WOW. This is getting messy.

arthomas82 · March 2010

My fiance and I have different religious beliefs but it has not created ANY conflict. They suggested that my fiance and I go through pre-marital counseling which I have heard wonderful things about. The couple they suggested are members of their church. APPARENTLY, this couple did not know that my fiance is not a christian and they now will not counsel us!!! My fiance is the best man in the world and if someone wants to insult my decision to marry my best friend simply because he doesnt "believe" then they are going to hear it from me.

nhelene · March 2010

I was in the process of giving you actual advice when I read the second half of your post.

If your pastor agreed to marry you knowing both of your beliefs, I doubt he'd go back on it because his friends told him to. If you neglected to tell him this information, you essentially lied to him and he has every right to set the circumstances under which he will and will not marry someone. And if he doesn't, just go find another officiant, or don't get married in the church at all.

You need to talk to your pastor and to your parents and get these answers yourself. But first you need to grow the hell up.

You know who's going to look bad if you run up to the altar during service and list every single thing your parents have ever done wrong? You.

arthomas82 · March 2010

Run to the altar exposing my parents?? Are you kidding me? I meant that I would speak with the couple at the church refusing to counsel us about the facades I have witnessed first hand within churches and so-called christian homes. The point being, it is not a person's religious beliefs that make them a good person. I have met plenty of rotten christians (good ones as well) and many wonderful non-believers. It doesnt sit well with me to insult my decision in a husband based solely on his religious standing. ESPECIALLY when I've grown up in the church and happen to know that labeling yourself as a christian means very little. As for the pastor - I never mentioned anything about my fiance's beliefs because it never occurred to me that he would only wed two believers. I have no reason to lie - its very easy to find an officiant.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Ditto nhelene exactly. Churches are private organizations, and they are within their rights to set rules as to what marriages they will perform. If this church won't perform interfaith marriages, you'll need to look somewhere else.

I would take a few days to calm down before you do anything about this. You sound really bitter.

arthomas82 · March 2010

I'm not bitter but this topic obviously goes a tad deeper than this couple refusing marital counseling. Its a touchy subject for sure. Churches have a right to set their own standards - I guess I was just shocked that my parent's friends would just straight out refuse pre-marital counseling on these grounds.

nhelene · March 2010

Talk to your pastor about this. He may not have a problem performing an interfaith wedding, but it's something he should know about. Preferably before he hears it from the counselors.

But if he chooses not to marry you, it's not an insult. It's not a statement about you or your fiance or the future of your marriage. It may be dictated by his own beliefs or by the church itself.

skippylouwho · March 2010

I understand the Bible passage but I also see what I think is the otherside. If these Christians would take the time to talk to, counsel, work with someone who is not a believer (and I'm not saying proselytize or throw an all-out revival) then the non-believer might, over time become a believer. But to turn your back on someone from the get-go because they are not a believer just doesn't equate, to me, with being a Christian. I can see if the Christian has tried to reach the non-believer - again not trying to convert him - just reach out and is rebuffed, that they might turn away but to do it initially is to me very short-sighted.

I probably didn't explain my thinking very well and I apologize if it is confusing.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Wanting to air your parents' personal business to others, especially when it has absolutely NO bearing on the issue at hand, isn't exactly the most rational response. If you're angry enough to want to do that, you probably still need time to cool off.

brimcleod · March 2010

I understand where you're coming from. I'm a Christian and my fiance isn't. Luckily, we don't have any close ties with any officiants, so we are just openly looking for someone who will marry us despite our beliefs.
I did, however, come from a very conservative Christian church, and many people there do not approve of me marrying a non-member, let alone a non-Christian. But it's whatever. I just don't let people get to me. That's the best advice I can give you. Don't let people get to you, and find counselors & an officiant that will marry you.

maggyruth · March 2010

This is why I'm not getting married in the church. Don't get me wrong, my FI can put on a good act, but he's not a Christian, and I wouldn't want him to go lying his way through premarital counseling. My family is not a fan of my choice (as far as him being a non-believer), but they're dealing.

lecomptebaldridge · March 2010

I"m in a similar situation. I'm a believer and my FI isn't. I was brought up christian all my life.
My family doesn't approve of us getting married because he's a non-believer but I guess they are trying to make the best of it. Now I'm in a situation of where to have the wedding.
You see, I go to a church in one town but having the wedding at a different church (same religion) in another town because I grew up in that church. Well, the pastor of that church calls me a month before the wedding and tells me I can't get married there because they don't allow Justice of the Peace. Well, I told that pastor that I was getting married by Justice of the Peace and just needed to use the church for the ceremony and he told me fine. Now he's saying its not fine and I didn't tell him that. I know I told him about JOP because I knew our situation. (me being christian and my FI not). So now, 1 month before the wedding I have to find a different place to have the ceremony and reprint invitations.

WOW. This is getting messy.

Re: WOW. This is getting messy.

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