Not Engaged Yet

Because that's going to end well--300 Sandwiches

A New York Post editor has a blog called 300 Sandwiches because her BF said he'd propose after she makes him 300 sandwiches. She's apparently up to #177 now.

Original NY Post Article

USA Today Article

The 26 Best #300feministsandwiches Tweets

Thoughts? I personally hate the "go make me a sandwich" meme. The rampant chauvinism tacitly accepted on the internet needs to die...today. If any guy ever told me he'd propose in exchange for sandwiches, I'd tell him to go do something anatomically impossible. I don't see how this is a good foundation for a marriage.

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Re: Because that's going to end well--300 Sandwiches

  • This is embarrassing. I like how he justifies it by saying that her sandwiches are made with love. No, sir, they're made with drool over a piece of bling and a serious deficit of critical thinking.
  • So, she's bribing him with sandwiches to buy her a ring? Awesome.

    I find her and the entire thing to be absolutely pathetic. 



  • Threadjack: As far as anatomically impossible is concerned, my personal favorite is taking up yoga to achieve the necessary flexibility to pull your head out of your ass. Which is definitely what this guy needs to do. That gal, too.

    My favorite "go make a sandwich" meme is this one, which I don't find chauvinistic so much as hilarious.
    Sandwich
  • I find this blog up there with the engagement chicken or whatever the hell it's called in regards to desperation. Buuuut, some of the sandwiches look delicious so maybe the author will realize she's a creative cook, tell her BF to go fuck himself and start her own sandwich-making empire.

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  • I heard this on the radio this morning and I was just thinking that poor girl is setting herself up for disappointment unless like @Buddysmom80 said and she goes the route of becoming very successful through her awesome sandwich making skills.
  • I thought I would have a similar reaction - "What, she has to make him SANDWICHES to get an engagement ring!?" But there's some pretty delicious looking recipes. I've bookmarked a few to try out next week when we go out on our grocery run.

    From what I've read through several of the entries, he seems to make dinner quite often. If my SO were making roasted duck breast with a balsamic and currant sauce for dinner, I'd want to make a sandwich for him, too.
  • I thought I would have a similar reaction - "What, she has to make him SANDWICHES to get an engagement ring!?" But there's some pretty delicious looking recipes. I've bookmarked a few to try out next week when we go out on our grocery run.

    From what I've read through several of the entries, he seems to make dinner quite often. If my SO were making roasted duck breast with a balsamic and currant sauce for dinner, I'd want to make a sandwich for him, too.
    Ok but she's not just doing it to "thank" him (for lack of a better word) or to contribute more evenly to the relationship. She's doing it because he promised to buy her a ring in the end. That's what makes it not ok, at least in my book. 



  • edited September 2013

    I can admit that when I first started reading the article I cringed. I don't like the idea of ultimatums no matter how they're presented. Saying "I'll marry you when (x, y, z) happens" or "I'm leaving you by (set deadline) if there's no proposal" just doesn't sit well with me.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

    I did go to her actual blog and read what she had to say in her own words about this 300 sandwiches thing. I actually find it pretty interesting that she is not only participating in this...she seems to be enjoying it. If it really wasn't something she wanted to do - she'd have said no flat out. If her only goal was to get a shiny new piece of jewelry she would have made him 300 PB&Js that night.

    I get really frustrated with the whole feminism thing. Personally I am so thankful for the women who paved the way for us to vote, have equal jobs for equal pay and speak out for our own rights. Are there still some areas where we can improve as a nation on this issue? Absolutely. Do we have to abandon all traditional female roles (cooking, cleaning, mothering, etc.) to feel like equals? I don't think that's necessary.

    To me the feminism movement gave women the right to make their own choices. Who am I to judge this woman's choice? No one is oppressing her. No one is forcing her to do this. It's kind of like saying a black man who doesn't vote in the next election is ruining everything for those who fought during the civil rights movement. It's not a statement - it's a personal choice, which he's entitled to make.

  • Ugh, look I cook for H ALL the time but I love to cook.  If anyone had told me I was 300 meals away from an engagement ring it would take a lot of the joy and love I put into cooking away.
  • Sorry - I don't know that the last line if the first paragraph is all about...but when I try to edit, it doesn't show up.
  • SwazzleSwazzle member
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    edited September 2013

    I can admit that when I first started reading the article I cringed. I don't like the idea of ultimatums no matter how they're presented. Saying "I'll marry you when (x, y, z) happens" or "I'm leaving you by (set deadline) if there's no proposal" just doesn't sit well with me.

    I did go to her actual blog and read what she had to say in her own words about this 300 sandwiches thing. I actually find it pretty interesting that she is not only participating in this...she seems to be enjoying it. If it really wasn't something she wanted to do - she'd have said no flat out. If her only goal was to get a shiny new piece of jewelry she would have made him 300 PB&Js that night.

    I get really frustrated with the whole feminism thing. Personally I am so thankful for the women who paved the way for us to vote, have equal jobs for equal pay and speak out for our own rights. Are there still some areas where we can improve as a nation on this issue? Absolutely. Do we have to abandon all traditional female roles (cooking, cleaning, mothering, etc.) to feel like equals? I don't think that's necessary.

    To me the feminism movement gave women the right to make their own choices. Who am I to judge this woman's choice? No one is oppressing her. No one is forcing her to do this. It's kind of like saying a black man who doesn't vote in the next election is ruining everything for those who fought during the civil rights movement. It's not a statement - it's a personal choice, which he's entitled to make.

    I think the difference is handling responsibility equally vs doing these chores because you're the woman in the relationship. I enjoy cooking, so I cook and he handles the clean up from dinner. If he also enjoyed cooking, we would split this between us. Neither of us enjoy cleaning, so we split that responsibility based on who dislikes each cleaning job less. 

    I would not be ok with my relationship if I was expected to cook, clean, and parent just because I'm a woman. I actually wouldn't be married to my H if he believed in those things. When my H was laid off he took over the majority of the "traditional female roles" because I was working 50 hours a week and he was home. If it were the other way around, I would have done the same. 


    ETA: clarity



  • edited September 2013

    @swazzle - I completely agree. I feel very similarly to you in my own relationship with H. Which all boils down to my point - every couple makes choices about what their roles will be in their own relationships. We're not "burdened" with traditional roles..we choose to take them on or we don't.

    This is exactly why after reading some of her blog, I softened a little bit to the 300 sandwich lady. Her man actually does most of the cooking...and he sounds like an awesome cook at that! I really don't think this challenge between the two of them is about "putting the future wife in her place". I feel like she's doing this as a way to show her affection. If she wasn't getting something back in return from her partner (Besides a future proposal) I'm pretty sure she would have walked away...just like any of us would.

    I just think as a gender we need to be careful calling "anti-feminist" out on other women. She's making a choice, and while I may not make the same choice myself, I respect the fact that she has the right to decide what's best for her and her relationship.

  • @allusive007 - "Go make me a sandwich" is a traditionally a way to "put a woman in her place", though. She even states that she'd wake up and her BF would ask her why she's been up for 15 minutes and she hasn't made him a sandwich yet. Sure, she has learned to like what she's doing and she's gotten creative with it. That doesn't mean the origin of the entire thing wasn't done in a crude, misogynistic way. She also says that maybe cooking for him will show him that she's "wife material." WTF even is "wife material"? 

    The entire thing just really rubs me the wrong way. I get that she's a willing participant but it doesn't change the fact that he demanded she make him a sandwich and that he bribed her with an engagement ring. 



  • @Swazzle I guess for me I never read his statement of "You're like, 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring," as a "You HAVE to make me 300 sandwiches before I propose to you."   If his intention was to make her complete a task before she gets a ring, or to do certain things because "it's the woman's place to do so,"  then I would be upset and rolling my eyes about it. I don't get that impression about their relationship from reading her entries.  I could be completely wrong about that though.


  • I agree with jezziebeth's take on the blog. I also felt that it was less of a demand and more of a fun goofball challenge between the two of them.

    @Swazzle - obviously we see this whole thing very differently...and that's fine. To me, the whole part about her guy asking for a sandwich when he first wakes up was ment to be humor for her blog.

    “Make me a sandwich. That’s what my boyfriend, E, asks without fail every morning. Not “babe, where are my keys?” Not, “honey, where are my socks?” And no, not even, “c’mon, just the tip?”

    It just felt like she was trying to find a slap-happy way to say that her guy likes sandwiches more that sex.

    IDK, I guess when I think about all the things that H and I say and do with each other that could be misinterpreted by others, i'm willing to cut her some slack and not rush to judgement about what their relationship may or may not be like.

  • BF told me about this blog when I woke up this morning. I actually don't see any problem with it at all. It sounds like he said "You're about 300 sandwiches away from a proposal" as a joke, and she thought to herself "challenge accepted". I don't think she expects that the second she finishes her 300th sandwich he'll drop down to one knee, or that if she didn't make the sandwiches he'll never propose. It seems like she just thought it would be fun to blog about the different sandwiches she's making, among other things, while she progresses in a perfectly normal sounding relationship. 

    In my relationship, BF doesn't cook at all - I do all of the cooking and make him whatever he asks for much of the time. He does all of the dishes (which I loathe doing), takes out the garbage, and kills every bug. It's a very traditional split of responsibilities, and I don't feel at all taken advantage of - we each do the chores we mind the least and it works out evenly. 
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  • I agree with jezziebeth's take on the blog. I also felt that it was less of a demand and more of a fun goofball challenge between the two of them.

    @Swazzle - obviously we see this whole thing very differently...and that's fine. To me, the whole part about her guy asking for a sandwich when he first wakes up was ment to be humor for her blog.

    “Make me a sandwich. That’s what my boyfriend, E, asks without fail every morning. Not “babe, where are my keys?” Not, “honey, where are my socks?” And no, not even, “c’mon, just the tip?”

    It just felt like she was trying to find a slap-happy way to say that her guy likes sandwiches more that sex.

    IDK, I guess when I think about all the things that H and I say and do with each other that could be misinterpreted by others, i'm willing to cut her some slack and not rush to judgement about what their relationship may or may not be like.

    Absolutely, but you didn't start a blog for the world to see and broadcast the things you guys say to each other.

    And maybe what he said to her originally was meant as a joke. But she took him up on it for a reason and, I'm sorry, but I really don't believe that her reasoning from the start was "let me try to make my BF a bunch of sandwiches for the fun of it!"



  • edited September 2013
    I'm with @allusive007.  I just can't get worked up over this.  I also think it's a really fun blog and I've had a good time reading through it!

    ETA:  @swazzle: you REALLY think that she's doing this for a proposal?  I'm honestly asking, not being sarcastic at all.  because, I have the opposite idea...  she's a creative person working in print (online, I guess?) and saw an opportunity for a really unique blog.  kind of like "Julie&Julia"...  ??
  • I'm attempting to forget about the controversial part of "make me a sandwich, get a ring" part, and focus on the utter deliciousness of some of these sandwiches. 

    Seriously, my mouth is watering. 



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  • I'm not even looking at this as cooking is a traditional women's role (though the "make me a sandwich" meme is usually sexist). I think any relationship with a very one-sided, artificial hurdle like that isn't healthy. It's actually that one-sidedness with engagement as a goal that really bothers me, like it's something to be earned.
  • I wouldn't be so irritated if it weren't for how much the guy pressured her to make sandwiches, or how he treats the situation (like, "Hey ladies, this is ALL you really need to do to get a man"). I just feel bad for her.
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  • @CocoBellaF - Yea, I really DO think that was her intention when the whole thing began. Whether or not the purpose has evolved since then is a different topic. The following quotes from her blog make me think this: 

    And then,  he dropped a bomb me: “You’re, like, 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring.”

    That was it—a proposal hinged on me making him sandwiches.

    Sandwiches meant more to him than nice gifts, regular sex or any other incentive I could use to get him closer to putting a ring on it. I’m not sure how 300 became the magic number. Perhaps because it would take me about a year to make that many sandwiches, if I produced one Monday through Friday. That seemed like a long enough time in the future to seem far way.

    I will learn how to cook amazing food, we will learn more about each other, and hopefully my boyfriend will make good on his promise.



  • if my H had made a joke while we were dating (pre-engagement) similar to 300sandwiches (like, "300cookies" or "65days-of-running-1-mile" or "150trips-to-the-zoo") I would have done the same thing as her!  played along, went with it, but not SERIOUSLY expecting a proposal at the end.  because that's ridiculous.

    H and I have a ton of stuff that started out as jokes and just keep going.  for example, on nights when he beats me to the dishes and cleans the kitchen for me, he gives me the "I-get-sex-tonight!" look.  what started out as a joke (I said, if you do the dishes and clean the kitchen tonight, you'll get laid) just kept going.  and neither one of us are pressured or anything.  the other day I showed him the JimmyFallon/JustinTimberlake hashtag clip...  and now we are hashtagging all our conversations:  in person, via text, via email.

    who's to say that he doesn't propose tonight, or next week?  or if she were to decide not to make another sandwich because she hates it, does that mean he really isn't going to propose? 

    and why do we care?
  • I'm with @allusive007.  I just can't get worked up over this.  I also think it's a really fun blog and I've had a good time reading through it!

    ETA:  @swazzle: you REALLY think that she's doing this for a proposal?  I'm honestly asking, not being sarcastic at all.  because, I have the opposite idea...  she's a creative person working in print (online, I guess?) and saw an opportunity for a really unique blog.  kind of like "Julie&Julia"...  ??
    Unless that NY Post article is filled with sarcasm that I missed, yes, I think she's serious. Because she's a writer, she also found it an interesting blog topic. She calculated how long it would take and was worried she'd be too old for kids by the time they got married.
  • I wonder, if he proposes BEFORE 300sandwiches...  will she keep making sandwiches?

  • if my H had made a joke while we were dating (pre-engagement) similar to 300sandwiches (like, "300cookies" or "65days-of-running-1-mile" or "150trips-to-the-zoo") I would have done the same thing as her!  played along, went with it, but not SERIOUSLY expecting a proposal at the end.  because that's ridiculous.

    H and I have a ton of stuff that started out as jokes and just keep going.  for example, on nights when he beats me to the dishes and cleans the kitchen for me, he gives me the "I-get-sex-tonight!" look.  what started out as a joke (I said, if you do the dishes and clean the kitchen tonight, you'll get laid) just kept going.  and neither one of us are pressured or anything.  the other day I showed him the JimmyFallon/JustinTimberlake hashtag clip...  and now we are hashtagging all our conversations:  in person, via text, via email.

    who's to say that he doesn't propose tonight, or next week?  or if she were to decide not to make another sandwich because she hates it, does that mean he really isn't going to propose? 

    and why do we care?
    But EVERYTHING she said on her blog and in interviews states the opposite so why should I or anyone else assume differently?

    Obviously, nobody has the answers to these questions except the write and her BF. 

    Because @leia1979 started a thread and therefore a discussion/debate about it. 



  • Yes she invited public scrutiny when she decided to post all of this in an online blog. Do I think that decision was partially due to her journalism background and possible career gain? Absolutely. If it's not somewhat controversial, it's not "news" worthy.  

    If we really want to feel true sympathy or concern for someone - why not leave this woman alone and focus on battered women, women forced into the sexual slave trade, or women who live in countries where they actually are oppressed? I don't believe anyone throwing judgment around in this thread is truly sorry for this woman or concerned for the future of her relationship - It's just something to talk about.

  • I was trolling through articles (started with Shellie Zimmerman divorcing her husband) and came across this, thought I'd share.

    LINK

    @swazzle : I realize that leia started a thread.  my question wasn't literal.
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