Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Is it bad that we are NOT doing a garter or bouquet toss?

My fianc and I are going to a chapel to get married and are not having an actual reception. My future mother inlaw just told me that we are going to have a lame wedding because we are not having a garter or bouquet toss. She threw a fit and said that if we don't do that it's like not even having a wedding. She keeps saying how we should have just went to the court house if we weren't having a reception. She is so disappointed with us just because we are not doing this. My fianc asked her to apologize to me and him for saying our wedding is going to be horrible which our wedding is in a week.First she told me our wedding colors don't go good together, my music choices for the ceremony doesn't work, and now we have to have a garter toss and bouquet toss even though we are just going to dinner afterwards. What do you all think do you have to do a tradition you don't want to do?

Re: Is it bad that we are NOT doing a garter or bouquet toss?

  • No one misses the bouquet or garter tosses. I think you should worry more about paying for your guests' dinner, though, at the very least.
  • Sounds like you have a crazy FMIL on your hand. Best of luck!
  • I am not doing the garter/bouqet toss at my wedding. I know I wouldnt miss it if I went to a wedding.

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  • There were no garter and bouquet tosses at the last three weddings I went to. They were traditional wedding receptions, with sit down dinners and dancing. No one missed them.

    Ignore your FMIL. seh sounds like a PITA.
                       
  • Every time I went to a wedding I would pray there wouldn't be a bouquet toss. I hate them. I didn't even wear a garter, let alone have my husband shimmy up my dress to dig it out at my wedding. 

    Ignore your FMIL, keep wedding talk to a minimum, and have your FI tell his mother that you guys have made a decision and are sticking to it. 
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  • Not doing it... there is only going to be like 4 unmarried women at my reception anyways, how awkward to do a toss LOL... even if there was more I doubt I would do it anyways!!! Definitely not necessary!
  • We didn't do either bouquet or garter tosses, and nobody noticed or cared because they were too busy enjoying themselves.   I take that back, one of my single girl friends noticed (she was one of maybe 3 single people there) and actually thanked me for not doing it.
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  • Your guests will thank you for NOT having those awful traditions.  Ignore your FMIL and just keep planning your perfect day :)

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  • I'm not having one either...mostly because the majority of the women at my wedding are married, and those that are not are in long term relationships or under the age of 16 and it would be a bit weird to have only two or three people to toss the bouquet to. Same thing with the garter (hell, I'm not even wearing p'hose! I'm wearing a sundress and sandals!! Super casual outdoor wedding).  Any wedding I have ever been to that had garter/boquet toss I stayed out of the festivities of the like. Any that haven't had them, no one cared!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-it-bad-that-we-are-not-doing-a-garter-or-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c958bf95-2526-47a3-be04-a593339ed956Post:988eb6d2-c625-49f6-ae13-8ab25cf72b97">Re: Is it bad that we are NOT doing a garter or bouquet toss?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your guests will thank you for NOT having those awful traditions.  Ignore your FMIL and just keep planning your perfect day :)
    Posted by vexie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Wow, I debated whether or not to have a bouquet/garter toss and everyone, especially the single women, begged me and said it is their favorite part. Some people like those traditions. </div>
  • I wouldn't worry about it. My brother and sister-in-law didn't do the tosses at their reception, and nobody missed them. Likewise, we won't be doing tosses at our reception either, for some of the same reasons that other posters have mentioned. The vast majority of our friends are either already married or in relationships, and I absolutely detest the origin of, and spectacle around, the garter toss. If someone gives me a nice garter to wear, or I can borrow my mom's, then by all means, I'll wear it - but it ain't coming off in front of our guests!
  • P.S. You have my sympathies as far as the attitude from the mother-in-law is concerned.
  • We replaced this with an anniversary dance, where the toss bouquet is awarded to the longest-married couple.  Everyone seemed to appreciate it.

    I went to a wedding where the bride called those who were unmarried on the dance floor for the tosses.  That was awkward.  And rude.  And tacky.

    Do what you are comfortable with doing - I don't think those things are really missed by many people.

  • It's YOUR wedding. Do what YOU want. Simple as that. That being said, I will be happy when I'm married and never have to get up at another bouquet toss and be humiliated with all the other single girls. Ugh. 
  • At every wedding I've been to, I've stood up and participated in the bouquet toss. It's short and silly and I've always enjoyed it. That being said, I'd never miss it, if it weren't there. However, I'm greatly looking forward to doing the tossing! Laughing I'm not sure how I feel about the garter thing though, I haven't decided if FH will toss a garter or I'll make him something else to toss. Can't decide... Hehe.

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  • Wow, first off, best of luck in the future dealing with your MIL! We're not doing the tosses at my wedding, either. We're having a reception, but its not going to be very traditional. I simply didnt want to do the bouquet toss (plus, most of the woman are married, or wouldnt care about the toss anyway) and Id rather save the personal undergarment touches for later in private. You do what you want to do! Its your day, dont let anyone make you feel bad!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-it-bad-that-we-are-not-doing-a-garter-or-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c958bf95-2526-47a3-be04-a593339ed956Post:f67fcfcf-7d07-422e-816f-9fe3d942ab06">Re: Is it bad that we are NOT doing a garter or bouquet toss?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I went to a wedding where the bride called those who were unmarried on the dance floor for the tosses.  That was awkward.  And rude.  And tacky.
    Posted by mbrischoux[/QUOTE]

    Every single wedding I've been to that has had the bouquet toss has done it by calling all the single people to the dance floor. How else would it work if people aren't assembled into one group?
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  • I think a lot of MOGs get overlooked with their preferences.  Her son is getting married, too.don't think this has anything to do with the bouquet and garter toss.  It probably has to do with her dream of her son's wedding coming crashing down.  Your wedding will be fine, but remember: it's one day.  She'll be around for much longer than that.
  • edited September 2012
    I am having a reception but we're not doing the garter or bouquet toss either. I don't really need my entire family, his entire family and our friends watching him go up my skirt... no thanks, and the bouquet toss can make people feel uncomfortable... it's like "hey everyone these are all the single people"...always hated it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-it-bad-that-we-are-not-doing-a-garter-or-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c958bf95-2526-47a3-be04-a593339ed956Post:e366287e-cfb3-42b8-89c1-114a91b42f19">Re: Is it bad that we are NOT doing a garter or bouquet toss?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it bad that we are NOT doing a garter or bouquet toss? : Every single wedding I've been to that has had the bouquet toss has done it by calling all the single people to the dance floor. How else would it work if people aren't assembled into one group?
    Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]


    Yeah I was super confused by this one too.  Every wedding I've been to did it the same way.  I'm not sure what the alternative is supposed to be.  "Hey, uh, garter toss is about to happen, so uh.... go stand on the dancefloor everyone?"

    If you're so offended by being 'singled' out, then just maintain your seat.  Nobody is holding you at gunpoint.  Sit alone with your sour grapes all your want, nobody minds.
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  • I love the tosses. Gave me something to looks forward to after dinner when I was single. Never caught one but everyone seemed to have a really good time so I want to do one. But no I don't think the tosses make or break a wedding. Sounds like you've got a perfectly fine plan and by reading all the other stuff she's commented about it really just sounds like she's nit-picking. 
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  • I didn't do the garter or bouquet toss.  I don't care for those traditions.  I had no intentions on doing that to my friends or myself.
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