Wedding Etiquette Forum

The cash bar controversy...

2

Re: The cash bar controversy...

  • Gotcha.  Like others suggested, I'd suggest hosting wine/beer and having liquor seem cash, since that seems the norm in the area.

    We just had several signs saying the bride and groom are hosting " x, y, z" that way guests could hopefully get a clue before the bartender said it'd be $# for a rum and coke.

    Also, your wedding colors are the same as mine were :O)
  • blush64blush64 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2011
    `In different circles different things are done.

    In my family a cash bar would be unacceptable. The guests should not have to pay for anything at the reception. I think when asked for opinions you have to expect some won't agree. As far as cash bars go I do think they are rude but that's my opinion. I saved up longer so I could afford the wedding I wanted. I would still attend the wedding if there was a cash bar and I would smile and have fun but inside I would still find it rude.

    I think you just do what is accepted where you are and what you feel comfortable doing. But there will still be those of us who think it's rude.

    EDITED to add and for spelling: I am from Toronto, Ontario and my family was originally from the East Coast. Maybe as some PP have said,  it's different in different areas. Weddings are expensive with the showers, bachelorette, wedding gift, something to wear, hair, babysitter if needed, with all that I don't think they should pay more.
  • I believe proper hosting is making is possible for guests to attend and enjoy your wedding without having to pull out their wallet.  If alcohol is being served at the wedding, then at least some forms of it should be hosted, although I prefer that there be no cash bar option (wine and beer, maybe a signature drink).

  • Wait, you guys didn't do the cash bar thing to cover how much your open bar was? I thought weddings were for fundraising? No? How else do you go on a honeymoon?
  • Thank goodness for LDY's signature.  Otherwise, some random person is going to hold up her statement as gospel truth.
  • I mean, I dont know how you guys paid for your weddings, but we sold $8 bottles of Bud Light and had 7 money dances - 3 of which were to songs over 6 minutes long. We made money on the wedding! Isn't that how it goes? No?

    I did it wrong, yo.
  • Cash bars are controversial in the wedding world, you're just going to have to accept it. If you're wanting to follow the etiquette rules, then you need to rule out the cash bar, but if you're willing to overlook the etiquette rules, then have it.

    I feel that at the end of the day, you're going to make the choice that YOU want to make, so why make a fuss about it?
  • I'm having a full open bar - beer, wine, and house liquors.  I'm from western Massachusetts, and some of my family think I'm crazy; depending on where in MA you live, cash bars are sometimes the norm.

    I still don't like cash bar, and won't ask my family and friends to fork over cash.

    But I'd rather have the option to drink what I choose and pay for it, than be totally denied.
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  • So we're hosting beer and wine all night, but are going to offer an open bar for the cocktail hour.  Since the hard liquor is still going to be there, is it rude to have guests pay if they don't want beer, wine or the non-alcoholic drinks we serve?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:33f87a0e-4190-4151-b6d4-42d04901ffab">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So we're hosting beer and wine all night, but are going to offer an open bar for the cocktail hour.  Since the hard liquor is still going to be there, is it rude to have guests pay if they don't want beer, wine or the non-alcoholic drinks we serve?
    Posted by jsleik[/QUOTE]

    We did this, except that we didn't cover costs of liquor at all. We had signs everywhere of what was covered.

    From my experience, in the region I'm from, this is acceptable (although hosting obvouisly full open bar is ideal)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:954cd598-4e92-4a8d-bf08-0054dd022ab0">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The cash bar controversy... : I'm from Waterloo, but originally from Clinton so my family is from around the Clinton and QC area, his family is from a small town north of here, Fredericksburg
    Posted by cbratthauer[/QUOTE]

    My husband's extended family is from Waterloo. At his cousin's wedding they had 1 beer and 2 wines which were free, everything else was cash.
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  • Well FI and I dont drink so we are having a dry wedding, but I dont usually take money to a wedding so if I drank I would not really be happy if I had to purchase drinks at a wedding.  I see where you are coming from though, but nothing mandates liquor at a wedding or alcohol at all for that matter.
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  • Really? Again? Round and round it goes!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:90436bbb-461a-4ad6-9f4d-40b71fcaffa8">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really? Again? Round and round it goes!
    Posted by cdavislynn[/QUOTE]


    I'm sorry I am new to the message boards you don't have to read my posts if you've already heard all about it
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  • This is a confusing topic because the typical opinion on here is that cash bars are 'tacky.' Okay, fine. So, let's say somone can only supply beer and wine. That's fine too. But when someone comes on here saying that they are having a dry wedding because they can't afford alcohol, they get slammed for being rude for not providing alcohol. In that scenario, I think that most people would much rather see a cash bar than no bar at all, especially if it were an evening affair. In my area, cash bars are quite the norm and no one thinks twice about it. From a strictly etiquette perspective, here cash bars are not recommended, but it also has a lot to do with how things are normally done in your area. We looked at local VFW's as reception halls and they didn't allow anything BUT cash bar. You couldn't cover it and they wouldn't close it so you had a cash bar whether you wanted one or not.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:1c3a0f5f-2d51-4637-a94d-c0f68635d253">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a confusing topic because the typical opinion on here is that cash bars are 'tacky.' <font color="#000080"><strong>Not tacky.  It's really just rude.</strong>  </font>Okay, fine. So, let's say somone can only supply beer and wine. That's fine too. But when someone comes on here saying that they are having a dry wedding because they can't afford alcohol, they get slammed for being rude for not providing alcohol. <strong><font color="#000080">No, people are not slammed for a dry wedding.  They are slammed for cash bars.  </font></strong>In that scenario, I think that most people would much rather see a cash bar than no bar at all, especially if it were an evening affair. In my area, cash bars are quite the norm and no one thinks twice about it. From a strictly etiquette perspective, here cash bars are not recommended, but it also has a lot to do with how things are normally done in your area. We looked at local VFW's as reception halls and they didn't allow anything BUT cash bar. You couldn't cover it <strong><font color="#000080">That's odd.  Why would they not allow you to buy out the bar?  The halls in CA have no issues with allowing you to pay for the coverage.</font></strong> and they wouldn't close it so you had a cash bar whether you wanted one or not.
    Posted by DeadUtopia[/QUOTE]
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • I forget which post it was on, but yes, someone told a poster that if she had a dry wedding just because she didn't want to pay for it then it was rude. Of course, people came on and said that wasn't a fair assesment, but it was still said.

    As for the VFW's, I have NO CLUE. It made me mad because it was actually a rare nice VFW hall, but they wouldn't allow us to pay for the bar. It was either cash bar, or we could purchase x amount of tickets and hand them our to our guests. Needless to say, I did not book with them.
  • Some people don't like dry weddings.  They think they won't have fun.  They're probably right, but that's quite irrelevant.

    Some people also think that letting your guests be bored is rude.

    That doesn't make it true.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:311500ff-5b65-4872-b6b0-bb2cfe38526b">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I forget which post it was on, but yes, someone told a poster that if she had a dry wedding just because she didn't want to pay for it then it was rude. Of course, people came on and said that wasn't a fair assesment, but it was still said. As for the VFW's, I have NO CLUE. It made me mad because it was actually a rare nice VFW hall, but they wouldn't allow us to pay for the bar. It was either cash bar, or we could purchase x amount of tickets and hand them our to our guests. Needless to say, I did not book with them.
    Posted by DeadUtopia[/QUOTE]

    DeadUtopia, I'm sure you've heard this speech.  This is a public forum.  Pretty much anyone can post, which means that sometimes posters come on and say all sorts of things that are incorrect or rude.  The person who said that a dry wedding done for financial reasons is rude was wrong.  I'm glad other people corrected her.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:a72f4809-ae54-4586-916f-17390832884e">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The cash bar controversy... : DeadUtopia, I'm sure you've heard this speech.  This is a public forum.  Pretty much anyone can post, which means that sometimes posters come on and say all sorts of things that are incorrect or rude.  The person who said that a dry wedding done for financial reasons is rude was wrong.  I'm glad other people corrected her.
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]


    No need to lecture me on the use of public forums. I know that people can express their opinions, but when they do that, then they put themselves up for judgement as well, yes? I'm not trying to rub it in for whoever posted that, but it must have been confusing to the op. I wasn't saying that to be rude, but just to show that there's so many differing opinions on these boards, whether right or not.

    And to pp...I don't think I'd have an awesome time at a dry evening wedding either, but who would I be to tell them where to spend their wedding budget? I can't afford a full open bar, but I really cringe away from the cash bar idea so I'm supplying what I can afford (beer, wine, margaritas) and I seriously doubt my guests will complain that they're not getting <em>enough</em> free booze...at least I hope they don't...lol
  • I don't drink (much.  Most of the time) so I often have a lot of fun at weddings without booze.

    I'd hope that people posting her are looking for opinions, not professionals.  We aren't etiquette pros and we can't stop people from giving bad advice.  The reality is that this group does reflect a good cross section of the population and varied answers will give anyone posting a good idea how a group of their guests would react.

    What do you suggest?  We draw and quarter those with differing opinions?  I'm all for this, for the record, but only so long as I'm the one who determines which the right opinion is.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • What?? I don't see how that came across in my post at all. People post on here because they WANT differing opinions...

    As far as alcohol at weddings, the one I went to that was a cash bar was one where I was also a bridesmaid. We had tea during dinner, but ANYTHING after dinner, we had to purchase ourselves including bottled water or soda. That was completely outrageous imo because we had to pull out our debit cards and use a dang atm because the bar didn't take cards either. I would have been fine with soda or water during the night, but not being able to have anything without having to pay was just wrong.
  • I see you are from Iowa, I am from Minnesota, and we had a post on the Minnesota board about cash bars and most people were saying that they bairly ever go to a wedding where there isn't a cash bar.  I would suggest posting this on your local board to get peoples opinions.  Altimantly the opinions that matter are the people who are going to be at your wedding not the people on the knot. 

    We are having a cash bar at our wedding and actually every wedding but 1 that I have been to has had a cash bar so I know that it's acceptable with all of my guests if not expected. 

    Good Luck.

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • vexievexie member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    I believe the cast bar controversy is totally a regional thing... maybe a social circle thing.. but definitely a choice each bride needs to make based on her own budget, her experienced social norms and how much priority she places on booze at her wedding.

    I find it a bit ironic that so many here are ranting about how rude and unacceptable it is to have a cash bar... when the wedding planning book that is published and distributed in my region (a city in SW Ontario, Canada) clearly lists four options for your bar:  host bar, distributing a specific number of tickets to each guest, a loonie/toonie bar or cash bar. All stated as being perfectly acceptable and dependent on your budget. 

    Go for what you can afford and what you want to do. We're providing wine with dinner but otherwise it's a cash bar.  We have no desire to be providing the opportunity for people to get all liquored up.  My family doesn't drink at all, my fiance is an addictions counsellor with a few alcoholics in his family... so we don't want or need free-flowing booze.  I'd like to think that people are coming to the day to help us celebrate, not for free alcohol.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:2b1c6f64-0aec-4cba-bcdf-4bd6b53dbf68">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I believe the cast bar controversy is totally a regional thing... maybe a social circle thing.. but definitely a choice each bride needs to make based on her own budget, her experienced social norms and how much priority she places on booze at her wedding. I find it a bit ironic that so many here are ranting about how rude and unacceptable it is to have a cash bar... <strong>when the wedding planning book that is published and distributed in my region (a city in SW Ontario, Canada) clearly lists four options for your bar:  host bar, distributing a specific number of tickets to each guest, a loonie/toonie bar or cash bar. All stated as being perfectly acceptable and dependent on your budget.</strong>  Go for what you can afford and what you want to do. We're providing wine with dinner but otherwise it's a cash bar.  <strong>We have no desire to be providing the opportunity for people to get all liquored up.</strong>  My family doesn't drink at all, my fiance is an addictions counsellor with a few alcoholics in his family... so we don't want or need free-flowing booze.  I'd like to think that people are coming to the day to help us celebrate, not for free alcohol.
    Posted by vexie[/QUOTE]

    And if a planning book says it, it HAS to be right, right?  Does it also say to get enough registry cards for your invites?  Or to request donations in lieu of gifts?  Or to list "no children allowed" on your invitations?

    What a great book.

    To point two.  I assume that you never buy your friends or family a round or have wine at a dinner party or drinks at a cocktail party?  I mean, god forbid, your friends and family should get liquored up.  On YOUR dime!  ::gasp::
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • I have been to three weddings for my family, and two out of the three had only cash bars.  The other one just had sparkling wine for a toast and nothing else.  I'm a server for private parties. I have seen hundreds of open bar weddings-where everyone gets way too drunk, and you end up having to cut everyone off anyway.  Which is partly why we decided to do somewhat of a cash bar.  We are having an open bar during cocktail and appetizer hour, then we are providing plentiful wine with dinner, after that (approx 3 hours of drinking) I think it's fine to let everyone pay for their drinks if they would like more. It discourages overdrinking, and we really don't look forward to crazy drunk people.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:cb5157a6-0fe7-4e27-9140-80958bcc82c5">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The cash bar controversy... : And if a planning book says it, it HAS to be right, right?  Does it also say to get enough registry cards for your invites?  Or to request donations in lieu of gifts?  Or to list "no children allowed" on your invitations? What a great book. To point two.  I assume that you never buy your friends or family a round or have wine at a dinner party or drinks at a cocktail party?  I mean, god forbid, your friends and family should get liquored up.  On YOUR dime!  ::gasp::
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    Why are you always looking to start something, she was simply giving her opinion and stating what she has seen and heard then you have to come on here being all snarky about her opinions.
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  • unplainjaneunplainjane member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    i'm from canada and i've only been to one wedding with cash bar. we didn't know till we got there but i did find it odd. though they did put a couple of bottles of wine on the table so at least guests can have one drink. i think you need to at least do this. unless there is a religious or culturally reason i am not into dry weddings and i don't drink that much. you don't need to have drinks continually flowing but at least have some alcohol and if it runs out then fine have an option of cash bar. i'd rather pay for extra drinks then have nothing at all. i don't like cash bar and personally for my wedding we are having full bar but i didn't realize it was so controversial until i came to these boards.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:7f20e2ab-5cce-43f7-9585-2edb315d8f26">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The cash bar controversy... : <strong>Why are you always looking to start something,</strong> she was simply giving her opinion and stating what she has seen and heard then you have to come on here being all snarky about her opinions.
    Posted by cbratthauer[/QUOTE]

    Because I can.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • We're doing a cash bar and everyone in our wedding party and family loves the idea. We're on a very tight budget and will have sodas, water, and tea for guests to enjoy. If anyone wants to drink, this is their opportunity and would hopefully prevent overindulging for some. 
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