how to handle gifts being an OOT bride!!!

dragons106 · May 2011

Need some etiquette help and ideas here! We live in Florida and the wedding is in our hometown in Michigan. We only have a small apartment in Florida with NO storage space. I am having a bridal shower thrown for me by my FMIL at her house in Michigan and I have no idea what to do with the gifts if I get any. We originally weren't going to register for anything because it is so hard to get them home (we're flying) and because we don't have much room here and would prefer money if anything as we are paying for the whole thing ourselves! Im gonna guess it is rude to expect people to understand how hard it would be for us to handle transporting gifts so now I guess I need to register for some stuff anyway. We are planning on moving home to Michigan in a couple years so I could probably just keep most of them there for when we come home. Does anyone have advice or idas on how to handle this?

SteveandKris · May 2011

if you didn't want gifts, you should decline the shower - if you want to have the shower, you should register... unless you want lots of things you don't want/can't return/6 toasters

for the wedding, you should list your FL address on the registry... most people will know you're an OOT bride and will ship to your home or will give you cash.

you can also keep the registry small and have FAMILY spread the word (when asked) that dragon and mr dragon have a small registry at ____ but are saving for (whatever, house, furtiture)

aegrish · May 2011

I had the exact same situation! My friends threw me a shower in our hometown in Michigan (livonia) and EVERYONE brought gifts off my registry. I just returned them to BBB the next day (made sure they gave me the FULL value of the item, NOT the price after the 20% coupons) and took the store credit back to my store where I live, and bought the gifts back. A couple of the gifts were not in stock at the store by my house, and BBB shipped them to my house for FREE. It is not that huge of a hassle to return/buy back gifts, and I am so grateful that our guests picked out registry items for us. I don't think they would have been as generous with cash if I wouldn't have registered.

noodle_oo · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_handle-gifts-being-oot-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:78370260-5d62-4058-ae74-f27f546904e4Post:e97d5171-4648-43c2-b946-4ca4250dbcc1">how to handle gifts being an OOT bride!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Need some etiquette help and ideas here! We live in Florida and the wedding is in our hometown in Michigan. We only have a small apartment in Florida with NO storage space. I am having a bridal shower thrown for me by my FMIL at her house in Michigan and I have no idea what to do with the gifts if I get any. We originally weren't going to register for anything because it is so hard to get them home (we're flying) and because we don't have much room here and would prefer money if anything as we are paying for the whole thing ourselves! Im gonna guess it is rude to expect people to understand how hard it would be for us to handle transporting gifts so now I guess I need to register for some stuff anyway. We are planning on moving home to Michigan in a couple years so I could probably just keep most of them there for when we come home. Does anyone have advice or idas on how to handle this?
Posted by dragons106[/QUOTE]

If you want cash, you should not have a shower. If you don't actually want the gifts (since you have a small place in FL), then you also should not have had a shower. The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts to start her new life, not to shower her with cash because she's paying for a big wedding/honeymoon. Like you said, if it is not worth getting the gifts to FL, you can have them held at your families house in MI. However, that doesn't seem worht it to me for 2 reasons: 1) do they have enough space that they really want to store sstuff for you for an indefinite amount of time and 2) how the heck will you know what you want in a "couple of years". It doesn't even sound like you know for sure if/when you will move back.

So, I think you should either decline the shower or change the name from "shower" to a "bridal tea" or whatever does not imply gifts It is fine to have a nice party to celebrate in MI, but if you can't take the gifts home or you just want money, don't call it a shower. Or, make a small registry of stuff you actually want and can use in your apartment in FL. I'm sure you could use new towels, bedding, maybe new everyday dishes, etc, etc. If you don't have space for a kitchenaid mixer or a whole new set of pots of pans, don't register for it. I think it is kind of greedy to register for stuff you don't even think you'll be able to use for several years. What does that thank you card read? "thank you for your generous present! it will sit in my in-laws basement for 5 years until we maybe move home. I really appreciate you spending the money on something I don't need and I'm not using!"

That's my 2 cents.

shortee426 · May 2011

I'm an OOT bride and just had my shower this past weekend. My BMs and mother spread the word that I will be traveling and that gifts should be easy to pack (they did that on their own, not with my prompting). Most people bought small kitchen gadgets, cookbooks, lingerie, or gift cards. I did have a few people bring bigger/heavier items. One of them I wrapped up nicely and carried it on the plane with me. The other 2 items my parents offered to return and then send me the gift card to repurchase them where I live. If they hadn't offered that, I either would have shipped them home to me, or bundled it all up and carried them on the plane as well.

beterrel · May 2011

You can spread via word of mouth that you'd rather have the gifts shipped to you. My friend had her shower here in MI last month and lives in NY. On the Registry page of her wedding website it said something along the lines of "If you'd like to have your gift shipped to the couple you can send it to...(Address)" I pretty much got the hint that that would be the easiest option. They registered at Target which offers free shipping on lots of select items. Also, people can save 5% when they use their RedCard. Haha, I sound like I work there. But seriously, the free shipping plus the extra 5% off definitely swayed me to buy them something more expensive.

Karen's MOH · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_handle-gifts-being-oot-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:78370260-5d62-4058-ae74-f27f546904e4Post:9f03b50d-01f3-48df-ac54-bca44e21fb94">Re: how to handle gifts being an OOT bride!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You can spread via word of mouth that you'd rather have the gifts shipped to you. My friend had her shower here in MI last month and lives in NY. <strong>On the Registry page of her wedding website it said something along the lines of "If you'd like to have your gift shipped to the couple you can send it to...(Address)"</strong> I pretty much got the hint that that would be the easiest option. They registered at Target which offers free shipping on lots of select items. Also, people can save 5% when they use their RedCard. Haha, I sound like I work there. But seriously, the free shipping plus the extra 5% off definitely swayed me to buy them something more expensive.
Posted by beterrel[/QUOTE]

Not to threadjack, but that's a little bit dangerous unless she has a password on her website. Anyone who comes across that can see, oh, ok, no one will be home at this address on that day... perfect day for a burglary. I could be paranoid but you might want to mention that.

beterrel · May 2011

Never thought of that... this specific friend did have a doorman at her place though. And her FI was home. I guess I didn't think about that aspect though. Good call.

how to handle gifts being an OOT bride!!!

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