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To have an engagement party, or not?

chrissyb1113chrissyb1113
First Anniversary First Comment
in New Jersey
We got engaged in November and had decided that an engagement party wasn't necessary - especially since we're paying for the bulk of the wedding on our own, that money could go elsewhere. Plus, I'm not very close with most of my family, and while yes they're invited and will show up to the wedding, they would most likely not show up for an engagement party. Well, now my finance's uncle has brought up the idea of a casual engagement party that he would be happy to help pay for and fiance is alllll for it. Problem still stands, I know that no more than 4 people from my family will show while all 50+ of his will. Do we go through with it? How do I explain to his family that my family just isn't close enough to make it out and it's not really their thing? I envision it to be a totally awkward "party"... help?
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Re: To have an engagement party, or not?

  • LissyM83LissyM83 member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    I honestly didn't want one either but my parent's insisted on it so I told them I didn't want anything over the top. We had a cocktail party on a Sunday afternoon and thought it was a nice alternative.
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    My mom wanted to throw us an engagement party but I told her I would honestly rather the money be put toward the wedding.  She agreed and helped pay for our dj/photos/video.
     
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  • GiGiV2012GiGiV2012 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    If he wants to throw a party for you guys, I don't see anything wrong with it. Is this something your immediately family would come to? I see this as a great opportunity for family members to meet and mingle.
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  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    We had one but it was extremely laid back.  We got food catered but from a local deli, my BIL got us a tent with table and chairs for free from his company, and had it in our own backyard during the summer.  Just used an ipod and had yard game, it was really simple and didn't cost more than 1k.  
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  • Bay21Bay21
    First Comment
    I am in the same boat as you are. My sister wants to throw my fiance and i party so "the familys can meet." we aren't huge on it  because we have a busy academic year ahead, our families live four hours apart and like you not a lot of people to invite. But she's bee on our case about it so now fiance and i are debating it.

    If he's insistent on the party (traditions and what not) I don't think you really need to tell the Uncle's guests that your family isn't into parties, if they actually ask you can just say they couldn't make it. You could maybe ask the Uncle to trim his guest list a bit but i forsee that getting tricky and causing more problems then it's worth. I think if you and the fiance both aren't too hot on the idea, maybe see if the Uncle would rather just put that money towards the wedding. Whatever you do, definitely explain the situation to the Uncle.

    I have no idea if this was helpful, but i hope it was! best of luck!
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  • odonnellalysodonnellalys
    First Comment
    We were going to try to have one, but FI's parents were making too many restrictions on the guest list. I told them that if my immediate family, aunts uncles and first cousins couldn't be invited, but his extended family could, then I didn't want one. So we decided to have a dinner party with a few of his family members that expressed that they had a gift for us. We cooked dinner at FI's house and it was nice.
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