How to appropriately respond to questions/comments about our registry?

Meredith&David

Two questions questions for the experts here:

My mom has reported to me that several of her friends have commented that "we need more expensive things" on our registry.  While we certainly appreciate the generosity, our registry is not particularly extensive, but we chose some nice things that we intend to actually use, and I'm not sure how to respond. (Not that it really matters, but we do have multiple items over $100 on there that have not been purchased like pots and pans and bedding, so I'm not even sure what they mean!)

I've also had a few people ask if we would prefer them to pick some things off the registry or just give a gift card to the store.  Honestly, it makes no difference either way to me, but what is a nice way to answer that question?  

My fiance and I are in our 30s and have lived together for a while, so we are very grateful to our friends and family for any contribution they make, but we definitely don't have major needs for gifts.  When I receive these questions, I want to make sure that I show our gratitude without making it sounds like we don't care at all.  Does that make sense?  Thanks for your thoughts!

doeydo

Meredith&David said:

Two questions questions for the experts here:

My mom has reported to me that several of her friends have commented that "we need more expensive things" on our registry.  While we certainly appreciate the generosity, our registry is not particularly extensive, but we chose some nice things that we intend to actually use, and I'm not sure how to respond. (Not that it really matters, but we do have multiple items over $100 on there that have not been purchased like pots and pans and bedding, so I'm not even sure what they mean!)  As long as you have a few things in every price range, the registry should be fine.

I've also had a few people ask if we would prefer them to pick some things off the registry or just give a gift card to the store.  Honestly, it makes no difference either way to me, but what is a nice way to answer that question?  "A gift isn't necessary, but if you want to give us one, choose whichever one you want to give/whatever is easiest for you."  

My fiance and I are in our 30s and have lived together for a while, so we are very grateful to our friends and family for any contribution they make, but we definitely don't have major needs for gifts.  When I receive these questions, I want to make sure that I show our gratitude without making it sounds like we don't care at all.  Does that make sense?  Yes.  Thanks for your thoughts!

manateehugger

If you don't need or want anything else, don't feel pressured to add more to your registry. If you have a decent price range, you're fine. Maybe walk around your house and make a list of things that could use an upgrade if you haven't already, but don't feel pressured. 

Otherwise, follow doeydo's advice. If people are stuck on a monetary range they'd like to give, they can write you a check. It's not your responsibility to read a number in their minds, KWIM?

Blue_Bird

Where do these people come from, honestly? I would not respond at all, especially sionce this is secondhand information. If they want to spend more money, they can buy several items from the registry, buy off the registry, or give a check or gift card. You don't need to change anything.

I second doeydo's advice about people asking what you prefer.

hoffse

I wouldn't worry about the first one - they might be looking for more "traditional" gifts (china, crystal, etc.) but if you know you're never going to want it, then don't worry about it.

As for the second, I would tell them gift cards.  I know, I know - bad manners to tell people what to get you.  But I had a couple close friends ask, and so I answered honestly.  These are friends who we speak with pretty freely - we exchange financial tips, etc.  They knew that for us, cash was to be saved and gift cards were to be spent.  They didn't want to contribute to our savings; they wanted us to end up with something to remember them by after the wedding.   So the gift cards let us have a fun shopping spree with our completion discounts after the dust had settled, and H and I do think of those friends whenever we use those items.  Frankly we made that gift money go further than they could (since we used our discounts on top of other sales).

But if you're not comfortable with that, of if you really don't care, then tell them whatever they want is fine.  They probably do want an actual answer, though, since they're asking you in the first place.  It's sort of like when I ask my girlfriends where they want to go for lunch - when all 4 of them say "I don't care" it gets frustrating.  

courtneythesquid

I find it interesting that there are still unpurchased high-priced gifts on your registry, I suspect this is about more than just the price point.  I found that a lot of people liked to give gifts that fall into the "things you will treasure forever" category.  I received all of the servingware we registered for, for example.  I think people like to know that you will be using their turkey platter and thinking fondly of them for the next 50 years.  The nice vacuum cleaner, or towels or something (that are beautiful but might need replacing 5-10 years down the road)?  Less popular... at least on my registry!

huskypuppy14

I don't like giving bedding as a gift, I find it a little weird. Particularly if it's a random cousin or someone like that. But the pots and pans I would gladly buy. Like other posters said, maybe they are looking to buy china or something. Don't put extra stuff on your registry if you don't want it, that makes no sense!

photokitty

I refuse to give towels...i don't want people thinking of me when they are drying off after a shower. I prefer to give china so people thibk fondly of me while they eat.