Pot-luck wedding?

Shadows1909 · May 2011

Hi!

We're getting married next august, and were wondering whether we could skip the whole catered meal ordeal (we both aren't fans of big meals, nor fancy ones). We have a total guest list of about 30 people, and although not sure of where we are going to get married yet, we are thinking of a small inn, that offers a big enough space for 30 people.

My question is : Dyou think a pot-luck reception dinner (buffet style) is a doable idea? The guest's present to us would basically be their presence and one platter of food for 29 people. Anything to consider with this style of reception food? We will probably be ordering the cake separatly in case though.

Thanks for advice!

jenajjthr · May 2011

Only you know your family and friends if this would be acceptable. As for me I would not like it very well. It is your responsibility to host your guests, not have them provide food for your guests.

There are also a lot of things to try and cooridinate with this. Who brings what to make sure there are no duplicates. How do you keep hot things hot and cold things cold so food stays safe.

A catered meal doesn't have to be "fancy". It can be anything you want. If you are low key people than pick a menu that is low-key.

arrabelle · May 2011

i'd go with catering, ditto pp about food safety and logistics. potluck sounds easier but i think it will be more of a headache. a caterer will make your life easier. for that number of people, you probably could skip a catering "company" and maybe just ask some of your favorite restaurants if they cater. it could be something casual like bbq, i love non-wedding food at weddings!

also - i don't know how you would ask people to do this as a gift, you can't really ask people to bring gifts. that's something people do on their own if they want to.

if people have said they want to bring food, maybe they can bring a dessert or bottle of wine to share?

happy wedding!

Wiscisbliss · May 2011

If you can afford it, host food for your guests. You could do something as easy as rolls and a meat and cheese platter with a few sides and a sheet cake. It doesn't have to be stuffy or expensive.

raes19 · May 2011

Last summer my cousin had a potluck wedding, and the guests were not happy about it. In fact, some people did not attend because of it. If you are asking people to celebrate with you, as a good host you need to provide the food for them.

Beazilla · May 2011

Don't do a potluck. If you can't afford a catered meal or don't want to shell out for one, you can do a cake and punch reception. You can also do a cocktail reception or ask close relatives (maybe friends) to help you cook food (you buy the food) for the wedding. Since you're hosting the wedding, you need to provide refreshments for your guests.

jessicabessica · May 2011

Like PPs mentioned, you really have to know your guests. While it's not proper etiquette to have people bring the food for an event you are supposed to host, I know that some people feel that is a wonderful way to help the bride and groom celebrate or would rather bring food than give a traditional wedding gift.

Some things to consider--
- Food safety
- Cooking for 29 people sounds like a lot to me--not something I usually do
- Duplicates/making sure you have a variety of items
- Out of town guests will have to just buy something
- Washing out the dishes afterwards (will people take home their leftovers?)

I would go with catering. It shouldn't be hard to find a restaurant or catering company in your area that can do the style of food you'd like for a small wedding--you might want to post on your local board for suggestions. You could go with sandwich trays and other platters from a place like Costco. I think if people offer to help you get or make food, that's fine, but don't request it of people. We have friends who would like to help us with aspects of the wedding as their gift to us, so we're doing some DIY projects together, but I wouldn't put out a blanket request to all my guests to (1) give me a gift and (2) give me a particular gift.

jerseydevil · May 2011

A reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to witness your ceremony. You don't ask some one to buy their own thank you card from you, so how is this different?

I'd go with catering. Just because you get it catered doesn't mean it has to be anything fancy.

jess9802 · May 2011

Ditto - go with catering. There are so many ways potluck weddings can go awry, from food poisoning to not enough food to four potato salads that it's just not worth it...not to mention the fact that YOU are hosting your guests. Be a hostess.

If you don't like "fancy" food, get a caterer who can do BBQ, or homestyle Italian or Mexican food or something. Or have a non-mealtime wedding and serve platters of fruits, veggies, deli meats, rolls, punch, and cake.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

The point of a reception is to host your guests and say, "thanks for witnessing my marriage ceremony." Which means providing refereshments.

Not everyone will be able to afford a gift or choose to bring a gift, and demanding what, exactly, the gift is, isn't appropriate. Not to mention making enought food for 29 people isn't easy.

You can always do something simply like Costco platters, giant sandwiches from Subway, BBQ, hamburgers and hotdogs, mexican food, etc. You can try to make things on your own that will be fine made-ahead and at room temperature. (Since it's only 30 people, it seems do-able.) You can have your wedding in the middle of the afternoon (2 or 3pm) and just do cake and a few finger foods - maybe some cheese and crackers, vegetables and dip, chips and guacamole, cookies, cupcakes. Just don't ask anyone to work at your wedding - they're there to have a good time, too!

sklubritt · May 2011

My sister had a potluck for her wedding reception and the guests all loved it! And the bride was able to have my grandma cook her favorites.

I am not going to do it though, but it is definitely doable, especially for 30 people.

NOLAbridealmost · May 2011

Don't do a pot luck reception. As PPs said, it is incredibly rude

SugarBrideOct10 · May 2011

TACKY

AbbeyS2011 · May 2011

I say NO to the pot-luck reception, but if you want to DIY the food, I think that is fine. The only thing your guests should do for your wedding is attend, not bring food.

My wedding is in 3 weeks, we are having a 2 pm ceremony, a 3 pm - 6 pm reception, and are DIYing the food. We have a friend who is starting out in a catering business who will be helping with the process to make sure everything is OK with the food.

fancyshmancy · May 2011

I would say no to a pot-luck. I am very traditional when it comes to hosting and I just don't think it would be embraced by all your guests.

iluvmy0341 · May 2011

Yeah I'm with everyone. It's pretty rude to ask them to bring food to your wedding....and what if not everyone brings food? Gifts aren't required, so it's bad to assume everyone would bring a gift (when you said instead of gifts bring food). We've had potluck parties at our house, and after people said they'd bring something, they'd show up with nothing, and some showed up with a super-small thing...like a box of 12 cookies when they knew there were alot of people there.

See about cooking your own food. That's what' we're doing. My dad is cooking the meat early (pig and chicken on the spit), and my grandma and I are making all the sides the day before (all cold BBQ style sides).

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