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Etiquette

Thank you note timeline

I have searched the boards but couldn't find a comprehensive guideline on when to send thank you notes.  Here is my basic understanding of when to send thank you notes based on when gift was given and for what wedding event.  Please let me know if I've got something wrong because not following proper etiquette on this one would really embarrass me.

1.  Shower gifts: send ASAP, before the wedding date

2.  Bachelorette/bachelor party: send a thank you note (and get a gift?) for whomever hosted the party.  If people bring gifts, send a thank you note ASAP.  What if it's a gag gift? 

3.  Wedding gifts that come before the date: send as you receive, but don't use the gift until after the wedding  (what about gifts that are shipped from a registry that come only a couple of days before the wedding? do those fall into the post-wedding thank you note category?)

4.  Gifts received at the reception/shipped to your home on the wedding day: send within two months? This is the one I'm not so sure on.  I'd rather send them sooner than later 

5.  Cash gifts in the form of checks: If it comes before the wedding, send a thank you note when you receive it and wait to cash it until a couple days after you sent the note.  If it comes on the wedding day, it still falls in the 2 month deadline but still wait to cash it until after you've sent the note (so it doesn't look like you just cashed it and aren't going to send a thank you note).

Do I have it right? Did I miss anything?  Thanks!

Re: Thank you note timeline

  • ClimbingBrideNYClimbingBrideNY NYC 'burbs
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
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    I always send thank you cards as soon as I can - usually at most three days after I've received the gift. 
    image
  • My policy is, send the note immediately.  That means within two days for a shower or other pre-wedding party gift and no later than immediately after the honeymoon for a wedding gift.  If a wedding gift is received prior to the wedding, send the note right away.

    Yes, technically you have a couple of months, but why put it off, right?  

    As far as checks, cash them right away - people hate having checks floating out there.  Just don't use the money until after the wedding.  And send the thank you right away so that they don't get a thank you note a month after the check is cashed.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    doeydoaurorajanettemelbelleup
  • My policy is, send the note immediately.  That means within two days for a shower or other pre-wedding party gift and no later than immediately after the honeymoon for a wedding gift.  If a wedding gift is received prior to the wedding, send the note right away.

    Yes, technically you have a couple of months, but why put it off, right?  

    As far as checks, cash them right away - people hate having checks floating out there.  Just don't use the money until after the wedding.  And send the thank you right away so that they don't get a thank you note a month after the check is cashed.
    Great point. Thanks! 

    And I agree with you both about sending them out right away, if possible.  I was curious because we're going on our honeymoon 12 days after the wedding and we'll be gone for 2 weeks.  I'll get as many done in those 12 days as I can (wouldn't it be awesome if I could finish them all).  What about thank you notes written on the plane? Should I send them from the HM (it's Hawaii so we're not going to be out of the country) or wait until we get back?
  • JustNicki said:
    My policy is, send the note immediately.  That means within two days for a shower or other pre-wedding party gift and no later than immediately after the honeymoon for a wedding gift.  If a wedding gift is received prior to the wedding, send the note right away.

    Yes, technically you have a couple of months, but why put it off, right?  

    As far as checks, cash them right away - people hate having checks floating out there.  Just don't use the money until after the wedding.  And send the thank you right away so that they don't get a thank you note a month after the check is cashed.
    Great point. Thanks! 

    And I agree with you both about sending them out right away, if possible.  I was curious because we're going on our honeymoon 12 days after the wedding and we'll be gone for 2 weeks.  I'll get as many done in those 12 days as I can (wouldn't it be awesome if I could finish them all).  What about thank you notes written on the plane? Should I send them from the HM (it's Hawaii so we're not going to be out of the country) or wait until we get back?
    You should definitely be able to get them done in 12 days.  Your new husband can certainly help.  Idk how many guests you have, but we have a list of a little over 100 and I have no doubt we can complete all of the notes within a few days sitting in front of the tv in the evening.  :)

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • JustNicki said:
    I have searched the boards but couldn't find a comprehensive guideline on when to send thank you notes.  Here is my basic understanding of when to send thank you notes based on when gift was given and for what wedding event.  Please let me know if I've got something wrong because not following proper etiquette on this one would really embarrass me.

    1.  Shower gifts: send ASAP, before the wedding date

    2.  Bachelorette/bachelor party: send a thank you note (and get a gift?) for whomever hosted the party.  If people bring gifts, send a thank you note ASAP.  What if it's a gag gift? 
    I would write one. It will be a cute thank you card.

    3.  Wedding gifts that come before the date: send as you receive, but don't use the gift until after the wedding  (what about gifts that are shipped from a registry that come only a couple of days before the wedding? If you get it before your wedding, all the more to write ASAP, because of the volume after the wedding. It would be ok to send after the wedding.do those fall into the post-wedding thank you note category?)

    4.  Gifts received at the reception/shipped to your home on the wedding day: send within two months? This is the one I'm not so sure on.  I'd rather send them sooner than later Send TY as soon as you can

    5.  Cash gifts in the form of checks: If it comes before the wedding, send a thank you note when you receive it and wait to cash it until a couple days after you sent the note.  If it comes on the wedding day, it still falls in the 2 month deadline but still wait to cash it until after you've sent the note (so it doesn't look like you just cashed it and aren't going to send a thank you note). I would wait until at least 1 week after wedding to cash (cash them all at the same time), and make sure you get a card out ASAP. 

    Do I have it right? Did I miss anything?  Thanks!
    I would write all TY cards ASAP, but you could send them out in bulk like a 1 week or 2 weeks after the wedding. 
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • JustNicki said:
    My policy is, send the note immediately.  That means within two days for a shower or other pre-wedding party gift and no later than immediately after the honeymoon for a wedding gift.  If a wedding gift is received prior to the wedding, send the note right away.

    Yes, technically you have a couple of months, but why put it off, right?  

    As far as checks, cash them right away - people hate having checks floating out there.  Just don't use the money until after the wedding.  And send the thank you right away so that they don't get a thank you note a month after the check is cashed.
    Great point. Thanks! 

    And I agree with you both about sending them out right away, if possible.  I was curious because we're going on our honeymoon 12 days after the wedding and we'll be gone for 2 weeks.  I'll get as many done in those 12 days as I can (wouldn't it be awesome if I could finish them all).  What about thank you notes written on the plane? Should I send them from the HM (it's Hawaii so we're not going to be out of the country) or wait until we get back?
    I've also got some time between wedding and honeymoon (about a week) and I plan on writing & sending as many thank you notes as possible before we go. 
  • Grabows14 said:
    JustNicki said:


    5.  Cash gifts in the form of checks: If it comes before the wedding, send a thank you note when you receive it and wait to cash it until a couple days after you sent the note.  If it comes on the wedding day, it still falls in the 2 month deadline but still wait to cash it until after you've sent the note (so it doesn't look like you just cashed it and aren't going to send a thank you note). I would wait until at least 1 week after wedding to cash (cash them all at the same time), and make sure you get a card out ASAP. 


    I disagree with the bolded - cash the checks as soon as humanly possible.  Holding them is rude and an annoyance to the gift-givers.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    melbelleupSTARMOON44
  • We waited a week before we left for our honeymoon and I was able to get 99% of our tys done before we left and it felt great! I would definitely recommend trying to.

    image
  • I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on thank you notes with a wedding picture on them.  If a couple were to want these, they would have to wait for their photographer to send pictures back, choose one, order the stationary, and wait to receive them before they could send thank yous.  Because of the length of time they would take (presumably at least 2-3 months depending on the photographer and stationary maker), does that make it against etiquette or a bad idea?
    image
  • I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on thank you notes with a wedding picture on them.  If a couple were to want these, they would have to wait for their photographer to send pictures back, choose one, order the stationary, and wait to receive them before they could send thank yous.  Because of the length of time they would take (presumably at least 2-3 months depending on the photographer and stationary maker), does that make it against etiquette or a bad idea?
    I say skip it.  It's 100% not worth the wait.  If you know certain people will want photos, give them when you get them.  2-3 months, imo, is just way too long to send a thank you note.  By then, I am already annoyed that you didn't send one.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PandPMeant2BmelbelleupKeptInStitches
  • I say skip it.  It's 100% not worth the wait.  If you know certain people will want photos, give them when you get them.  2-3 months, imo, is just way too long to send a thank you note.  By then, I am already annoyed that you didn't send one.
    I forgot "loves" were anonymous here.  That was me. 
    image
    grumbledore
  • I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on thank you notes with a wedding picture on them.  If a couple were to want these, they would have to wait for their photographer to send pictures back, choose one, order the stationary, and wait to receive them before they could send thank yous.  Because of the length of time they would take (presumably at least 2-3 months depending on the photographer and stationary maker), does that make it against etiquette or a bad idea?
    I say skip it.  It's 100% not worth the wait.  If you know certain people will want photos, give them when you get them.  2-3 months, imo, is just way too long to send a thank you note.  By then, I am already annoyed that you didn't send one.
    Agreed.  If you really wanted to have a wedding pic on the stationery, you could always get a friend or relative to take a nice picture at the wedding and then use that on a website like vistaprint to order thank you notes.

    We're inviting 187 households (about 300 guests), but I doubt they'll all turn up or that everyone will bring a gift.  So that's about 15 thank you notes a day for 12 days.  Definitely doable.  If FI helps, that's only 8 a day for each of us. I'll have to have FI take a remedial handwriting course though haha.
  • I really dislike the picture TY card trend. Of a couple really cannot envision their thank you cards without their faces in them, then they should have the foresight to negotiate with and put in the contract that the photographer will get a proof of that one picture to the couple within a week. Then the couple can order their cards ASAP and hopefully get then out within 3 wks. Or even have a friend take the picture and use that. But I think or is totally unnecessary. Holiday cards are great ways of getting a picture of the couple to their guests if they must.

    image
    grumbledore
  • lwoehlk said:
    I really dislike the picture TY card trend. Of a couple really cannot envision their thank you cards without their faces in them, then they should have the foresight to negotiate with and put in the contract that the photographer will get a proof of that one picture to the couple within a week. Then the couple can order their cards ASAP and hopefully get then out within 3 wks. Or even have a friend take the picture and use that. But I think or is totally unnecessary. Holiday cards are great ways of getting a picture of the couple to their guests if they must.

    I think your holiday card idea is great. I also hate the trend, and received a magnet with a TY a few years ago (cute for STDs but not necessary for TYs). We've also received a few photo TYs, but without anything hand written! They're the xmas card type with a photo, a generic printed thank you message, and the couple's names.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Odd one out here, I personally like the TY card with photo of the B&G. But, I would still expect a hand written note, not a generic print message. I wouldn't mind waiting a short amount of time to receive one. 

    I like them because I like photos in general, and though I will take photos with my own camera at a wedding, would love a professional quality photo that I can keep. I also keep all thank you notes (I've only gotten thank you notes from a wedding) in an album because I'm sentimental like that, so I would love to have a photo + TY as a "keepsake"- more valuable to me than a favour, as either the favour is a cheesy knicknack, or it is food, which is awesome, but I eat food, and then no more favour ;)
  • I was able to do a photo thank you, it was a group shot of everyone at the wedding.  I had it done and thank you cards out within a 30 days of the wedding.  It can be done but you just have to put some thought into planning. 
  • I always send thank-you's within two days of receiving a gift.  The only exception was our wedding thank-yous...it cost me dearly but our photographer was able to print a wedding photo thank you card within one week.  So my wedding thank you cards went out one week after the wedding.  But for anything other event, 2-3 days is appropriate. 
  • I don't dislike photo thank you notes but I find the excuse that a thank you note can't go out until the photos are back to be beyond pathetic and narcissistic.
    Thenimage Nowimage
    loca4pook
  • Schatzi13 said:

    For all gifts, thank yous should go out as soon as possible. If you have a shower and it's just for you, I imagine that you ought to do all of those yourself. For our wedding gifts, which were for both of us, H and I split the TYs so that he wrote to "his" guests (i.e., people he knew first) and I wrote to "mine." We both signed the notes.It worked out well and cut down on squabbling about whose responsibility a note was. (We use this system for joint Christmas gifts now, too.) Gifts should not be used before the wedding.


    Checks should also be deposited ASAP so that the giver can balance his/her checkbook. (Note: if you get any checks written to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," you'll need to check with your bank(s) on how to deal with those, as different banks have different policies.) Do not spend the money until after the wedding.


    I think that the photo TYs are a cute idea, but I'd only do it if I could have the cards in hand to crank out within a week or two. We used some nice, generic TY cards that we picked up at Target. People were just as thanked.
    I was wondering about that. I wasn't sure if just the person who wrote the thank you signs it or if both do. The more I think about it, the more I realize I will probably end up writing all of them unless it was a gift directly for FI. Not only is his writing almost illegible, but he also cannot construct a thank you note to save his life. He always asks me for help with wording.
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