How to calm my brain down?

KateJ16

Hi all,

This is my first discussion on here (go me).  My boyfriend and I have been seriously talking about marriage over the past couple months - I know he has talked to my parents already, and I believe he has already discussed my ring preferences with my friends.  I also know he went ring shopping.

My problem?  I can't get past thinking about this, and am going NUTS trying to just let it happen and not go into crazy pre-planning mode (I know that's a no-no, but it's so hard for me, the super-planning Virgo).  How has everyone else kept their sanity around them and just enjoyed the moment?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Kate

CLoGreenEyes

Hi Kate!

I hear you - waiting is rough! There's no easy fix to the feeling that you're going bananas. It's just a matter of enjoying ALL the parts of your life, not just the fact that you're about to become engaged.

Focus on the awesome things your BF does for you every day, the things that don't involve a ring. Get into your career (or school or whatever you're doing) and your hobbies, visit with your friends and remind yourself of how luck you are already. (I know that, after my best friend just got engaged and I got hear about their wedding planning drama, I was SO THANKFUL that BF and I were waiting a little while.)

And hang out here, of course. The ladies here talk about all kinds of stuff, not just wedding things, so it's easier here to remember that there's more to life.

KeptInStitches

Welcome! I'm NEY as well - when I feel my brain go into overdrive, I remind myself that he wouldn't propose without a pony and he's nowhere near that. I also like to knit a lot because keeping my hands busy is good.

What's your favorite dessert? Favorite alcoholic beverage?

CLoGreenEyes

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bethsmiles

Hi! Not thinking about an up coming proposal can be hard and there isn't really any magical trick to getting your mind off that track. It's really a matter of living in the moment. Right now you aren't engaged but there are a lot of things (I'm sure) that make you very happy in your relationship right now. Try to focus on that, you will have plenty of time to be super happy about being engaged once you are Although this is easier said than done!

And hanging out here helps too! Tell us more about yourself

minskat30

Yep, hanging out here helped me keep my mind off it when I knew H was about ready to pop the question (we had gone ring shopping and I knew he bought it already).  He still waited a little while before proposing (he wanted to get the timing and surprise element just right) so hang in there and enjoy your time with him now knowing that he wants you in his life for the rest of it. 

Also, if it helps, planning a wedding is STRESSFUL (at least it was for me) so don't feel the need to rush into it. 

suzie211

minskat30 said:

Yep, hanging out here helped me keep my mind off it when I knew H was about ready to pop the question (we had gone ring shopping and I knew he bought it already).  He still waited a little while before proposing (he wanted to get the timing and surprise element just right) so hang in there and enjoy your time with him now knowing that he wants you in his life for the rest of it. 

Also, if it helps, planning a wedding is STRESSFUL (at least it was for me) so don't feel the need to rush into it. 

Ditto.

Hanging out here will help.  I also recommend focusing on hobbies.  It will help keep your mind off of it.  Once you're engaged you can't get back any of the time just enjoying your relationship.  This is one of the best times you can have in your relationship.  Enjoy it while you can.

KateJ16

Amapola14 said:

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Screen Name: KateJ16
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Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself:  I went back to school a couple years ago and got my certificate in pastry - and am now counting the days until I make my first million and can open my bakery

minskat30

Another Illinois resident!  Welcome!  H and I met on Match too.

Where was your first date?

What is your favorite thing to bake?

KeptInStitches

Photos of your kitties, please!

KateJ16

Thanks to everyone - you guys are awesome!

Hm, our first non-date was at a coffee shop between us to make sure we wouldn't kill each other in person - but our first REAL date was at Violet Hour in Chicago and an Italian restaurant that I don't remember the name of (although I know my BF still has the receipts from that night in his wallet)

Favorite thing to bake - that could the question I get most and the question that is most impossible to answer!  Opera Cake is one of my favorites (thin layers of almond sponge cake, soaked in coffee syrup, with alternating layers of French Buttercream and chocolate ganache, and then the whole thing glazed in chocolate - sigh) - and I love making my homemade funfetti cake!

And more about me... hm.  I am a real food convert, trying to get back on the wagon after a round of food poisoning and my BF taking me to so many delicious restaurants.  I love love love to read, so if anyone has good books to recommend I appreciate it! (I tend to like fiction with stories I can really get into - I like to fall into the book's world).

KateJ16

And, of course, pictures of my kitties.

(Yes, I did torture Jasper for a half hour to get a picture of him with that sombrero on... I think eventually he just gave up)

KeptInStitches

I'm into Steve Berry's books lately, especially the Cotton Malone series. It starts with The Templar Legacy. If you had to classify them, they're historical fiction in that the book takes place in the present time, but the history may have elements of fiction in it. He does have an appendix where he lists out what's real and not real. He's published 8 of them so far.

minskat30

I love, love, love Violet Hour.  My H, when he was my BF, lived right by it...that was dangerous.    Your kitties are adorable.

Welcome!

Swazzle

Hi, I love your kitters. 

Welcome!

CASK85

Another Chicagoan! Hi and welcome  

I second (or third, or 4th) suggestions to throw yourself into your work or a new hobby as ways to distract yourself from having too many wedding thoughts. If you were thinking about getting married in the Chicago area I totally understand the desire to start sussing things out early (so many options and cost is huge here). BUT - and trust me on this b/c I did try to pre-plan - everything you think you'll do will change once you are actually engaged and your BF(FI) as well as both your families start having input. So save your time and sanity. Focus on making your relationship as strong as possible. Enjoy the BF/GF stage because you won't ever be there again and it is fun (not that marriage isn't, but hopefully you know what I mean). 

Also, I'd like to order about 100 of those cakes you described above. NOM! 

KateJ16

Thanks eveyrone - I really appreciate the input!

Dottie05

I am in the same boat you are! I'm sure you know to 'live in the moment" but hey, a girl can dream!

Also, thinking about baked goods has made me really hungry this morning. Opera cake sounds delish. Is it similar to tiramisu?

 

KateJ16

Yummmm - this is my picture from when we made it at school - those are chocolate covered espresso beans on top

loves2shop4shoes

Hello fellow Chicagoan!  I love your kitties!

Really try not to fixate on an impending engagement.  Although you might realize it now, these may be your last days with a naked left ring finger.  Ever.  In life.

Enjoy this special time in your relationship.  And if you absolutely can't control the crazy, take up a hobby.  @Buggle2 has been teaching me how to knit...and it's a fun way to pass time.

Widonomo

I hear ya, ladies!  I'm trying to write a professional academic paper and find myself sneaking over on the internet to look at dresses.  I just want to shout to the world--hey!  I love this guy and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him! 

phira

cschiano said:

Another Chicagoan! Hi and welcome  

I second (or third, or 4th) suggestions to throw yourself into your work or a new hobby as ways to distract yourself from having too many wedding thoughts. If you were thinking about getting married in the Chicago area I totally understand the desire to start sussing things out early (so many options and cost is huge here). BUT - and trust me on this b/c I did try to pre-plan - everything you think you'll do will change once you are actually engaged and your BF(FI) as well as both your families start having input. So save your time and sanity. Focus on making your relationship as strong as possible. Enjoy the BF/GF stage because you won't ever be there again and it is fun (not that marriage isn't, but hopefully you know what I mean). 

Also, I'd like to order about 100 of those cakes you described above. NOM! 

So, my partner and I have only told a few people that we're getting engaged soon, so this hasn't happened to us yet. However, last spring when his brother got engaged, this happened to an extreme.

His brother and now-sister-in-law are very quirky hipster types, and so we weren't surprised when they told us that they planned to get married in 5 months (they'd been together for yeeeears), that they were going to get married at the courthouse, and that the reception would be somewhere in a park in the city, and they were going to have lawn games and picnic blankets and food trucks.

Honestly, I thought, "Weird--I wouldn't do a wedding that way, but hey, I'd be happy attending. Sounds chill." We were going to be moving the day before the wedding, on the worst moving day of the year (Allston Christmas!), and it actually sounded great that we could just take the T to a park, wearing our jeans and T-shirts, and relax with the family to celebrate.

Well, both families pressured the couple, and slowly but surely, everything changed except the wedding date. No more courthouse wedding, no more picnic in the park, no more casual dress. It was still a non-traditional wedding, but it felt more like it was non-traditional because it was rushed and because the couple was not happy with all the changes they had to make.

That's not to say that you WILL be pressured into changing everything, that your opinions won't end up mattering, or even that you might end up with a wedding you don't like. However, you might end up having someone decline to be in the wedding party, or having someone convince you to chance some of the details that weren't as feasible as you thought.