Honoring my father

cmlisenk

Hello all, my dad passed away when I was 14 and my mom has recently remarried. I adore my stepfather however, how to I give my dad a place at the ceremony? I am carrying down a locket of his ashes and my mom is walking me down but I wanted to place a rose in the seat he would have been in. Would that go in the first seat of the pew or after my mom and stepdad? My grandma died a few months after my father did, and I would like to do a rose placement for her too, would I put that one in the pew behind the parents of the 1st row as well?

MobKaz

There have been many threads written regarding this subject.  Many posters feel that a thin line exists between honoring/remembering a family member versus memorializing them.  Anything resembling a memorial casts a pall over the ceremony by turning it into something sad and somber.  Leaving empty chairs tends to be one of those actions that turns an honor into a memorial.  Posters have also argued that in doing so, you may catch other family members off guard, and create undue grief and sadness for them.

Carrying a locket is a beautiful way to honor your dad.  If your grandmother left you any jewelry you could incorporate that into your bouquet or personal wear.  You could use her favorite flower or color in your bouquet or wedding decor.  You could play one of your dads or grandmothers favorite (upbeat) songs at the reception.  You can mention them in your wedding program if you have one.

The point is that there are many subtle ways to include and remember special people on your wedding day while maintaining a joyful, rather than somber, tone.  I'm sorry for your losses.

NYCMercedes

@mobkaz, well put!

misssunshine17

NYCMercedes said:

@mobkaz, well put!

Ditto this. Memorials can be beautiful and personal without being too in your face. 

Grabows14

The locket is a great way to remember your father. You could also have a private moment by yourself prior to or after the ceremony to remember your father.

itzMS

cmlisenk said:

Hello all, my dad passed away when I was 14 and my mom has recently remarried. I adore my stepfather however, how to I give my dad a place at the ceremony? I am carrying down a locket of his ashes and my mom is walking me down but I wanted to place a rose in the seat he would have been in. Would that go in the first seat of the pew or after my mom and stepdad? My grandma died a few months after my father did, and I would like to do a rose placement for her too, would I put that one in the pew behind the parents of the 1st row as well?

#1, Listen to mobkaz

#2, Why not have some altar flower arrangements or your bouquet made with your dad and grandma's favorite flowers and colors? My dad gave my mom a bouquet of white roses in the hospital when I was born (and for their 30th anniversary shortly before he passed), so that's the flower I used in my bouquet to remember him.

jaghdr28

My dad died two years ago this coming October and I had the same idea to do something in honor of him. My FI's dad died several years ago and we have some grandparents who have also passed. I have a neck tie of my dad's that I always loved, and I'm going to wrap it around my bouquet. We talked about having pictures of our dads on the altar and having a bouquet of roses sitting on the altar as well sort of in honor of those family members. So maybe you could do something like that? I like the locket idea also. I'm sure that your special day will be beautiful. Best Wishes!

itzMS

jaghdr28 said:

My dad died two years ago this coming October and I had the same idea to do something in honor of him. My FI's dad died several years ago and we have some grandparents who have also passed. I have a neck tie of my dad's that I always loved, and I'm going to wrap it around my bouquet. We talked about having pictures of our dads on the altar and having a bouquet of roses sitting on the altar as well sort of in honor of those family members. So maybe you could do something like that? I like the locket idea also. I'm sure that your special day will be beautiful. Best Wishes!

Skip the pictures (too much like a memorial service) and you're good to go!

*The following is blunt, but the truth* No one wants to see pictures of deceased family members at a wedding. A wedding is a happy time celebrating the bride and groom...not to be clouded by the memorialization of dead family members.

icecreamS04

My dad past away when I was 17. I'm going to wear a necklace he gave my mother for their 25th wedding anniversary. 

nightstarlite

I was also thinking of doing pictures at the alter with a memorial candle. After really thinking about it me and my FI decided it was too morbid and would put a damper on the mood of our ceremony.  Instead, I am going place pictures in little lockets or mini photo frames on my bouquet in memory of my grandparents and aunt.  

devinsberries

My father passed away my freshman year of college. He loved the story of the starfish (www.esc16.net/users/0020/FACES/Starfish%20Story.pdf‎) and so or the men's boutinere's I am doing a real starfish with a few blades of grass behind it. It's subtle so it won't draw that much attention. I will know it's there so my Dad is with me and the people closest to me know the meaning behind it. 

Heartsmith

Wrapping a locket around the stem of your bridal bouquet is a nice way to keep your father close on your wedding day.  Inside you can have a favorite image of your Dad or you can have a picture of your Mom and Dad on their wedding day.

We have a big selection of lockets to choose from - Heartsmith

ahende04

I will be laying a rose on the seat next to my mother for my dad. My Dad will only have been gone a year when I get married and although people may be sad or see this as a memorial it is a tribute to a great man in my life who could not be there to celebrate. My cousin is also singing A Dozen Red Roses before the wedding officially starts (before seating the parents) this song talks of carrying a red rose down the aisle to have your dad with you. So there is meaning to my one red rose in my bouquet. My father/daughter dance will be with my mom and we will dance to dance with my father again. My sister got married 6 weeks after my Dad died and played this song. It was sad and I cried, but her and my mom really needed it and it was a great tribute to him!

I say do what you want and let others think as they will, but only you know what to do in order to be at peace with honoring him.

CMGragain

I think the rose on the empty seat is a bad idea.  It can be very upsetting for some people who remember your loved one.  Memorials should be private.
I had my grandmother place a flower from my bouquet, privately, on Dad's grave.  No one knew except the two of us.

Jen4948

Wearing a locket or carrying flowers is a nice way to remember a loved one, but don't put flowers or photos on empty seats.  Others who are remembering that loved one may find it too painful, and for those who are not in mourning, it may make them uncomfortable as well.   Remember, your wedding ceremony should be a happy occasion, not a grief-provoking one.

CMGragain

Do remember, you are inviting guests to your wedding, and their comfort and well being is what is most important.  If you know that your memorial plans will make some of them sad or uncomfortable, then it is wrong to do it.  Keep your memorials private.

Cookie Pusher

My step-father (the man I consider the real father in my life) died 12 years ago. I will be carrying a pair of his cufflinks with me when I walk down the aisle. FI lost his mother several years ago, and I arranged for him to have his mother's wedding band pinned inside his suit. No one else needs to know, but we will have a part of the people who shaped our lives very close to us.