Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion

My mother is driving me nuts

ambermaamberma member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I just sent out the invitations for our wedding and had the guestlist for my mother to look over months ago. She called me tonight to find out why her friend who she doesn't even hang out with much anymore isn't being invited to our wedding. I really am not close to her friend and I understand that she would like them to be there. I also was barely able to invite my friends because both of our families are so big that they filled most of our guestlist. I had to make decisions on who to cut and because I am not close to her friends, I chose to not invite them so that I could have some of my closest friends there. She told me that I needed to call the reception place and see if we can get a bigger room so we can invite more people. My parents are paying for the wedding, but I was trying to keep costs down for them. It just really frustrates me that despite having time to look over my guestlist before the invites were made she waited until after they were all made out and mailed to voice her opinion about it.
Report Reply to Post

Re: My mother is driving me nuts

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand your frustration. If you gave her an opportunity to look over and make changes to the guest list, then she really has no legitimate reason of wanting to change things now. While one person isn't that bif of a deal and probably won't require you getting a bigger place, it sounds like she is pushing you to add more, which would essentially be a B-list. Those are considered rude around here. I would try to explain this to her and she how that goes. I am sorry you feel stuck since they are paying for the wedding and generally who ever pays has the say so when it comes to the guest list.
    Report Reply
  • bridalgal50bridalgal50 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ugh. My DD's MIL decided to invite 2 couples the week of the wedding!

    Anywho- you really need to sit down and talk to mom about this.  She probably feels that since they are paying, she can invite as many of her friends as she wants.  Tell her your conerns about the cost of adding additional guests- let alone a larger room-and what you've told us about why you cut certain people from your list.   But if Mama says they are able to handle the additional expenses, then let it go.  She just has to remember not to complain about the bigger bill when it's all over! 
    Report Reply
  • stitchingchicastitchingchica member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Did your mom look at the invite list before your cuts, or after? It does seem like she should have been part of the guest list cutting conversation, instead of you deciding to cut her friends when your parents are paying. I know its "our day" as the brides, but they also say those who hold the purse strings hold the power. It seems that by your mom calling you she wasn't aware that you removed her friends- perhaps instead of just letting her have opportunity to view it there should have been the acknowledgement that you removed some people from the guest list that she should be consulted about. I'm not trying to be severe, I just think your mom has a legitimate view too.

    My parents are paying for mine, and as such I am having a 300 person wedding. Not my ideal, but they are paying and I'm not cutting guests that they want invited, esp. since that means they're being generous with my in-laws' guests and mine too. I had to keep that in mind in finding my venue, something that would keep the guest list to keep my parents' happy. Would you want to give thousands of dollars towards something and have the people you invited cut without your knowledge?

    I know its hard, I'm not saying she shouldn't have looken more closely, but try to be sensitive to hurt feelings.
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • ambermaamberma member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The original list did not include them because I forgot to add them. And she has not shown any interest in helping with anything until she realized how close it was getting. They were given the before and after lists, and the people who got cut from the list were some of mine and my fiancees friends and people from our church.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards