Wedding Etiquette Forum

Awkward Invitation Problem

clcountryclcountry member
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edited August 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I invited my aunt's mother (not my grandmother, my uncle's mother-in-law) to my bridal shower. I did not invite my aunt's sisters, but one of them came anyway and brought her daughter because aunt's mother needed a driver. Do we now need to add them to our wedding guest list? Adding them adds eight people to the list, all of whom will probably actually come. I felt bad about not inviting them in the first place, but we usually only see them once a year on Thanksgiving (sometimes not even then), and the list had to stop somewhere. We really cannot afford to add that many people, but I also don't want to be rude or offend them. Help?

Re: Awkward Invitation Problem

  • You need to invite all the people you actually invited to the shower (and SOs), but as for people who showed up without you knowing about it, it is the hosts faux pas, not yours. 
  • I agree, I think you're clear to not invite them, since they were not invited to the shower. Any chance they'll do the same thing with your wedding though? Because some families do not understand the concept of invites (that only those listed on the invite are invited). Make sure you address your wedding invites super clearly if you think they might just show up.
  • A second.  If they just came without being invited or if the host told them they could come without giving you a chance to object then you are under no obligation to add them.  If they say anything to you I would direct them to the host of the shower who should apologize and explain what happened.
  • I also agree that none of them need to be included.  However, if aunt's mother needed a driver to attend the shower, would it not make sense she may also need a driver to attend the wedding? You might want to explore that possibility prior to the wedding so you don't have the same issue arise at the reception.
  • In theory, my aunt should be able to drive her to the wedding. The wedding is in the same town my aunt's mother and sisters live in, but the shower was in the town aunt and Iive in. I didn't realize my aunt's mother no longer drove, or I would have planned better.

    Also, I'm pretty sure this was not the shower host's faux pas. It would be very unlike her to add them to the list without asking (or at least telling)me but not particularly unlike them to just show up.

    Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure I'm comfortable leaving them completely off, but I may invite only the sister who actually came (I barely know the other one). Would it be acceptable only to invite that sister, her husband, and their daughter, but not her older sons who are off at school and no longer live with them (but will likely be home since we are getting married 12/21)? I don't know them particularly well, either.

  • Hm.

    What about talking to your aunt and uncle? Let them know that you weren't aware of your aunt's mother's driving situation until she came to the shower, and ask if there's any way you can accommodate her better for the wedding.
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  • clcountry said:

    In theory, my aunt should be able to drive her to the wedding. The wedding is in the same town my aunt's mother and sisters live in, but the shower was in the town aunt and Iive in. I didn't realize my aunt's mother no longer drove, or I would have planned better.

    Also, I'm pretty sure this was not the shower host's faux pas. It would be very unlike her to add them to the list without asking (or at least telling)me but not particularly unlike them to just show up.

    Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure I'm comfortable leaving them completely off, but I may invite only the sister who actually came (I barely know the other one). Would it be acceptable only to invite that sister, her husband, and their daughter, but not her older sons who are off at school and no longer live with them (but will likely be home since we are getting married 12/21)? I don't know them particularly well, either.




    I wouldn't go out of my way to invite any of them. Honestly, if they came and stayed at your shower, they probably don't know too much about etiquette and wouldn't know whether they should or should not be invited. It's their fault.

    If you did invite aunt's sister, you don't have to invite her adult sons. They are adults and are no longer part of their family social unit and would need their own invites anyways. Be prepared, however, for them to expect all of their children to be invited as well.

    This is why I just wouldn't bother. Not worth it.
  • They weren't invited, they just showed up. You don't need to invite them to the wedding (but maybe check if your aunts mother would like a plus one (a driver)).

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  • Since they just showed up uninvited, I don't think you're obligated to invite them to your wedding, but I'd look into whether or not they need a driver.
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