We decided on our vows!

Iloveshanej

Mini celebration! We have everything set for our ceremony and finishing our vows is such a big relief!!!!

Iloveshanej

I'll share them if anyone is interested!

doeydo

Sure  

Iloveshanej

Thanks @doeydo :-)

Here ya go! I'm just looking for any spelling, wording or flow concerns. I'm basically wanting to share and not really change anything unless it's something obvious that I've missed!

Opening

Friends and Family, we have been invited here today to share with (FI’s name) and(my name), a very important moment in their lives. In the time they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to give their lives to each other as husband and wife. 

 

Giving away of bride 

Question: "Who gives this woman to be married?"

 Answer: I do.

 

Pray and verse quote:

Please join me in prayer:

Loving God, you are at the heart of all our relationships. You are the understanding spirit that brings us together in friendship and love. You are the caring spirit that enables us to listen to each other’s needs. You are the enduring spirit which holds fast when the storms of life hit home. You are the trusting spirit which builds our faith in one another. Bless this time, Amen.

(FI’s name)  and (my name) would like me to read a bible verse that brings meaning to their relationship and to today’s ceremony.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Vows

I choose you, (our names). To stand by your side and sleep in your arms. To be joy to your heart and food for your soul. To learn with you and grow with you, even as time and life change us both. I promise to laugh with you in good times and walk beside you in bad times. I promise to respect you and cherish you, knowing that we do not complete, but complement each other. May we have many adventures and grow old together.

Exchanging of rings

Question: I ask that you take this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live.

Answer: I will.

 

Fiance’s gift to my daughter

(FI’s name)  would like to take a moment with (daughter’s name) at this time.

*He has a surprise planned for her. He will give her a ring on a necklace and say a little something.

Second reading

Now, (FI’s name) and (my name) would like to share a reading with you that defines they’re feelings and commitment to each.

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

 

Declaration of Marriage

By the power vested in me by the State of(our state), I now pronounce you husband and wife"

"You may now kiss each other".

 

Indroduction of Newlyweds

I present to you Mr. and Mrs. (FI’s name) and (my name) (last name) as well as (daughter’s name). These three coming together not only makes this a commitment between a husband and wife but also a commitment to bring them all together as a family in God. 

Jen4948

Other than the gift to the daughter, this is very beautiful.

The daughter's gift I think needs to be done in private and not as part of the wedding ceremony.  She isn't getting married.  She doesn't have a say in what happens to your relationship.  So it really isn't appropriate to do this as part of the wedding ceremony.

Iloveshanej

Jen4948 said:

Other than the gift to the daughter, this is very beautiful.

The daughter's gift I think needs to be done in private and not as part of the wedding ceremony.  She isn't getting married.  She doesn't have a say in that happens to your relationship.  So it really isn't appropriate to do this as part of the wedding ceremony.

Thank you! 

I guess we are looking at the whole day in a different way. The gift and vow to my daughter is actually something that my FI requested to do. He wants to give the gift as a symbol and the vow to her as a promise that he will treat her mom good, be there as her stepdad and assure her that we will always be a family together. He wants this to be a public vow because while he isn't marrying her, he is committing to be her stepdad and become part of our family for life. Since my daughter's father is not very involved with her, this will mean the world to her as well. It actually really warms my heart and is wonderful in my eyes. It is a little different and non traditional but we are looking at this as a union of husband and wife as well as a union of a family. 

Jen4948

Iloveshanej said:

Jen4948 said:

Other than the gift to the daughter, this is very beautiful.

The daughter's gift I think needs to be done in private and not as part of the wedding ceremony.  She isn't getting married.  She doesn't have a say in that happens to your relationship.  So it really isn't appropriate to do this as part of the wedding ceremony.

Thank you! 

I guess we are looking at the whole day in a different way. The gift and vow to my daughter is actually something that my FI requested to do because he wants to give the gift as a symbol and the vow to her that he will treat her mom good, be there as her stepdad and assure her that we will always be a family together. He wants this to be a public vow because while he isn't marrying her, he is committing to be her stepdad and become part of our family. Since my daughter's father is not very involved with her, this will mean the world to her. We don't mind taking a little time away from our ceremony to do this. It actually really warms my heart and is wonderful in my eyes. It is a little different and non traditional but we are looking at this as a union of husband and wife as well as a union of a family. 

We have lots of threads about how couples with pending stepchildren want to do this, but when all is said and done, the only two people getting married are the bride and groom.  If you want to include children, do so in traditional roles: bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, flower girl, ring bearer, usher, or reader.  The guests are not coming to see your fiance make vows to your daughter and it can make them uncomfortable to see an adult making vows to a child, and even more uncomfortable seeing a child make vows.

The truth is, regardless of what your ceremony is reflecting for you personally, your daughter is not getting married.  She has no control over who her stepfather is.  She may not feel comfortable with this kind of public recognition.  Her feelings should count too if that's the case.  A former poster once posted about a wedding she attended where this was forced on the kids of the couple, who weren't expecting it and weren't comfortable with it, and that made the guests uncomfortable to witness it.

And sorry to bring this up, but if you break up in the future, does that nullify his vows to her too?  A kid could be traumatized by that, especially if he made the vows in public that he now plans to break.

So if he really wants to give her a necklace I would give the necklace privately and separately from your wedding and not have him make a public declaration.  It's your wedding of course, and you'll do what you want, but these are things to think about and I suggest doing so before you make a final decision.

Iloveshanej

Jen4948 said:

Iloveshanej said:

Jen4948 said:

Other than the gift to the daughter, this is very beautiful.

The daughter's gift I think needs to be done in private and not as part of the wedding ceremony.  She isn't getting married.  She doesn't have a say in that happens to your relationship.  So it really isn't appropriate to do this as part of the wedding ceremony.

Thank you! 

I guess we are looking at the whole day in a different way. The gift and vow to my daughter is actually something that my FI requested to do because he wants to give the gift as a symbol and the vow to her that he will treat her mom good, be there as her stepdad and assure her that we will always be a family together. He wants this to be a public vow because while he isn't marrying her, he is committing to be her stepdad and become part of our family. Since my daughter's father is not very involved with her, this will mean the world to her. We don't mind taking a little time away from our ceremony to do this. It actually really warms my heart and is wonderful in my eyes. It is a little different and non traditional but we are looking at this as a union of husband and wife as well as a union of a family. 

We have lots of threads about how couples with pending stepchildren want to do this, but when all is said and done, the only two people getting married are the bride and groom.  If you want to include children, do so in traditional roles: bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, flower girl, ring bearer, usher, or reader.  The guests are not coming to see your fiance make vows to your daughter and it can make them uncomfortable to see an adult making vows to a child, and even more uncomfortable seeing a child make vows.

The truth is, regardless of what your ceremony is reflecting for you personally, your daughter is not getting married.  She has no control over who her stepfather is.  She may not feel comfortable with this kind of public recognition.  Her feelings should count too if that's the case.  A former poster once posted about a wedding she attended where this was forced on the kids of the couple, who weren't expecting it and weren't comfortable with it, and that made the guests uncomfortable to witness it.

And sorry to bring this up, but if you break up in the future, does that nullify his vows to her too?  A kid could be traumatized by that, especially if he made the vows in public that he now plans to break.

So if he really wants to give her a necklace I would give the necklace privately and separately from your wedding and not have him make a public declaration.  It's your wedding of course, and you'll do what you want, but these are things to think about and I suggest doing so before you make a final decision.

I understand your concern, however this is one part of the ceremony that is a non negotiable as far as change is concerned. 

My daughter is my MOH as well. At the age of 6 1/2, she has been a competition cheerleader for 2 years so being in the spotlight is definitely not an issue for her. She's a bit of a ham, haha. We have also mentioned to her that my FI will say a few words to her during the ceremony and she is ecstatic about that. 

As far as the guests are concerned, that's not a worry to us. After all, it is our ceremony to plan. I don't mean to sound harsh about that but that's the only way I can think to word it right now.

As far as my FI and I ever getting divorced, my daughter would inevitably be devastated regardless. 

Ultimately, he is committing to be my husband, her stepdad as well as bring us together as a family so whether it be done in private or public, it is still a commitment that is being made. My FI requested this and is so excited to include it in our ceremony. It also warms my heart as well as all of the people we've told of this plan. It is just something that is very important to us. 

Jen4948

Iloveshanej said:

Jen4948 said:

Iloveshanej said:

Jen4948 said:

Other than the gift to the daughter, this is very beautiful.

The daughter's gift I think needs to be done in private and not as part of the wedding ceremony.  She isn't getting married.  She doesn't have a say in that happens to your relationship.  So it really isn't appropriate to do this as part of the wedding ceremony.

Thank you! 

I guess we are looking at the whole day in a different way. The gift and vow to my daughter is actually something that my FI requested to do because he wants to give the gift as a symbol and the vow to her that he will treat her mom good, be there as her stepdad and assure her that we will always be a family together. He wants this to be a public vow because while he isn't marrying her, he is committing to be her stepdad and become part of our family. Since my daughter's father is not very involved with her, this will mean the world to her. We don't mind taking a little time away from our ceremony to do this. It actually really warms my heart and is wonderful in my eyes. It is a little different and non traditional but we are looking at this as a union of husband and wife as well as a union of a family. 

We have lots of threads about how couples with pending stepchildren want to do this, but when all is said and done, the only two people getting married are the bride and groom.  If you want to include children, do so in traditional roles: bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, flower girl, ring bearer, usher, or reader.  The guests are not coming to see your fiance make vows to your daughter and it can make them uncomfortable to see an adult making vows to a child, and even more uncomfortable seeing a child make vows.

The truth is, regardless of what your ceremony is reflecting for you personally, your daughter is not getting married.  She has no control over who her stepfather is.  She may not feel comfortable with this kind of public recognition.  Her feelings should count too if that's the case.  A former poster once posted about a wedding she attended where this was forced on the kids of the couple, who weren't expecting it and weren't comfortable with it, and that made the guests uncomfortable to witness it.

And sorry to bring this up, but if you break up in the future, does that nullify his vows to her too?  A kid could be traumatized by that, especially if he made the vows in public that he now plans to break.

So if he really wants to give her a necklace I would give the necklace privately and separately from your wedding and not have him make a public declaration.  It's your wedding of course, and you'll do what you want, but these are things to think about and I suggest doing so before you make a final decision.

I understand your concern, however this is one part of the ceremony that is a non negotiable as far as change is concerned. 

My daughter is my MOH as well. At the age of 6 1/2, she has been a competition cheerleader for 2 years so being in the spotlight is definitely not an issue for her. She's a bit of a ham, haha. We have also mentioned to her that my FI will say a few words to her during the ceremony and she is ecstatic about that. 

As far as the guests are concerned, that's not a worry to us. After all, it is our ceremony to plan. I don't mean to sound harsh about that but that's the only way I can think to word it right now.

As far as my FI and I ever getting divorced, my daughter would inevitably be devastated regardless. 

Ultimately, he is committing to be my husband, her stepdad as well as bring us together as a family so whether it be done in private or public, it is still a commitment that is being made. My FI requested this and is so excited to include it in our ceremony. It also warms my heart as well as all of the people we've told of this plan. It is just something that is very important to us. 

Sorry, but the bolded is not a good way to think about your guests.

As I said, the rest of what you want to do is beautiful; however, I still don't think that adults should be making public commitments to children.  I gave the reasons above.  Let's agree to disagree about this.

Iloveshanej

@Jen4948, like I said, the bolded part wasn't meant to be harsh. It's just the only wording I could think of at the time. Our guests are very important to us and we love them very much. They love us very much too. That's why we decided to invite them and they decided to attend. Everyone we've told of the plans, love them. It is our day and our guests want us to have our ceremony how we want it. I guess that's what I was trying to say. There may be a few that don't like different things about the whole day but if I tried to please all 200 guests, I would go insane. 

We can definitely agree to disagree. It's really hard to understand if you haven't been through what we have. Not saying you haven't but it's just best for us :-)

SP29

I think the vows sound lovely.

I don't see an issue with what your fiance is doing with your daughter- he's not asking her to make a vow or commitment, he is providing her with a gift of family. 

I have read others' ideas, where the children have to respond to some sort of vow that they accept the new parent into their lives, or the officiant asks either the B or G if they accept the children. That to me is a bit weird and I don't think children should be making a vow (as the wedding is between the B&G), but I see no issue with B or G giving a gift as a sign of family and acceptance. 

Iloveshanej

SP29 said:

I think the vows sound lovely.

I don't see an issue with what your fiance is doing with your daughter- he's not asking her to make a vow or commitment, he is providing her with a gift of family. 

Thank you! You summed up what I was trying to say in one sentence. That is exactly how we see it!

jenniferurs

SP29 said:

I think the vows sound lovely.

I don't see an issue with what your fiance is doing with your daughter- he's not asking her to make a vow or commitment, he is providing her with a gift of family. 

I have read others' ideas, where the children have to respond to some sort of vow that they accept the new parent into their lives, or the officiant asks either the B or G if they accept the children. That to me is a bit weird and I don't think children should be making a vow (as the wedding is between the B&G), but I see no issue with B or G giving a gift as a sign of family and acceptance. 

Agreed. Love it all.

Majelin86

jenniferurs said:

I think the vows sound lovely.

I don't see an issue with what your fiance is doing with your daughter- he's not asking her to make a vow or commitment, he is providing her with a gift of family. 

I have read others' ideas, where the children have to respond to some sort of vow that they accept the new parent into their lives, or the officiant asks either the B or G if they accept the children. That to me is a bit weird and I don't think children should be making a vow (as the wedding is between the B&G), but I see no issue with B or G giving a gift as a sign of family and acceptance. 

Agreed. Love it all.

Agreed! My fiancé's brother & his wife gave their daughter a necklace with a ring on it at their ceremony and I thought it was beautiful!

WonderRed

Majelin86 said:

jenniferurs said:

I think the vows sound lovely.

I don't see an issue with what your fiance is doing with your daughter- he's not asking her to make a vow or commitment, he is providing her with a gift of family. 

I have read others' ideas, where the children have to respond to some sort of vow that they accept the new parent into their lives, or the officiant asks either the B or G if they accept the children. That to me is a bit weird and I don't think children should be making a vow (as the wedding is between the B&G), but I see no issue with B or G giving a gift as a sign of family and acceptance. 

Agreed. Love it all.

Agreed! My fiancé's brother & his wife gave their daughter a necklace with a ring on it at their ceremony and I thought it was beautiful!

From someone else with a 6 year old, also agreed.  My son very much believes this day is about us becoming and official family and wants to be included where he can. Our families also feel it's  a family celebration in every way and would think it's strange for us to not do something to celebrate DS as a part of the day. 

Iloveshanej

WonderRed said:

Majelin86 said:

jenniferurs said:

I think the vows sound lovely.

I don't see an issue with what your fiance is doing with your daughter- he's not asking her to make a vow or commitment, he is providing her with a gift of family. 

I have read others' ideas, where the children have to respond to some sort of vow that they accept the new parent into their lives, or the officiant asks either the B or G if they accept the children. That to me is a bit weird and I don't think children should be making a vow (as the wedding is between the B&G), but I see no issue with B or G giving a gift as a sign of family and acceptance. 

Agreed. Love it all.

Agreed! My fiancé's brother & his wife gave their daughter a necklace with a ring on it at their ceremony and I thought it was beautiful!

From someone else with a 6 year old, also agreed.  My son very much believes this day is about us becoming and official family and wants to be included where he can. Our families also feel it's  a family celebration in every way and would think it's strange for us to not do something to celebrate DS as a part of the day. 

Thanks! That validates our reasoning and states exactly how we feel.