Wedding Etiquette Forum

bridal shower etiquette?!?!

Hi ladies,

I was curious if you have ever heard what is an appropriate size for a guest list for your showers. I'm currently debating on have a family and a friends shower each are at 50 guest a piece. Or should I just have one and invite all 100 people. Wasn't sure if there was a piece of etiquette for this. Thanks!

Re: bridal shower etiquette?!?!

  • It's all up to the person throwing the shower.

    I have to echo TLV though.  50 people is quite large.
  • You should ask whoever is throwing your shower what they can accomodate. Personally it would be a big problem for me to host 100 people, but some people have much more fundage than I and it might not be a problem for them.

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  • If I attended a shower with 50, much less 100 guests I'd have one eyebrow raised to the roof. How many guests are coming to the wedding, 500??? I wouldn't make every single female guest give both a wedding and shower gift. Showers should really just be for close family members and friends imo. Not everyone you know.
  • My sister (MOH) asked me to give her a list of the people she should invite to my shower so I guess in that sense, you can determine how many people attend. IMO, 50 is way too many people and might put a burden on whoever is funding the party. I'd say 20 at max...family and close friends.
  • To echo other posters, the person hosting the shower should have an idea of how many people they can afford and accommodate, depending on where they have the shower and what kind of shower they are envisioning. So just ask.
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  • My MOH is hosting my shower who is also my mother so money isn't the issue. What everyone doesn't understand is FI and I both come from divorced families, so that means like 6 families are involved. So as some of you may not understand these 100 people are strictly family and very close friends. We aren't having anyone that is not either a family member or a very close friend to the wedding. We aren't even inviting some of our own family members. Sorry you guys don't understand, I guess I should have just gone with my own thoughts. Thanks for the opinions.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:235c4c5a-c0b0-4dfc-a884-367eb50d341dPost:4b94d20b-63bc-438a-a984-86a6c54ca672">Re: bridal shower etiquette?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My MOH is hosting my shower who is also my mother so money isn't the issue. What everyone doesn't understand is FI and I both come from divorced families, so that means like 6 families are involved. So as some of you may not understand these 100 people are strictly family and very close friends. We aren't having anyone that is not either a family member or a very close friend to the wedding. We aren't even inviting some of our own family members. <strong>Sorry you guys don't understand, I guess I should have just gone with my own thoughts. </strong>Thanks for the opinions.
    Posted by klee.ski3406[/QUOTE]

    I'm guessing the reason no one understood the specifics of your family situation is because you didn't give any until just now. Just out of curiosity, are you asking us because your mom asked you to post this question here, or are you just wondering?

    In either case, it's like others have said - the number of guests is really up to the person hosting - in this case, your mom. And, while 20-25 guests is the norm for most people, I do get the large family/large guest list thing - FI's family is ginormous, and they all attend pretty much every family event, so excluding someone from the shower would undoubtedly cause some hurt feelings.

    If you do end up having a huge guest list for your shower, maybe you can suggest some type of a display shower instead of the more traditional bridal shower - this way, your guests won't get bored. Just a thought...
  • My mom threw a shower for my ex-sister-in-law a few years ago and she invited 75 people and about 48 showed up.  And I must say...it was a blast!  You can throw a shower that big and still not be bored!  It's all about playing fun games (not lame bingo) and keeping the guests entertained.  The bride had 6 "sessions" of gift opening.  So, it's not like she sat down and opened tons of gifts.  She opened about 7 and then we all got up and played a game.  Then she opened another 7 and we had our meal.  Then some more presents and another game.  Or something like that.  It was done very well and everyone left talking about how much fun they had.

    We're currently planning my cousin's bridal shower for the 20th of this month and we sent out 91 invitations.  (Yes, we both think it's obscenely huge!)  Not to mention, my mom volunteered to throw this shower before I got engaged.  So, every day we're just praying that we get more and more declines.  Especially when we specifically told them (bride and groom's moms) we wanted about 50 at the shower.  I don't think 41 people are going to decline.  :(

    But, I just wanted to say that it is definitely possible to have a fun time at a large shower.  Though I do still agree with some of the comments above.  You shouldn't assume that you'll have a huge shower...but if the host/hostess is willing to throw something huge and has the funds to back it up...it can be a great time!
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  • Um, being bored wouldn't be my issue.  My issue would be paying for food and drinks for 50-100 people.
  • Just because all 100 people are family or very close friends doesn't mean that you should have them all to a shower.  Really.  If you're having wedding of only family and very close friends - that's fine.  But to invite all of them to the shower makes it look gift grabby.  It really does. 
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  • edited March 2010
    I'm having one with family/people from church/people that can't make it to the second one and one with my parents friends from work and my friends + anyone else that can't make it to the first one. Both of mine are going to be around 30-50 people

    Didn't know I wasn't supposed to be involved in the planning at all. Not sure how the host was gonna get the names and addresses of everyone to invite. haha.
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