Sister making Shower Planning difficult for Maid of Honor and maids

Mclarey49

HI all,

 

I am having an amazing situation happening.  I have 8 girls in my bridal party, 3 sisters.  When choosing my maid of honor, i did not choose a sister as there are 3 of them and two are actually matrons, so I didnt choose one of them, so the other 2 wouldnt get upset.  I instead chose my best friend and our other best friend is helping her coordinate the shower.  My one sister who feels she SHOULD be my matron of honor (tho i dont have a matron) is causing havoc. She keeps saying that her and my mom are doing things and the other girls shouldnt worry.  My mom and her are NOT handling things, i called and asked my mother and this is an outright lie.  I want my friends to be in charge, as they know what i like and want and they are very laid back, working with the other maids to keep it in a good budget and to keep it tailored to me.  My one friend let me know that my sister is sending nasty grams to her and keeps trying to take over.  This is taking all the fun out of the shower and making it awkward for my friends.  These side emails are rude and she keeps trying to do everything, but she is lying about doing them just to take control.   I do not want my sister to be in charge, as she is full of good intentions, but never executes, so my invites prob wont go out till a week before and NOTHING will be done for the shower if she is left to it  (she has a history of doing this for other parties).  AND that is NOT what i want, i want my MOH and maids to work together. I don't want my friends to be in an uncomfortable situation either.  I have had to speak to my sister SEVERAL times now and let her know that she is making everyone uncomfortable and that i would like her to be involved but MOH and friend is in charge.  She promised she wouldnt keep trying to take over, but here we are again.  Do i ask her to not be involved and just show up day of the shower, as she apparently can't play well wiht others?  Do i just say, forget the whole thing?  Will there be tension between her and my friends and i'll have a lousy time or they will because of the tension? 

 

Help

 

itzMS

Mclarey49 said:

HI all,

 

I am having an amazing situation happening.  I have 8 girls in my bridal party, 3 sisters.  When choosing my maid of honor, i did not choose a sister as there are 3 of them and two are actually matrons, so I didnt choose one of them, so the other 2 wouldnt get upset.  I instead chose my best friend and our other best friend is helping her coordinate the shower.  My one sister who feels she SHOULD be my matron of honor (tho i dont have a matron) is causing havoc. She keeps saying that her and my mom are doing things and the other girls shouldnt worry.  My mom and her are NOT handling things, i called and asked my mother and this is an outright lie.  I want my friends to be in charge, as they know what i like and want and they are very laid back, working with the other maids to keep it in a good budget and to keep it tailored to me.  My one friend let me know that my sister is sending nasty grams to her and keeps trying to take over.  This is taking all the fun out of the shower and making it awkward for my friends.  These side emails are rude and she keeps trying to do everything, but she is lying about doing them just to take control.   I do not want my sister to be in charge, as she is full of good intentions, but never executes, so my invites prob wont go out till a week before and NOTHING will be done for the shower if she is left to it  (she has a history of doing this for other parties).  AND that is NOT what i want, i want my MOH and maids to work together. I don't want my friends to be in an uncomfortable situation either.  I have had to speak to my sister SEVERAL times now and let her know that she is making everyone uncomfortable and that i would like her to be involved but MOH and friend is in charge.  She promised she wouldnt keep trying to take over, but here we are again.  Do i ask her to not be involved and just show up day of the shower, as she apparently can't play well wiht others?  Do i just say, forget the whole thing?  Will there be tension between her and my friends and i'll have a lousy time or they will because of the tension? 

 

Help

 

#1, Stop spazzing. The worst that would happen is that you have two showers (poor thing!) if your sister(s) plan their own thing for you.

#2, Stay out of the shower planning.

#3, Any time your sister brings it up, say the same thing over and over "Thank you so much, Katie, for thinking of me, but Molly is handling the shower details"

 

southernbelle0915

Paragraphs are your friend.

No one plans a party on your behalf without your permission. If your friends offered to host a shower for you and you accepted their offer, they are hosting. Nobody else. If your sister wants to be involved, then she offers her services to the hosts (your friends). They could say "sounds great, would you like to be in charge of favors? Wonderful." And off she goes. 

However, it's important to note that if your two friends are hosting, they CANNOT ask anyone else to contribute. If they do, then that person gets a say in the planning. So in other words, if your friends are planning and then submitting bills to the other BMs, this is a HUGE no-no and your sister has a right to want a say in decisions and to be upset. 

Mclarey49

Thanks ladies.  All the girls are contributing and everyone else is on board and giving opinions and they as a group are getting things done.  MOH and friend are just the leaders. All the maids are trying to pick something to do and do it, where my sister is saying she'll do it everything so she can do what she wants and use her own ideas and not the groups.  She isnt listening to the rest of them.  All of them are paying and the MOH and other best friend are just trying to take the lead, they arent making all the decisions, the whole group is.  BUT my sister is side emailing them and not going with what the group wants.  She isnt paying for the whole thing and I just want her to work with the group.  I mean there are 9 people (including my mom) giving ideas, so not EVERYONE's ideas will be taken, but my sis is taking it personally and being nasty to the MOH and best friend.  I REALLY do not want to be invovled but i dont want my friends to be uncomfortable.  I just want everyone to get a long.

 

Jen4948

Mclarey49 said:

Thanks ladies.  All the girls are contributing and everyone else is on board and giving opinions and they as a group are getting things done.  MOH and friend are just the leaders. All the maids are trying to pick something to do and do it, where my sister is saying she'll do it everything so she can do what she wants and use her own ideas and not the groups.  She isnt listening to the rest of them.  All of them are paying and the MOH and other best friend are just trying to take the lead, they arent making all the decisions, the whole group is.  BUT my sister is side emailing them and not going with what the group wants.  She isnt paying for the whole thing and I just want her to work with the group.  I mean there are 9 people (including my mom) giving ideas, so not EVERYONE's ideas will be taken, but my sis is taking it personally and being nasty to the MOH and best friend.  I REALLY do not want to be invovled but i dont want my friends to be uncomfortable.  I just want everyone to get a long.

 

Obviously this isn't going to happen as long as your sister doesn't knock off the bad emails.

I'd tell her, "Sis, the other bridesmaids are all complaining to me about nasty emails you've been sending them.  Regardless of what gets planned, that has to stop immediately."

Beyond that, stay out of it.