why do people think this is okay?

SJM7538

So the thread about people assuming everyone and Sally is invited got me thinking...

 

I've had four RSVPs already come in from friends indicating they are coming and bringing a plus one, only to find out they don't have an actual date yet. Or in one instance my fiance's cousin said her boyfriend MAY come but she isn't sure she he can get the time off.  And everyone has said well "I will probably know a few days before the wedding." Or "I will let you know that week. "

No, no you will not. You will let me know by X date because I need to give a headcount and I'm not forking over $60 a plate for someone who may or may not show up.  Has anyone else experienced this? Am I being a unreasonable by saying I'm sorry but if you can't tell me by X date then they can not attend. I have to give my headcount two weeks in advance so I asked to know by the night before.

 

This may be more of a rant. So rant over. Wedding is 4 weeks away and all those little things that I swore would never happen to me are starting to happen.

SJM7538

SJM7538 said:

So the thread about people assuming everyone and Sally is invited got me thinking...

 

I've had four RSVPs already come in from friends indicating they are coming and bringing a plus one, only to find out they don't have an actual date yet. Or in one instance my fiance's cousin said her boyfriend MAY come but she isn't sure she he can get the time off.  And everyone has said well "I will probably know a few days before the wedding." Or "I will let you know that week. "

No, no you will not. You will let me know by X date because I need to give a headcount and I'm not forking over $60 a plate for someone who may or may not show up.  Has anyone else experienced this? Am I being a unreasonable by saying I'm sorry but if you can't tell me by X date then they can not attend. I have to give my headcount two weeks in advance so I asked to know by the night before.

 

This may be more of a rant. So rant over. Wedding is 4 weeks away and all those little things that I swore would never happen to me are starting to happen.

Just for clarification I didn't actually say this, that's just me venting on the knot. What I actually said was "can you let me know by X date because we need to give our final headcount the following day. "

Emmy1493

I don't see you being unreasonable with this I mean whats wrong with giving them a date to RSVP by?That's pretty normal due to venues wanting a last minute count before the wedding, so they know how much food and drink to prepare. I feel your frustration. I would be pretty irritated too if everyone treated it like it wasn't an issue to just show up or let you know at last minute, even more so if you are spending money on all of that.Just try to keep calm and if they don't RSVP and there isn't room for them-oh well. You had all the info they needed on the RSVP card.

Also, I assume you sent them out early enough so they could mark off for it, or at least know their schedule. Anyhow, you just do the best you can and enjoy your day with your honey! That's all that really matters! Hope all goes well, and congrats! 

SJM7538

I sent invites out 8 weeks before with an RSVP date three weeks before leaving myself a week to call people bc the headcount is due two weeks before. So they really have a whole six days past the RSVP date to let me know.

His cousin just got her invite a week or two ago bc I sent it to her moms house. Which I do feel bad about but I made multiple attempts to reach out to her and several family members to get her address as she lives in another state but she never responsed to me and no one else had it. I finally gave up playing post office and sent it to her moms.

delujm0

I feel you on the "he doesn't know his work schedule yet," that is super annoying.  But unfortunately, if you gave your friends +1's, they are entitled to bring someone, ANYONE, as their date.  They may not have dates yet, but they probably figure "if i don't have a real date by then i'll just bring a random friend."  Unfortunately, by giving +1's to single people, you have to tolerate this.  I'm sure they'll all actually bring SOMEONE, and you won't atcually be out $60.

SJM7538

Musikalizzie said:

I posted something similar about that... My cousin, who is single, (I know he doesn't have a Significant Other because he lives with my folks) told me he would give me money to bring someone... I am inviting his whole family so it's not a matter of him feeling alone or out of place... WTF!!!

Someone else was trying to weasel himself into the guest list by telling me he would fork up DJ money if I invite him... Double WTF!!! I politely told this guy that all the vendors were covered at the wedding and we were trying to keep the event small. He keeps sending me messages on FB telling me he would do things just to get invited...it's an everyday thing...

That sounds so obnoxious. I really just don't get it. I've been in and to a lot of weddings in the past 6 or 7 years and I couldn't fathom ever doing some of the things I've heard about on these boards or have encountered in my own planning.

Emmy1493

@musikalizzie That would be sooo annoying! I would just ignore him. I don't see why people feel like being pushy will ever get them anywhere.

cruffino

Musikalizzie said:

I posted something similar about that... My cousin, who is single, (I know he doesn't have a Significant Other because he lives with my folks) told me he would give me money to bring someone... I am inviting his whole family so it's not a matter of him feeling alone or out of place... WTF!!!

Someone else was trying to weasel himself into the guest list by telling me he would fork up DJ money if I invite him... Double WTF!!! I politely told this guy that all the vendors were covered at the wedding and we were trying to keep the event small. He keeps sending me messages on FB telling me he would do things just to get invited...it's an everyday thing...

That's just so strange. Why would anyone want to go to a wedding that bad? Unless it's in a park.....

Rebl90

Musikalizzie said:

I posted something similar about that... My cousin, who is single, (I know he doesn't have a Significant Other because he lives with my folks) told me he would give me money to bring someone... I am inviting his whole family so it's not a matter of him feeling alone or out of place... WTF!!!

Someone else was trying to weasel himself into the guest list by telling me he would fork up DJ money if I invite him... Double WTF!!! I politely told this guy that all the vendors were covered at the wedding and we were trying to keep the event small. He keeps sending me messages on FB telling me he would do things just to get invited...it's an everyday thing...

This is a friend of yours?? I am so sorry! That sounds so uncomfortable. And OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable, I couldn't imagine telling a bride that I would let her know closer to the date.