Famiy wants a big wedding...Bride wants a small wedding and big party, Help!

lrhebert

Hello!

 

So I am recently engaged but my fiancé and I have been together for almost 7 years so the topic of marriage has come up often. Now that it's official however, everyone is seeming to weigh in with their opinions as to what we should do. My ideal is to have a small group, 50 or less, have a destination wedding in Santa Barbara (we live in the OC) and then have a reception/party after that with the rest of the guests, ideally spending less than $5000 on the entire thing. This is where we run in to the problem: my fiancé's mother who we are extremely close to, would like us to have a traditional wedding and reception with everyone invited, meaning about 200 people! Also, my grandmother wants to invite her relatives that I am not at all close with. How do I keep my budget and ideal wedding while not upsetting our families too much?

 

Thanks everyone,

 

Lauren

KeptInStitches

If you want to have a small wedding and a larger party later, you need to keep it to immediate family only (parents, siblings, grandparents, and SOs). It comes down to what you and your FI want to do - remember, it's his wedding, too.

Congratulations on your engagement!

Maggie0829

So you and your FI are paying for the entire thing?  If so then only you and your FI's opinion matters. No one can tell you what you can or cannot do in regards to your guest list.

I am not sure how far away Santa Barbara is from OC but why not just have the whole shabang in Santa Barbara?

Also, for your AHR how many people were you planning on inviting?  You will have to invite the 50 or so people you invited to your DW plus whoever else you want so if you are getting close to the 200 mark I really don't see why you would be so against having those 200 at your wedding ceremony.

doeydo

I agree with PPs.  If you and your FI are the only ones paying for the wedding, then the two of you get to plan it as however you want it to be and are not required to cater to your relatives' ideas or wants.  If you want a small destination wedding and a party later, keep it the DW list small, as in parents, siblings, and their SOs.

NYCMercedes

Tell them, "I don't have the budget for that."

LizQ

NYCMercedes said:

Tell them, "I don't have the budget for that."

I agree with that ^^
If your family is helping you pay for stuff or capable of helping out financially to the point where they'll start offering, then that excuse might not work, though -___-

WildMagelet

The reception is the expensive part, so I'm not sure how having a 50-person wedding with 200+ people at the party-portion is going to save you tons of money.  Even if you host a large party later, you still need to have a reception for the guests who actually witnessed your wedding immediately following.

Personally, I would just plan the whole thing for Santa Barbara and if they come, they come and if they don't, they don't.

If you don't want a 200+ person wedding for reasons other than budget, then you need to explain those reasons to your family.  If you blame it just on the money then they might try and throw money at the problem which inevitably will come with strings.

vmj23

Your wedding you do what you want!   When I started planning my mom gave me a list of the most random people to invite...second cousins who I wouldn't know if I bumped into on the street.  I still haven't heard the end of the fact that I don't have a maid of honor (it would complicate things too much, I don't want to pick one so i'm not going to).