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Venting: kinda WR

jodcoffeejodcoffee member
First Comment
in Gay Weddings
SOOOOOOO.... My family is totally against the fact that I'm marrying a woman, as I've previously mentioned here....  But my mom is so totally emotional about it all.  The thing is that she's treating my friends (some of them are like her kids because we've been close for so long) like absolute SH*T!  She is rude to them in public or will barely speak to them.  It is rather sad. 

I've been engaged since December of 09 and my mother hasn't ONCE asked about any of my wedding plans.  I told her that we were officially engaged, she cried.  I told her the official date, she cried and yelled.  So I began to pull away.  I was advised not to "overload" her with wedding details so I didn't!  She was upset when I went home for Christmas because I never officially showed her my ring.  I told her that her reactions to EVERYTHING were soooo severe that I didn't think she even wanted to see it!  Anyway, I got my dress and asked her if she would like to see it.  She responded "if you want to show me but I'm very sad that you are choosing this road and I still cry every day."

It's just so hard for me bc my mother and I were BEST FRIENDS!!!!  She was also close with my FI (before she found out we were dating), but I am SO happy!  I know that I'm not making a mistake but it's soooo hard to plan the biggest day of my life when I am forced to pretty much not speak to or hear from my family!  I feel like they are all turning against me because of how she's taking it!

I thought it'd get easier, but it isn't :(

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Re: Venting: kinda WR

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    melissaandmeganmelissaandmegan
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  We are told that this is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our life, yet sometimes the struggle leading to it makes it seem questionable. 
    All I can suggest is to follow your heart.  If being with your FI is where you want/need/are destined to be, then go.  Plan with your partner, lean on your friends, and take a deep breath when it gets a little too much.  Hopefully your mother will come to find that her love for you as a daughter overrides her issue with who you love and marry.
    Also, you didn't mention if your FI is close to her family or how they are taking the news.  Is there any support for you two there?

    ~Melissa
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    Fabi&NitaFabi&Nita member
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    edited December 2011
    I can't even imagin how hard this may be. I'm so sorry and really hope everything works out. One thing I can say is that if your not getting the help and support of your family then stay close to the friends or loved ones that are there for you and your fiancé. Sorounding yourself with the people that love you and what nothing but the best for you and your fiancé, will hopefully make this better. I know you would love to share this special moment with your mom but if she is making you feel sad or upseting you then maybe just giving her a break (as bad as that sounds) and see if she comes to you. Also we are all here to help and share our stories, happy or sad ones. And to see that we are not alone. Again hope everything works out :) Good luck!
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    mariemoten129mariemoten129
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    edited December 2011
    JO I HEART YOU!!!!
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    mackMCmackMC member
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    edited December 2011
    I am going through the same thing. I feel your pain and wish you the best
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    CarissaHBCarissaHB
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wish you luck and strength. Stick with your friends and your love. And of course, the knotties are here as well.
    I can't even imagine the pain that you must feel over this.
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I find it incredibly heartbreaking to read stories like this. I wouldn't wish the pain you're going through on anyone. 

    Personally, I think you're better off not involving your mother in the wedding planning- or maybe even your life at all if this is how she's going to act. I hate to say it, but she's acting like a baby. Perhaps a giant reality check will put her in her place.

    Keep surrounding yourselves with people that love and care for you. NOBODY needs this kind of treatment.
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    jodcoffeejodcoffee member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone for your thoughts!!!  I'm doing my best to really allow my support system to do just that!  My FI friends are AWESOME and are really helping me out as much as possible with EVERYTHING!

    @melissa FI's mom is supportive, and they are close, but it's different type of relationship than my family.  REGARDLESS it's very helpful.  My FMIL "cut her off and stop letting her hurt you" and I wish it was that easy, but it's my MOM!!!!

    @marie.... heart you too!!! get to work on that box! :)

    @mack I'm def thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way!

    @carissa, saltzman, and fabi - thanks sooo much!  I really appreciate the support my Knotties give me!!!!
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    jenjessi1812jenjessi1812 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yikes, that is tough. I'm so sorry that you are going through that.  Just continue to involve her as much as possible and hopefully she will come around.  She should read Ellen's Mom's Book.  It would be a fantastic read for her!
    ***JenJessi1812***
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