Dear... (Flame Free)

oceana919 · November 2010

Dear Neighbor Across the Road,

Be a responsible pet owner. If you have to let Fido out to piss at 5am, have the decency to let him back in when you're done. Don't let him sit on your porch and howl his head off for 45 minutes when the rest of the neighborhood is trying to sleep. If your dog wakes me up at an obscene hour one more time, I'm calling in a noise violation to the cops.

Sincerely,
Your Insomniac Neighbor

Dear Sarah Palin,

I know you think you can win the presidency. However, I doubt you stand a chance unless you a) take a remedial English class, because half the time you talk in textspeak, b) learn geography and basic civics, and c) learn to corral your children.

ps. Don't run. I'm happy to have you in control of my guided tour of Alaska. I in no way, shape or form want you in control of my uterus.

Sincerely,
Person Who Refuses to Vote for BSC Teapartiers

Dear Students,

READ YOUR EMAILS. I give you times, dates, deadlines, instructions, all in full sentences, using understandable English. You crying/screaming at me because you failed to comprehend basic concepts or didn't bother reading what you were supposed to does nothing but piss me off and make me less-inclined to help you.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Supervisor

Dear FI,

Pick your clothes up off the floor or I'm dressing you in them while you sleep. Sweaty gym clothes and all. Yes, you're that heavy of a sleeper.

Love and smootches,
Your Future Baby Mama

Dear Nice Student Who Brought Me Starbucks (and knows how to read emails),

You Rule.

Sincerely,
Caffienated Frustrated Supervisor

Open letter day, ladies...post away.

Blue & White · November 2010

Dear Kids at Tutoring Tonight,
Please don't throw stuff at each other. And I want to actually get through the lessons as assigned. Kthx.
-Tutor of Crazy Children

Dear Regular Students,
Don't forget to take your quiz tonight. I'm not reseting it after the deadline passes.
-The Mean Prof.

Dear West Virginia,
Please don't snow. At least until December. Kthx.
-Very Scared of Driving in the Mountains in the Snow

Dear Thanksgiving Turkey,
I'm really excited to eat you soon. I hope I also learn how to make amazing pies from scratch. Peace out, have a nice few last days.
-Yummmmmmm

PS - I

gravy and green bean casserole too.

motoLyn · November 2010

Dear Other drivers,

I understand that like me you're on your way to work. That doesn't mean that you need to drive slowly in the fast lane only to cut over three lanes and wedge yourself into the freeway transition. Was it worth driving 5 miles past the people already waiting to get on the transition and then almost causing a traffic accident and/or jam by cutting someone off to get onto the transition? Cause I now have to leave 20 minutes earlier than I usually do to get to work if I don't want to be late for work. Recognize that you are a douchebag and you make my usually serene commute to work more hellish. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Angry Asian in the fish bowl

calindi · November 2010

Dearest Boyfriend,

I'm glad I was able to get you a free-standing pull up bar free of charge. No, it cannot go in our living room. No, it cannot go in the guest room either. You can do your pull ups outside under the awning in rain or shine, and it won't be taking up limited floor space. We do not live in a gym, and we don't have an extra room to turn into one either. Deal with it or I'll return the pull up bar.

Oh, while we're at it, I bought you a laundry basket specifically for your gym clothes. Why are they every around it except inside it? They smell, pick them up.

Love,
The Woman Who Shares a Home with You

Dear Boyfriend's Mother and Sisters,

He is your son and brother. He is part of your family. Just because he moved out of your hometown does not mean he abandoned you or ran away. He calls you - please answer or call him back. If you're having some sort of family trip or event, it would be nice if you invited him along even though we live 2000 miles away. Yes, I know he's the strong silent type, but it doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. I can't stand seeing you hurt him over and over by your indifference and disinterest.

Fondly,
Someone Who Loves Your Son

Dear Cat Lady,

I get that you like cats. I get that you can't stand to see stray cats go hungry. And I also understand that free roaming cats are legal in our city. But you have gone way over the line by "adopting" almost 60 cats. Just because you feed them and gave them a rabies shot doesn't mean they're acceptable in the neighborhood. All of us hate you because your mangy cats swarm our yards, poop on our door steps, leave mice by our cars, and spread fleas throughout all the grass. Oh, not to mention biting people. Yeah, that hurt. So keep your cats contained if you're going to claim they're yours.

Sincerely,
Bitten By 1 Cat and 10,000 Fleas

coastiegrl25 · November 2010

Dear Mom,

Please realize that you're acting like a high school child. He doesn't love you and you are putting yourself through a bad situation. I am hurt for you, and just hope that everything ends up ok.

Sincerely,
DD

Dear BFF,

I am very sorry that I have to leave you and your son. I know you need me as does he, I need you both too.

Love,
Mouse

Dear FI,

I would very much appreciate if you would stop chewing with your mouth open, I know that you weren't taught to close your mouth but that has GOT to stop!!!

Always,
FBM

Ana_2985 · November 2010

Dear Everyone,

Don't form an opinion on a topic that you do not understand or do not know the facts about. You look like an idiot.

Someone Who Likes to Educate Theirself Before They Form an Opinion and Doesn't Make Shitt Up When They Don't Know

Hmm. So the Oxford dictionary likes themself, but Dictionary.com likes theirself. Which is it!?! The knot doesn't like either one.

Blue & White · November 2010

Coastie,

Bad news. My BF's gma and gpa never learned how to close their mouths when eating....apparently inviting the gma over these days is getting worse and worse cause she gets food everywhere. Good luck fixing that habit before it's too late!

-Blue & White

coastiegrl25 · November 2010

Blue & White,

Thanks for informing me of what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. I had hope as he does try to not do it, unless he forgets. All it takes is one look from me and he closes it right up.

Coastie

jemmini6 · November 2010

(similar to moto)

Dear A-hole in a truck,

Yes, traffic merging from one freeway to the other is slow. This however does not give you the right to pass people on the shoulder, then honk at me because I merged into that lane (legally, turn signal and everything) and you almost hit me because you were also trying to merge back into that lane from the shoulder. I hope you run your truck into a very large ditch.

Dear A-hole in the fast lane,

I was nice to let you in front of me, I was feeling generous and felt bad because you had been sitting there with your turn signal on for a while. Do not thank me for this by going 10 miles slower than the rest of traffic, which is already going 10 miles slower than the speed limit. They call it the fast lane for a reason. If you don't want to drive at least the speed of the car in front of you, why the hell did you feel the need to get over in the first place? I hope your car breaks down.

Sincerely,

Rush hour clearly gives me road rage.

mana8503 · November 2010

Dear BF,
YAY, you got a new/old truck, but SERIOUSLY did it have to be raised?! I'm 5'1 on a good day! But I'm glad you're happy and I can used the old/old truck instead of this stupid ugly rental car.

Love,
Your fun-sized GF

Dear Vehicle Damage Adjustor,
Yesterday you said you'd call me back today with an estimate of when my Jeep would be done. It's 2pm and NO CALL! This is not a "10 star customer service" quality you say you offer on your voice mail message!

PS HAVE MY JEEP DONE BEFORE THANKSGIVING!

Sincerely,
Missin' my Jeep

Dear owner of the car that hit me,
1. make sure the people you let drive your car isn't an idiot that runs redlights
2. PAY YOUR INSURANCE!

Thanks,
Injuried person not wanting to pay a $500 deductible for an accident that's NOT MY FAULT!

desertsun · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dear-flame?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3533a7c6-52a8-45f6-b3b2-b37ef5b55d55Post:bca06cbb-8ea3-463a-a944-fdd30333c81a">Re: Dear... (Flame Free)</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Everyone, Don't form an opinion on a topic that you do not understand or do not know the facts about. You look like an idiot. Someone Who Likes to Educate Theirself Before They Form an Opinion and Doesn't Make Shitt Up When They Don't Know Hmm. So the Oxford dictionary likes themself, but Dictionary.com likes theirself. Which is it!?! The knot doesn't like either one.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

Dear Ana,

Because "someone" is singular, your pronoun should also technically be singular. Therefore, I believe "herself" is the most appropriate choice. Following this logic, your signature should most correctly (I believe) read: "Someone who likes to educate herselve before she forms an opinion and doesn't make schit up when she doesn't know."

Love,

Your Friendly NEY Nerd :)

ETA: Only b/c you asked!

Beads921 · November 2010

Dear Event I was Part of at Work 2 MONTHS ago:

Fvck off! Go away! Seriously. You are still sucking all of the life out of me.

Kindly,
The Frustrated Admin. Assistant

Dear Course Facilitator:

Please stop delaying things! Sheesh! First you put off the interview by a week, then you are half an hour late the day of. Now, you're putting off releasing placements by a week and a half. I need to be able to arrange my schedule for next term, and I can't with you lolligagging around. Yours isn't the only course I have to focus on, let's get a move on!

Sincerely,
Your Excited-but-Frustrated Applied Apprenticeship Student

motoLyn · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dear-flame?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3533a7c6-52a8-45f6-b3b2-b37ef5b55d55Post:1d460a23-3c05-43af-8824-603d897dfc39">Re: Dear... (Flame Free)</a>:
[QUOTE](similar to moto) Dear A-hole in a truck, Yes, traffic merging from one freeway to the other is slow. <strong>This however does not give you the right to pass people on the shoulder</strong>, then honk at me because I merged into that lane (legally, turn signal and everything) and you almost hit me because you were also trying to merge back into that lane from the shoulder. I hope you run your truck into a very large ditch.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I run into this now and then, when I see a car coming up the shoulder to cut people off, depending on my mood I'll purposely pull half way over and block them from proceeding. I had one car try to pass me as our lanes merged once, he was clearly behind me but thought "Hey I'll pass her and get ONE car ahead of where I was" Doofus was driving a shiny new red BMW, so what's a loss to me if he hits me, so I tug the steering wheel to the right and scare him into submission. The guys backs down and merges in behind me. Your windows may be tinted but I can still see you and give you the stink eye.

Wrkn925 · November 2010

Dear Coworkers,

It's 1pm. Can we eat lunch now?

Signed,
Hungry coworker

Dear BF,
Stop asking me to look at rings. Stop asking me to find a bigger more expensive ring. Either a.) Get the one you picked out that I liked, or b.) let's shut up about it.
When I found you, I stopped looking for a partner.
When I found an apartment, I stopped looking for something better.
Now that I've found the ring I want, I want to stop looking.
When I buy a wedding dress, I will stop looking.
Please expect the same pattern to follow throughout our life.

Signed,
Bored of that conversation and ring shopping.

Hazel_B · November 2010

Dear BF,
I understand that you are not feeling 100 percent these days and that you like your sleep, but when you know you need to get up at 6am you going to bed at 11:30pm or later and then complaining that you are tired doesn't help anyone.

Also, when you decide that you need to work late and need to adjust our commuting time for the day please let me know before 6:20 when we try to leave by 6:45. I could have slept in a little and relaxed while doing my morning chores had I known.

Love,
The One Who Brings You Coffee in the Morning

Dear Lil Sis,
I loved going to Spain with you and had a great time. It was definitely easier for me to charge things on my credit card for simpicities sake at the time. Also, I know how much you loved saying "just put it on my tab". However, Christmas is coming soon and I wish you'd pay me back.

Love,
Big Sis

Blue & White · November 2010

Wrkn,

I'm glad to see you shop like me

I see the one I want and then I'm like "peace out" to all the other options. At least I don't have to look at rings (phew)

-Blue & White

StarGazingHiker · November 2010

Dear M's girlfriend,
I'm sorry but I've never liked you. I tried... tried very hard since M and S are best friends I tried to make you feel welcome and be your friend when you did not know anyone, but no more... you have finally made friends who always compliment you/tell you how amazing you are/are just as shallow and dumb as you are.

I don't think you are right for M and you are lucky I didn't tell him that you poked holes in condoms hoping to get pregnant so you guys would have to get married. I understand that you are desperate to get married, but do you really think that is the best way to go about it. You guys have been together for 2 years... come on!

I'm sorry but after you biitched me out for something I didn't do and told me that you only tolerate us because S is M's best friend... I really don't want to spend time with you anymore. You were right though... we do judge you... yes I think that you are insecure are crazy. I did form an opinion about you after living with you and hearing you throw fits over everything that didn't go your way.

You are 26... please act like it.You work with children... please be responsible. You should feel lucky, M is a sweet guy and he hasn't left you and your crazy BSC-ness because he feels guilty that you moved 700 miles for him... though as we remind him, it was your idea, not his. I do understand though that I don't know the dynamics of your relationship now that we're all not living together, so I hope your outbursts and temper tantrums have decreased, but I'm sorry, I will only continue to tolerate your presence when we all get together because I know the only way S and I can hang out with M is with you because you are to insanely jealous to let him go out without you. I'm just grateful that you allow him to get lunch with S every week without you. This does make S happy that he can still hang out with his best friend like they used to.

Thanks!
M's tolerant friend

Dear Boyfriend's parents,
You've raised 2 children and are adults. I think you are capable of choosing a new cellphone plan/new phones without consulting your son over everything related to it. Oh and when you both come to stay, please please please do not make condescending comments about our furniture or paint choices. This is stuff that we chose together and we love. It may not be your style or taste, but it's our house not yours...

Thanks!
Frustrated girlfriend of your son

I feel so much better now!! Thank you Oceana for starting this!

nottheonlydreamer44 · November 2010

Cate - you seriously made me laugh out loud with the gym comment. Love it. These are really great so far (nice work Oceana!)

Dear Future Baby Daddy,

I have asked you 35,000 times to not leave the sock drawer open or clothes all over the floor as the dog gets into them. I am not your mother, I am not your maid, pick your f-ing shiit up, already!

Also, I'm not sure if you're aware but we own a home. That home comes with electric bills that are pretty high in the winter with an electric furnace (see how that works). So when I politely tell you to turn the outside porch light off because it's daylight when you leave and why do we need it on all day anyway? Then you continue to "forget" I will remind you once again that if you want to waste electricity then head back to your parents house to do so.

Love,
Your Future Baby Mama - not YOUR mama.

Dear Ohio Department of Job and Family Services,

I have been filing unemployment claims since July 22. You have not paid. We have a 5 minute long hearing that needs to be done so that the money will be released. Yet there is no time frame on this hearing, just "its going to be awhile." I would like you to know that if I reach the beginning of the new year (when I would need to file an extension on the UE that I'm not getting paid) I will drive to Columbus and find the person who facilitates these hearings and deliver a nut-punch that they won't soon forget. GIVE ME MY MONEY!

Sincerely,
A pissed-off former employee of craptastic company

Dear who-ever is in charge of delivering me some good luck,

Please for the love of everything let me get this job on Sunday. That is all.

Signed,
Desperately wanting a full-time income

Last but not least

Dear FI's family,

I know this next week is going to be horrendous as Mom is still BSC and brother's GF is back in town. I would just like it if we could make it through dinner without anymore inappropriately-timed conversations about why you think I don't like you. Or even better lets take all discussions of Mike and I off the table. Do not guilt your son into doing anymore crap for you than he already does, Mom. He's not your husband or the lazy ass 32 yr old son that lives with you.

Thanks so much,
Your soon-to-be Daughter in Law (cue slow clapping)

Acrosthec · November 2010

Dear Economy,

Please fix yourself, and fast. DH and I want to start a family, and we both need employment to do that.

Love,

Having to File for Unemployment in Less than a Month

Dear Uterus,

I know you want a baby. But you and your friend Ms. Biological Clock need to simmer down and understand that now is just not the best time. I know I had told you differently, but that was 6 months ago, and sometimes things change.

Love,

Acro's Head, not her Heart

jemmini6 · November 2010

Star- I would totally tell your friend that some crazy biotch is poking holes in condoms. Even if you did really like her, that's totally not okay and he deserves to know.

nottheonlydreamer44 · November 2010

Aww Acro

Are you both going to be unemployed? I'm so sorry honey, that sucks big time. You'll be back on your feet soon!

heyimbren · November 2010

Acro, you're breaking my heart. I sincerely hope that things turn around for you soon.

Dear Girls at School,

Please start wearing more suitable clothes to class. I don't want to see your bra or your boobs when talking about human rights.

From,
A student who wants to focus

StarGazingHiker · November 2010

Jemmini- I was going to, but fortunately she stopped or so she said. I'm really hoping that she did!

heyimbren · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dear-flame?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3533a7c6-52a8-45f6-b3b2-b37ef5b55d55Post:ac98b01f-92c2-4372-95e3-721a2684059e">Re: Dear... (Flame Free)</a>:
[QUOTE]Jemmini- I was going to, but fortunately she stopped or so she said. I'm really hoping that she did!
Posted by StarGazingHiker[/QUOTE]

I still feel like it's something that should be said. I don't know how he'd take it or anything, but something like that would be a big deal to me.

Wrkn925 · November 2010

If I were guy, I would want to know even though she said she stopped. Even if you knew she stopped.

StarGazingHiker · November 2010

Bren- ya I know... I've gone back and forth about talking to him/having my bf talk to him. Some times I feel like I should but other times I feel like it's none of my business and wonder if she was really serious about it. I don't know... maybe I should have my bf talk to him since they've been friends forever.

Edit- you ladies are right... I'm going to have my bf mention it to him. He really does have a right to know. I just feel bad causing trouble between them. I don't like her, but I feel that we've caused a lot of fights between them already and I feel bad. Guess I need to suck it up and think of him and what he would want to know.

oceana919 · November 2010

Dear Ana,

I love you, you informed biotch.

Love and peach martinis,
Oceana

Dear Desert,

I love you, you informed grammar nerd biotch. Even if you are from Michigan.

Love and buckeye candies,
Oceana

Dear OSU Football Team,

Please beat Iowa this weekend. I don't want to hear one more person bitch about how the Big 10 can't play for crap, and I'd really like to see you guys in a bowl game.

ps. Make it the Orange Bowl, while you're at it. I promise I'll tailgate.

Best wishes,
A Displaced Ohioan

Dear Uterus,

You and Acro's Uterus need to calm the f*ck down. Seriously, stop calling each other and plotting about how you'll convince us to put a fetus in you by triggering gooey maternal feelings every time you see onsies at Target or a picture of Mr. Man. It's like your BFFs or something. You're being ridiculous. Behave yourselves, biotches.

Sincerely,
The Logical Side of Oceana's Brain

Dear Pearl,

Nope...I haven't missed you one bit.

Adios,
Your Former Landlord

fraycou · November 2010

Dear Christmas,

Im so happy you are close, however, please be better than last year. Im asking for no family fights and no surprise pregnancies for my unmarried younger sister. I would also like for you to create a way for you to pay for yourself, including but not limited to gifts, decorations, christmas cocktail attire, etc.

Yours Truly,

It's gonna be a small christmas

Dear BF,

Please stop talking about "the ring". I do not need to know how much it appraised for, until I'm wearing it. I do not need to know if you are scared I'll like it, I promise I'll tell you. If you would like to talk openly about this ring then give it to me already and we will begin any discussions. Also stop acting like money is no big deal...it does not buy happiness, but ya can't live without it. Please start saving!

Love you bunches,

the other person who gets the inside jokes

StarGazingHiker · November 2010

Dear Criminal Minds,
Thank you for being wonderful and giving me motivation to finish my research problem and purpose. Thanks to you, I've finished it and I now get to spend quality time with you until I have class.

Sincerely,
Addicted

noelle24 · November 2010

Yeah, I've got nothing to complain about today. It's been a great day!

Wrkn925 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dear-flame?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3533a7c6-52a8-45f6-b3b2-b37ef5b55d55Post:b97075cd-7a09-41cb-968d-303e79ceb6b1">Re: Dear... (Flame Free)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I've got nothing to complain about today. It's been a great day!
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

Then I'll write your letter:

Dear Universe,

Thanks for spinning my way. It has been nice. Please continue in this direction.

Thanks for everything,

Noelle

Dear... (Flame Free)

Re: Dear... (Flame Free)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards