is already done. I spoke to my FI about this he said he will deal with his mom. My pastor had planned to do the wedding now he backed out 80 days before the event stating he wants no drama i grew up at this church so i took it hard that wants nothing to do with this wedding now but before he was so proud , so I am pissed need advice

Roxielove 24

I thought my mother in law and I got along pretty well until I found out she was sabbaotging my wedding date. My FI and I decided we want to get married nov 9 of this year discussed it parents they say ok we will help you with some of the expenses. Keep in mind only my parents have contributes finically to this wedding. After all of this my mother in law to be calls me to let me know this wedding will not happen this year she wants it in April of 2014 after so much stuff is already done. I spoke to my FI about this he said he will deal with his mom. My pastor had planned to do the wedding now he backed out 80 days before the event stating he wants no drama i grew up at this church so i took it hard that wants nothing to do with this wedding now but before he was so proud , so I am pissed need advice

KeptInStitches

Whoever pays, gets a say. Is there any way you can cut the expenses back to something you and your FI can afford to keep the date, or make sure FMIL is not contributing at all? Then you could approach your pastor and let him know that there is no drama as far as you are concerned since she is not paying.

It seems inappropriate of your pastor to back out unless he was concerned he's not going to be compensated.

OliveOilsMom

Roxielove 24 said:

I thought my mother in law and i got along pretty well until I found out she was sabbaotging my wedding date. My FI and I decided we want to get married nov 9 of this year discussed it parents they say ok we will help you with some of the expenses. Keep in mind only my parents have contributes finically to this wedding. After all of this my mother in law to be calls me to let me know this wedding will not happen this year she wants it in April of 2014 after so much stuff is already done. I spoke to my FI about this he said he will deal with his mom. My pastor had planned to do the wedding now he backed out 80 days before the event stating he wants no drama i grew up at this church so i took it hard that wants nothing to do with this wedding now but before he was so proud , so I am pissed need advice

Does FMIL attend this church as well?  Why would the pastor just cancel the wedding?  It seems as if FMIL is not paying for anything.  Keep it that way.  Have FI tell his mom that you are getting married in November and thats that.  If she does not want to attend, it is on her.  Then call another pastor and get married at the reception hall if the pastor at your chruch will not allow the wedding at all.  I'm really surprised the pastor just through up his hands and cancelled.  I feel like there is much more to this story.  Usually, a pastor would offer to counsel all involved before just giving up.

Jen4948

OliveOilsMom said:

Roxielove 24 said:

I thought my mother in law and i got along pretty well until I found out she was sabbaotging my wedding date. My FI and I decided we want to get married nov 9 of this year discussed it parents they say ok we will help you with some of the expenses. Keep in mind only my parents have contributes finically to this wedding. After all of this my mother in law to be calls me to let me know this wedding will not happen this year she wants it in April of 2014 after so much stuff is already done. I spoke to my FI about this he said he will deal with his mom. My pastor had planned to do the wedding now he backed out 80 days before the event stating he wants no drama i grew up at this church so i took it hard that wants nothing to do with this wedding now but before he was so proud , so I am pissed need advice

Does FMIL attend this church as well?  Why would the pastor just cancel the wedding?  It seems as if FMIL is not paying for anything.  Keep it that way.  Have FI tell his mom that you are getting married in November and thats that.  If she does not want to attend, it is on her.  Then call another pastor and get married at the reception hall if the pastor at your chruch will not allow the wedding at all.  I'm really surprised the pastor just through up his hands and cancelled.  I feel like there is much more to this story.  Usually, a pastor would offer to counsel all involved before just giving up.

All of this.  Assuming the story is true, it sounds like that pastor really crossed the professional line by just giving in to the FMIL or assuming all "drama" is the couple's fault.  Just to cancel by itself is wrong, wrong, wrong.

MairePoppy

A pastor is responsible for the spiritual life of the church and it's individual members. He/she is not a professional that is hired to perform a service and a church is not just a venue, like a banquet hall. Perhaps the MOG presented the pastor with some information that made him doubt the couple was ready to get married. 

RoxieLove24  how old are you? If you and your fi are 24, you're legally old enough to get married. Hire a JOP for your ceremony. If you want to be married in your church, make an appointment with your pastor to discuss his reason for changing his mind. 

edit - spelling

Roxielove 24

@ Mariepoppy We are 25 years old, I will look for another pastor to do my wedding

Roxielove 24

My Fi and I go to different churches , but the same type of church our pastor have been feuding for about 10 years now. My pastors reason for pulling it is he doesn't want the drama with my Fi pastor and mother. My pastor gave my Fi and I his blessing until he spoke with my MI pastor and mom. After speaking with them he told me you still have my blessing and I would give you someone to marry you but I don't want to be involved his hands are tied his says. But I grew up at this church I never even thought of someone else marrying me. And @ OliveOilsMom yes my store is true my future is nothing i would lie about or play with.

Jen4948

MairePoppy said:

A pastor is responsible for the spiritual life of the church and it's individual members. He/she is not a professional that is hired to perform a service and a church is not just a venue, like a banquet hall. Perhaps the MOG presented the pastor with some information that made him doubt the couple was ready to get married. 

RoxieLove24  how old are you? If you and your fi are 24, you're legally old enough to get married. Hire a JOP for your ceremony. If you want to be married in your church, make an appointment with your pastor to discuss his reason for changing his mind. 

edit - spelling

His little "I don't want any drama" speech kind of fails this reason-he's reneging on his promise to provide spiritual assistance for the couple in performing the marriage ceremony.

Emmy1493

I agree with PP's. If she isn't going to pay, she doesn't have a say. As for the pastor issue, I would try to just find someone else to marry you both if possible at this point. I feel that he should have tried to reconcile and help you all work through it. That aside, I am sorry about all the stress you and FI are going through. I hope it all works out for y'all! Best of luck!

MairePoppy

Roxielove 24 said:

My Fi and I go to different churches , but the same type of church our pastor have been feuding for about 10 years now. My pastors reason for pulling it is he doesn't want the drama with my Fi pastor and mother. My pastor gave my Fi and I his blessing until he spoke with my MI pastor and mom. After speaking with them he told me you still have my blessing and I would give you someone to marry you but I don't want to be involved his hands are tied his says. But I grew up at this church I never even thought of someone else marrying me. And @ OliveOilsMom yes my store is true my future is nothing i would lie about or play with.

Your pastor isn't much of a shepherd, is he? He should have done the right thing by you, without being influenced by your FMIL. If I was you, I wouldn't be returning to that church. I wish you good luck in finding a minister to marry you and your fi. 

As for your FMIL, don't include her in the planning, lest she sabotage you again. You can send her invitation when you send the others. 

ETA - I also wouldn't attend or get married in your fi's church for the same reason. 

Simply Fated

What was said when he talked to the other pastor? What drama is he referring to? Surely he didn't drop out just because you disagree on the date.

OliveOilsMom

Roxielove 24 said:

My Fi and I go to different churches , but the same type of church our pastor have been feuding for about 10 years now. My pastors reason for pulling it is he doesn't want the drama with my Fi pastor and mother. My pastor gave my Fi and I his blessing until he spoke with my MI pastor and mom. After speaking with them he told me you still have my blessing and I would give you someone to marry you but I don't want to be involved his hands are tied his says. But I grew up at this church I never even thought of someone else marrying me. And @ OliveOilsMom yes my store is true my future is nothing i would lie about or play with.

But there was more to the story.  Your pastor and FMIL's pastor have a history.  That is why he cancelled, although I have no idea why FMIL and her pastor would have any need to speak with him regarding YOUR marriage.  Did FIML want her pastor to co-officiate?  That is also not up to her.  Does your FI want his pastor to co-officiate?  If yes, then I can understand why your pastor cancelled. 

I also agree with Marie, that I would be finding a new church.  Find a church and pastor who is willing to stand up for someone in his flock, not run away when the wolf gets too close.  Perhaps you and FI can find a new church that you can attend together. 

AprilH81

There is NO REASON for your pastor to be talking to your FMIL. That is a breach of confidentiality.

The pastor doing our ceremony (a longtime family friend and the pastor of the church I attended growing up) won't even discuss the ceremony with my mom and they are friends outside of church.  

NYCBruin

I find your pastor's behavior appalling TBH.  I'd be finding a new church.  Sorry you're dealing with so much drama. 

I would find a new church/pastor and plan the wedding.  Don't give FMIL any information about this church until you send out invitations.  

Roxielove 24

Thanks for the advice this is just so stressful this is supposed to be the happiest time of me and my fiancé life and these people have turn it into a drama filled mess. I believe both pastors and my future mother in law have over stepped there boundries and am pissed. I will find someone else to do my wedding ceremony and find another church and my future mother in law will have no part in this.

NYCBruin

Roxielove 24 said:

Thanks for the advice this is just so stressful this is supposed to be the happiest time of me and my fiancé life and these people have turn it into a drama filled mess. I believe both pastors and my future mother in law have over stepped there boundries and am pissed. I will find someone else to do my wedding ceremony and find another church and my future mother in law will have no part in this.

Sounds like you have a good plan.  It sucks you had to deal with all of this, but I think finding a new church will be for the best anyways (silver lining).  Good luck with everything!

Jen4948

Roxielove 24 said:

Thanks for the advice this is just so stressful this is supposed to be the happiest time of me and my fiancé life and these people have turn it into a drama filled mess. I believe both pastors and my future mother in law have over stepped there boundries and am pissed. I will find someone else to do my wedding ceremony and find another church and my future mother in law will have no part in this.

Good for you.  Hopefully your wedding will turn out to be a wonderful day despite their attempts to screw you over.  All the best!