Bridesmaid Who "Can't" Attend

silverbeltgirl · May 2010

Deleted. Thanks for the suggestions.

Ashly018 · May 2010

I am a huge respect person, and facebook is not the way to have told you she couldn't be in your wedding. If she was just being invited to the wedding and couldn't attend, then maybe, but as a bridesmaid.... No.

If I was in your position, I think I would wait to see what happens, if she calls or stops by, then you can spend sometime talking with her, if she doesn't then you know more or less where you stand in her with her.

shoegal715 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-cant-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:92b32c26-e0e4-4053-8239-89740cf3002bPost:5444112b-7a70-446d-876e-9551f5e3835e">Re: Bridesmaid Who "Can't" Attend</a>:
[QUOTE]I a<strong>m a huge respect person, and facebook is not the way to have told you she couldn't be in your wedding.</strong> If she was just being invited to the wedding and couldn't attend, then maybe, but as a bridesmaid.... No. If I was in your position, I think I would wait to see what happens, if she calls or stops by, then you can spend sometime talking with her, if she doesn't then you know more or less where you stand in her with her.
Posted by Ashly018[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>YEP! I agree with all of this.

</div>

silverbeltgirl · May 2010

so I just received a facebook message from her asking if I wanted to meet up at a local restaurant sometime this week. (funny how I didn't know when she was coming - as I am now out of town until thursday). I messaged back and said I was out of town and asked how long she was around for... what happened to the phone?

TwinsRib · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-cant-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:92b32c26-e0e4-4053-8239-89740cf3002bPost:088360e2-d9fd-4309-a600-a9a65edf3b30">Re: Bridesmaid Who "Can't" Attend</a>:
[QUOTE]so I just received a facebook message from her asking if I wanted to meet up at a local restaurant sometime this week. (funny how I didn't know when she was coming - as I am now out of town until thursday). I messaged back and said I was out of town and asked how long she was around for... <strong>what happened to the phone?
</strong>Posted by silverbeltgirl[/QUOTE]

That's what I was just thinking... seems people are getting more and more impersonal with their forms of communication...

[Deleted User] · May 2010

That is so rude. Sometimes wedding planning shows us who our true friends are. And I do hate how people don't like meeting in person anymore and only call, text, or FB and MS. Everytime I hear about something like this happening through FB or MS, it makes me happy that I don't have one.

hannahrh · May 2010

I had a BM who sent me a long nasty-gram (email) spelling out how my wedding couldn't accommodate her schedule and continued to blame me for her not being able to attend. When I received the email I called immediately, and sure enough, her phone went right to VM. Coward...

skippylouwho · May 2010

When you asked what happened to the phone - instead of asking that question ( and responding to her via Facebook) why didn't you pick up the phone and call her? Phones work both ways.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

My primary means of communication with my family is via Facebook. Since my sister's accident she has problems being understood over the phone, so we've all pretty much defaulted to written communication (Facebook, email, and texting). It's not that strange. I'm sure 50 years ago there were brides complaining that they heard that their bridesmaid couldn't attend over the phone, and what ever happened to just coming over to the house? My will-she-or-won't-she-come woes with my MOH (she had a lot of personal drama go down right before the wedding) were all hashed out via instant messenger.

DH's oldest brother couldn't attend the wedding because he couldn't afford it. Several people offered to help cover his expenses, but he said he had the money saved up. Then, when it came time to travel, oops! He didn't. I felt terrible for DH and we all think he's kind of a douche for it, but it wasn't that big a deal. He ended up finally getting a job shortly before the wedding and didn't have the time off anyway. He was still listed as a groomsman in the program and still got his gift, and he and DH are on reasonably good terms..

If you want to stay friends, be the bigger person. If you want to end things, just ignore her. But I don't think she was totally heartless to tell you via Facebook message. Welcome to the future.

saisongbird · May 2010

How far away does she live? I think what bothers me the most is that she can afford to come to town now but not for the wedding? When is your wedding and how far away IS she?

lindsayclark2012 · May 2010

Facebook is NOT the way to go about anything like that. As stated before by other people, I agree that if she was just an invite rather than a participant then there may be other guidelines for that, but dear LORD being too much of a coward to not call you and explain it? Why did it become so inconvenient for her to begin with? Oh that just makes me mad!

felicia220 · May 2010

Reason 42 of why I hate facebook. I would probably just ignore her, but then again I write people off way too easily, so I am not really being helpful.

L-Bride · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-cant-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:92b32c26-e0e4-4053-8239-89740cf3002bPost:5f110190-cb50-4792-8a42-a66f634c8ffc">Bridesmaid Who "Can't" Attend</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm wondering what everyone thinks about a situation I have with a not-any-more bridesmaid. I had asked this girl to be in my wedding 9 months ahead of time. She lives several states away and I don't get to see her often,<strong> but I have always enjoyed her company.</strong> Well, she told me about a month ago that she won't be able to attend my wedding as it wasn't convenient for her to travel during that time. What upset me the most, was that she told me she couldn't attend via facebook. I didn't even get a phone call. Now I hear (through the grapevine) that she will be back in the area very shortly. Is it selfish of me to expect a phone call and/or personal visit? I would like to stay friends with this girl, but it's hard to not be bitter about how she handled the situation with my wedding. I almost don't want to see her, but I have never really been the person to hold grudges. How would you handle this?
Posted by silverbeltgirl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No disrespect but the way you described the friendship "I have always enjoyed her company" doesn't seem like the correct qualifications to choose a BM. It seems more like she's an acquaintance to you? Maybe she didn't feel as close to you as you felt with her but regardless she shouldn't have contacted you about this through FB. </div><div>
</div>

Simply Fated · May 2010

I hope facebook doesn't become the new "phone call."

ImBrianFellow! · May 2010

That bird is a liar!

brit_bell90 · May 2010

That would annoy me so much, that she's coming to town now but can't make it in a few months? Wow, if she didn't want to commit and be in your wedding she should have turned you down right away. I would just write her off if I were you.

Facebook can be so tacky, I know someone who created a facebook event for her wedding. I can understand sending a message for someone via facebook to ask for their address; but a facebook event, no way! I later found out that she's now 3 months pregnant (and would have known when she started planning her shot gun wedding) the weird thing is, I did the math and the wedding should be right around the baby's due date. No way in hell am I going to that white trash wedding.

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-cant-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:92b32c26-e0e4-4053-8239-89740cf3002bPost:bf7d4f4d-ce4d-4165-8c64-373a29bbb3c0">Re: Bridesmaid Who "Can't" Attend</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid Who "Can't" Attend : No disrespect but the way you described the friendship "I have always enjoyed her company" doesn't seem like the correct qualifications to choose a BM. It seems more like she's an acquaintance to you? Maybe she didn't feel as close to you as you felt with her but regardless she shouldn't have contacted you about this through FB.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

I would have to agree. A true friend wouldn't miss the world for your wedding if she could help it

andy71781 · May 2010

I don't like her one bit. I wouldn't expect a phone call and would seriously consider un-friending her.

Theresa626 · May 2010

If someone did that to me, that person would no longer be my friend. That is incredibly rude and disrespectful.

californiadreamin07 · May 2010

Yeah, that just seems really tacky. That being said, I have a BM who won't answer emails, phone calls, texts, but spends hours uploading pics on FB. But I refuse to have communications about a wedding through FB, so maybe it's my fault

.

I've had guests send me FB messages, but they have all also called to follow up. I'm sorry she's being so inconsiderate.

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