How many receptions to have

kmcconnell105 · July 2010

I am having a destination wedding with apprx. 25 people attending. We had planned on having a 2 hour full dinner withcake, coffee and tea. Our wedding is at 3pm with dinner to follow. We had made these plans on the idea that when we returned home, we would have a family lunch reception to view video and pics of the wedding. Well, we have now had a change of plans and decided to have a full evening dinner reception when we get home for 150 guests with full premium bar from start to finish, photographer, dj...pretty much everything involved in a reception (7pm-1am). Would it be inappropriate to cut our wedding reception down to an hour with hot and cold apetizers and cake? Everyone attending the wedding reception will also be attending the home reception, so it isnt like anyone would be missing out. It is just that it would be much more cost effective for us and it would give our guest more time to enjoy their time at our destination seeing as there is tons to do in a small amount of time.

lharri12 · July 2010

Edit: Sorry, I didn't realize that you were changing it to appetizers and cake.
If people are going out of their way to attend a destination wedding, I think it would be rude to not at least provide them with dinner to thank them for making the trip. Keep the dinner.

Calumet · July 2010

Your guests are traveling very far and spending quite a bit of money to be with you on your wedding day. You should host them accordingly. A full dinner is appropriate, anything less is rude in this situation IMO.

Alyssa0421 · July 2010

I agree with PP, you need to host a full dinner at your destination. People are spending a lot of money to travel to your destination for your wedding. Even though there might be lots to see, your guests still need to eat and will likely be expecting a full meal at your reception (as anyone would). Sounds like you need to cut down your at-home reception if anything.

noelle24 · July 2010

The guests who are paying a lot of money to travel to your wedding (not to mention taking time off work) deserve much better treatment than snacks and cake. Cut back on the AHR.

As an aside, I just don't understand why someone would have a destination wedding and then a huge reception at home. Why not just have the wedding at home in the first place, especially if you're worried about "cost effectiveness"? It makes no sense to me.

kmcconnell105 · July 2010

Thank you! I have heard so many things from so many people that it's nice to get some educated advice. BTW we were going to do a nice sit down dinner the evening before. Maybe I will just cancel that, stick with the reception dinner and then the guests can have that day for their touring. The reason for choosing our destination is because our location has a ton of sentimental value to us. We have had some great times there and truthfully just wanted to share it with the people we love.

kmcconnell105 · July 2010

Noel, Im sure majority of brides are trying to be cost effective regardless of where they are wedding at. More so than anything, I was to figure out what my guest would enjoy more. Where I am wedding at has a lot of cool things to do and maybe instead of doing a generic chapel/reception location for an overly expensive cost, I can look into booking a cool themed dinner show. Right now what I have set up is buffet two entre three sides two salads and a generic 10" two tier wedding cake for 40 bucks a guest. It just seems like maybe I should look around for some alternative reception sites and ideas. We are wedding in Gatlinburg TN. Anyone with any ideas?

noelle24 · July 2010

I'm not knocking being cost-effective. However, you're basically having two weddings (the receptions always cost the most). The most cost-effective thing to do is have ONE reception. Or make the AHR much less formal. It just doesn't make sense to me that your solution is to cut back on how you treat your guests so that you can have two receptions.

You don't have to take your guests out to dinner the night before you wedding, so you could cut that. However, I still think that if you are asking guests to travel, take time off work, and pay money for a hotel (on top of getting you a wedding gift), then you should treat them well.

Think about how you would feel if you went through all of that for the bride and groom, and then just got appetizers and cake? And then when you went to the AHR, saw everyone who *didn't* spend all the money get the premium bar, dj, seated dinner, etc.?

The most obvious place to cut costs, to me, is for the AHR.

megk8oz · July 2010

Considering that the AHR are usually expected to be more casual, I would say I'd make that the less formal affair.

As a guest of a DW, if I had been given a sit-down dinner the night before the wedding, and then on the actual wedding day was only given appetizers ... but then at the AHR was given a full meal, I wouldn't necessarily be angry or anything, but I'd definitely be confused as to why there was no "real" food at the first wedding reception.

Can't you just switch the nights the you do dinner and appetizers? That way the night before the wedding be the small cocktail party and then on the actual wedding day people would get a full meal.

Or just cut the night before dinner entirely and then start scaling back on the AHR. But definitely give your DW guests an actual meal at the first reception.

fangsiting · July 2010

Have one reception and make it really nice. One hour of snacks at a destination wedding is ridiculous.

kmcconnell105 · July 2010

I agree that dinner for my wedding guest is the only way to go. Meg, ty for the suggestion to cut out the evening before dinner. We were planning on having it to get our families aquainted. Im sure there is a lot of different ways to that. Now I just figuring out where to have the dinner at. Like I said, I would like to tie in something enjoyable for my guest. Not a tacky generic tacky buffet style dinner. Im now thinking more on the lines of a themed restaurant with private dining or an entertaining dinner show. Our primary reason we are having our destination wedding is to share the experience of not just our wedding but the good times we have had there before. Again, cost effectiveness is good but not what is driving my decision, providing my guest with a good time is.

kmcconnell105 · July 2010

I will not cut out my family and friends who were not invited to my wedding to have one really nice reception at my destination that only includes 25 people. Origionally, we were only going to have a private wedding with our parents but there was family dispute and it has grown to 25. So, like I said, now my main goal is to make sure everyone has a nice time and is able to enjoy their visit.

fangsiting · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-receptions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:780f32d2-f813-4d7f-8bac-438ae41aeff5Post:768e903d-a080-47f0-9c13-94e23d247cc7">Re: How many receptions to have</a>:
[QUOTE]I will not cut out my family and friends...
Posted by kmcconnell105[/QUOTE]

um, you already did this when you decided to have a destination wedding with only 25 people.

Kristin789 · August 2010

DW = You have to feed these people a real dinner. They unplugged from their own lives to spend a bunch of money plugging into your life in some alternative location, etc.

AHR = I know no one who goes to these things. The bridal couple and the bride's family always expect everyone who wasn't good enough to be included in the actual wedding to come running to the AHR and bring a nice gift too. But people just skip it and send a card. I know two MOB's who were very angry that they hosted up huge AHR's and then few people came - basically it was just the people who had attended the DW. Everyone else sees it as a gift-delivery-time, and maybe you get a piece of cake too.

Oh, and if you do the AHR anyway - which you probably will, I think the idea of showing the wedding video is just blatently rubbing their noses in the fact that you didn't think they were good enough nor close enough to be invited to witness the real wedding, but they aure are close enough to bring you a nice gift afterward.

Kristin789 · August 2010

I'll just add that we had a wedding + reception with exactly 25 people, and never had some other blowout gift collection party where everyone else we ever met, worked with, whatever was invited. No need. We were already married, with our closest family and friends there. Done and done.

kmcconnell105 · August 2010

Fangsitting...or who ever you are. Please stay off of my message. You have not read through my replys and are only on here to ridicule me. I made it very clear that this was going to be a private wedding that extended to 25 guest. You have not offered one sentence of comment of support. I feel as if you are a self richeous bitch with nothing better to do than read between the lines of people post who are seriously looking for help and advice on major concerns regarding their wedding. Me unlike you came here as a last resort to try to find some helpful hints and suggestions on how to successfully plan and entertain my wedding guest. You on the other hand, probably linger around on boards looking for the opportunity to say something negative about peoples hopes and dreams of planning the perfect wedding. Shame on you for commenting twice on my post without one reasonable suggestion or word of advice. Didnt your momma teach you if you dont have nothing nice to say than dont say nothing at all? and if you truly cared about the threads you were posting on, you would take the time to read through them so you could have a better understanding of the question or dilema. Again, too much to ask for someone who knows it all and trys to prove it by posting pointless negativity on other peoples threads. Have a great day and I pray you stop being so insensitive to peoples important questions and to only offer guidance and advice if you truly give a F*CK. _NOT!

fangsiting · August 2010

I offered you advice-- have one really nice reception. Don't have a second reception for second class guests. The money you save by not throwing that second recpetion will allow you to have a full dinner for your guests, which it appears others have convinced you to do. Just because you don't like my answer doesn't mean it's unreasonable.

The second comment? Just wanted to set the record straight. You were acting like I'm trying to prohibit you from celebrating with your loved ones when you were the one who decided to have this wedding. I'm not making you have a destination wedding with only 25 people. Have one reception with 200 people and you won't need to replay any wedding video.

Goldlie11 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-receptions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:780f32d2-f813-4d7f-8bac-438ae41aeff5Post:12c19c41-8a34-467e-92a3-e42135e6a845">Re: How many receptions to have</a>:
[QUOTE]Fangsitting...or who ever you are. Please stay off of my message. You have not read through my replys and are only on here to ridicule me. I made it very clear that this was going to be a private wedding that extended to 25 guest. You have not offered one sentence of comment of support. I feel as if you are a self richeous bitch with nothing better to do than read between the lines of people post who are seriously looking for help and advice on major concerns regarding their wedding. Me unlike you came here as a last resort to try to find some helpful hints and suggestions on how to successfully plan and entertain my wedding guest. You on the other hand, probably linger around on boards looking for the opportunity to say something negative about peoples hopes and dreams of planning the perfect wedding. Shame on you for commenting twice on my post without one reasonable suggestion or word of advice. Didnt your momma teach you if you dont have nothing nice to say than dont say nothing at all? and if you truly cared about the threads you were posting on, you would take the time to read through them so you could have a better understanding of the question or dilema. Again, too much to ask for someone who knows it all and trys to prove it by posting pointless negativity on other peoples threads. Have a great day and I pray you stop being so insensitive to peoples important questions and to only offer guidance and advice if you truly give a F*CK. _NOT!
Posted by kmcconnell105[/QUOTE]
Wow. You need to calm down. This is a national board with lots of differing opinions. You already got plenty of advice. Have a nice dinner reception at your DW. The day before, you can do some kind of get together with snacks and desserts if you want.<div>
</div><div>Ditto whoever said don't show the video at your AHR. I think DWs are fine. I don't get the big AHR and agree with Noelle that it would have made more sense to have your wedding at home. You could have had a unique at home wedding. However, to each their own. </div>

kmcconnell105 · August 2010

Kristen, Im not sure what kind of brides have posted on here before but this has nothing to do with gifts' gifts are the last thing on my mind. this is a plan to celebrate our wedding a whole 4 days after the wedding. We both have a lot of family who are expecting an afterparty reception. I was trying to find a nice way to entertain my wedding guest, i have stated more than twice we were going to do dinner of some sort. at this point you guys are just up here blazing me for no reason. I never mentioned gifts or a blow out gift giving blow out! Your opinions of people on here suck. And like Fang...youre just out here screaching about what you wanna hear yourself say not even paying attention to my thread. Good luck with fixing that problem. You guys should both humble yourselves, read through the entire post and think before you blab your big snotty ass mouths. Gesh, and this so sad that you would asume this is about my greed and the need to try to collect gifts. you are not my kind of people so you would never get to know me....way to negative, sinicle and down right rude and bitchie! But everyone else who posted thanks for taking the time to read my entire posts and comment.

fangsiting · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-receptions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:780f32d2-f813-4d7f-8bac-438ae41aeff5Post:8f910f17-ab05-4cfb-9888-26c2102ccb1e">Re: How many receptions to have</a>:
[QUOTE] And like Fang...youre just out here screaching about what you wanna hear yourself say not even paying attention to my thread. Good luck with fixing that problem.
Posted by kmcconnell105[/QUOTE]

Thank you. My therapist thinks that with two intense sessions per week I'll only be saying what other people want me to say by the end of this year.

kmcconnell105 · August 2010

i have said since my second response that I was going to do a dinner reception, I asked for options on it and got nothing but ridicule about how I was looking for gifts as if I was gold digging. That to me was totally uncalled for. Public board, yeah, then you should have your crownies be a little more sensitive to peoples questions and needs. I dont like this board at all so I will look for better advise else where. Thanks for the cut downs and rude accusations towards me. It made me feel alot better about planning my big day.

Goldlie11 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-receptions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:780f32d2-f813-4d7f-8bac-438ae41aeff5Post:5b1991d4-75ee-400c-9858-f3055117243b">Re: How many receptions to have</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>i </strong>have said since my second response that I was going to do a dinner reception, I asked for <strong>options</strong> on it and got nothing but ridicule about how I was looking for gifts as if I was gold digging. That to me was totally uncalled for. Public board, yeah, then you should have your <strong>crownies</strong> be a little more sensitive to <strong>peoples</strong> questions and needs. I dont like this board at all so I will look for better <strong>advise else where</strong>. Thanks for the cut downs and rude accusations towards me. It made me feel <strong>alot</strong> better about planning my big day.
Posted by kmcconnell105[/QUOTE]
Your posts are getting very difficult to read. Please use standard English and proper grammar. It will help a lot.<div>
</div><div>P.S. notice that a lot is two separate words. </div>

kmcconnell105 · August 2010

Affraid I didnt post here for grammar lessons stop being a bitch. You can read my post just fine, youre just rotten horrible person. Now unlike most that have time to tear into people on the board, I do not. I am off to church this morning. Have a good day.

flutgrl1 · August 2010

I will never understand the hate for AHR. Some people don't want huge impersonal weddings. Vows are a big deal, and to me they are more important with a small crowd. (Plus it is hard to hear and boring for half the guests most of the time)

AHR allows less close friends and family to come to just the fun celebratory part. Personally I wish more weddings only had receptions.

To the OP....I would make the DW reception portion a little more of a big deal. But it is ok to have an AHR that is somewhat formal and a big deal. You can cut things like favors and huge centerpiecs to save some $$.

marinabreeze · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-receptions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:780f32d2-f813-4d7f-8bac-438ae41aeff5Post:3ffa1704-e0ca-4338-8db1-98faf375ce70">Re: How many receptions to have</a>:
[QUOTE]Affraid I didnt post here for grammar lessons stop being a bitch. You can read my post just fine, youre just rotten horrible person. Now unlike most that have time to tear into people on the board, I do not. I am off to church this morning. Have a good day.
Posted by kmcconnell105[/QUOTE]

You're calling someone a profanity for no good reason and call her a bad person because she pointed out that your posts are becoming less and less readable, and then in the same breath you mention that you're off to church. Klassy...

In any case, this is a national board in which you cannot dictate how people respond. If you wanted to control responses, blog it, don't post it to a community board. But since you chose to make it public, then get over the fact that not all of the responses you're going to like.

What some people here are pointing out is that it's tacky to skimp on the DW hospitality, but then have a blowout reception (also known as gift-grab) for a bunch of people that didn't quite make it on your short list for the DW. You might disagree with that take, that's fine, you do what you want....no one's stopping you. But just because you spend time attempting to find ways to justify it doesn't exactly make it justifiable.

marinabreeze · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-receptions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:780f32d2-f813-4d7f-8bac-438ae41aeff5Post:7629cc84-45e2-48da-a7ca-053b91bfc451">Re: How many receptions to have</a>:
[QUOTE]I will never understand the hate for AHR. Some people don't want huge impersonal weddings. Vows are a big deal, and to me they are more important with a small crowd. (Plus it is hard to hear and boring for half the guests most of the time) AHR allows less close friends and family to come to just the fun celebratory part. Personally I wish more weddings only had receptions. To the OP....I would make the DW reception portion a little more of a big deal. But it is ok to have an AHR that is somewhat formal and a big deal. You can cut things like favors and huge centerpiecs to save some $$.
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

No hate for AHRs necessarily flutgrl. I can see an AHR if you invite everyone to the wedding but many can't make it, or even if you just have a party to celebrate with friends when coming back from your DW (but not a reception).

At the same time, if not having a "huge impersonal wedding" is important to you, then why have a "huge impersonal" reception? I don't see the point...if your B-list isn't important enough to see you take your vows, why is it important enough to be invited to the large reception, presumably with gift in tow? The point of a reception is to thank your guests for coming to the ceremony. If they aren't even invited to the ceremony to begin with, then what's the point other than a big gift-grab, seriously?

Lilou902 · August 2010

Seriously, this just amuses me. What's up with people?? It's not just me is it??

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