Hello Everyone!

RyansBelovedBride · December 2011

I saw below a post where someone introduced themselves and I thought, "Oh, maybe I should do that too."

I'm American and my fiance is Indian. He lives in India. When we marry, I'll move there.

We're both Christian, so I don't have to worry about Hindu traditions. His family is also Christian. He's sort of a mixed bag when it comes to heritage, which is why his name is not Hindi, but he was born in Kolkatta (lives near Delhi now) and his family has been in India for many generations. He looks totally Indian, but he lives in America for seven years as a kid and his native language is English, so he totally speaks without an accent and throws everyone off. It's really funny.

We're saving up so I can go to India. I just got a job last week after 19 1/2 months of unemployment, so after I get my first paycheck I'm applying for a passport. The plan right now is I go to India, meet his family, see the country I'll soon be callilng home, and we get engaged (officially. We've decided we want to get married months ago now, but have decided not to declare it official until he can propose in person. But he knows I joined this site and is happy with it. He even picked out my screenname). Then I come home, we plan out how the wedding(s) will go, and then Ryan comes here. We have an unofficial (nonlegal) ceremony at my church and a reception with my family and friends, then we both fly to India, have the legal ceremony with his family and friends and then live happily ever after. Ideally.

But we're not sure if it's really going to go like that. There's visa issues I don't even really understand, and my mom now suddenly seems to be struggling with our timeline (emotionally).

We also are not all sure we can afford to have an American wedding at all. My father is okay with that, but I admit I'm not really. My wonderful best friend has promised if we don't have a wedding America, she'll fly India to be my MOH. But I'll have literally not one other friend or family member there. If we don't do an American wedding then we'd save the cost of the wedding plus the cost of a roundtrip airfare ticket.

When I move to India, I can't legally work for a year until I get my PIO, so Ryan has to get a job that can support us both (including my American sized student loans) for that year. So he actually left his last job, since it wouldn't work at all in that role, and is job searching right now. He's actually having great success with leads and interviews and he'll probably be employed by Christmas, but that's nerve wracking.

As far as the weddings go I have lots of ideas and plans for the American one... but no idea if it will happen. I know for sure we'll have an Indian one, but have no idea how that's going to work (and Ryan is no help). I've decided it'll have to wait to start being planned until I'm in India and have a ring on my finger so it makes sense to talk to his mother about it. We do know we're doing pre-marital counseling with my church, even if it's on webcam, and that's about the only locked in thing right now!

Including the date. That will all depend on money and visas. But we're hoping for around next summer, so that's what we guessed.

Sorry this is such a novel!

temurlang · December 2011

Congratulations on your engagement and welcome to the board!

Wow! You certainly have a lot to think over in the coming months!

I am also American and DH is from India. We had weddings both here and in India, and we have discussed the possibility of living there one day.

I can tell you a few things based on my own experience:

Although I was very lucky and my parents, brother, and a few friends were able to travel to India for the wedding, it was still a very lonely experience. DH was stretched thin by his social obligations, and at times I was really alone. DH was also born in Kolkata, but grew up in Rajasthan. Rajasthan is very conservative (men and women often don't mix), and I had to sit with DH's friends' wives who don't speak English. Although my ILs and DH's aunts and uncles are very kind to me, his cousins were not so accepting. My ILs also don't allow me to go out on my own, so I saw a lot of the living room lol! The wedding experience was different because I wasn't the focus of things the way the bride is here.

The visa issue is a very real problem. It is not so easy for Indians to get visas to come to the US, especially a young man. DH went through so much with his visa and only got his green card in September (after 17 years in this country). It could be difficult to plan a wedding in the right timeframe, because you will have to make deposits, and he may not even know at that point about the visa.

Have you been to India (or maybe another developing country) before? It's really really really different from here. In every way. It can be very difficult, but at the same time fascinating and a very rewarding experience. I have mixed feelings about potentially moving there one day.

As far as planning a wedding in India, it's so different from what you have to do here. You don't need to do things as much in advance, and probably you won't have much say in the plans either.

Good luck with whatever you guys end up doing!

RyansBelovedBride · December 2011

Thanks.

I haven't been to India or other developing countries yet either (I've actually never left the US! Hence the getting the passport). That's one reason why I don't want Ryan to come here first, then go there to marry: by having me to go there for what we're calling 'the engagement trip' I'll get to visit and see where I'll live, while still come back with time to get mentally prepared before I make the big move.

I'm excited. Ryan's been very helpful because he lived in the US from when he was 9-16, and had a difficult time adjusting back to India when he moved back. So he's not sugar coating anything. He tells me about crap in the street and how everyone will come up to me and try to get money or a greencard because they'll assume I'm rich. I'm starting to learn Hindi, which is fun (and hilarious. I struggle so much with my Hs and some Ts.) Between English and Hindi, Ryan assures me I'll be able to communicate with most people where we live, and I think Hindi is the more logical choice than the local language because considering Ryan was born elsewhere in India, maybe we'll move around the country and I'd hate to learn a language that was useless somewhere else in the same country!

Hello Everyone!

Re: Hello Everyone!

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