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MOH gone MIA! Help!

soul2lanesoul2lane member
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in Moms and Maids
Hey guys, I'm having some MOH issues right now. I asked a friend that actually lives within 500 miles of me to be my MOH and now I'm regretting it. Two weeks after I ask her, she goes out of town for 2 months. When she comes back, she's completely different. I've only seen her twice at holidays since then. She's apparently wanting to divorce her husband now and run off to Oregon. She skipped her daughters birthday, her 14th anniversary, and her daughters first day of 1st grade to hang out with friends. She's blown me off three times for unknown reasons.
I want to uninvite her to be my MOH but I don't know if it's too soon, or if I'm just being selfish. My weddings not until next April, but I could really use some help and advice now since I don't have anyone else in this state besides my SUPER busy mother.
What do you think?
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Re: MOH gone MIA! Help!

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    This is not a MOH issue, this is a friend issue.  Her recent actions are unrelated to your wedding, why are you seeing them through a wedding prism?  Your friend does not owe you wedding advice or help.  Your wedding is a ways away, work on the friendship and leave the rest to be sorted later.



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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-gone-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0b8675dc-c8d5-4137-81be-85d60f495c3dPost:5995e86b-3b20-4d5f-84fb-076f4425ee54">MOH gone MIA! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey guys, I'm having some MOH issues right now. I asked a friend that actually lives within 500 miles of me to be my MOH and now I'm regretting it. Two weeks after I ask her, she goes out of town for 2 months. When she comes back, she's completely different. I've only seen her twice at holidays since then. She's apparently wanting to divorce her husband now and run off to Oregon. She skipped her daughters birthday, her 14th anniversary, and her daughters first day of 1st grade to hang out with friends. She's blown me off three times for unknown reasons. I want to uninvite her to be my MOH but I don't know if it's too soon, or if I'm just being selfish. My weddings not until next April, but I could really use some help and advice now since I don't have anyone else in this state besides my SUPER busy mother. What do you think?
    Posted by soul2lane[/QUOTE]


    It sounds like your friend is going through a major crisis, right now. She must be really troubled if she has missed her daughter's birthday and first day of school and is thinking about divorce. Could you extend yourself a bit to ask her if she needs anything?

    It is not the MOH responsiblity to help plan your wedding. She is only required to buy her dress, show up on time, maybe hold the rings or your flowers during the ceremony and sign the marriage certificate if a witness is required. That's it. Her duties begin and end with the wedding ceremony. Anything else is extra and should be done on a voluntary basis.

    If your plans are so complex that you need help, you should either hire a wedding planner or scale back to what you and your fi can handle.
                       
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    joyfulhappy1joyfulhappy1
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    edited December 2011

    Ditto-friend issue

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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
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    edited December 2011
    Your friend sounds like she's going through some serious life issues right now and all you're concerned about is whether you should kick her out of your WP or not?!

     You sound like a peach, really, I'm sure she's thrilled to have such a great friend like you who is so concerned about her wellbeing. <----major sarcasm font.
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    LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
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    edited December 2011
    What your friend needs now is just that, a friend. Not a bride. I can understand your worries about her MOH duties, but those should go to the back burner. Just lend her your friendship and understanding for the moment. Time will tell if she still wants to be your MOH.
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    em01092em01092 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-gone-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0b8675dc-c8d5-4137-81be-85d60f495c3dPost:7691f598-cc35-4d6f-a91f-42ce128c463d">Re: MOH gone MIA! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What your friend needs now is just that, a friend. Not a bride. I can understand <strong>your worries about her MOH duties,</strong> but those should go to the back burner. Just lend her your friendship and understanding for the moment. Time will tell if she still wants to be your MOH.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Just to be clear, she has none, other than to show up in the dress agreed upon, hold your bouquet, maybe sign your marriage license, and smile for pictures. Parties and showers are optional and she is not required to throw them. </div>
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    soul2lanesoul2lane member
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    edited December 2011
    I completely get what you guys are saying, and believe me, I've tried. Since my FI and I are close friends with her and her husband, she won't speak to either of us about it. That's what I said about her blowing me off, she won't even talk to me on the phone! I've asked her if I've done something via FB and texts and she won't even answer me!
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    soul2lanesoul2lane member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually, before she started acting weird, I didn't really talk wedding at all. She would ask sometimes, but I was newly engaged and wasn't worried about details yet. Now, she won't talk to anyone really, including her own mom. I've tried messaging her and saying, "Hey, I'm not sure what your going through but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here." She won't even say anything to that.
    I really don't know what to do here. I know my post starter wasn't the most informative, and sounded rather rude. I'm just so stressed that my friend won't even speak to me or anyone else that I just needed some advice. As far as the wedding is concerned, I'm sure it's the least of her worries right now, which is what it should be. I just was thinking it might be easier on her and myself if I took that stress off her shoulders.
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    Shayyy01Shayyy01 member
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    edited December 2011
    op- You have a little time, all the wedding stuff regarding her put it on the back burner. 

    She may just be lost at the moment, and some people need to distanced themselves to find who they are again. 

    From personal experience, i've even went ahead and sent a gift to my friends work just saying hi. 

    Its kind of in their face and could make them come around and want to talk to you. 

    Good Luck Girlie! 
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    There really shouldn't be any stress associated with being your MOH. She doesn't have any special duties, other than those associated with the actual wedding ceremony. If you drop her from the wedding party (or ask her if she wants to step down - it's the same thing), you will hurt her feelings. She already has enough problems, without losing her best friend.

    Good luck.
                       
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    soul2lanesoul2lane member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys, she actually asked me today to be removed from the wedding party since because she's leaving the state. She also said that she is severing ties with all the people she currently knows so she never wants to talk to me or my FI again. I guess that solves me issues. :( I'm gonna miss her in my life.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry that your friend dumped you.
                       
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    joyfulhappy1joyfulhappy1
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    edited December 2011

    Severing ties with everyone that sounds so severe, Im sorry you lost your best friend.  Maybe she will come back around and you can just invite her to your wedding as a guest

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    sallyanne7sallyanne7 member
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    edited December 2011

    And I thought I had a flaky bridesmaid..

    I'm really sorry. I would give you advise on how to help her, but it sounds like she doesn't want it. Sometimes those people come into AND leave our lives for a reason. Unfortunately you just have to move on without her. Its sad, but its her loss. (I feel bad for her children though...)

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