Michigan-Grand Rapids

Wedding Budgeting

Hey everyone,
I am completely new to this, so please bare with me :)
We have been engaged for quite some time now and it is finally coming down to "are we going to elope or have an actual wedding?"  I, myself have always dreamed of a HUGE wedding... My fiance is an only child and is fine with eloping... 
Our problem is... his family is very traditional and feel the brides family (father to be exact) should pay for the wedding... I do not have the best relationship with my dad and whenever the subject of paying for the wedding is brought up he backs out and doesn't give me an answer... 
My fiance feels that we should not have to pay (old tradition) and he would rather spend the money on a fence or a shed or something for the house we just built instead of spending the money on a one day thing.
HELP! Does anyone have any advice on how I can resolve this situation!?!
We are getting married on 11.11.11 one way or another...
Thanks for your help in advance!

Re: Wedding Budgeting

  • edited December 2011
    Would your Mom or another close relative be able and willing to chip in? If a huge wedding is what's important to you, then you should figure out how to make that happen within your budget. You could either do a backyard wedding where you can provide your own alcohol (HUGE money saver!!) or find a place where you can bring in your own alcohol. There aren't many places that allow that, but they are out there.

    Other ideas:
    ~ Nice artificial flowers instead of real
    ~ Buy a secondhand/used wedding dress on Craigslist or a secondhand shop
    ~ Make your own wedding invitations, programs, etc.
    ~ Have just one photographer instead of a team of two
    ~ Use recorded music for the ceremony instead of hiring an organist or string quartet/harpist/etc.
    ~ Have a friend man an iPod instead of hiring a DJ

    There are tons of websites that have great ideas for low budget weddings. Good luck!
  • edited December 2011

    If your father is being wishy washy about the money thing, chances are he isn't going to chip in much, if anything. See if one of your sibllings can approach the topic with him if you feel doing it yourself is too confrontational. The last thing you want is for him to promise to give you some money and then back out, so make sure he's comfortable with whatever decision he makes.

    It may also help to have an idea in mind to sort of paint a picture for him. Weddings are so huge these days I feel like parents can be scared by the thought of how much it can end up being. If you let him know you're going to be resonable about it and not waste money on extravagant things, he may be more willing to chip in.

    And as far as your FI goes, it doesn't sound like he's going to approach his parents for any money so make sure you stick to whatever budget you can set with whatever money you get. Just be realistic with your expectations on what you can get for your money. If you don't get enough for your "huge wedding" you may be happier eloping since a small wedding isn't what you want anyway.


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  • akhensley81akhensley81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If your relationship with your dad isn't that great to begin with, somehow I doubt that he would be very open to having a conversation about how much money he's willing to give you for the wedding. Typically, it's seen as bad etiquette to ask anyone for money for your wedding.

    I know that traditionally, the bride's family pays for the majority - but really, these days, a lot of couples are paying their own way. That's what H and I did.

    I would recommend that you figure out how much you and your FI can afford, and start planning your wedding based on that number. Like PP said, there's tons of ways to cut corners and still make everything look perfect. Then, later on down the road, if someone offers to give you two money to help... awesome.

    Good luck!
  • SnippylynnSnippylynn member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Tradition, schmadition.  You two are getting married, you two pay.  No one paid for ours and I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

    If your FI doesn't want to pay, and family won't-- I guess that means you elope.  I dreamed of a huge wedding too, but we couldn't afford that.  We had about 60 people, small and intimate, and honestly?  It was great.  It wasn't the "dream" but we were there with the people who loved us most, who we were closest with and we got to spend a lot of time with them.  We were able to give them a wonderful dinner and to have a beautiful day.  For $5000.  It can be done.
  • edited December 2011
    Im getting married on 11.11.11 too :) I am very traditional on most things but with the way things are today, where the money comes from is not one of them. Had it been 2 years ago that I was getting married sure, my parents could have afforded to pay for it without batting their eyelashes but now they have lost their businesses and they can hardly afford to pay for themselves let alone paying for a wedding. So I talked to them once and just told them to do what they can and my FI parents are giving us some money and we are footing the bill for the rest. 

    Most important thing is that you are together though :) just be happy with what you can do right now. Everything will work out
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