fi needs equal sides...

sandrabrooke

I'm typing this on my phone so hopefully it makes sense. I have 4 bridesmaids and my FI wants equal sides. I've told him unequal is fine and completely cool with me. He really wants equal sides but with 3 months until the wedding....he won't pick groomsman. He says they don't need to know his early and don't until closer to the wedding. Am I going crazy wanting him to pick them out if he wants them so badly or should I let it go? I've asked him a couple times when he'd. Ask them and he gives me a timeline but doesn't pick them when that timeline is over. I think I'm just odd....buy I want to know so I can make decisions based on this.

kmmssg

Ask him how he would like it if his buddy waited until the last minute to ask him to be in the wedding and rent a tux.  They aren't cheap and his buddies would probably appreciate the time to adjust their budgets.  Just from that standpoint alone I think he is being incredibly rude.  If they can't afford it at the last minute and decline, what is he going to do?

OliveOilsMom

sandrabrooke said:

I'm typing this on my phone so hopefully it makes sense. I have 4 bridesmaids and my FI wants equal sides. I've told him unequal is fine and completely cool with me. He really wants equal sides but with 3 months until the wedding....he won't pick groomsman. He says they don't need to know his early and don't until closer to the wedding. Am I going crazy wanting him to pick them out if he wants them so badly or should I let it go? I've asked him a couple times when he'd. Ask them and he gives me a timeline but doesn't pick them when that timeline is over. I think I'm just odd....buy I want to know so I can make decisions based on this.

You already picked your side.  If he wants more or less, just tell him you are sorry but you will not ask another girl or kick one out of the wedding.  If he ends up picking the same amount of guys, so be it. 

What type of clothes will FI be wearing?  Are you renting a tux for him?  Then take him to the rental place now.  Get a quote for the tux and also ask the store what is the deadline to order.  Explain to him they he should ask his guys now so they can also start budgeting for the tux.

Dreamergirl8812

Your FI is being ridiculous. But at this point, you've tried. Maybe mention that he's going to feel like an ass if they say no or he has to scramble to turn his friends into stage props at the last moment. But that's his problem.

sandrabrooke

So at some point do I just say you have a certain number of groomsman...im making decisions off of this

KeptInStitches

I would say that he picks his side, you pick your side. I would mention that he will feel lousy if his friends say no or can't get tuxes in time, but that's on him. Honestly, I would wash my hands of it and tell him he can't dictate how many or how few BM's you have.

Jen4948

Tell him, "I am not kicking out any of my existing bridesmaids or adding any on because of your need for equal sides.  This is a closed subject."

NYCMercedes

"Am I going crazy wanting him to pick them out if he wants them so badly or should I let it go?", you asked. I recommend you let it go. If he has one or none, what difference does it make to you? Seating at the reception would be my only concern, and that can be finalized the day before the wedding.

sandrabrooke

I agree to letting it go since i could care less about equal sides and if he had 0, I wouldn't pitch a fit.  I just want to make sure that if he wants groomsman, he can get more.  Basically, I know he wants equal sides, and I want to use my knowledge of the wedding planning process to help let him know that he needs to ask now rather than two weeks before the wedding.  It just hurts me (minimally) knowing that he might not ultimately have things work out how he wants since I want this day.    

KeptInStitches

Well, if he's ever rented a tux, he knows that there's a lag time. He should realize that his friends/family might need to save money. If he can't put this together on his own ... that's on him. It's not your job to make him realize this.

HisGirlFriday13

He doesn't *need* equal sides -- the only thing you *need* for a wedding are the couple, the officiant and the licence. He *wants* equal sides, but clearly not badly enough to actually plan for them and execute that plan.

I'd let it go; if he brings it up, tell him you've asked your side and you're not going to change it. Also tell him that there will be a lag time on tux rentals, and some people may be unable or unwilling to cough up the money for a tux rental on short notice. If he doesn't bring it up, just don't mention it.

Blue_Bird

sandrabrooke said:

I agree to letting it go since i could care less about equal sides and if he had 0, I wouldn't pitch a fit.  I just want to make sure that if he wants groomsman, he can get more.  Basically, I know he wants equal sides, and I want to use my knowledge of the wedding planning process to help let him know that he needs to ask now rather than two weeks before the wedding.  It just hurts me (minimally) knowing that he might not ultimately have things work out how he wants since I want this day.    

I'd be less concerned about your FI's disappointment in a lack of symmetry on your wedding day and more concerned about his lack of respect for his friends' time. That said, I agree with PPs, you've said what you could say. Let it go. Ultimately, he will have to suffer the natural consequences of his odd decisions.

sandrabrooke

Gahhh my phone spelling is awful.  

I definitely share the same opinion as you all.  I think part of it is that FI and his friends are last minute kind of guys in general.  A wedding just isn't an occasion for that!