Snarky Brides

Copy-cat

So I suppose this is pretty much a venting situation, but I am also extremely curious to see if this has happened to anyone else and how they handled it.

Just after FI and I announced our engagement, I had a young friend begin to post some very questionable statements on good ol' Facebook.  My FI and I are relatively young (under 25), so I do appreciate being young and desperately wanting to be married to the person you love. But every other day my friend will say something along the lines of "EVERYONE is getting engaged, it makes me wonder when it'll happen for me!!" (the morning after our engagement) and "Just found the place I'm going to use as my wedding venue!!".  She has a boyfriend, and like I said, I understand that girls tend to dream, but now that she's posting it all over social media it's getting kind of silly.  I haven't put any details out on the web because I don't want to be THAT bride. As her friend I want to warn her that she may be making her boyfriend uncomfortable by all the public complaining (especially since she's says that they decided to not get married until they were both out of school a few years from now), but I know it could come across the wrong way when its coming from someone recently engaged. 

It makes me so uncomfortable to sign on and see these things every day, before my FI proposed she was very encouraging, but now it's like dealing with a whining child. I won't ever say anything, because the last thing I want is to hurt feelings, but I can't get over the immaturity. 
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Re: Copy-cat

  • I don't really see this as a copy-cat situation. When I saw that title, I was expecting you to be venting that a friend was copying your colours/venue idea/theme/whatever.

    I do see this as a jealousy/immaturity thing, though. And you're also right -- if you tell her, she's going to turn a deaf ear because she'll think you're being a Debbie Downer or whatever. 

    I would honestly suggest just hiding her from social media (FB is fabulous about hiding people's posts!), and not talking wedding with her. Either she'll get over it and stop, or her BF will get sick of it and break up with her (or sick of it and propose, I suppose).

    There's really no good way to deal with the situation, I'm afraid. 

    BTW: I'm 32. DH and I met when I was 30, got engaged when I was 31, and got married last weekend, and believe me, I heard NO END of it from people about "When are you going to get married? You're getting up there!" (My family is Greek). 
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Oh I'm sorry, poor title choice! Honestly I would care less if she was engaged and just copying my wedding, it's just the immaturity slays me. I don't talk wedding with anyone except for my coordinator, mother, FI and his mother. I'm not going to bore anyone with my colors or cake flavors! I've learned from you ladies on here how to "bean dip" someone, and it's what I do when someone asks for details. 

    I will definitely have to remove her profile from showing up, I just hate watching her do this to herself. 

    And good gravy, since when is 30 "getting up there"? I always thought 30 was still young!
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  • BTW: I'm 32. DH and I met when I was 30, got engaged when I was 31, and got married last weekend, and believe me, I heard NO END of it from people about "When are you going to get married? You're getting up there!" (My family is Greek). 
    That is kind of horrible. People are living a lot longer than they did back in the day. I understand many years ago why you had to get married young and start popping out babies but seriously...I don't understand why people think saying this kind of stuff is okay. 

    I'm dreading the baby questions for FI & myself.....

    Rebl90 - i hope your friend doesn't do anymore of this and stops embarrassing herself. She's only making herself look bad. 

    On a different note - happy wedding planning ^_^ 
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  • I have a friend who does this too... only with babies!!! She posts things about what kind of nursery she will have, what she will name the baby, etc... and she's not even in a relationship.
  • She sounds extremely immature. I was friendly with a girl like that. She used to be a neighbor. She's 26 years old and would complain all the time about how all her friends were married (not true) and how OLD she was getting. I'm 33 and I'm not old, so how are you SO OLD at 26? STFU. She was constantly badgering her boyfriend to propose. She picked out engagement rings and emailed them to him. And then he broke up with her. Can't say I blame him. 
  • I think people who do stuff like this just make themselves look stupid and desperate. 
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  • I admit to planning my imaginary wedding on Pinterest before it was happening...so I can't really say I'm any better than your friend, though Facebook is a little more public. I would say hide her posts if they annoy you and just be a supportive friend if she comes to you!
  • I had "Friends" unfriende when I announced my engagement. I had people tell me that I can't have a big wedding because I will be over 30 and my younger sister was married before me. I try to keep wedding stuff off my FB because so many aren't invited and I hate seeing others post about their weddings constantly.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    katieg520 said:
    I have a friend who does this too... only with babies!!! She posts things about what kind of nursery she will have, what she will name the baby, etc... and she's not even in a relationship.
    Babies are a whole new level...wow!

    Edited: Grammar fail.
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  • Girl I work with started doing the same thing right around the time I and then another gal we work with got engaged. She kept posting pictures of rings, and how she'd do it etc. Her boyfriend broke up with her shortly there after :-( If she is your friend, you don't want to flat out be like "Hey you may be creeping your BF out" but to prevent your friend some potential heart ache you may want to just start a conversation about one of the ideas she had that you liked and let the conversation flow from there. At some point you could in passing ask what her BF thinks of all her ideas. The fact is she may not realize how much pressure she's putting on him. 
  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    Honestly, I can say I used to be there. Not posting like crazy, but at the time by then boyfriend and I were about to be together for 5 years and living together for two years. All of the girls my age were getting engaged, and while I was extremely happy for them, I felt a twinge of jealousy too. I felt so bad for feeling that way, because I  wanted to enter the next stage of the relationship. However, I knew my now Fiance would propose when he felt it was the right time. We had talked about it a few times and even went to look at rings together once, but it had to be HIS choice ultimately as to when it was going to happen. I get lucky about not having to see people posting all of that on FB or anything, but then again it's because they're all either married or have kids. 

    Edit: Clarification
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  • I had "Friends" unfriende when I announced my engagement. I had people tell me that I can't have a big wedding because I will be over 30 and my younger sister was married before me. I try to keep wedding stuff off my FB because so many aren't invited and I hate seeing others post about their weddings constantly.
    Wait..wtf?! You can't have a big wedding because your younger sister got married, first? Wow....I know sometimes the older siblings get teased when a younger sibling does something first but to say that you can't....I'm just kind of mind blown. I really have never heard of this....
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  • CLI242009 said:



    I had "Friends" unfriende when I announced my engagement. I had people tell me that I can't have a big wedding because I will be over 30 and my younger sister was married before me. I try to keep wedding stuff off my FB because so many aren't invited and I hate seeing others post about their weddings constantly.

    Wait..wtf?! You can't have a big wedding because your younger sister got married, first? Wow....I know sometimes the older siblings get teased when a younger sibling does something first but to say that you can't....I'm just kind of mind blown. I really have never heard of this....

    Yeah, I will end up with the largest wedding of all my siblings too! One of my sister's friends had posted pictures of her brother's wedding, which was just like hers, small at the courthouse with a reception at their mom's house in the garage. I commented a "congrats" to the couple and my sister's friend replied something about how her brother, though younger, knew how to have the wedding without outshining his sister.

    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    I had "Friends" unfriende when I announced my engagement. I had people tell me that I can't have a big wedding because I will be over 30 and my younger sister was married before me. I try to keep wedding stuff off my FB because so many aren't invited and I hate seeing others post about their weddings constantly.
    Wait..wtf?! You can't have a big wedding because your younger sister got married, first? Wow....I know sometimes the older siblings get teased when a younger sibling does something first but to say that you can't....I'm just kind of mind blown. I really have never heard of this....
    Yeah, I will end up with the largest wedding of all my siblings too! One of my sister's friends had posted pictures of her brother's wedding, which was just like hers, small at the courthouse with a reception at their mom's house in the garage. I commented a "congrats" to the couple and my sister's friend replied something about how her brother, though younger, knew how to have the wedding without outshining his sister.
    I don't think that comment from her was necessary....but that could just be me. Wow..biggest out of all siblings ^_^ you must of been the one everyone liked!

    If you don't mind me asking, the people who unfriended you, they weren't any of your siblings? I mean this whole can't have a bigger wedding, it's not family right? >.> Although I wouldn't be surprised if it's like grammy or an older aunt. No offense but from what I've read on here it's the elder generations who usually make these weird comments about Dos and Donts when they don't make any sense!!

    I say if it isn't bothering your siblings, younger or older, I would ignore all the other comments. =)
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  • I don't really see this as a copy-cat situation. When I saw that title, I was expecting you to be venting that a friend was copying your colours/venue idea/theme/whatever.

    I do see this as a jealousy/immaturity thing, though. And you're also right -- if you tell her, she's going to turn a deaf ear because she'll think you're being a Debbie Downer or whatever. 

    I would honestly suggest just hiding her from social media (FB is fabulous about hiding people's posts!), and not talking wedding with her. Either she'll get over it and stop, or her BF will get sick of it and break up with her (or sick of it and propose, I suppose).

    There's really no good way to deal with the situation, I'm afraid. 

    BTW: I'm 32. DH and I met when I was 30, got engaged when I was 31, and got married last weekend, and believe me, I heard NO END of it from people about "When are you going to get married? You're getting up there!" (My family is Greek). 

    all I can picture right now is Toula's dad in my big fat greek wedding... "you so old, when you gonna get marry?" I hope you married xeno just to stick it to them ;)
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  • CLI242009 said:



    CLI242009 said:



    I had "Friends" unfriende when I announced my engagement. I had people tell me that I can't have a big wedding because I will be over 30 and my younger sister was married before me. I try to keep wedding stuff off my FB because so many aren't invited and I hate seeing others post about their weddings constantly.

    Wait..wtf?! You can't have a big wedding because your younger sister got married, first? Wow....I know sometimes the older siblings get teased when a younger sibling does something first but to say that you can't....I'm just kind of mind blown. I really have never heard of this....
    Yeah, I will end up with the largest wedding of all my siblings too! One of my sister's friends had posted pictures of her brother's wedding, which was just like hers, small at the courthouse with a reception at their mom's house in the garage. I commented a "congrats" to the couple and my sister's friend replied something about how her brother, though younger, knew how to have the wedding without outshining his sister.


    I don't think that comment from her was necessary....but that could just be me. Wow..biggest out of all siblings ^_^ you must of been the one everyone liked!

    If you don't mind me asking, the people who unfriended you, they weren't any of your siblings? I mean this whole can't have a bigger wedding, it's not family right? >.> Although I wouldn't be surprised if it's like grammy or an older aunt. No offense but from what I've read on here it's the elder generations who usually make these weird comments about Dos and Donts when they don't make any sense!!

    I say if it isn't bothering your siblings, younger or older, I would ignore all the other comments. =)


    The people who unfriended me were friends of mine from HS. They told mutual friends they couldn't believe I was getting married before them. Most of my family(Grandma, aunts, cousins) had unfriended me a few years ago, before FH and I were engaged.

    I wish it was because of me that my wedding will be huge but FH has very large family (my entire guest list is as large as his family list) and he was in a fraternity in college. I just keep fearing my guests won't come and the entire guests present are FH's.

    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • I had "Friends" unfriende when I announced my engagement. I had people tell me that I can't have a big wedding because I will be over 30 and my younger sister was married before me. I try to keep wedding stuff off my FB because so many aren't invited and I hate seeing others post about their weddings constantly.
    Wait..wtf?! You can't have a big wedding because your younger sister got married, first? Wow....I know sometimes the older siblings get teased when a younger sibling does something first but to say that you can't....I'm just kind of mind blown. I really have never heard of this....
    Yeah, I will end up with the largest wedding of all my siblings too! One of my sister's friends had posted pictures of her brother's wedding, which was just like hers, small at the courthouse with a reception at their mom's house in the garage. I commented a "congrats" to the couple and my sister's friend replied something about how her brother, though younger, knew how to have the wedding without outshining his sister.
    I don't think that comment from her was necessary....but that could just be me. Wow..biggest out of all siblings ^_^ you must of been the one everyone liked!

    If you don't mind me asking, the people who unfriended you, they weren't any of your siblings? I mean this whole can't have a bigger wedding, it's not family right? >.> Although I wouldn't be surprised if it's like grammy or an older aunt. No offense but from what I've read on here it's the elder generations who usually make these weird comments about Dos and Donts when they don't make any sense!!

    I say if it isn't bothering your siblings, younger or older, I would ignore all the other comments. =)
    The people who unfriended me were friends of mine from HS. They told mutual friends they couldn't believe I was getting married before them. Most of my family(Grandma, aunts, cousins) had unfriended me a few years ago, before FH and I were engaged. I wish it was because of me that my wedding will be huge but FH has very large family (my entire guest list is as large as his family list) and he was in a fraternity in college. I just keep fearing my guests won't come and the entire guests present are FH's.
    That is my fear as well. My entire part of the guest list is OOT guests (CA & HI), we are in NY where he is from and where I moved to be with him. All his family is local, the furthest relative is his uncle in FL! So majority of his guest list is going to showing up. 

    As for your friends from HS....the whole " couldn't beliee you're getting married before them" Jealous much? I will never understand these kind of women. I understand jealousy. I understand envy. I even understand not wanting to be in your friend's company because they are so happy and in love with their SO, but I will never understand the HATE that goes with it for some people. 

    I am sorry about all of this. I hope you have at least an awesome relationship with your future in laws? I am not close with my family at all, FI's family is AWESOME to me. So yeah it saddens me that my family might not either be there OR they might not treat me the way I wish to be treated but FI's family is there for me. So I try to be happy with that info  =) 

    Good luck!!!!! 
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  • I wouldn't say anything, she's clearly doing that because she's jealous and wants to be engaged, and is too immature to just deal with the fact she isn't engaged.  If you give her any advice it'll just maker her mad and make her act more immature- her being jealous of you is only going to make any advice you give her sound condescending in her mind.  
    And honestly, I wouldn't worry about her relationship either.  If it works for her it works, if it doesn't it doesn't.  If she's really as immature as she sounds, and that immaturity ends up annoying him and pushing him away, then it would be better that they break up before he buys a ring.  I'm not saying they necessarily will break up, or that her boyfriend would even have an issue with any of this, I'm just saying that if this is an issue and does bother him, it's better to just let it run its course, because her getting engaged would not be the end of her immature behavior.  It sounds like this girl does a lot of comparing herself to others and attention seeking so as soon as she had the ring she would be bound to find something else to be annoying about and the problems would just persist.
    Definitely hide her posts on Facebook, and don't feel obligated to give her relationship advice, let her figure it out on her own. (Besides, referring to what I said earlier about her sounding jealous of your engagement- if you gave her relationship advice, she'd be PISSED.)
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