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Just a Question...

christy29322christy29322 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I've been lurking for awhile & this has been bugging me...years ago (back in the dark ages of the late 70's) when my sis was planning her wedding I seem to remember all of her bridal magazines had charts listing the "duties" of the wedding party - things that were supposed to be the responsibility of the best man, MOH, etc. 
Today I'm reading that the wedding party doesn't have to do anything except buy the outfit & show up.
Did this change over the last 20-30 years or am I crazy and just imagining those charts & lists?
It doesn't matter to me personally, because it never came up in my first wedding or this one, but I was just wondering...
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Re: Just a Question...

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    christy29322christy29322 member
    First Comment

    Thanks everybody! It's good to know I'm not crazy... I'm not good at asking people to do things for me anyway, and since I'm only having my daughter & FSIL I doubt it would do me much good to demand things!

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Funny thing:  I WAS married in 1978, and back then WPs did not have duties AT ALL.  I was in several weddings, and was never once asked to  do wedding "chores":  making favors, addressing invitations, stuffing envelopes, going venue shopping, going to tastings, planning or throwing showers. 

    I didn't ask anyone in my WP to do any of those things for me, either.  Not a single member of my WP were at any showers. And I didn't attend any showers for the brides in which I was a member of the WP.  We didn't have b-parties in those days, so that wasn't an issue either.

    We quite literally did just wear the dress on wedding day, walk down the aisle, smile in the pictures, and then have fun at the reception.  We had no expectations and did not expect our friends to be servants for the months leading up to the wedding.

    There are some things that people are much smarter about now (WPs are not about symmetry or gender) but to be honest, there were things that were just easier and not such a big freakin' productcion thirty years ago.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    My parents were married in the 70's and their wedding literally consisted of my mom & dad, plus their siblings and parents who watched them get married in my mother's parent's home. Then they all went out to dinner to celebrate (their "reception"). So for them, it was very simple. And very different than how my wedding is turning out - bigger guest list, having it at a venue, people threw me a shower & my friends are doing a bachelorette next wknd.
    My parents are but one example but I really do think from their story and other people's stories who were married in the 60's or 70's that things seem to have gotten more involved and extravagant as time progressed. Today the wedding industry is huge. And it's a for-profit industry, of course, so it's in it's own best interest to promote duties and push parties (where people buy things like favors and supplies for the bride's "last night out" festivities). Of course there are plenty of brides today who are trying to keep things simple and don't plan to spend thousands of dollars on their wedding - just as there are plenty of girls who want (or expect) the whole shebang - engagement parties, showers, bach night out, day after brunch, etc etc etc....it ALL adds up and it's nice if you want it and someone does those things for you but to expect or demand is where people get into trouble.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
    First Comment
    My WP would feel left out if I didn't include them - same with my FMIL and mom.  My sister is extremely busy- but wants to be included- I run my ideas past her but don't have her do any of the busy work.

    No one in my family or immediate circle of friends have any responsibilities.. but I know if I didn't include them- they would feel left out.

    If my friends were moms (or anything else that would be extremely time consuming) -  I know they would feel the exact opposite and be upset if I had them do too much.

    So it all depends on your immediate circumstances.  It is about balance and considering what they want.  Also- it doesn't hurt to ask- as long as you ask appropriately (ie. make them feel they actually have the choice to accept or turn you down).
    Planning Bio imageimage
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I see absolutely nothing wrong with a bride asking her wedding party for help.  The trick is in being gracious at all times: asking nicely, being appreciative when they say yes, being understanding when they say no, and not overwhelming them.  People are much more willing to pitch in when it feels like their idea and not a mandate.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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