What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?

purrcatnip · January 2012

I need to advice about whats the normal gift from parents to the bride. My father just asked me what I would like for my wedding gift. I thought he was joking, so I said I just wanted them to be at my wedding. Then he said, "No seriously. I want you to dream big, and let me know what you would both like as a wedding gift?"

This is very new territory as I have never really recieved anything from parents. What is normally given from the parents to the bride? I don't know what to ask for. I feel wierd that he wants me to tell him what I want. Is this normal?

annakb8 · January 2012

There are no traditions or etiquette related to this as far as I know. I mean maybe the traditional gift would be for your parents to get you a trousseau, but you probably don't want that.

MyUserName1 · January 2012

I would have no idea what to ask for either. Like Anna said, there isn't a traditional gift these days.

mica178 · January 2012

My parents didn't ask me what I wanted. That would have defeated the whole gift aspect.

rlavach · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:f4550402-91a5-4504-a422-9f48e5cf4c63">What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need to advice about whats the normal gift from parents to the bride. My father just asked me what I would like for my wedding gift. I thought he was joking, so I said I just wanted them to be at my wedding. Then he said, "No seriously.<strong> I want you to dream big, and let me know what you would both like as a wedding gift</strong>?" This is very new territory as I have never really recieved anything from parents. What is normally given from the parents to the bride? I don't know what to ask for. I feel wierd that he wants me to tell him what I want. Is this normal?
Posted by purrcatnip[/QUOTE]
You're going to need to clarify with him what he means by that. For instance, my parents told me they wanted to contribute monies towards my wedding/new apartment. They asked how much I've saved and then matched it. I would NEVER have suggested that high of an amount myself. That is just dangerous territory. If you assume too much, you look greedy. If you assume too little, you're insulting their financial state. <div>
</div><div>I'd ask him to elaborate.</div>

sarabellam · January 2012

A pair of oxen and some milk goats?

juliebug1997 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:45a97015-2dac-4e78-8cbd-5c8fffaae289">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]A pair of oxen and some milk goats?
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

LOL.

My parents fixed up the grandfather clock from my grandparents for me. I know it cost them a pretty penny but I was so happy. I agree with PP: ask your dad to clarify so that you know what he is comfortable with spending.

purrcatnip · January 2012

Ugh, I hate that he put me in this position. Although, I do like animals..so a pair of Oxen would be awesome!! Although, I would prefer Goats. :P

I am going to have him elaborate. Has anyone ever recieved a gift from their parents that wasn't money to help with wedding?

tenofcups4me · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:17249650-7a5f-44a8-b2b5-962416552fdb">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents didn't ask me what I wanted. That would have defeated the whole gift aspect.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Huh? It's not a gift if someone asks you what you want? That makes no sense. My parents ask me every year what I want for Hanukah and my birthday. And when they give it to me, it's a gift.

OP, there is no traditional gift. Traditionally parents have paid for the wedding, which is a hell of a gift! But I don't think there's any standard for what kind of gift parents give today -- some still pay for the whole wedding, others might buy something from the registry and everything in between.

If my parents said something like that to me, I'd ask them what they had in mind moneywise. Is he thinking big gift is $200 or $10,000? Huge difference!

TiffannieF · January 2012

Ya...this is weird...but if my dad asked me that I would say Dyson vac!

juliebug1997 · January 2012

Your situation reminded me of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where her father gave them a house. What a present!

kcscejal · January 2012

My parents paid for a large majority of the wedding and they were the hosts of it, and they gave me a Kitchenaide mixer as my wedding gift. I am amazed at how generous they were. I didn't ask for any of that stuff, but they did know the Ktichenaide was my favorite regsitry item. There really isn't a traditional gift or amount though.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

My dad asked me this, I told him a really good grill. We are moving out of our apartment soon after the wedding and have been wanting one for awhile. My dad seemed pretty excited about it.

ootmother2 · January 2012

We paid for the wedding. If she'd asked for more, I would have applied my foot to her azz!

specialk84 · January 2012

My mom asked which registry item we were most excited about, then she gave it to me at my shower.

Then again, my parents paid for the entire wedding, RD and gifted us a HM.

jemmini6 · January 2012

My parents didn't get me a gift, so I can't help with the suggestions. I'd definitely ask him to elaborate though because that's a pretty generic statement...

MRSBJS · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:f48c2444-d2bc-4998-a499-f9f91153a0a5">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]We paid for the wedding. If she'd asked for more, I would have applied my foot to her azz!
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

That's great that you did that for her, but that's not the question. She isn't talking about asking her parents for something, she is asking what a reasonable answer is for the <strong>offer</strong> they made.

krizzo17 · January 2012

My parents wanted to give me silver until they found out it's currently around $7000 for a full service. My fi inherited some antique silver-plate ware, so my parents may end up buying the remainder of the pieces we need for that...but they've indicated that they want to spend more than that's worth.

If they ask again, I might suggest getting us a bunch of our china and/or crystal, because I think it's nice to have a gift from your parents that you'll always have, and use on a regular basis (plus both of my parents are obsessed with their china/crystal, so I know it means a lot to them).

I'd just say something to your dad like "did you mean $200 big, or $2000 big?" and he should give you a better idea of what he means.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

Ask for a pony. Or world peace.

MRSBJS · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:6cd251b8-e94d-4c3e-8049-bef9690448cb">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask for a pony. Or world peace.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

I'm getting you a pony for your wedding.

krizzo17 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:6cd251b8-e94d-4c3e-8049-bef9690448cb">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask for a pony. Or world peace.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

For my 16th birthday I refused to ask for anything other than a pony (I really don't like asking for things I don't need, and my parents think gifts should all be frivolous, fun things). I now have a lovely antique pony figurine that sits in my curio cabinet, and I've been told that now I have a pony and I can't ask for one anymore.

leia1979 · January 2012

My dad gave me some money a couple months later, but I'm not sure if it was really wedding-related or not. H's parents gave us a check. We paid for the wedding ourselves.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:0fb07d94-d993-4c8f-b7cc-1e0a91431fdd">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride? : I'm getting you a pony for your wedding.
Posted by MRSBJS[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue Out" title="Tongue Out" />

thousandtrees · January 2012

Man, telling someone to dream big in regards to a gift is a risky little game! The temptation to say "a car" woul be strong!

Jokes aside, though, what I would do if, my parents asked this, is tell them we want a new dining set. Ours is junky and unpleasantly ugly, but we felt it was a weird item to put on our registry. Maybe you have a household item or piece of furniture you felt the same way about?

DramaGeek · January 2012

My parents offered to pay for our honeymoon, we told them we'd prefer a washer and dryer :-P We settled on the bedroom set.

aragx6 · January 2012

FI's parents want to pay for our honeymoon, but we're booking it all on points (which seemed ungracious to say when they offered) so we're just going to wait until they bring it up again.

Dream big is so vague. For me that would mean help with a down payment, but that might be wildly outside the bounds of what he was thinking.

My mom is paying for ~1/3 of the wedding so I don't expect anything else from her.

sarahlm619 · January 2012

Have you done your registery? Can you just stear him toward that? I mean -- maybe they want to get you a more expensive item from that...OR...it could also open up the conversation that he wants to spend MORE on you than what's on the registery. It may be an "eaiser" way for you to find out what he means EXACTLY!

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

We are completely paying for the wedding ourselves. We are grown ups who have been on our own for years. With that said our gifts so far have been wedding related & i am not complaining, every bit helps & is something we do not have to pay for.

My mom paid half my dress, i was bound & determined to have a specific dress & refused to look at anything else, regardless of price. I felt it would be out of her budget as she made less than me so i ponied up half.

Her bf has decided he wants to give us a gift on his own, that is just how he is. He wanted a band for the wedding instead of a dj, so he offered the difference between the band & what our dj would have cost. Between the 2 of them that is pretty much the same price each. Our band is awesome & popular around here.

His mom is buying & making the salads for our self-catered wedding & making our cake, that is all she can afford & we are completely ok with that, i would never expect anything more than a person could give comfortably.

Find out how much he is thinking & go from there, is there something you need help with that you could ask for?

divadancer11 · January 2012

We are paying for the wedding ourselves and my mom doesn't have much so she purchased our unity candle and has offered to pay for the aisle runner/FG basket/RB pillow......which helps!

Habs2Hart · January 2012

My dad and his wife paid off my H's student loans, because they didn't want us to start our married life in debt.

My mom and her husband gave us money towards new furniture since we didn't really have anything.

Both were extremely generous and helped us out tremendously in starting out.

pgcp · January 2012

My parent got my husband and I a bed, and a year's supply of my asthma medicine and birth control pills.

I was still in college, and we couldn't afford full medical coverage. We had catastrophic coverage, just in case. My allergist, obgyn, and pharmacist agreed to a year's supply of meds prior to the wedding while I was still on my dad's insurance.

What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?

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