Eloping / Multiple Receptions - Gifts?

tinytortoise · June 2012

Hi girls. FI and I are eloping in Central America for a variety of reasons:

- He, his family and friends live in Canada
- My family and friends are spread across the US
- My parents are going through a very messy divorce
- This is my second wedding (but his first)
- My first wedding stressed me out more than my divorce

We want to have very casual receptions, like a BBQ in Texas, a backyard gtg in Phoenix, and a corn roast in Canada.

Our delimma is how do we handle gifts? We'll be living in Canada after the wedding and although I have an entire house outfitted in the US, the cost to bringing it over is more than it's worth. I was planning on selling most of my things, which would also allow us to start fresh as a couple (so many of my thihngs are from my first marriage).

So should we or should we not fill out a registry? We wouldn't advertise it in the reception invitations but if people ask then there is a place for them to see our tastes. This way we can hopefully minimize receiving things we don't need/want or that totally isn't our taste - like Aunt Barbara's purple paisley dishes.

Thoughts?

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

If you're eloping you wouldn't actually have receptions. You could have parties that you host as a newly married couple but they wouldn't be wedding related because none of your party guests would be invited to the wedding.

JoanE2012 · June 2012

I imagine you wouldn't really be calling these events receptions, because a reception is a thank you to the guest for attending the ceremony.....and you are eloping. These are just celebrations, and you generally don't register for celebrations.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2012

That being said, you could do a small registry because there will be some people who want to get you a gift regardless of calling it a reception or your first married couple party. You can register for some upgrades or new decor for your new place. You are absolutely correct that it wouldn't go on the invitation.

ootmother2 · June 2012

Mrs.B! You're wasting away to a mere twig!

arisia · June 2012

On a semi-related note, we were able to request guests ship directly to our house on our registery. That eliminated transport needs.

J&K10910 · June 2012

Having 3 receptions is completely contradictory to all your reasons to elope. This is not logical. I don't understand.

tinytortoise · June 2012

Wow, apparently I shouldn't have used the word reception. Yes, they are parties. And having one isn't feasible, considering the distance and circumstances I described above. It's not being conceited, it's celebrating our love with the people we care about. My question wasn't regarding should we have 3 "get togethers" it was should we have a registry just in case people ask. To those that answered thank you.

SparrowSong · June 2012

I would not register at all. Just hold your various bbqs and invite people you want to see to come have a good time. If people ask if they can send you a gift before or after your trip to S America, you can say, "We didn't register due to the logistics of having to ship stuff." Or just, "a gift isn't necessary." Some people understand the dilemma and may give you money. Some people may give you ugly dishes anyway because they've never had to move "abroad" and the difficulty of a traditional gift would not occur to them. Just be grateful for their generosity and then deal with it the best you can.

Main point it I do not think a bbq held sometime after a wedding elopment is a occasion for registering because it actually is not a wedding event. It's just a party.

Snippylynn · June 2012

Dude. I and my H lived in Italy, my sisters are in Michigan, my grandparents and one set of aunts and uncles in Georgia, another set in Ohio, my mom was living in Virginia, H's parents are in Phoenix, his sister in Kentucky, MOH is in Pittsburgh... and yet we managed to have one single wedding day AND reception. People traveled. It's ridiculous to have three parties afterward to AW yourself for getting married. It's not that flucking spectacular.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

What Stage and Snippy said.

But I wouldn't do a wedding registry, I'd keep an Amazon Wish List. Seems less presumptuous. And if people asked where I was registered "Well, we didn't do a wedding registry since we eloped, but I have quite a few household items on my Amazon Wish List!"

divinemsbee · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-multiple-receptions-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:612b798e-926f-415c-b505-6be0eab74578Post:7374cd3e-05e3-4594-a5d0-b6718f7c28cb">Re:Eloping / Multiple Receptions Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to let you know, I have a friend who knew someone that did this a couple of years ago. Their immediate family was still upset that they weren't there for the wedding and their friends and friends of those friends, like my group had months of fun referring to their international "tour". It also cost them more even with really casual receptions than just having one wedding and paying for immediate family to fly out would have.<strong> I think couples a overestimate the desire of others to celebrate with them </strong>and b underestimate how much the actual wedding ceremony means to people. Everyone I know who's done this has had a lot of eye rolling and jokes at their expense and never knew it. Just a warning. That being said, if you want to do a small registry, go for it. But don't expect a lot of gifts, as many people choose to forgo them for elopements.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Ring-a-ding-ding. Everything you said, but especially this. My FI and I live in TX, but we're from MS and a solid third of our guests are there, but two-thirds is scattered around the country. My mom originally wanted us to have a "small" wedding here in TX (by small she still meant what would have been 40 people, and included some extended family) and for us to do a big reception in her family's hometown in MS. I'm not conceited enough to think that my friends would want to pay to fly to MS and then hump it out to where we'd be for an afterthought reception. And to ditto everyone, how is having what would amount to three separate parties (which I'm assuming you'd pay for) and add to that flights and places to stay, even just for the couple, cheaper than having a wedding and reception together? I would actually love for someone who has proposed to do that explain how that works. </div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

tinytortoise · June 2012

Again, I wasn't asking for your opinions on the parties. MyUserName1 - thanks for the Amazon list idea!

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-multiple-receptions-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:612b798e-926f-415c-b505-6be0eab74578Post:b1f57d52-8224-4555-ace7-d3d771eb56ef">Re: Eloping / Multiple Receptions - Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Again, I wasn't asking for your opinions on the parties</strong>. MyUserName1 - thanks for the Amazon list idea!
Posted by tinytortoise[/QUOTE]

But by posting about them on a public forum, you opened yourself up to opinions on them. Plus, none of the posters were being rude. They were trying to tell you what it looks like from a guest's perspective so you don't do something rude that might offend your nearest and dearest.

FWIW, I like the Amazon Wish List idea too, but I would not do three parties. Seems hugely AW to me. I would have one wedding and reception and invite those you want to--could be just immediate family and close friends. Those who really want to attend and can swing it financially, will.

Lisa50 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-multiple-receptions-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:612b798e-926f-415c-b505-6be0eab74578Post:4390038a-0fd7-45d8-99b1-b8b9ceac56f4">Re: Eloping / Multiple Receptions - Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Having 3 receptions is completely contradictory to all your reasons to elope. This is not logical. I don't understand.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I don't understand, either.

freebread03 · June 2012

I think its completely ridiculous to have three different parties to "celebrate your love" or whatever it was you said. It just screams "look at me" and "I'm so important I'm having THREE!" I'd have ONE AHR, if that, and sure, go ahead and register like you said--nothing wrong with that.

abbitha7 · June 2012

There's nothing wrong with having 3 parties, considering that your families are so spread out. They will probably like that they don't have to book plane tickets and hotel rooms in order to celebrate your getting married. I would not register though. I'm sure your families will want to give gifts, so just handle that when it comes. And congratulations on getting married! We also thought about eloping, but his parents wanted to pay for the wedding, so now we're having one.

keywest121314 · April 2014

...

CMGragain · April 2014

@CJandCaveman, This thread is almost two years old! The OP is long gone. If you want to start a new thread, please do, but leave the zombies in their graves.

KatWAG · April 2014

CJandCaveman said:

I TOTALLY get your plan. We're doing the same thing. We've already had a couple of questions about where we're registered ... and it's a THIRD wedding for both of us! Here's the deal: It's YOUR wedding! Do what you want. We are registered in three places. My knot website includes a little note that says we don't need anything, but if you want to get us a gift, that's cool, too. We've even announced to family and friends that we're having a VERY small, intimate ceremony in Key West, then coming home, throwing a big party here (in DC), a dinner in LA (where my FI is from) and a BBQ in Paris, TN (home of my BFF). Everyone knows about all three events and can come to one, two or all three. It's a CELEBRATION for crying out loud. So don't worry about the naysayers and poo-poo'ers and go for it. Here's our STD wording for the parties ... we circled the party we think the person would most like to attend.

@CJandcaveman first this thread is 2 years old.

Second the "do want you want/ its your day" time is a childish mentality to have.

Third, telling guests to either bring gifts or to not to bring guests are both equally rude.

Fourth, 3 AHR is overkill.

@knotporscha can you close this zombie thread?

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

This is the second zombie thread that's been resurrected with special snowflake advice. How annoying

Swazzle · April 2014

@CJandCaveman - I would take that picture down ASAP. This is an international community and the picture has the link to your private wedding website in it.

doeydo · April 2014

CJandCaveman said:

I TOTALLY get your plan. We're doing the same thing. We've already had a couple of questions about where we're registered ... and it's a THIRD wedding for both of us! Here's the deal: It's YOUR wedding! Do what you want. We are registered in three places. My knot website includes a little note that says we don't need anything, but if you want to get us a gift, that's cool, too. We've even announced to family and friends that we're having a VERY small, intimate ceremony in Key West, then coming home, throwing a big party here (in DC), a dinner in LA (where my FI is from) and a BBQ in Paris, TN (home of my BFF). Everyone knows about all three events and can come to one, two or all three. It's a CELEBRATION for crying out loud. So don't worry about the naysayers and poo-poo'ers and go for it. Here's our STD wording for the parties ... we circled the party we think the person would most like to attend.

CJandCaveman

misshart00 · April 2014

So, you're having a private wedding, but having three receptions? I would also be a little perturbed that I would only get cocktails if I lived in dc, but full dinner if I lived in LA.

Simply Fated · April 2014

CJandCaveman said:

I TOTALLY get your plan. We're doing the same thing. We've already had a couple of questions about where we're registered ... and it's a THIRD wedding for both of us! Here's the deal: It's YOUR wedding! Do what you want. We are registered in three places. My knot website includes a little note that says we don't need anything, but if you want to get us a gift, that's cool, too. We've even announced to family and friends that we're having a VERY small, intimate ceremony in Key West, then coming home, throwing a big party here (in DC), a dinner in LA (where my FI is from) and a BBQ in Paris, TN (home of my BFF). Everyone knows about all three events and can come to one, two or all three. It's a CELEBRATION for crying out loud. So don't worry about the naysayers and poo-poo'ers and go for it. Here's our STD wording for the parties ... we circled the party we think the person would most like to attend.

It's actually THREE celebrations. If everyone is invited to all three, then why not have one big reception and call it a great day?

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

Swazzle said:

@CJandCaveman - I would take that picture down ASAP. This is an international community and the picture has the link to your private wedding website in it.

Ditto. Or lock your website. And I just have to add, since you put it out there, that your plans scream special snowflake and you plan on wearing a wedding dress (which you were lovely enough to describe...in detail) to all 3 non wedding parties. Why not just celebrate with these people when you see them instead of having all these AWish parties? You're not making things easier for them, you're trying to have your cake and eat it too.

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

Simply Fated said:

CJandCaveman said:

I TOTALLY get your plan. We're doing the same thing. We've already had a couple of questions about where we're registered ... and it's a THIRD wedding for both of us! Here's the deal: It's YOUR wedding! Do what you want. We are registered in three places. My knot website includes a little note that says we don't need anything, but if you want to get us a gift, that's cool, too. We've even announced to family and friends that we're having a VERY small, intimate ceremony in Key West, then coming home, throwing a big party here (in DC), a dinner in LA (where my FI is from) and a BBQ in Paris, TN (home of my BFF). Everyone knows about all three events and can come to one, two or all three. It's a CELEBRATION for crying out loud. So don't worry about the naysayers and poo-poo'ers and go for it. Here's our STD wording for the parties ... we circled the party we think the person would most like to attend.

It's actually THREE celebrations. If everyone is invited to all three, then why not have one big reception and call it a great day?

Because then she couldn't wear her wedding dress 3 more times to be told how pretty she is.

Simply Fated · April 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

Simply Fated said:

CJandCaveman said:

I TOTALLY get your plan. We're doing the same thing. We've already had a couple of questions about where we're registered ... and it's a THIRD wedding for both of us! Here's the deal: It's YOUR wedding! Do what you want. We are registered in three places. My knot website includes a little note that says we don't need anything, but if you want to get us a gift, that's cool, too. We've even announced to family and friends that we're having a VERY small, intimate ceremony in Key West, then coming home, throwing a big party here (in DC), a dinner in LA (where my FI is from) and a BBQ in Paris, TN (home of my BFF). Everyone knows about all three events and can come to one, two or all three. It's a CELEBRATION for crying out loud. So don't worry about the naysayers and poo-poo'ers and go for it. Here's our STD wording for the parties ... we circled the party we think the person would most like to attend.

It's actually THREE celebrations. If everyone is invited to all three, then why not have one big reception and call it a great day?

Because then she couldn't wear her wedding dress 3 more times to be told how pretty she is.

After having been through this twice before in previous weddings. Not that I have anything against anyone who has been married more than once, but this will literally bring her to 5 wedding receptions. Six, if she hosts her ceremony guests properly. Possibly more if she did this with her previous marriages, too. Seriously, it sounds like someone just loves celebrating her marriage accomplishments.

QueerFemme · April 2014

tinytortoise said:

Hi girls. FI and I are eloping in Central America for a variety of reasons:

- He, his family and friends live in Canada
- My family and friends are spread across the US
- My parents are going through a very messy divorce
- This is my second wedding (but his first)
- My first wedding stressed me out more than my divorce

We want to have very casual receptions, like a BBQ in Texas, a backyard gtg in Phoenix, and a corn roast in Canada.

Our delimma is how do we handle gifts? We'll be living in Canada after the wedding and although I have an entire house outfitted in the US, the cost to bringing it over is more than it's worth. I was planning on selling most of my things, which would also allow us to start fresh as a couple (so many of my thihngs are from my first marriage).

So should we or should we not fill out a registry? We wouldn't advertise it in the reception invitations but if people ask then there is a place for them to see our tastes. This way we can hopefully minimize receiving things we don't need/want or that totally isn't our taste - like Aunt Barbara's purple paisley dishes.

Thoughts?

You could certainly register, and you are welcome to have parties whenever and whereever you want. But, I wouldn't make them wedding related at all. Just say "we are going to be in town and want to throw a bbq. I hope you can make it".

ETA: Boooo, got suckered into a zombie thread.

SP29 · April 2014

Me too! I was going to post the same as QueerFemme. Nothing wrong with throwing a party (not a wedding reception where one wears one's wedding dress and has spotlight events, etc) as newlyweds.

Also nothing wrong with creating a registry, as long as it's not openly advertised. Some people will give gifts regardless.

Eloping / Multiple Receptions - Gifts?

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