Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?

collinsm · February 2010

Whatever you do be consistent. I am also doing a child free wedding, and my age cutoff is 16. There were many things I had to consider, from the menu to the open bar, all of which we get charged for no matter what age the person is.

SeaGus · February 2010

My fiance and i decided on no children under the age of 12 unless they are family. It is a tough cut because he is a youth pastor of a church so a lot of people want to come to the wedding who just won't be invited. We have already explained the age cap to some families and they were completely understanding. For most people it shouldn't cause drama, unless you cut off someone really close to you.

PazTchr · February 2010

I come from a large Catholic family. Dad comes from a family of 12 rowdy Irish siblings and my mother comes from a sweet Mexican family with 5 siblings. Needless to say, I have many many first and second cousins. Nearly 60. This created a problem when it came to inviting children and teens. Many families have 18, 15,12, and 8 yr-olds all in the same family. Being a teacher, I found it impossible to invite the eldest siblings and not the younger siblings. So, we've decided to make a rule for teen cousins or those under 21: Unless a person is the head of their own household, they are not invited. This cut off many second cousins, but it put everyone on the same playing field. I agree with the other posts in that it's impossible to invite an 18yr old and not a 16 yr. old. Better to be firm on your decision than ambiguous. People will understand as long as every teen or "older child" is treated the equally.

mssmella · February 2010

We have a lot of cousins with young kids. My fiance and I agreed that we really didn't want kids at our wedding. The trouble was he has three young cousins (8-14) that he really wanted to be there. So we made a rule that the only kids that would be invited would be first cousins. So it lucked out because those 3 cousins are the only kids that would be there. All of our other cousins are our age or older.

kbreen7170 · February 2010

We had a similar issue, and have made the cut-off to 10 years and up. We're both fairly young (we'll be 21 and 23 when we marry), so most of our guests will either still be in college, have just graduated, or are family members with much older children. For those few with smaller kids, we've addressed the invites to them only, so we hope they'll understand.

Jam1629 · February 2010

We all know weddings are expensive even the discount for the kids add up! I am having a child free wedding and having only 18 & over except for the children in the wedding party.

My advice, do 18 & over. Your kids and your finaces kids should be there no matter what age they are. All my family weddings were 18 and over so its is understood.

lindseroo · February 2010

Doing childcare is an option IMO. A lot of the reason people hate the no kid wedding is the hassle of finding someone to watch the kids. When I was 16, I did childcare at a wedding of the sister of some people I babysat for. There weren't many kids, but I just played with them for a few hours. (For older kids, a TV, games, etc. might be a good idea. I had little ones who are more easily entertained.) Anyway, I got 50 bucks or something and thought that was great. Cheap solution

Lenore2010 · February 2010

The child free vs. not child free wedding discussion reminds me of the simple fact that regardless of what you do, some part of your wedding will piss someone off. It is inevitable.

krollkl · February 2010

My FI and I decided we didn't want kids at our wedding. I did however want my good family friends kids (my "neices and nephew") in my wedding. I have been honest in saying that those three are in the wedding and that was it on the kid side. I tell people that we really wanted certain people at our wedding and didn't have enough space for everyone we wanted at the wedding as it was. I have also honestly said that I didn't want kids at the wedding as we wanted everyone to have a good time. My FI is from England and his family is flying in, mine is from NY and is coming down to VA, we just want everyone to relax and have a good time. Seems to be going over well. I agree with Lenore-you are going to piss someone off no matter what you decide-your best bet is to just stick with whatever you decide!

GoneInsane1500 · February 2010

Once a kid is 13.... they're a teen. I was in college at age 15 (senior in h.s. Dual enrolled). I didn't consider myself a kid. But it is goign to be up to you....

fallingwater · February 2010

Helpful little tid bit - If you already have a caterer, check to see what their age cut-off is for children. Often they'll offer a lower rate for a meal for kids under 12 or so. This could help you decide or at least create a basis for where you'd like to start. I think anywhere above 14 is a good age.

Kayla&Taylor · February 2010

We had the same Problem but we had decided on no kids under 13 !

Planner24 · February 2010

I am having the same issue. Up until a recent family wedding, my wedding was going to be an adult only reception. If i excluded children between 13-17, I would be saving $$ and have 25 less attendees. BUT, my FI's brother got married recently and invited children of all ages because they have 2 young children themselves so they felt it was wrong too not include the children, plus their wedding ended at 11pm, so it was not a late affair. The younger cousins were having a good time dancing and made me feel bad for not including them, but they did not touch their kids option dinner and were running all over the place. My wedding is going to start at 9 pm therefore the wedding will be going on till late hours. Also, I am hiring a club DJ so the music that will be played will have some bad words, etc.

I am still not sure what to do?!?

KayKate · February 2010

We are having 18 and older with the exception of FG, RG niece, nephew, and close cousins. We just do not want on our day.

betrothed123 · February 2010

I was all about letting this topic just rest until I received this PM:
[QUOTE]I love your quote on the end about not "diggin" in peoples ideas and keeping strong opinions to yourself... take a bit of your own advice before dolling some out. If you wonder why I said whole families to the ceremony and adults to the reception you can read my follow up explaining how I chose that because there are so many children and I am having a very traditional FAMILY oriented ceremony and a FORMAL ADULT reception. My wedding, My choice. DONT JUDGE! Because I didnt ASK YOUPosted by alyssalowe[/QUOTE]

Now, however, I feel I must respond.

Alyssa,

It is rude to invite some people to the ceremony and not the reception. It doesn't matter how big of a group you are being rude to, rudeness is still rudeness.

I'll use an analogy here I hope you will understand: Let's say you're inviting people to your house for dinner. You invite 20 people, and charge them admission at the door. This is rude, right? Okay, now let's say you want to invite 125 people. These 125 people show up at your door and you charge all of them admission. Is this not rude simply because there are a lot of people you're being a jackass to?

Your "unique" situation is not so unique. If you want to have a "traditional family oriented wedding" you need to have a family oriented reception as well. You cannot have it both ways. Many of us were in a situation where we had to cut our guest list in order to do the right thing and properly thank all of our guests for witnessing our ceremony (young and old).

However, you're going to be rude to your guests no matter what I tell you, so go ahead with your bad self.

As for the quote in my signature, it's there to mock the person who said it.

Madame-You can definitely make an exception to the no kids rule for children in the wedding party, however, do not write "no kids" anywhere on the invite. Just address it to those people who are invited and then call those people who didn't understand that an invite is only for those whose names are written on it.

FWIW, H and I only invited children we are related to. Our venue did not offer a reduced price per head for children, which is one of the many reason that contributed to our decision.

heidilynnnichols · February 2010

My finace and I have decided no children at the actual ceremony but they are invited to the reception. However, we're thinking if they get a babysitter for the first part they are likely to just use the sitter all day! Fingers crossed!!

JMU_Bride09 · February 2010

I think 13 is a good cutoff age. It's a generic coming of age mark as well, so it should make sense to older generations.

Alexis1001 · February 2010

The way i would do it since you do want those people to be there is make the cutoff age 14. I think that by that age they know how to act and you shouldn't have any issues

solow · February 2010

I am sorry but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to include children ? You plan on having children don't you ? It seems to me that asking people not to bring there children would be insulting no matter what age the cut off is . I know I would never want to leave my children out of a "family event" like this. I would skip a wedding like that ! Afraid of children breaking things and blowing there nose on table cloths ? Get over yourself !

betrothed123 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-but-should-age-cut-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f035f7f9-4d25-408a-99c1-e22aee283fcaPost:e959b7bf-0259-433f-90e2-f72adbec8a9d">Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to include children ? You plan on having children don't you ? It seems to me that asking people not to bring there children would be insulting no matter what age the cut off is . I know I would never want to leave my children out of a "family event" like this. I would skip a wedding like that ! Afraid of children breaking things and blowing there nose on table cloths ? Get over yourself !
Posted by solow[/QUOTE]

OMG the mess that is this post.

1. Why are you automatically assuming OP, or anyone for that matter, plans on having children? She never said in her post that she is, and not every couple decides popping out a mini-me is for them. There's nothing wrong with that. However, as OP said, her FI already has a child, so obviously their desire to keep the wedding child free is not out of hate for children.

2. When you host a party you have every right to determine the guest list. Not everyone loves children, and even if they do, they don't necessarily want them under foot at every moment.

3. Not all weddings are considered family events. Some weddings are adult parties. Your child is not entitled to an invite simply because his mom or dad received one. There are simply some places children are neither welcome, nor is it appropriate for them to be there.

4. If your children are not invited you have every right to decline an invite. Feeling like your children are entitled to an invite (or anything else for that matter) is part of the problem with our society today. Too many parents are afraid to say no.

So what it boils down to is not that someone who doesn't want kids around needs to get over themselves, but parents who can't seem to leave their precious little parasite for 4 hours need to get over themselves, as well as their child.

tomkat2010 · February 2010

I agree with the "no kids except for family" post. That makes the most sense for us, so we're doing that, but modified slightly. We're also making an age cut-off. There are LOTS of small children between our friends and family, and we didn't want any small children there, so we're making the official cut off at 10 w/ one exception - FI's niece who is 5 (she's the youngest of 4, all of whom will be invited and it would REALLY hurt feelings if she wasn't invited. The rest of the guests with small children can choose to leave them at home with someone or not attend. I realize many may make this choice if they don't want to leave their kids for a couple of hours, but so be it. Not going to hurt my feelings if they wouldn't like an evening out by themselves.

sacare317 · February 2010

Do whatever you want because you can NEVER please everyone. My fiance and I would love for our younger cousins who are in middle and highschool to attend, but that doesn't mean we want all of our friends to bring their small children! My nephew will be 5 months old at the time of our wedding and he will be there for the pictures and ceremony but my sis and BIL have a babysitter coming to get him so they can enjoy an adult night for the reception. Anyone who wants to take your wedding day to complain clearly isn't getting the point!

ladyllen · February 2010

There is a time and place for everything, and I feel that there are times adults need to be adults without being parents. Some parents really enjoy the chance to have some adult conversation and relax without worrying about their child behaving appropriately, especially at a wedding when there is a lot to get into.

Another thing my mother mentioned is that it is hard to dance on the dance floor when it is taken over by multiple children.

Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?

Re: Children Free Wedding, but what should the age cut off be?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards