attitude of this forum

FCnibby

Yesterday while looking for an answer from this "community" committed the seemingly ultimate sin of necro posting. The original question wasn't so much answered as it was beaten into submission by a bunch of girls I sincerely hope have no affiliation with the knot beyond membership. 

Yes, it was an old thread, but since I was currently seeking the answer, I commented. I did some investigating and went back today with my findings,  to see more of the same sort of behavior the original poster received. It got better when I saw the thread had been closed, so clearly someone from the knot is patrolling!  This does not surprise me, what does is that these threads are being read and yet not even the staff can be bothered to post helpfully. 

Post after post of how tacky and over priced the honeymoon registry in question or the idea at all is and not a word about how the knot promotes "traveler's joy bridal registry" you guessed it, a honeymoon registry that charges the exact amount of the site in question. 

It has been said in one of those emails we all get from the knot, not to surround yourself with negativity when planning your wedding. the knot "community", I use quotes as it is far from one, will be added to that category. Too bad, the idea is wonderful, til you start to read. 

To those who will post catty replies or not so witty ones about it being fault for thinking I have a right to post. You're absolutely right! I saw the attitude trend and should have ran right then. 

Simply Fated

FCnibby said:

Yesterday while looking for an answer from this "community" committed the seemingly ultimate sin of necro posting. The original question wasn't so much answered as it was beaten into submission by a bunch of girls I sincerely hope have no affiliation with the knot beyond membership. 

Yes, it was an old thread, but since I was currently seeking the answer, I commented. I did some investigating and went back today with my findings,  to see more of the same sort of behavior the original poster received. It got better when I saw the thread had been closed, so clearly someone from the knot is patrolling!  This does not surprise me, what does is that these threads are being read and yet not even the staff can be bothered to post helpfully. 

Post after post of how tacky and over priced the honeymoon registry in question or the idea at all is and not a word about how the knot promotes "traveler's joy bridal registry" you guessed it, a honeymoon registry that charges the exact amount of the site in question. 

It has been said in one of those emails we all get from the knot, not to surround yourself with negativity when planning your wedding. the knot "community", I use quotes as it is far from one, will be added to that category. Too bad, the idea is wonderful, til you start to read. 

To those who will post catty replies or not so witty ones about it being fault for thinking I have a right to post. You're absolutely right! I saw the attitude trend and should have ran right then. 

We're well aware that The Knot promotes terrible ideas. They are running a business. They're out to make money. We are not. We're here, voluntarily, to remind you not to buy everything that people try to sell you.

itzMS

In another example, every day, I have to see a faux silver and pearl monogrammed bracelet ad that The Knot Wedding Shop promotes.

This all when it is well known on TK forums that monogrammed jewelry is a poor choice of bridesmaid gift.

 

It happens several times a month where a bride will say "But The Knot Shop sells it, that means it's okay, right?" No...no it doesn't.

 

Wouldn't you rather listen to real human beings versus what the Wedding Industry is trying to sell you?

 

Maggie0829

You do realize that the members of these forums are not employed by The Knot thus we don't promote crap idea like HM registries, monogrammed jewelry for BMs, BM duties, cash bars, or any other nonsense that the wedding industry (The Knot included) tries to shove down brides throats as good ideas because it is "zomg YOUR day!"

NYCMercedes

You started a thread to say you should have run off? I don't get it.

blueobsidian

Here's a helpful hint for life: when someone (or something, like a website) is set up specifically to sell you things, you may not want to believe everything they say.  They have a motive and are trying to make money off you.  The Knot benefits by convincing brides they need to spend tons of money and make their guests spend tons of money.

Just because they post an ad for a honeymoon registry doesn't make it OK to beg your friends and family for money.

southernbelle0915

The Knot is a business with the goal of making money. They are a huge part of the wedding industry and they are trying to sell you things. 

Posters in this community (NOT in quotes because it IS a community), aren't trying to sell you anything so their advice to you is honest and without ulterior motives.

I know who I'd rather listen to, but I guess that's why I'm here.

Dreamergirl8812

Wow OP, you really showed us.

Skidzy915

THANK YOU.

I just got on here to check on a random question... but I quit looking at these forums months ago. The negativity is astounding. Some people really have nothing better to do that to beat people down who have different ideas than them. A lot of those people have long-since gotten married and STILL patrol these boards... go enjoy married life!

manateehugger

Skidzy915 said:

THANK YOU.

I just got on here to check on a random question... but I quit looking at these forums months ago. The negativity is astounding. Some people really have nothing better to do that to beat people down who have different ideas than them. A lot of those people have long-since gotten married and STILL patrol these boards... go enjoy married life!

Did your different idea include taking advantage of your family and friends?

And you're SO RIGHT. When I get ready to have a baby, I'm going to go to all my other friends who have never had a baby (instead of actual mothers) to ask for advice on how pregancy works. THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!!! Brilliant.

Maggie0829

Skidzy915 said:

THANK YOU.

I just got on here to check on a random question... but I quit looking at these forums months ago. The negativity is astounding. Some people really have nothing better to do that to beat people down who have different ideas than them. A lot of those people have long-since gotten married and STILL patrol these boards... go enjoy married life!

@Skidzy915 Did you ever hasten to think that maybe us old married folks like to stick around because we enjoy weddings and talking about weddings?  Just because we are married doesn't mean we can never discuss the topic of wedding ever again.  And amazingly I can enjoy my married life, work, play with my dog, workout, post here, plus do a load of other things all at the same time.  I am a multi-tasker like that.

itzMS

Skidzy915 said:

THANK YOU.

I just got on here to check on a random question... but I quit looking at these forums months ago. The negativity is astounding. Some people really have nothing better to do that to beat people down who have different ideas than them. A lot of those people have long-since gotten married and STILL patrol these boards... go enjoy married life!

Weddings are my hobby.

I spent a good two years lurking on TK reading (and eventually following for my own wedding) the quality advice. It's very blunt, yet honest and acurate.

*carries on*

artbyallie

itzMS said:

Skidzy915 said:

THANK YOU.

I just got on here to check on a random question... but I quit looking at these forums months ago. The negativity is astounding. Some people really have nothing better to do that to beat people down who have different ideas than them. A lot of those people have long-since gotten married and STILL patrol these boards... go enjoy married life!

Weddings are my hobby.

I spent a good two years lurking on TK reading (and eventually following for my own wedding) the quality advice. It's very blunt, yet honest and acurate.

*carries on*

I love weddings! And I love(d) TK, before some of the coolest people got kicked off.

RedJacks25

88beautymarked

Have to say that I agree with OP in some way that even though a lot of you ladies are married, and I scratch my head as to why you are still hanging around, most of you do give sound advice. Sometimes not in the nicest way possible, but sound advice, yes. There are a few in particular that are just here to make people look dumb and admonish others for their questions and aren't helpful at all.

I wish some of you all could go back to what it was like to be a freshly engaged "speshul" bride and remember what it was like to come to TK for the first time. Be nice to us, we are new, water us and help us grow into beautiful, blooming TK flowers like you. After all, I love weddings too and would love to be able to give sound advice next year to all the new ladies as they trickle in, and I'm all, "been there, done that," ya know? Don't make the newbs seem like outsiders to your TK in-crowd cool club, make them feel like they are a part of this community.

Sometimes a zombie thread gets resurrected. Is that so bad? Maybe I lurked and and lurked to try to find another post from somebody else that had a similar situation or question and it hadn't been answered. (Like so many ladies say, lurk to see if you can't already find what you are looking for so you aren't just making new threads and repeating the same crap over and over. Use the search bar). So I post to the zombie thread, hoping to find an answer. Instead of being all "omg, zombie thread, why are you dumb and posting?" respond with an answer. 

Also, sometimes people's sarcasm font doesn't show up. lol

itzMS

88beautymarked said:

Have to say that I agree with OP in some way that even though a lot of you ladies are married, and I scratch my head as to why you are still hanging around, most of you do give sound advice. Sometimes not in the nicest way possible, but sound advice, yes. There are a few in particular that are just here to make people look dumb and admonish others for their questions and aren't helpful at all.

I wish some of you all could go back to what it was like to be a freshly engaged "speshul" bride and remember what it was like to come to TK for the first time. Be nice to us, we are new, water us and help us grow into beautiful, blooming TK flowers like you. After all, I love weddings too and would love to be able to give sound advice next year to all the new ladies as they trickle in, and I'm all, "been there, done that," ya know? Don't make the newbs seem like outsiders to your TK in-crowd cool club, make them feel like they are a part of this community.

Sometimes a zombie thread gets resurrected. Is that so bad? Maybe I lurked and and lurked to try to find another post from somebody else that had a similar situation or question and it hadn't been answered. (Like so many ladies say, lurk to see if you can't already find what you are looking for so you aren't just making new threads and repeating the same crap over and over. Use the search bar). So I post to the zombie thread, hoping to find an answer. Instead of being all "omg, zombie thread, why are you dumb and posting?" respond with an answer. 

Also, sometimes people's sarcasm font doesn't show up. lol

@88beautymarked It's because the topic is outdated. Post a new thread with your question if you couldn't find an answer through searching TK or Mr. Google, or send a PM to the OP in the off chance that she's still around, or a reg, if you're not comfortable posting a new thread.

Resurfacing years old threads is not efficient for anyone.

Maggie0829

I have to agree, I am slightly confused over the violent reaction "zombie threads" get..

I think the use of the word "violent" is a bit of an overreaction

NYCBruin

Maggie0829 said:

I have to agree, I am slightly confused over the violent reaction "zombie threads" get..

I think the use of the word "violent" is a bit of an overreaction

Agreed.  And to answer the question of why zombie threads are annoying:

The OP and many of the posters on the thread are no longer around and the discussion gets confusing when people are addressing posters who aren't active and aren't going to respond.  This often leads to the thread being derailed or people guessing at motivations of old posts.  Also, so many posters have requested that their accounts be completely deleted.  Some of these threads contain posts that have been removed, making them even more confusing to read since there are posts responding to posts that have been removed.  Finally, often times the OP was asking a slightly different question than the poster who resurrected the thread wanted to ask, and this only leads to further confusion because the circumstances may be different.

So short answer: zombie threads lead to a lot of confusion.  If you have a question that's addressed in a zombie thread, start a fresh one.  If you really want to refer to something in the other thread, still start a new thread and include a link to the zombie thread.  It makes things much less confusing!

crunchymamaof2

I love how people post new threads slamming others for being "zomg so mean!". Pot, meet kettle.

clg1213

There's a special beauty to online forums.  Unlike some parts of "in person life (i.e. family, future family, neighbors, co-workers...), it is quite easy to depart if you dislike the company.  I've been part of several online groups and there have been a number of times when I've been quite happy to click on that magic "x" in the corner and make it all go away

jessicabessica

I actually don't mind the zombie threads when the new poster has the same q as the OP and wants to add a follow up question.  It is frustrating when people start new threads about the same thing over and over, and it's hard to tell new posters to search the boards to see if their question is answered, but no, don't pull up an old thread.  I agree that the ones where the new poster "answers" the OP's question from 2 years ago are not helpful.  

I think the problem of really old threads where posters are no longer around or have had their accounts deleted would better be addressed by TK automatically closing threads after a certain amount of time.  

PrettyGirlLost

acove2006 said:

I love how people post new threads slamming others for being "zomg so mean!". Pot, meet kettle.

I know, rite?  I mean there are probably a zillion old The Regs are All Mean Bitches threads, people could just resurrect one of those zombie threads :-P

88beautymarked I liked your post, especially the part about watering newbies and helping them grow.  I think many of the regs were forged in the fire of RAWR back in their day.  I know I got singed a few times in the beginning, lol!

Dreamergirl8812

If you can't handle criticism, go back to kindergarten. I hear you get a gold star for finger painting (even if it sucks).

Seriously though, there have been a few comments on other threads about the "gold medal for trying" generation. Do you think that these whiny threads are a symptom of that mentality.

courtneythesquid

The posts on here are very direct, no doubt.  But at least you will hear a true opinion on here.  If you talk to just one or two close friends, they might tell you, go ahead, do the honeymoon registry (or whatever.)  But trust me- SOMEBODY is going to have the exact same reaction to it that people have on these boards.  The question is- would you rather find out in advance, and take that into consideration when you make your decision?  Or would you rather get blindsided when people say it behind your back after the fact?

Personally I would be find if a friend had a honeymoon registry, I would happily contribute if that is what she wanted.  But some people are going to side eye it, and I think it's better to know what people are really going to say.

APDSS22

I have problems with zombie threads in which the poster is replying to the OP or another poster as if the thread is still active.  That's like listening in on someone's conversation in the office and then coming back months later with a great one-liner.  It doesn't really make any sense.  Especially if your office is like TK and has a high turnover rate.  A few of us are married and enjoy talking about weddings and helping brides so we're still here, but A LOT of the posters from over a year or even 6 months ago are gone.

If you do lurk and read old posts you should be able to pick up on the sort of language that OPs have that causes quick and very blunt responses (it's MY day, I'm not being a "bridezilla" lolz BUT..., I have a "special circumstance").  Then, when you start a new thread, you should be able to avoid those phrases.  I personally found lurking very entertaining for the first couple months or so on this site.  A few posters get crabby because the same topic will be posted about over and over again in one week so their responses might not be as even-keeled as they would otherwise be but if the poster won't read around at all...they kind of bring this on themselves.

I would recommend reading the posts keeping in mind that we have no reason to lie to you about your ideas being bad or good.  We have no personal stake in your wedding, we just want your guests to be comfortable so you look like an even more awesome hostess.  And if we say your idea is indeed rude, perhaps you should also remember that while the idea is rude, you have not yet implemented it (in most cases).  It is ok to have rude ideas, but the true test is what you do when you find out they are, in fact, rude and will make your guests uncomfortable.