Wedding Woes

Shortstory: bridesmaid has been 99% out of contact since I got engaged, already talked, nothn change

nati24knati24k member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited August 2013 in Wedding Woes
So, I'm getting married on Jan 18, I'm having 5 bridesmaids, 2 sisters, and 3 friends. One is my best friend since first grade, the other i know her since third grade but become friends in high school and another girl who is a good friend and i love her, she helped me through a lot of stuff, where going to call her Gina. The thing is that we got engaged on Jan 1 2013, and Gina has only been there as a bridesmaid once, the first time I tried a wedding dress. Now she's gone! I mean I still see here online on facebook, but we don't talk at all! and every time we talked is me saying like "hey i miss you, we should come together one of these days" and she is like yesss im the worst! im sorry i love you" We have made some BM reunions, we talk a lot in messages, facebook, whatsapp, they are all pending of everything thats going on, except for Gina, she hasn't attended to the 2 meetings we have made. she doesn't even answers the group messages. And its not like I'm bridezilla i mean we talk about the wedding like once a week or less. Today i wrote to gina and this happened:

me: lets be friends pleaase!
gina: haha i know im a sucky friend ive been told, im swamped in my life, im sorry, i wanna be friend
me: i miss u
gina: ha theres nothing to miss.
me: youre my bridesmaid of course i miss you, when can we be friends?
gina: idonteven. i start classes soon, so i dont know.
me: :/
gina: plus ima a granny with back pain and shit, actually im going back to bed
me: oh! go to bed sweetheart
gina: i love you
me: me too
me: hey! btw i just went to the first try out of the dress!!
me: (send pics)
gina: :D
me: did you saw?
gina: mhm
gina: (logs out)

------

Please tell me what you think, and what should i do! I dont want to get to the wedding day to say here's your dress, these are your flowers, walk down the aisle and stand next to the others. I've been considering of asking her if she still wants to be bridesmaid. I had an issue on january with my half sister when she didn't answered if she wanted to be BM, and she avoided me, and ran from me, and in the end 3 months ago she was, like, "im not even going to be in town those days, so no, i wont be your BM" :/ u.u

Re: Shortstory: bridesmaid has been 99% out of contact since I got engaged, already talked, nothn change

  • What do you need to talk to your bridemaids about once a week?  No one is going to care about your wedding as much as you and your FI do.  If you are constantly bringing it up, it's going to get irritating to people.  

    In the conversation you posted, she told you she was having back pain and needed to go to bed.  Your response was "hey, here's some pictures of my dress."  Friendship is a two-way street.  It sounds like she is busy with her own life, including school and some physical problems.  Why not try having a conversation with her that does not include the words "bridesmaid" or "wedding"?  
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  • nati24k said:
    So, I'm getting married on Jan 18, I'm having 5 bridesmaids, 2 sisters, and 3 friends. One is my best friend since first grade, the other i know her since third grade but become friends in high school and another girl who is a good friend and i love her, she helped me through a lot of stuff, where going to call her Gina. The thing is that we got engaged on Jan 1 2013, and Gina has only been there as a bridesmaid once, the first time I tried a wedding dress. Now she's gone! I mean I still see here online on facebook, but we don't talk at all! and every time we talked is me saying like "hey i miss you, we should come together one of these days" and she is like yesss im the worst! im sorry i love you" We have made some BM reunions, we talk a lot in messages, facebook, whatsapp, they are all pending of everything thats going on, except for Gina, she hasn't attended to the 2 meetings we have made. she doesn't even answers the group messages. And its not like I'm bridezilla i mean we talk about the wedding like once a week or less. Today i wrote to gina and this happened:

    me: lets be friends pleaase!
    gina: haha i know im a sucky friend ive been told, im swamped in my life, im sorry, i wanna be friend
    me: i miss u
    gina: ha theres nothing to miss.
    me: youre my bridesmaid of course i miss you, when can we be friends?
    gina: idonteven. i start classes soon, so i dont know.
    me: :/
    gina: plus ima a granny with back pain and shit, actually im going back to bed
    me: oh! go to bed sweetheart
    gina: i love you
    me: me too
    me: hey! btw i just went to the first try out of the dress!!
    me: (send pics)
    gina: :D
    me: did you saw?
    gina: mhm
    gina: (logs out)

    ------

    Please tell me what you think, and what should i do! I dont want to get to the wedding day to say here's your dress, these are your flowers, walk down the aisle and stand next to the others. I've been considering of asking her if she still wants to be bridesmaid. I had an issue on january with my half sister when she didn't answered if she wanted to be BM, and she avoided me, and ran from me, and in the end 3 months ago she was, like, "im not even going to be in town those days, so no, i wont be your BM" :/ u.u
    Also, what does the bolded even mean?  The only responsibilities your bridesmaids have is to get the dress, show up sober, and stand up with you.  It's a position of honor for them, not a position where they have to do tons of things for your wedding and spend every moment thinking about it.  If you expect people to drop the rest of their life because you are getting married, you will push your friends and family away.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    nati24k said:
    So, I'm getting married on Jan 18, I'm having 5 bridesmaids, 2 sisters, and 3 friends. One is my best friend since first grade, the other i know her since third grade but become friends in high school and another girl who is a good friend and i love her, she helped me through a lot of stuff, where going to call her Gina. The thing is that we got engaged on Jan 1 2013, and Gina has only been there as a bridesmaid once, the first time I tried a wedding dress. Now she's gone! I mean I still see here online on facebook, but we don't talk at all! and every time we talked is me saying like "hey i miss you, we should come together one of these days" and she is like yesss im the worst! im sorry i love you" We have made some BM reunions, we talk a lot in messages, facebook, whatsapp, they are all pending of everything thats going on, except for Gina, she hasn't attended to the 2 meetings we have made. she doesn't even answers the group messages. And its not like I'm bridezilla i mean we talk about the wedding like once a week or less. Today i wrote to gina and this happened:

    me: lets be friends pleaase!
    gina: haha i know im a sucky friend ive been told, im swamped in my life, im sorry, i wanna be friend
    me: i miss u
    gina: ha theres nothing to miss.
    me: youre my bridesmaid of course i miss you, when can we be friends?
    gina: idonteven. i start classes soon, so i dont know.
    me: :/
    gina: plus ima a granny with back pain and shit, actually im going back to bed
    me: oh! go to bed sweetheart
    gina: i love you
    me: me too
    me: hey! btw i just went to the first try out of the dress!!
    me: (send pics)
    gina: :D
    me: did you saw?
    gina: mhm
    gina: (logs out)

    ------

    Please tell me what you think, and what should i do! I dont want to get to the wedding day to say here's your dress, these are your flowers, walk down the aisle and stand next to the others. I've been considering of asking her if she still wants to be bridesmaid. I had an issue on january with my half sister when she didn't answered if she wanted to be BM, and she avoided me, and ran from me, and in the end 3 months ago she was, like, "im not even going to be in town those days, so no, i wont be your BM" :/ u.u
    I guess I'm confused about exactly what it is that you want her to do, and why are there numerous group messages and "bridesmaid meetings"? She has a lot going on. She obviously cares about you, but I don't get what it is you're complaining about.
  • Grabows14Grabows14 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    Nati24k, it sounds like you are having actual meetings with bridesmaids and constantly talking about the wedding. I think this might be stressing out your bridesmaid who sounds like she is going through some stuff on her own. Give her space, and ask questions about her. Try to not mention the wedding at all in your next few conversations and be genuinely happy to talk to her about her. 

    Sometimes people need a break from wedding talk. No one is going to be as excited as you to get married. 

    ETA: Also, there are no formal duties a MOH or BM needs to perform except show up the day of. People do have lives outside of planning a wedding. 
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  • If you were messaging me once a week unprompted and always talked to me about the wedding, wanted me to read pages of group chats about your wedding, and pestered me to get together to talk about your wedding I'd probably want a break from it too.

    Forget about the BM thing and don't kick her out or ask her if she still wants to be one.  If she chooses to step down she'll let you know on her own.  If not she'll show up and wear the dress, that's all that's required.  Some people are crazy busy between jobs, school, and other commitments that take priority before someone else's wedding.

    Try inviting her out to do something you used to do before you got engaged.  Try talking about stuff you have in common and not about the wedding.  You guys were friends before you got engaged - focus on that.  Don't bring up the wedding unless she does first.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • No, no i don't want her to do anything! Just like, ask once in a while how are things going, or at least talk to me. We have made 2 meetings only, in a year, and well no meetings, is like we go out and drink, and talk about the dresses like 5 min and the rest we just talk and laugh. And when I say that we talk once a week, is like my sisters sends me a link and I'm like thanks!, or that i send a link to a friend, thats all, is not that i have a schedule or something. I just want her to, idk, be my friend I guess?  
  • Hi! yes i know... I have tried talking to her, and actually when we talk, I never mention the wedding, but she just ignores me, I tried to talk to her, and encourage her (not in a bad way) to tell me if she has any problems and how can I help, but she doesnt wants to talk at all :/
  • haha oh god! i think i wrote it wrong, :P is not like I'm always talking about the wedding, and about the once a week thing, its not like meetings, its like one of my sisters send me a link, or i ask one of my BM if she likes something. But yeah... i think i will not put any pressure and let things flow :)
  • Sounds like you get what we are saying. I hope your bridesmaid is ok, and I hope you have a fun time planning the rest of your wedding!
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Thanks a bunch! it really helped! :)
  • So I did what you guys told me and everything went perfect! she answered me a message i sent some days ago (i wasn't pushy about her not answering in the moment!) and i just ask her, about things, and now i know a lot of things i didn't knew, and she is even asking me to help her throw a party for her gf! :) im so happy, thanks a bunch. Oh! and no wedding talk :P 
  • Yay! Glad things worked out. :)

    image
  • nati24k said:
    So I did what you guys told me and everything went perfect! she answered me a message i sent some days ago (i wasn't pushy about her not answering in the moment!) and i just ask her, about things, and now i know a lot of things i didn't knew, and she is even asking me to help her throw a party for her gf! :) im so happy, thanks a bunch. Oh! and no wedding talk :P 

    I'm so glad to hear that things are going well! 
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