I'm prepared for snark

Tinkx123x · May 2010

I don't want kids to attend my wedding/reception. Is it wrong to have my kid in the wedding still? He won't be coming to the reception, but I'm not sure if people will be offended. Likewise there are a few other kids in the wedding party, but they are close family and the grandparents are taking those kids after the ceremony to a water park (on site at the hotel). I know people have asked about letting certain kids come and others not, but I feel like this is a tad different (maybe not though, thats why i'm asking).

1. Also I'm kind of on the fence about how I will define "kids." Is there a certain age for people who are invited vs ones who aren't. Yes this may be extremely obvious and dumb, but I honestly don't know and I know you have all covered similar issues before.

ohwhynot · May 2010

Are there other child cousins besides the ones in your wedding party? If not, I think just having the children in the wedding party would be acceptable by most people, too. But if there are other child cousins, and their parents see that not only were they not chosen to be in the WP, but they can't even come to the wedding, people will be pissed.

trinalo · May 2010

I'd say your plan is fine. Of course there may be some guests who see kids in the WP and are offended, but, if it were me (I can't speak for your guests of course), I'd recognize that those kids were actively taking part in the ceremony and would notice that they were no longer present afterwards and it would be fine.

baystateapple · May 2010

We're not having kids (anyone under the age of 18) at ALL...and some of FI's family members are pretty butthurt that their tweens are invited. It's nothing against them, it's more along the lines of: FI barely knows these kids, I've never met them more than once, and we don't have the money to invite his entire (huge) family, so we had to make a cutoff somewhere.

Cut kids if you want. Just be prepared for butthurt relatives/friends and some declines.

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:7be7db38-850a-4179-9c34-315f957d0818">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]Are there other child cousins besides the ones in your wedding party? If not, I think just having the children in the wedding party would be acceptable by most people, too. But if there are other child cousins, and their parents see that not only were they not chosen to be in the WP, but they can't even come to the wedding, people will be pissed.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

No there are no other child cousins invited. I basically just don't want young children there. my FI has a cousin who has three young kids and she keeps them at wedding receptions until close (1am!?!?). I really don't agree with that and that is why I mainly decided not to invite kids.

Starmusica · May 2010

I think its tough but if they are ONLY in the ceremony I think that it may be ok. You cannot avoid pissing people off no matter what but I don't think its per se unfair to allow a couple kids in the ceremony and then boot them all off for the reception (your child excluded of course because hes yours and can be there all damn night if you want him there) Hes adorable btw!

ohwhynot · May 2010

Okay, then. Did you change your original post? I thought it said that the grandparents were taking the kids to teh waterpark after the reception.

If it's just those 3 cousins in the wedding, your plan is fine. "Cousin's kids" is a different "level" and if you are only inviting cousins, that's perfectly acceptable. In fact, if you wanted these 3 cousins to stay for the reception, that would be okay, too, not because they're kids, but because they are cousins.

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:44dad035-bc73-474d-853e-4734080b1033">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its tough but if they are ONLY in the ceremony I think that it may be ok. You cannot avoid pissing people off no matter what but I don't think its per se unfair to allow a couple kids in the ceremony and then boot them all off for the reception (your child excluded of course because hes yours and can be there all damn night if you want him there) Hes adorable btw!
Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]

Thank you!!

I am so unsure of how to go about this... FI and I are inviting all of our cousins but HIS cousins all have young children that we don't want there. My cousins are young and have no children, his cousins are older and have kids. aaaaaah I am so conflicted.

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:616a8a5e-1a0e-48f4-8fd7-68bdd1732f70">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, then. Did you change your original post? I thought it said that the grandparents were taking the kids to teh waterpark after the reception. If it's just those 3 cousins in the wedding, your plan is fine. "Cousin's kids" is a different "level" and if you are only inviting cousins, that's perfectly acceptable. In fact, if you wanted these 3 cousins to stay for the reception, that would be okay, too, not because they're kids, but because they are cousins.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

no i didn't change anything. The OP still talks about the grandparents bringing the children to the hotel waterpark. Ok Cousins is good, cousin's kids isn't. That will work! My cousins are younger so I don't want them thinking I'm inviting kids but not theirs. They aren't SUPER young more like teens (14+)

salt78 · May 2010

Oh I'm far too afraid to snark at you now for fear that you'll send me more hatemail.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

I think kids are like adults. You don't have to invite ALL adults you know, so you don't have to invite all kids either. You can pick and chose. But you also need to suck up the fact that some people WILL be butthurt than their kids aren't invited, especially when they find out that others are. If you're ready to deal with that and explain yourself, then go for it. Just don't complain if your second cousin is offended that her two toddlers aren't welcome. It just becomes harder to justify inviting SOME kids rather than, "No kids, period."

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:41c7689b-13d4-4f65-99a5-2084f0f9676a">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh I'm far too afraid to snark at you now for fear that you'll send me more hatemail.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Whoa whoa whoa, I have NEVER sent anyone hate mail.

526SadieSadie · May 2010

If you were picking and choosing the kids you were inviting, I'd say that would be a bad idea, but it's your wedding, your kid. Anyone who honestly has a problem with that needs more things to fill out their day.

There honestly isn't a non-bitchy way of expressing distaste at that idea...
"She has her own kid in the wedding party but MY little angels weren't invited, how rude!!!"

See what I mean?
Your day. Your rules, and by "you" I mean you and your fiance.

Shazzie116 · May 2010

I hear ya Tink, to each their own when it comes to newborns. I think when I have kids, my parents are the only people I'd feel comfortable leaving my baby with for an extended period of time, never a complete stranger at a wedding.

I was more disturbed about the spanking part...

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:92f0e6b2-2c91-4db8-9788-50dcdc67389e">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]I hear ya Tink, to each their own when it comes to newborns. I think when I have kids, my parents are the only people I'd feel comfortable leaving my baby with for an extended period of time, never a complete stranger at a wedding. I was more disturbed about the spanking part...
Posted by Shazzie116[/QUOTE]

I don't really know what to say about that part... I started laughing out loud at my desk, mostly because I can't believe she said that "out loud." The parents must not mind her spanking their kids! Or maybe they don't know.

btrflykate1230 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:f893d458-3c55-4cd1-927e-b3a35cedecd4">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely understand. I don't want kids at my wedding except for my niece and nephew (flower girl and ring bearer) and they are 9 and 6. Their parents tolerate no guff and will keep them in line. Plus,<strong> as their aunt, I can pop off a spanking if necessary</strong>. So really no worries there. But one of our Best Men has two kids - one under 3 and the other a newborn -- and they will not listen to reason about not bringing them to the ceremony. And this 3 year old is a brat of high quality. If I can't get them to understand that Mommy and Daddy need a night to themselves once in a while and hire a babysitter to entertain the little ones, I'm likely going to hire one myself (she could also watch the FG and RB). And insist they use the person or the wife may just be better off at home. Their brat is not going to ruin my wedding ceremony by shouting at the top of her lungs because she is not the focus of attention. And yes - that is mean. I know. But I've watched it happen. Twice. So here's hoping they come to their senses or use my babysitter!
Posted by snarky_girl[/QUOTE]

If my sister (aunt) ever spanked my kid, there would be hell to pay. NO ONE hits my child, ever.

jme35 · May 2010

the only children invited to our wedding are the two in the ceremony - FI's eight-year-old, and the son of my MOH who is an usher.

One of our friend's new girlfriends (who I have not yet met, I should mention) is not happy that she can't bring her daughter. She made the mistake of popping off about this to a couple of mutual friends of ours about it. It's reached me by word of mouth, nothing "official".

When I received their RSVP that only he would be attending, I didn't offer a "gee, that's too bad that she can't come" email that I probably would have sent had she not decided to voice her displeasure that she couldnt bring her daughter.

tidetravel · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:f893d458-3c55-4cd1-927e-b3a35cedecd4">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely understand. I don't want kids at my wedding except for my niece and nephew (flower girl and ring bearer) and they are 9 and 6. Their parents tolerate no guff and will keep them in line. Plus, as their aunt, I can pop off a spanking if necessary. So really no worries there.<strong> But one of our Best Men has two kids - one under 3 and the other a newborn -- and they will not listen to reason about not bringing them to the ceremony.</strong> And this 3 year old is a brat of high quality. If<strong> I can't get them to understand that Mommy and Daddy need a night to themselves once in a while and hire a babysitter to entertain the little ones, I'm likely going to hire one myself </strong>(she could also watch the FG and RB). <strong>And insist they use the person or the wife may just be better off at home. </strong>Their brat is not going to ruin my wedding ceremony by shouting at the top of her lungs because she is not the focus of attention. And yes - that is mean. I know. But I've watched it happen. Twice. <strong>So here's hoping they come to their senses or use my babysitter!
Posted by snarky_girl[/QUOTE]
</strong>
You don't get to dictate what someone is or isn't comfortable doing. Not everyone views attending a wedding as an opportunity to have a "date night." Insisting that they use YOUR babysitter is ridiculous. You can OFFER to get a babysitter for the evening, but you cannot say, "Leave them here or don't come." If you did, and my DH was your BM, he would surely decline the wedding altogether. How many children are you expecting this babysitter to watch? Are they licensed? On top of everything else, a breastfeeding infant is generally the exception to the "no kids" rule. You cannot expect a mother to leave a newborn with a stranger.

And I would love to see pictures of you whomping on someone else's kid in your pretty poofy dress.

Lenore2010 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:63cef129-0996-4b45-a238-22d624a8a948">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people will be butt-hurt if their kids don't get invited and they see that there are other kids there. Your child is an exception that I think everyone could accept, but "close family members" is iffy, esp. depending on how close they are - your nephews & nieces? Probably okay. Your cousins or cousin's kids? Probably not okay. Certain friends' kids, but not others? Not okay. How many kids are we talking, how big is your reception overall, and how many kids will be excluded? What they're doing after the reception doesn't matter at all.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

What she said.

ohwhynot · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:0457460e-4cf4-42dc-bb45-46b2cc0ff25f">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm prepared for snark : <strong>no i didn't change anything. </strong>The OP still talks about the grandparents bringing the children to the hotel waterpark. Ok Cousins is good, cousin's kids isn't. That will work! My cousins are younger so I don't want them thinking I'm inviting kids but not theirs. They aren't SUPER young more like teens (14+)
Posted by Tinkx123x[/QUOTE]

You totally did change it. Now it says "after the ceremony" but in SheDiva's post that quotes your OP, it says "after the reception" - I knew I wasn't going crazy. Why did you lie?

LeighPA · May 2010

Ouch.

salt78 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:70a45ee6-7950-41c4-9637-cac3f38353cd">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm prepared for snark : Why did you lie?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh busted. I wonder if she lied about anything else in here. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm kind of interested to know, Tink. How long have you and your FI been together?</div>

ohwhynot · May 2010

What a stupid thing to lie about, right? Why not just say "oh yeah, I corrected myself." Weird. I also think the "Who me? Send a nasty pm? Well, I nevah!" is suspect.

salt78 · May 2010

i2i, my friend.

snarky_girl · May 2010

Ok .. as for 'spanking" you must think I'm hauling off and beating my niece or nephew like a crazed mom at Wal-mart. Uh-no. It's one swat - when asking nicely doesn't work and timeouts have no effect. And yeah - the parents know about it. I've been given "permission."

Secondly - the babysitter is a friend of all of ours -- and would be watching the one three year old while she plays on playground equipment during the ceremony, 30 minutes tops. She's fine at the reception and more than welcome there. I just don't want the possibility of a screaming fit while we are trying to say our vows. Selfish? Probably. Then again I've watched her interupt a church service -- seriously the pastor had to stop talking because her screaming was so loud -- and mom and dad not do anything at that point, I just don't want to take the chance.

And yes, she would likely be the only child in addition to my niece and nephew, who will likely go home after a little while with their grandparents. I don't count the newborn. He's not even issue. He of course would stay with his mother. The rest of my friends with children under the age of 12 would never dream of bringing them to a wedding unless it was specified.

SheDiva4 · May 2010

Man quoting is the best feature ever....

Tinkx123x · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:70a45ee6-7950-41c4-9637-cac3f38353cd">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm prepared for snark : You totally did change it. Now it says "after the ceremony" but in SheDiva's post that quotes your OP, it says "after the reception" - I knew I wasn't going crazy. Why did you lie?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

OOOH I thought you meant did i take out the part that says, the grandparents were taking the children to the waterpark. Thats why I said no i didn't change it, it's still there.

It's funny you just freaked out on me "lying" about it. Why the hell would I like about something that dumb?? and Salt get the fvck over youself, i didn't sent you any hate mail.

Tinkx123x · May 2010

Salt: I don't know why this is relavent but I've been with my FI (officially) for 2 years and a few months. We have a son who is four months old.

Meaghann17 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:70a45ee6-7950-41c4-9637-cac3f38353cd">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm prepared for snark : You totally did change it. Now it says "after the ceremony" but in SheDiva's post that quotes your OP, it says "after the reception" - I knew I wasn't going crazy. Why did you lie?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

why is everyone assuming it is a lie and not just a typo?

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

If people make a typo the place *edit* in the post so people can understand the course of events. It isgood internet etiquette to do so because these conversations do not happen face to face or in real time. Of course people are going to make mistakes, but changing something without warning in a statement you made just seems underhanded. It is the culture of internet boards.

Meaghann17 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-prepared-snark?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c6c5ad16-6c5c-4e13-aba8-bc588da3afb2Post:5557920c-763a-404e-8c19-73a189cd172a">Re: I'm prepared for snark</a>:
[QUOTE]If people make a typo the place *edit* in the post so people can understand the course of events. It isgood internet etiquette to do so because these conversations do not happen face to face or in real time. Of course people are going to make mistakes, but changing something without warning in a statement you made just seems underhanded. It is the culture of internet boards.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

good to know! thanks :)

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