I feel so lucky

seejay333 · August 2010

Even though my FI is in the military, it often seems like he's not. He's never deployed and its likely that he'll only deploy once in his whole career. He's only been TDY once since I've known him, and it was only for 5 days. He does do tours to Korea but once we're married I can go with him. If I choose not to I can still visit whenever I please (or whenever I can afford). He's home everyday no later than 6. Its virtually no probelm for him to take leave as long as he has enough time saved up.

I cannot imagine the stress of planning a wedding when you can't pin down a date or don't have your FI around to help you plan. I guess the point of this post was for me to be thankful for how good I have it and to give props to all the girls who have a (much) more difficult time.

Hannahandbrandononeal · August 2010

You are super lucky!!! It's very good that you are thankful! My FI is Military and he deployed right now... It's not easy to plan it without him. On the other hand him being gone keeps me from taking him for granted. I wish you and your FI the best. I hope he doesn't have to leave you often. Being in a Military relationship isn't easy and it takes a tough and loving person to do it, but it's worth it.

Beachy730 · August 2010

I also am very fortunate that I had H around during all the wedding planning since he was on shore duty. But we are doing our PCS next month for the next sea duty, and he'll be deployed almost immediately after we get there. So my luck only lasts so long.

catemeg · August 2010

I'll likely be in the same situation, as my boyfriend is in law school to become a Judge Advocate in the USMC. This means he'll be largely stationed on base as legal counsel, though he will likely volunteer for deployment (Judge Advocates in the Marines have only been deployed on volunteer basis so far) at least once. Even then, it's likely it will be less than 6 months total. I can't imagine getting into a situation where he'd be deploying multiple times for over a year. I admire the women who can handle that, but sometimes I think they underestimate the difficulty of the situation they're getting into (especially when they're very young brides).

sarahmraley · August 2010

I too am very lucky. FI became a full time Navy Recruiter 3 years ago. Unless there is a call for all active duty members, the NC rate is very very rarely deployed. So I am fortunate, and I thank God every day that he was selected for this path. It was this or back the the Fleet and he chose recruiting so we could stay together. The longest I will have to be without him is 2 months every 2 years while he goes down to Pensacola, FL for training. Although he is state side and comes home every night, which I am so thankful for, he is regularly at work from 7:30 am until 10 pm. This has made planning rather difficult as we are planning an out of state wedding and he rarely can get leave to come with me to do wedding things. I am inspired by those women who have to do this completely alone and have to deal with being separated from their loves. I couldn't imagine. Best of luck to all of you in this adventure of becoming a military spouse! It has been interesting so far!

jessiimae22 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_feel-lucky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:f43d6768-7570-4e59-b00f-7d2b966fdd3bPost:946686f1-5135-4472-9c91-4d6223d9ffd9">Re: I feel so lucky</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll likely be in the same situation, as my boyfriend is in law school to become a Judge Advocate in the USMC. This means he'll be largely stationed on base as legal counsel, though he will likely volunteer for deployment (Judge Advocates in the Marines have only been deployed on volunteer basis so far) at least once. Even then, it's likely it will be less than 6 months total. I can't imagine getting into a situation where he'd be deploying multiple times for over a year. I admire the women who can handle that, but sometimes<strong> I think they underestimate the difficulty of the situation they're getting into (especially when they're very young brides).
</strong>Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

We have had this conversation before , i am one of the young brides on this board & my FI has been gone 98% of our engagement . It is difficult , but if you <strong>do truely love</strong> your FI , your love pulls you through . Yes , it is a very difficult time . But i am here to prove , that it certainly can be done .

catemeg · August 2010

Oh man, yes we've had this conversation, and I wasn't talking to you this time yet you still feel the need to defend yourself and the plight of all poor young brides who are misunderstood. Do you really think it's harsh to say that most brides are underestimating the difficulty they'll face as military wives, especially if they're young?

Love is NOT enough to make a relationship work, especially in the military. Never has been, never will be. It takes a lot of communication, self-sufficiency, independence, cooperation, compromise, financial responsibility, and plain old hard work. x10, if one of you are in the military.

And I am certain that you (yes, specifically you, jessiimae22 ) underestimate what you're getting yourself into. I think you're naive, and immature, and you certainly haven't 'proven' anything yet. Come back in 5 years and tell us you're happy, then come back in 10 years and tell us you're still married and still happy. I'll be thrilled for you, and then you will have proven that you and your FI have beaten the odds. But I think it's just stupid to tell young brides that if they love their FI, then it's okay to get married. It's not like 75% of young brides DON'T love their FI, but it's just THAT difficult and they're THAT unprepared for the lifestyle that 75% of them won't be married in 10 years.

catemeg · August 2010

I agree that we all underestimate what we're getting into with marriage, military or not, but I definitely think younger brides have a more difficult situation than others, and not only because of their age. By "younger", I mean those just out of high school, under 20-21 years old.

These girls are typically marrying enlisted men, who do not yet have college educations. Enlisted men are the ones who spend the most time deployed and usually in the most difficult situations. They are more than twice as likely to experience PTSD after a deployment than an officer, and 40% more likely to die in combat. Being a Marine instantly doubles the mortality rate compared to any other branch. (Fact) So these young brides spend the majority of their engagement and early marriage alone while their men are deployed, often having been relocated across the country to a base far from their families, and then their spouses often come back as a different person with ghosts from battle. That can happen to anyone of any age, but it's much more likely for those who are young and enlisted.

Enlisted are more than TWICE as likely to get divorced as Officers. Why? Because they're so young and rush into it because they ignore the challenges they'll face. You want to see those statistics? Here you go! Oh, and here is the percentage that get divorced annually based on Officer vs. Enlisted and in each branch: Here you go!

I have yet to hear a single positive reason to get married young. There are so many reasons to wait, and I just fail to believe that someone is mature enough to get married if their only response to the difficult situation and the horrible odds that they are getting themselves into is "if you do truely love your FI , your love pulls you through".

Since you asked, my boyfriend joined the Marines last summer before going to law school - he did Officer Candidate School and graduated top 10 in his platoon. His father is a Marine vet from Vietnam with 2 purple hearts. I have not yet been through a deployment, and thus have done extensive research about the Marines and the life of a military spouse, spoken to a number of soldiers and spouses about their experiences. It's tough, and I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say it honestly makes me nervous the amount of pressure the military lifestyle can put on a relationship. But I think anyone who isn't nervous about the pressure is delusional, and that's not a good way to approach a difficult situation. You don't approach a difficult situation by denying that it will be difficult - you acknowledge the challenge, seek to understand what you are facing, see if there is a way to make the situation easier or less risky, and then proceed with caution. "We're so in love" is an immature response to a serious relationship challenge.

EDIT: And another article about why enlisted marriages fail more than twice as often as officers - guess what? Age!

Oh, and a non-military related article on age. This one might actually encourage young couples, as it says there is no benefit in waiting until you're 30. But if you read it, it says there is a HUGE benefit in waiting until you are 22 years old. It says the best marriages occur between 22-25 years old.

catemeg · August 2010

I don't take it the wrong way, and I'm sorry for offending you. It does sound like you've put a lot of thought into it, have been through the lifestyle and know what you're getting yourself into. I dare say you do NOT underestimate the situation, but you certainly don't need my approval regardless. If anything, at this point I could learn from you about the challenges of a military marriage. Which is why I have spoken to numerous people who have been through deployments and multiple POS and raising children in the military, spouses and military personnel who have had successful and unsuccessful relationships, rather than just read books. I will be in the minority in so far as my man will likely only be deployed once or twice based on his MOS, and only ever on a volunteer basis, and likely won't happen for another 7 years and very likely will last less than 6 months. But that doesn't mean there aren't challenges, so I have learned as much as I can and acknowledge the issues that may come up so that we are both prepared to build a strong marriage.

That one specific poster, jessiimae, is who that information was targeted at specifically, and the one who I said was immature and naive. Yes, it's riskier to get married younger, and that's because many young marriages in the military are rushed into it before boot camp or deployment. Or are decided on during a deployment and are quickly rushed to the altar right after he gets back. But if you carefully consider the risks and challenges, do your best to prepare yourselves for a tough situation, and then move forward, then you're doing the best anyone can do. But I get very, very frustrated (as do several women on here who I talk to off board, and many military wives who I know in real life) with the mentality of the just-out-of-high-school crowd who disregard the challenges because "they love their soldier soooo much". Like the 75% of young military marriages that fail do so because they just don't love each other enough, and not because it's an extremely stressful situation for both individuals. And it's not like you need to wait years and years... the enlisted statistics are dragged down by 18 year olds getting married before basic training, not 21 year olds who have been through a deployment. And that article I posted about age shows that there is no benefit to waiting longer than 22 years old, so you'd be right about there. Like I said, not that you need my approval, but there's a clear distinction in my mind from an 18 year old who is all 'puppies and rainbows' and ignores the reality of the situation compared to a 21 year old who has been through a deployment with her man and knows the reality of the challenges of being a military spouse.

Luke&Sam625 · August 2010

22-25 that's me and Fi!
Can I just say.. Go Cate!? This is one tough cookie. I have spent time getting to know her more personally than just the boards, and she's smart. She knows what she's talking about and like myself, I'm quite certain that if she's not 100% sure what she's talking about she's either A: not going to put her fingers to the keys, or B: she's going to look it and make sure she has facts to back up her arguments.
Second of all. You cannot ignore facts. I'm in the Navy, and I work in a shop with 22 other people, 18 of them under 25. Since I checked in to my command, almost a year ago, I have seen 3 divorces. the numbers don't lie. I sincerely hope that all of the young brides on this boards marriages do work out. But at the same time, I wont be surprised if most of them dont.

catemeg · August 2010

Aww, Sam, you're making me blush! And you're exactly right - I wish every young marriage was strong and successful, that divorce was a non-issue. You have to stop and think WHY these divorce rates are so high. For every divorce, I'm sure there's at least one miserable couple who sticks it through because they don't believe in divorce, not because it's a happy marriage. And I certainly don't wish a miserable marriage or a divorce on anyone. The sad truth is it is a probability (not even a possibility - a strong probability) for couples just out of high school who get married.

And I'm not even old and bitter here! I'm 24 years old now, I'll be 26 and my guy will be 29 when we get married. We will have been together just about 4 years when we walk down the aisle.

Beachy730 · August 2010

Lukeandsam- I sent you a PM.

I totally agree about catemeg. She gives great advice on here, and simply states facts. She doesn't sugar coat anything, and thats what a lot of young brides need. The fact that so many come on here and argue that they are mature enough to get married and love their FI enough to make it work just don't get it. Love IS NOT enough in the military world. Sorry it just isn't. Personally I think under 21 is too young to get married regardless of the military, but that just makes it even harder. When I was 21 I was a completely different person than I am now. I was also dating a guy then who I thought was "the one" and had talked about marriage with. A year later I couldn't stand him. Just because at 18 you are a legal adult does not mean that you are fully grown emotionally. Or at 21, I'm about to turn 27 and still worry about my future with a military life. Anyone who doesn't worry about it is extremely naive.

And as for the comment about having a college degree... Its obviously not mandatory or required by any means. But having a degree or college credit can help your FI or H get certain advancements and looks good on their evals, which could mean the difference on whether they get advanced or not. Which then affects how much they work and what type of work they do. I didn't take that as a smug comment at all, just fact.

lollipoplily · August 2010

Just to support one side vs the other... i got married a month after my 18th birthday... i had been through a deployment with him and it looked like he was going to get out on his schedualed day.... well it turns out 6 months before he was suppose to get out... he got stop lost... and he was going to deploy again.... it broke him as a person. he was flabergasted. this didnt fit with our plan and it made him hate his job. he deployed the day before our 1 year anniversery and i had no friends no one to go to... and i wasnt a big fan of FRG (family readiness group). i had nothing. no job. no friends. no family to help me with this... i relocated to TX from MI to be with him and we thought it would be best if i stayed in TX just because of money issues. I WAS ALONE for the first time in my whole life... and i was scared. i locked my self in my house for the first month of his deployment and didnt go anywhere. i got a call from our FRG leader and decided i was finally going to get involved and make friends. He didnt like that idea at all while he was deployed because he didnt know them. ( i look back at it now and that should have been my first clue) Well he came home on R&R and was a competely different person. he had lost his child-like attitude. he was changed. and he wasnt very nice to me. when he went back over seas i made the decision to leave him. he wasnt the man i loved anymore and i swore i wouldnt do what my mother did. i know im probably going to get bashed for this... but its my life.. i filed for divorce and handed him the divorce papers when he got back state side....I thought i was going to live the fairy tale life with him and i jumped in WAY to early. having moved straight from home to living with him... i never partied, i never clubbed. i never really lived...and in the end he was to controlling and wouldnt let me be me...

I can honesty say i have no regrets in my life. because everything has made me who i am today. i just wish i would have waited....and lived more before i got married.

after my divorce i stayed in TX i had made friends. i had a job. i had a place to live. and i didnt have to answer to anyone. and thats how i met my FI.

i am so happy now. and i see what i did in the past and i have learned from it.

I dont want to discurage anyone from marrying young.. but.. ive been there and i have done that.

i hope this helps.

Melissa

mymarinemyhero · August 2010

I totally agree with Ebattani I mean its one thing to read stuff in books but real life never "goes by the book" so to speak.

While I agree that people need to be educated on the realities of marriage before making such a large commitment, only those in the relationship can truly judge if it will be sucesful. While some people jump into relationships not everyone does. I myself am only 21, but I have a bachelors degree and have learned and experienced much which leads me to feel a lot more prepared than many 31 years olds. My main point is everyone is unique and there is no universal rule that can apply based on age or military status.

mysticl · August 2010

How did this thread get so off track?

There are always going to be conflicting points of view. Catemeg found research that says 22-25 is the ideal age to get married. The research I've seen says that the divorce rate is increased for any couple where one or both partners is under the age of 25 at the time of the marriage. This is because the human brain does not reach it's full mental and emotional developement until the age of 25. In other words you are not yet who you are going to be for the rest of your life. I would not reccomend getting married that young but that doesn't mean every one who gets married before their 25th birthday will get divorced. Does being a military couple add to marital stress? I'm going with "duh" on that one and I don't need any research to tell me that.

Remember that just because a guy is enlisted doesn't mean he is young or that he doesn't have a college degree. My enlisted FI has 15 years of service in. I graduated from high school with a guy who is enlisted but has a degree, he got it while he was in the Army.

Back to the original thread: I feel lucky because I have gotten 3 phone calls during this underway.
In related news my dress is in and I just had my fitting.

catemeg · August 2010

No one's trying to institute a "universal rule" but I think there's probably the very rare 18 year old who is actually ready for marriage. If you actually READ those posts, it's a lot more about maturity and experience that is necessary to prepare you for a healthy marriage. Yes, some people have it at 18 years old. But not many.

And if you also read the previous posts thoroughly, you'll see that no one made any arguments about when exactly you're "allowed" to get married. In fact, it's pointed out that marriages of people around 22-25 years old have just as good a chance (if not better) at success than people who get married older. I presume 21 years old isn't much different than 22 years old, but 18 years old is certainly a world of difference.

And seriously, this all started because I said that a lot of women, 'especially very young brides', underestimate the challenges of getting married to a soldier. Seriously? You're all arguing that being married to a soldier is exactly as easy as every 18-year-old bride expects? I strongly believe that we ALL underestimate the challenges of marriage, but especially those who have less life experience. I definitely underestimated how hard it would be to live on my own after college - and for most of these young brides, that's a challenge that they will experience WHILE dealing with the additional issues of being a new wife and a military spouse. You think most 18-year-olds are prepared for running a house, supporting a family, being a dependent of an active duty deployed soldier? Really?

catemeg · August 2010

mysticl, congrats on the dress!

Yeah, this thread definitely got off course, and I take large responsibility for that. Like I said, a rather simple statement about how military brides underestimate the difficulty of marriage turned into jessimae defending all poor misunderstood young brides, and she just frustrated the heck out of me and I just get so annoyed that this naiveté is being broadcast repeatedly.

So yeah, marriage at any age is tough, and I think you said it pretty eloquently - military marriages have added difficulty - 'duh'!

kyrgyzstan · August 2010

It amuses me that anyone thinks that truly loving someone will get you through any difficulty. Everyone truly loves their fiance, that's why they get married. And yet the divorce rate is still awfully high.

mysticl · August 2010

I agree with 'stan on the idea that love is not all you need to get through every situation. I've often said that life is not a Beatles song. If I'm understanding Ebattani's philosophy of unconditional love right she is including all those other things (trust, respect, empathy, etc.) into that concept. I agree with her that not everyone who gets married truely loves their partner. I know people who got married knowing it was the wrong move but felt they were too far into it to back out. Those couples are now divorced.

Catemeg what if I told you that you are a young bride? To me you are. And maybe you don't notice this but you are clinging to a study that tells you that you are the perfect age to get married. You didn't even acknowledge the research I mentioned which I have seen over and over again (now you do seem to be a fairly mature person so I don't think the few months left till your 25th b-day will make that big of a difference). However, you congratulated me on the the dress......but not the 3 phone calls (up to 4 now). Please guess which means more to me. Trust me that is a key to a marriage and in this case a military marriage. Does my face light up more for a pretty princess dress or seeing the call that comes in from a blocked number telling me that it is most likely a call from the ship, a ship that for all I know is in the path of a hurricane?

Would I advise an 18 yr old (or even a 23 yr old) to get married? No, the argument I would make against it would depend on my relationship with that person. But at the end of the day if they are going to do it they are going to do it. So you can continue to tell them they are too young and making a mistake (which isn't going to accomplish anything) or be as supportive as possible and help them figure out a way through the hard times. I really thought that was supposed to be the point of sites like this.

branz7 · August 2010

***Sorry girls, this post was directed to your wall, not the August 2010 boards...I have no idea why or how! I deleted it...***

catemeg · August 2010

It's more that I don't want other young girls just out of high school who are in love with their soon-to-be-soldiers to come on here and think that rushing into marriage is the right thing to do just because "love will be enough". I think it's a bad idea to pat each of them on the head and ignore the giant elephant in the room - that 3 out of every 4 of them on here will be divorced within 10 years if they get married before age 21 to a soldier. That's just how it goes. Now, military marriages in general have crappy divorce rates, but I just don't think it's smart to ignore the facts and pat them on the head.

I have said and will continue to say that I wish all these brides well, regardless of age! If they're already married or set on getting married, I can't change their minds and supporting them is the best option and the right thing to do, you're absolutely correct. However, I just won't ignore when some twit (yes, jessimae, I think you're a twit) comes on here saying that if you love your boyfriend so very much, you'll make it work. I don't wish divorce or a miserable marriage on anyone, I just think it's silly to convince all these girls that they are the exception. Sure, some of them are, but that doesn't mean there's any harm in waiting a few years. If you can't be a girlfriend of a soldier for a few years, you can't handle being a wife of a soldier. The whole military community suffers from it because young soldiers have to deal with unhappy spouses who couldn't handle the pressure of deployment, an unhappy home life, and then brutal divorces. Every single soldier I know has at least one friend who got screwed by their wife while he was on deployment.

For what it's worth, I think love is a terrible reason to get married. It's an important thing to have, but it's definitely not enough. And sure, commitment is enough to make sure you don't get divorced, but it won't keep you from being miserable. There are lots of people who ignore big red flags simply because they love each other a lot. We have a Disney view of marriage in the US - that if you love each other and get married, you'll have "happily ever after". The fairytale stories end at the wedding and don't show the necessary components throughout a marriage. I don't doubt that these very young couples love each other a lot, but I just don't think it's what makes a good marriage. Maturity, compromise, mutual understanding, similar goals, communication, personal experience, compatibility, independence, self-reliance all play a far bigger role than love. If he wants to travel the world and you want to live near your family, those are big differences. If one of you wants kids and he doesn't, love isn't going to make that easier. If he has huge credit card debt and you save every penny, that's going to cause huge marital issues no matter how much you love each other. If you dream of a career that requires staying in one place, and he wants to be career military, those aren't easily compatible.

And mysticl, congratulations on the phone calls - I didn't realize your guy was deployed, so I wasn't sure what you meant at first by phone calls. That's definitely far more important than a wedding dress - those little things are what keeps you going in a relationship. I thought you were talking about a job application or something, so I wasn't quite sure how to respond. It's a precious moment to hear from your loved one and know they're okay, and I'm glad he's been able to call you!

I do not actually fall into the characteristics of that study - when I get married, I'll be 26 years old and my boyfriend will be 29 years old. I actually think it's weird that the article says the 'ideal age' is 22-25 years old, and I'm not sure I agree. But I do think it's a world of difference from 18 years old, and everyone is different. For us, we will have been together for 4 years, gone through 2 moves together, 3 job changes for me, and the challenges of law school and the bar exam for him. We're completely debt free, own our own cars, and are able to afford international vacations. And yes, I still think we're young for marriage, which is why we're waiting 2 more years. We're trying to get at least a 3 month safety fund before get engaged.

sarahmraley · August 2010

So I guess this post went completely in a different direction than the original post. I would like to add that FI and I have not seen all rainbows and butterflies throughout our 7 year relationship. I was 20 when we met, and he was 21 (turning 22). He joined the Navy just 4 months after we started dating. It was extremely difficult and put a huge strain on us. We fought we swore we broke up, we got back together, etc. etc., Neither of us knew how to make it work. After a year of holding on and getting used to things, we straightened ourselves out. Now, in the middle of these 7 years we did break up for about 6 months...for whatever reason we ended up running into each other and decided to work things out. We worked hard and took our time. We did not rush into anything. Now, 4 years later, we are getting ready to get married. Now, as I posted earlier, I am quite lucky with the career path my FI chose. As a recruiter he never has to be deployed. I couldn't imagine those of you who are without your FI or DH for months or even years on end. It would tear me apart, and quite honestly probably tear my FI and I apart.

In regards to people not being ready, or too young, or underestimating the magnitude of marrying into the military: This is a different world. It is not the same as just dating or being married. There are a myriad of added stressors but also bonuses to living in the military world. I understand what people are saying here, and I agree in some respects and disagree in others. However, it is important for those who (I guess) are "young brides" to recognize that marriage in general is tough. Does that mean that they are not ready? No. I think we all do stupid things when we're in love...myself included. Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. If that means you marry your HS sweetheart, the first service member you meet in uniform at a bar, or your best friend, if you feel that you are ready then who, other than you two, have any say in what you are going to do? If it doesn't work out, chalk it up to something to learn from. It doesn't make it easier or hurt any less, but we always learn from our past. And unfortunately, hind-sight is always 20/20. So if you might be one of those brides who are on the younger side, or maybe just met your FI a few months ago, if you think you are ready then go for it. Just keep in mind that IT TAKES WORK!

Anyway, I am thankful for all of my mistakes and all of the life lessons I have learned along the way. Now that I am a couple of weeks away from turning 28, I know I will have many many more disappointing times in my life. It is how I handle them and learn from them that will make me stronger and continue to shape me into who I may or may not eventually become. We are ever evolving creatures. It is how you evolve that will make or break you.

mysticl · August 2010

Sarahmraley, My FI is considering being a recruiter for his last tour. He meets with the detailer in a few months. How does your FI like it?

sarahmraley · August 2010

He absolutely loves it!! The Navy has done so much for him and has allowed us to have the life that we have today so he feels as if he owes the Navy everything and feels like he can give back by making sure only the best join. He works his butt off every day and is on the fast track for making Chief (E7)...we should know in November if he qualifies to take his board. So, things have gone very well in the recruiting world. However, that is not always the case. Some people are placed on recruiting duty because they're told to and resent it. So, it really depends on his desire and understanding of the position. Some absolutely love it though! It is a rewarding job and they are home every night. What sometimes sucks is they have to get up at 3am to bring their applicants to district for processing...if he takes the position, make sure he pushes really hard in the beginning and studies hard to become a RinC (Recruiter in Charge) so he has other people working for him that will do that!!

Its a good gig for him and for us. I say if he gets chosen, then go for it and live it up!

catemeg · August 2010

From what I've heard, recruiters are similar to a sales job, so if he's got skills that would have him excel in sales (motivated by a quota, good at being convincing, a people-person, etc.) then he'd probably like recruiting. The biggest complaint I've heard from several of my friends who have been recruiters or whose husbands are recruiters is that they feel pressure to bend the truth or ignore important details when they're talking to potential recruits to get them to sign up. They don't like the moral ambiguity, but not all postings are like that, I'm sure - it depends on who is in command.

sarahmraley · August 2010

It is a sales position. They are selling the Navy to applicants. In regards to being pushed to bend the truth, it does depend on the command. My FI actually reprimands his recruiters who do. It is not allowed and will not be looked over in this command. However, in a lot of other commands they turn their cheek. So, it will depend on the command. It is cut throat with needing to make mission and fulfill the command's requirements, however if he has motivation and is willing to learn the ropes, then he should be fine. It is not a cake walk though, in no way shape or form. There are a lot of perks for recruiters as well...additional pay, higher uniform allowances, and greater chance of getting your choice of next location. Not a bad gig.

mysticl · August 2010

FI next transfer is supposed to be his last before retirement. Regardless of where he goes he is supposed to rotate to shore duty but I think he was considering the recruiting route to help guarentee that as well as see if we can end up somewhere we want to "retire" to. If he doesn't get a geographical transfer we have no problem staying here for now but we have no desire to stay once he's out.

Beachy730 · September 2010

mysticl- i see you on E all the time and didn't realize you were a military bride also.

H is just finishing up recruiting duty for the Navy right now, and he couldn't be happier to be done with it. He absolutely hates it. It does have its ups and downs, and there are perks to it, but it just depends on what your FI wants to do. Yes they are home every night, and they don't have to be deployed. If you do a good job at it you are more likely to get promoted. H was capped to 1st class (E6) because of how good he did recruiting. If it weren't for him moving back here, 2 hours from where we are both from, we never would have met, so thats a plus of it. I loved having him around for wedding planning. I like that he's home every night for dinner. When they come off of recruiting duty they can pretty much go anywhere they want, and if you leave recruiting with good evals, it looks great for you for future advancements.

Some of the downsides: H says all the time that this isn't the real Navy, and can't stand how some of the people in the command act like they are going to cause the next terrorist attack because someone had a surgery in their past that wasn't recorded, or some other ridiculous thing. There are goals to meet each month, and they are near impossible to fill sometimes. The Navy is so perfectly manned right now that they give crazy standards for someone to get in. For example, one month they could only write contracts for black females scoring at least an 85 on the ASVAT. So it gets frustrating to have to do all this work and hold interviews and have people try and join when you know they aren't going to get in. Also, once these people get in, they have to wait on average at least 6 months to ship to boot camp. At one point it was a full year. So until they ship, they are in a DEP program, and you basically have to babysit them and make sure they don't get hurt or in trouble. He has a government cell phone that he literally cringes everytime he hears ring. There are nights they won't get home until 10pm because of phone power, or some 17 year old works til 9 and needs a ride to the hotel to join. There are Saturdays they have to work to test someone. So its definitely not a 9-5 job, but they aren't getting deployed.

To the other poster that said their H or FI is a recruiter, what NRD is he in? Sorry, I'm on the next page and can't see your name.

I feel so lucky

Re: I feel so lucky

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