Eloping

avschmidt91

I've been engaged 2 months & we've been struggling to decide what we want to do for our wedding. So far the idea we're liking most is to elope to Hawaii & have a ceremony for just the two of us. Then (possibly) having a small reception/party later on with family and friends (he's in the military so there would probably be a gap between the elopement/honeymoon and ceremony because of that).

I'm not sure how our families are going to feel about it, I don't expect any majorly angry relatives, but I do think some will be disappointed. However, it's our day & neither of us really wants a large ceremony and after recently visiting Hawaii & looking at online photos of Hawaiian elopements I fell in love with the idea.

My question is, do we tell our families beforehand that this is what we are planning? I've heard some people say to keep it a secret until you're married because it will just lead to people trying to talk you out of it. But our families know about the engagement and are constantly asking if we've made plans yet, so to plan an elopement 6-12 months down the road and keep it a secret seems wrong. Should we just tell everyone we plan on eloping (assuming we go that route) next time they ask?

(I realize many people don't consider anything planned ahead of time to be eloping, but please don't focus on the word choice)

manateehugger

Eloping and then having a celebration later is perfectly fine (just make sure this celebration doesnt include a reenactment of your wedding).

Personally I would not hides upcoming marriage from my family. That's asking for a lot of upset relatives and hurt feelings.

If you're not prepared to defend the kind of wedding you and your FI want, you're not ready to be married.

Dreamergirl8812

Can you have a DW and invite just close family (parents, best friends)?

Jells2dot0

I eloped.  I told some people about it beforehand, but others after the fact. However, this was my second marriage. I learned from what I went through the first time that you really need to do what is best for you as a couple. Do not let anyone talk you into something that doesn't fit your wants and needs as a couple. I do not regret what I did for a second, but I would NOT recommend keeping it from family for a first marriage. I think you just need to be completely honest with your family about what you want and tell them that you are very excited to celebrate with them afterwards.

avschmidt91

Any post-ceremony celebration would definitely not be a re-enactment, it'd probably just be a fairly casual party (and possibly 2, since his family lives far from mine & I don't foresee them making the trip for just a reception/party).

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Can you have a DW and invite just close family (parents, best friends)?

The problem is we are both very close to our extended families and if we had a ceremony with family and friends, We wouldn't want to leave out certain people but including them would turn it into a larger affair than we want.

We haven't decided anything for sure yet, but I am going to float the idea by family and see what the reaction is. I don't plan on letting it influence our decision, but I figure the more time they're given to get used to it if we do go that route the better (and the less time they spend coming up with ideas for a wedding that won't happen, the better).

peaches5161

My FI and I are doing the exact same thing! We are eloping in Thailand, just the two of us, and hosting a cocktail reception next year after we have saved up a bit. We told the family right away that we were eloping, precisely because everyone started to run away with wedding ideas. My mother's hilarious - she said she thought it was the best idea ever, and that she was giving us the money she had been saving for a wedding to use for a down payment instead. FI's family's jaws dropped (literally), but in the end, I didn't really care, because it's about what he and I want, not what 30 other family members want.