Reception only invites

abbott3

We are having only family at our reception and inviting everyone to the wedding.  In the invitations only the family will get reception cards, my some of family thinks this is very tacky but we are passing our cupcakes to all our guest after the wedding at the church.  Any suggestions or does anyone agree with me?

misshart00

abbott3 said:

We are having only family at our reception and inviting everyone to the wedding.  In the invitations only the family will get reception cards, my some of family thinks this is very tacky but we are passing our cupcakes to all our guest after the wedding at the church.  Any suggestions or does anyone agree with me?

I agree with the people who say its tacky. You should invite everyone to the reception that's invited to the ceremony. It's a thank you to your guests.

Fran1985

I don't agree with you. You should not invite people to the ceremony that aren't invited to the reception. Very, very rude. Just have a family only wedding. 

CallaLily25

I agree...very tacky. It just seems like you're saying, "I'd like you to watch me get married, but you're not important enough for me to host you at the reception." Since the reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony, those who aren't invited to the reception aren't being properly thanked.

doeydo

Either have a small ceremony and reception or invite a lot of people to your ceremony and reception.  Everyone that is invited to your ceremony should be invited to your reception and vice versa.  It is very rude to do what you are thinking of doing.  ETA clarification

Maggie0829

I agree with your family...what you are a planning is tacky and rude. And you really think a fucking cupcake will make everything okay? You are asking people to take time out of their day to attend your wedding and your idea of a thank you is a cupcake? Um, no. If I came to your wedding and gave you a gift and all I received is a cupcake I would be pissed. You are basically telling people that they are good enough to witness you getting married and most likely bring you a gift but they are only worth a cupcake as a thank you and not a properly hosted reception.

Dreamergirl8812

"Please come witness us entering into marriage but be sure to leave promptly so the important people can sit down to dinner."

I hope that is not how you hope to come across to the people you care about but it is how you will come across if you go through with this. Invite the number of people you can afford to host.

Jen4948

Offer everyone you invite the same level of hospitality, please-don't invite some to a full-course dinner while offering others just a cupcake.  Your family is right that offering only cupcakes to those you ask to witness your wedding is extremely tacky.  Stop discriminating against your non-family guests.

allispain

That would be a very rude thing to do. You should not invite more people to the ceremony than you will be hosting at your reception.

Xstatic3333

OP, your current plan will be very offensive to the majority of your guests. I have two suggestions; pick one.

Option A: Have a big wedding at your church at a non-meal time (let's say 2 pm). Have a cake and punch reception after, with your cupcakes, some nonalcoholic beverages, and a few other munchies. Invite everyone to all of it. Everyone has fun.

Option B: Have a small wedding at your church with your family and closest friends, any time of day you want. Take them out for a fancy reception meal/celebration after. Invite everyone to all of it. Everyone has fun. Your less-close friends and family will realize you chose a very intimate wedding and won't be offended; they WOULD be offended by being treated as second-class guests.

STARMOON44

Suggestion: have a cake and punch reception. Have your wedding at 2pm, invite everyone who attends to join you for cake and punch (loosely interpreted, I'd add soda, tea, coffee, fruit tray, and veg tray) in the church hall after from 2:30 to 4:30. Then, get in a fabulous getaway car with your husband and leave for your honeymoon. Traditional, lovely, affordable, and not rude.

Unlike your current trendy, tacky, wasteful, and inconsiderate plan.

RebeccaB88

My suggestion is not to do this.  Your plan is neither appropriate or polite. Choose a ceremony and reception where you can invite everyone to everything. That is the only thing appropriate. Your family is right.

climbingsingle

I agree with all the PPs. Please do not do this. It's incredibly tacky and rude.

harper0813

Oh, wow. As a non-family guest, I would be very hurt by this situation. Please re-think what you're doing.

APDSS22

Please host your guests equally.  Your family is correct that what you're planning would be tacky.  Your friends will not appreciate being given a cupcake when your family gets dinner.

WinstonsGirl

I love cupcakes, and any excuse to eat them, but I'd be pretty offended and put out by this.  Please see PP's suggestions and invite all or family only to all events

aurianna

OP, the wedding reception and ceremony should go hand-in-hand.
Guests honor you by taking time out of their day to witness your marriage (and possibly give you a present). In turn it is only proper to thank them by receiving them afterwards. A reception is the couple's way of thanking their guests for watching their wedding.

If your wedding ceremony ends around a meal time the only polite thing to do is supply a meal for all of your guests that attended your wedding. If it's not a meal time, then cake & punch is sufficient. In either case it's really not fair to treat some guests that witnessed your ceremony different than others.
Please don't rank your friends.

Invite only as many as you can afford to host in the proper way for the entire event.

If you want a ton of people at the ceremony, consider it at a non-meal time as others said, so that cake and refreshments will be enough for everyone. If you really want a celebration meal for your family, do the cake & punch reception with everyone the day of, and then you could have a brunch the next day just with family.
Or have a meal with your family after the wedding, however only invite as many people total as you can afford dinner for to the ceremony.

It sucks having to choose, but I'm sure you want to be the best hostess possible and these are the only tow options. Good luck!

LondonLisa

If I found out that I had been invited to the wedding but not the reception, I would be really upset. Like friendship-ending upset. Giving people a cupcake does not make up for the breach of etiquette here unless you have a full cake and punch reception (as stated above, with refreshments ie veggie tray, iced tea etc). Why do you want people at your ceremony if you don't want to celebrate with them?It is perfectly fine to have a small, family only wedding or a lager wedding with a cake and punch reception for everyone.

If this happened to me, it would take all my restraint to not pick up my gift and leave.

grumbledore

LondonLisa said:

If I found out that I had been invited to the wedding but not the reception, I would be really upset. Like friendship-ending upset. Giving people a cupcake does not make up for the breach of etiquette here unless you have a full cake and punch reception (as stated above, with refreshments ie veggie tray, iced tea etc). Why do you want people at your ceremony if you don't want to celebrate with them?It is perfectly fine to have a small, family only wedding or a lager wedding with a cake and punch reception for everyone.

If this happened to me, it would take all my restraint to not pick up my gift and leave.

It would take an army to get me to show up in the first place.  How rude.

shelyg89

I'm not an etiquette junky and even I think this is RUDE!!!! How could you invite your friends to your ceremony and then say ok leave now please, time for everyone but you to celebrate. I understand everyone is on a budget, but i agree with everyone that this is not the way to handle that situation.

MGP

LondonLisa said:

If I found out that I had been invited to the wedding but not the reception, I would be really upset. Like friendship-ending upset. Giving people a cupcake does not make up for the breach of etiquette here unless you have a full cake and punch reception (as stated above, with refreshments ie veggie tray, iced tea etc). Why do you want people at your ceremony if you don't want to celebrate with them?It is perfectly fine to have a small, family only wedding or a lager wedding with a cake and punch reception for everyone.

If this happened to me, it would take all my restraint to not pick up my gift and leave.

I would not only pick up my gift and leave, I would shove the "consolation cupcake" in the bride's face.

This is about the worst idea I have ever heard of.  And I have heard LOTS of bad ones.

cowgirl8238

I agree with your family...what you are a planning is tacky and rude. And you really think a fucking cupcake will make everything okay? You are asking people to take time out of their day to attend your wedding and your idea of a thank you is a cupcake? Um, no. If I came to your wedding and gave you a gift and all I received is a cupcake I would be pissed. You are basically telling people that they are good enough to witness you getting married and most likely bring you a gift but they are only worth a cupcake as a thank you and not a properly hosted reception.

STUCK IN THE BOX!

This exactly.  Both a ceremony and a reception make up a wedding...inviting only some people to one and not the other is extremely rude.  If money is the problem look at other things to cut or have a non-meal time reception with just cake and punch.  But NEVER do what you are planning...it is RUDE!

classyduck

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Please host your guests equally.  Your family is correct that what you're planning would be tacky.  Your friends will not appreciate being given a cupcake when your family gets dinner.

This is what it comes down to. If you make your guests feel like they have been "classified," some of them will invariably be insulted. I know I would.