Afraid of jinxing my engagement

preloo

BF and I have been together for five long years and I don't want to go into details (hence the jinxing thing) but the only thing that keeps us from being technically engaged is the ring and proposal.  Recently, I got some news that made me very happy about how things are progressing, and at this point the only thing stopping us from getting married would be some sort of major tragedy (hence why I'm so nervous).

I have anxiety problems to begin with, so all this waiting for him to propose, and hearing what he is doing about it, is driving me nuts (I keep worrying he will die tragically before doing it and then I'll lose him forever).  He is going on a business trip to Miami soon which is making me EVEN more worried- I'm so terrified that Miami is a dangerous city and I can't help but feel like I'm going to cosmically cause his death by talking about getting engaged to my mother or friends.

I already told my mother some of my "good news" (stuff leading up to the proposal) but I don't want to tell anyone else.  At the same time, I'm worried that my being so afraid of "jinxing" it will just set a bad precedent and make me really worried about ANYTHING leading up to the wedding itself, which is just madness!

Did any of you tell people about stuff leading up to the proposal, and did all hell break loose?  Am I being irrational?  I really want to revel in happiness, but I'm so wary of doing that when I'm not technically engaged and there's no ring on my finger.

Jame1987

I tol people and all was fine

annmarie714

You sound like you need a psychologist/psychiatrist more than an engagement ring.

Your anxiety of him being hurt or dying before you get engaged will turn into anxiety of him being hurt or dying before the wedding then before you have kids.  There will always be a "big" life event that will be on the horizon during relationships and if you don't get your irrational fears under control, the anxiety of the future will always be haunting you.

There is no such thing as "jinxing" a relationship.  If you have a healthy relationship, put in hard work and it will flourish.  If you two end up not being together, I can guarantee the reasons you'd be going over in your head will NOT include "because I told mom about the engagement before he proposed".  And while we're at it, you don't need a ring to be engaged.  It sounds like you both made the mutual decision to get married in the near future--that means you're engaged.

CLoGreenEyes

Please talk to a counselor or psychologist. You don't have to live with this kind of anxiety and fear. Yes, unexpected things can happen sometimes, but you need to learn to enjoy the present and take each day at a time. A good therapist will help you do this.

To answer your question, yes, you're being irrational. I wouldn't tell too many people before becoming engaged simply because it's something that is in the future and you want to be able to talk about it when it DOES happen. That being said, telling your mom or your best friend that he's bought the ring or whatever is perfectly acceptable and isn't going to jinx anything. Just enjoy the pre-engagement stage of your relationship; that is a very sweet and loving time for most couples.

ShellLillian

I told people that we had been discussing getting married long before he proposed. I didn't go shouting it out to the whole world, but my mom and my best friend knew about it.

And I did get very impatient (we were in a similar situation, where we really just needed the ring and the proposal to be there), but it happened and so far everything is ok.

I know it's hard, I have serious anxiety too, but just try to relax and trust that you love him and everything will work out.