Inviting couples who don't live together

Gisellerina

@RedJacks25 - H and I didn't live together before marriage.  While dating, we received a couple of wedding invitations addressed as follows:

Miss Gisellerina and Mr. Boyfriend of Gisellerina

c/o Miss Gisellerina

my address

This made it clear to us that the bridal couples recognized we were a couple, were inviting both of us together, and knew we didn't live together.

KeptInStitches

@Gisellerina - Awesome way to address! I'll have to save that somewhere.

delujm0

Ok.  Here is the important question i think.  If this couple broke up tomorrow, would you still invite them BOTH to your wedding?

 

If the answer is yes, send them each a separate invitation to their homes.  Even if they break up, they will both be individually invited.

 

If the answer is no, send one invitation in both of their names to the person who you would still invite to your wedding if they were broken up.  That way, if they do break up, only the person who received the invitation will be invited.

phira

smalfrie19 said:

phira said:

I mean, I agree with SouthernBelle--ask them what they'd prefer. While I'd prefer one invitation with both names and not care who it was sent to, I know that some people feel differently. Not just aliciaharrison; my sister was upset when she got an invitation to our brother's wedding addressed to her and her long distance boyfriend. She felt like her boyfriend should have gotten his own invitation, especially since it made her feel uncomfortable being invited as a social unit.

In case you can't ask, I'd err on the side of one invitation with both names. Inviting them as a social unit recognizes the relationship. And it also saves paper.

Woah Wait! This is weird...she's uncomfortable being addressed as a social unit....but the feels he still should have been invited...Either she feels she is in a relationship and therefore a social unit or she's not! You can't have it both ways!

 

Oh, I agree. I'm glad she couldn't hear me roll my eyes over the phone when she was complaining about it. My point was that if you CAN ask what someone would prefer, then you should ask, because some people are like my sister.

APDSS22

I'd definitely ask.  FI and I have mutual friends that just got engaged but are living halfway across the country from each other at present.  I asked her where the invite should go and she said her address because 1. She will not lose it. 2. The mail person around his place cannot be relied upon.  Low and behold, she got the invite and the reply card was sent back legibly and on time so this was definitely a good call.

MDbride1012

I would just ask them what they think. I am sure they will tell you whose house to send it to.

HisGirlFriday13

I'm cheap, so I'd pick sending just one, to whichever half of the couple you think is more responsible (as in, won't lose the information/invitation/etc.) and send it to them addressed to them both.

Simply Fated

My boyfriend and I don't live together. It wouldn't bother me if we were sent separate invitations. It's really NBD to me. They know we're a couple. We know we're a couple. None of us need invitations sent to us as a couple for us to recognize that.
It's not what I prefer, but it's not a hill I would die on.

If I had to choose between one invitation being sent to him OR me, I'd rather me. He gets all the invitations from his family sent to him and forgets to tell me about it until the week of. The worst is that he'll RSVP verbally through his mom, so SHE can pass the message on to the family member. Like, seriously dude? You're an adult. I love him. I do. But good gracious.

I agree that it's best just to ask them where they'd like it sent.

cowgirl8238

I agree with southernelle, just ask them what they prefe and be done with it!  I am facing a similar situation and I plan on doing just that!  Plus it gives me a chance to infrom at least one of them that their SO is included, whether they are invited on one invite or two.

LizM61409

I don't live with FI. We've been to a couple of weddings of close friends of both of ours... the invites have been sent to FI's house with both our names on it. It never occurred to me that I should be bothered by it. Although my FI is pretty good about mentioning these things to me and not losing them, so I don't have that to consider like some PPs

Majelin86

We had this dilemma too. However, my fiancé is good friends with the guy & he just asked if they would like one invitation with both of their names on it or 2 separate ones. He opted for one invitation with both of their names on it.

loca4pook

itzMS said:

STARMOON44 said:

I think it's really special snowflakey to be hurt by people sending you mail where you live, and your SO mail where they live.

Sure. But you can't argue the fact that the bride and groom are being practical by calling the couple(s) in question and asking their preferences. Either way, if the couple want two invites or one invite...Fine.

There's no logical need to just send two invites, expect back two RSVPs, and send two thank you notes to a couple just because they don't reside in the same home.

I agree. It seems stupid to send two invites. Invite one and write their name on outer envelope and BOTH names on inner.  I doubt that would be offensive in any way.

I would ask them. If they have no preference, I'd probably be inclined to send it to the one whose more likely to be responsible in sending it back, I gues

loca4pook

phira said:

I mean, I agree with SouthernBelle--ask them what they'd prefer. While I'd prefer one invitation with both names and not care who it was sent to, I know that some people feel differently. Not just aliciaharrison; my sister was upset when she got an invitation to our brother's wedding addressed to her and her long distance boyfriend. She felt like her boyfriend should have gotten his own invitation, especially since it made her feel uncomfortable being invited as a social unit.

In case you can't ask, I'd err on the side of one invitation with both names. Inviting them as a social unit recognizes the relationship. And it also saves paper.

IF they were dating, why would she be uncomfortable being invited as a social unit?!? they WERE a social unit.

Truth be told, your sister's boyfriend probably would not have been invited if they had broken up probably..which is why you send ONE invite.

Example/

john and Jane are dating. I am friends with Jane. I send ONE invite to Jane and John. They break up, John is no longer invited as he truly was just the "guest"

John and Jane are dating. I am friends with Jane. I send TWO invites (one to each of their houses). They break up, Jane is now pissed at me because JOHN is still coming to my wedding because he got his own darn invitation! LMAO.

You send ONE invite to social units