bachelorette party - to have or not to have?

elyse.mike · March 2010

So my bridesmaids have been talking about throwing me a bachelorette party. Before I go any further, I have to say that I really appreciate their enthusiasm and the fact that they want to do it. And I’m being totally honest when I say that I don’t expect or really want a bachelorette party. Also, technically I wasn’t supposed to know but my MOH (my sister) came to me b/c she thought a lot of their ideas didn’t sound like “me”.

That said, a couple of them have it in their heads that I NEED a wild, crazy bachelorette party. They want me to go to NYC (most of my college friends are on the east coast) for a weekend of non-stop drinking, strip clubs, dance clubs and expensive dinners. First of all, it sounds terribly expensive and I would in no way feel comfortable with anyone funding any or all of it for me (which is what they’re suggesting they’ll do). Second, it’s truly not my style. Third, I don’t like that they’re insisting that I NEED a crazy party when I’ve expressed that’s really not what I want. One of them actually said I need a wild bach. Party b/c I’ve always been “married” (meaning in a relationship) so I need to have fun. It’s kind of like “oh thanks, I had no idea that I never had any fun before!” (didn’t say that to her)

The other part of this that I don’t like is that my MOH and 2 other BM’s could definitely not go for financial reasons. One is graduating college this spring, one is a mom with 2 kids, and one will be in her final year of school. SO . . the other 2 BM’s are NOW talking about having 2 bachelorette parties . . one locally where I live and one in NYC with our college friends. They don’t get it.

How do I tell them to tone it down and that I really, really don’t want a raging bachelorette party, let alone a raging party in NYC? It’s not that I don’t drink, I’ve just “grown out of” getting drunk every weekend. My ideal bachelorette party would be something pretty low-key and not nearly as expensive. I’m frustrated that the BM’s are divided over this issue and I’m ticked that my friends won’t listen and respect the fact that I don’t want a crazy party. I love their enthusiasm, but am I being demanding by saying I DON’T want to have a wild, expensive party? Who’s being disrespectful in this situation?

elyse.mike · March 2010

So my bridesmaids have been talking about throwing me a bachelorette party. Before I go any further, I have to say that I really appreciate their enthusiasm and the fact that they want to do it. And I’m being totally honest when I say that I don’t expect or really want a bachelorette party. Also, technically I wasn’t supposed to know but my MOH (my sister) came to me b/c she thought a lot of their ideas didn’t sound like “me”.

That said, a couple of them have it in their heads that I NEED a wild, crazy bachelorette party. They want me to go to NYC (most of my college friends are on the east coast) for a weekend of non-stop drinking, strip clubs, dance clubs and expensive dinners. First of all, it sounds terribly expensive and I would in no way feel comfortable with anyone funding any or all of it for me (which is what they’re suggesting they’ll do). Second, it’s truly not my style. Third, I don’t like that they’re insisting that I NEED a crazy party when I’ve expressed that’s really not what I want. One of them actually said I need a wild bach. Party b/c I’ve always been “married” (meaning in a relationship) so I need to have fun. It’s kind of like “oh thanks, I had no idea that I never had any fun before!” (didn’t say that to her)

The other part of this that I don’t like is that my MOH and 2 other BM’s could definitely not go for financial reasons. One is graduating college this spring, one is a mom with 2 kids, and one will be in her final year of school. SO . . the other 2 BM’s are NOW talking about having 2 bachelorette parties . . one locally where I live and one in NYC with our college friends. They don’t get it.

How do I tell them to tone it down and that I really, really don’t want a raging bachelorette party, let alone a raging party in NYC? It’s not that I don’t drink, I’ve just “grown out of” getting drunk every weekend. My ideal bachelorette party would be something pretty low-key and not nearly as expensive. I’m frustrated that the BM’s are divided over this issue and I’m ticked that my friends won’t listen and respect the fact that I don’t want a crazy party. I love their enthusiasm, but am I being demanding by saying I DON’T want to have a wild, expensive party? Who’s being disrespectful in this situation?

mbcdefg · March 2010

You sound a lot like me.

My sis/MOH and a mutual friend started saying how they wanted to throw me a bachelorette, and I politely said they didn't need to bother, and they gasped and said, "Oh, but you HAVE to have one!!!" They started talking about bar-hopping and other stuff I'm not into, so finally I just talked to my sister and said that I appreciated it but I'd much rather do something low-key. I suggested dinner and then some kind of show or a spa thing and she seemed receptive. My party is this Saturday, I've been told, and I don't know what'll happen.

I would just suggest talking to at least one of the girls (someone's who's a "leader" type) one-on-one, because if you've been talking to them in pairs or groups then you're getting shouted down. Explain that, while you love them and appreciate their generosity, you feel that something inexpensive and low-key will be better for everyone involved, because an expensive and elaborate party will be counter-productive if half the BMs can't go.

If they insist on something flashier, maybe strike a bargain and say that the "official" bachelorette should be something tame so that everyone can go, and you will go out with the party girls another night.

elyse.mike · March 2010

Thanks. That's really good advice. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't in the wrong for not wanting them to have a crazy party.

It's important to me that it's not super expensive for anyone b/c I know that none of my BM's have tons of extra income and I don't want them spending outside of their means on my account. Thanks again!

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Ditto mbcdefg. While it's nice they want to throw you a party, they need to respect your wishes. I'm not having one, but my FI did have a bachelor party. His friends were of the same mindset, sying he has to have a crazy night of drinking, strippers, etc. He told them no repeatedly (there would be no wedding if strippers were there, I don't find that acceptable at all) and they kept ignoring him.

Finally he said that if they hire a stripper or insist on going bar hopping he's getting a taxi and going home. They razzed him a bit, saying I had him on a short leash, and he basically let them have it, saying he wasn't going to be disrespected, or have them disrespect me. They got the message and went out last weekend for a low-key party at an arcade and everyone had a great time.

gottahavashorti · March 2010

Malphabet's advice is great as usual.

My sister let on that my bachelorette has been discussed a bit, although I don't know if they've actually done any planning. I told her "no way" on any inappropriate paraphanalia, but it sounds like they want it so I requested that there at least not be any for me. I'm generally not too into the crowded bar scene, dancing, etc. that one BM will probably push. I can handle that, but I would be a total grouch if they were pushing stuff like the straws on me.

I'm jealous of FI's bachelor party. For some reason I know more about it than he does, but one of our friends is helping the BM plan it and she has really good taste in bars as far as my preferences go.

JenPhil6212 · March 2010

HAHA I think that seems to be a theme. My MOH and I were just going to go out and have a quite dinner. (She is the only woman attendant who isn't the flower girl) Then I decided I would really like to go out with FI's sisters for one night. So we are going to go to a pool hall and shoot pool for the night. There will be 4 - 6 of us. And I think that it will be fun and not over the top at all.

bachelorette party - to have or not to have?

Re: bachelorette party - to have or not to have?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards