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Need Advice - Guest List

I know that major wedding stress often comes from who to invite, who not to invite, etc.  I didn't think I'd have a problem because from the beginning, we set a guest list and planned on sticking to that number.  We initially left 6 of my cousins off of this guest list (while 2 other cousins on the same side are invited and ALL of FI's cousins are invited).  The reason we did this is because our mindset was always to invite only the people who we are close to.  These 6 cousins never make an attempt to keep in touch and I rarely see them. Some I see maybe once a year and the rest maybe once every 5-10 years. I am, however, inviting the parents of these cousins.  My Dad (whose neices and nephews they are) agrees that it is not necessary to invite them.  The more I think about it, the more anxiety I have about it.  I can't decide if we should stick to our guns and deal with all the arising questions and upset family members OR if we should suck it up and add 10 (including spouses) to our guest list.  I know different people have different opinions about this sort of thing, but I thought maybe some of you are in similar situations and can relate/give advice.

Re: Need Advice - Guest List

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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My thought is always all first cousins are invited. All aunts/uncles are invited. I know some people don't do this, but when you start to pick and chose, feelings then get hurt. I wasn't close to most of my first cousins until a few years ago, when they all started getting married/having babies, and we started to see each other again at baby/bridal showers. We now keep in touch... but had we not gone/been invited in the first place, the relationship probably wouldn't have grown at all. I'd be angry if a first cousin didn't invite me... but our family isn't all that large. I say if you invite some of the first cousins on dad's side, they all should be invited. I'd suck up the difference.
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    edited December 2011
    I am not inviting my 3 youngest cousins, they will be between 7 and 11 and are boys.  I don't think they will give a crap, I have 24 first cousins on my mom's side, and it's what's done in my family.  

    Do you think people will be upset?  Did you go to their weddings?   I think it's hard to tell from the outside, in some families it will fly and not so much in others.  
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    edited December 2011

    I think you can get away with it in the case that they are young and you aren't having kids at the wedding, but otherwise I would say - just suck it up and invite them.  If they come, that will increase the amount you have to spend, but maybe you can make cuts other places to cancel it out.  Maybe they won't even come?  I'd say it's worth figuring out how to afford it to spare people's feelings, but that's just my personal opinion.

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    Jesster153Jesster153 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would probably invite them---if you;'re not close to them then chances are most of them won't come. If you're going to feel guilty, then it's not worth stressing over- just add them to the list.

    I agree if they're young and you make an 18+ rule, then you can get away with not inviting them.
    Siggy Challange: Me and my girls :)
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    edited December 2011
    They are all in their 20s and 30s, so the kid rule doesn't apply.  Thx for the advice.  I will talk to FI about sucking it up and inviting them!
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    psukimpsukim member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I say invite.  Who knows if they will even come.  We had a lot more declines from our guest list than we had antipcated and regretted cutting people initially because we then had to scramble at the last min to fill minimums.
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    edited December 2011
    IMO, adding 10 more people to the list isn't worth the potential aggravation it may cause leaving them off.  
       
    Yorkie Jenga
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    edited December 2011
    Invite them and just cross your fingers hoping they dont come Smile
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    edited December 2011
    I just printed their save-the-date labels.  So glad I posted this and got the same response from everyone.  I love TK!
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    edited December 2011
    I ran into a similar issue, but my question is whether or not to invite the cousins with guests.  At first, I thought no way unless they are living with the significant other.  But then I realized that they will be traveling about five hours and getting a hotel (if they decide to come).  So I'm starting to question my original decision.  Should I invite with guests or not????

    Thoughts/comments/suggestions appreciated!
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's necessary to invite anyone with a guest unless they are married/in a serious relationship.  I'm one of those people who doesn't want someone at our wedding who I have never met before. 
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_need-advice-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:69e808d4-5b98-4a88-80ac-d890528004dcPost:3aeff4a9-f971-4149-a76d-978752e1853e">Re: Need Advice - Guest List</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it's necessary to invite anyone with a guest unless they are married/in a serious relationship.  I'm one of those people who doesn't want someone at our wedding who I have never met before. 
    Posted by taccoten[/QUOTE]
    I think the main things are 1. how can you dictate who is in a serious relationship and who is not? The bride can't possibly know how the relationship is with the other person, esp. months before the wedding, and 2. I was engaged and still not living with FI... so the living together thing kind of puts a sour taste in my mouth.
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    edited December 2011
    I know all of my guests well enough to know if they are in a "serious relationship" - My definition of a serious relationship may be different from yours, but I think I know my guests well enough to know if they should have a guest.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_need-advice-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:69e808d4-5b98-4a88-80ac-d890528004dcPost:3aeff4a9-f971-4149-a76d-978752e1853e">Re: Need Advice - Guest List</a>:
    [QUOTE]II'm one of those people who doesn't want someone at our wedding who I have never met before. 
    Posted by taccoten[/QUOTE]

    There will be plenty of people at our wedding that I've never met before - my FMIL's friends, some of my parents friends, and yes, even guests of my guests.       
    Yorkie Jenga
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    edited December 2011
    I'm one of those people who doesn't want someone at our wedding who I have never met before. 
    Posted by taccoten

    I agree there, but

    There will be plenty of people at our wedding that I've never met before
    Posted by PharmJen

    I agree there too.

    If the cousins in question weren't from out of town, guests would be out (unless married/engaged/living together, of course).

    Still hoping to get more opinions :-)
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dunno... just because I'm not living with someone, or engaged, doesn't mean I'm not a serious girlfriend. We were very serious before we got engaged, and didn't live together. A cousin I don't speak to often, may not have known that.
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    edited December 2011
    I think there's a difference between not wanting people you've never met at your wedding (IMO, kind of unrealistic unless you're having a very intimate reception) and not wanting your guests to wrangle up someone off the street just for the sake of bringing someone to your wedding.  
    Yorkie Jenga
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    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    edited December 2011
    PharmJen, you couldn't have said it better.  I guess it's up to me to communicate that to the family members that I'm close to and hope that the word gets around.
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_need-advice-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:69e808d4-5b98-4a88-80ac-d890528004dcPost:739ce826-80ff-41bd-8875-ed899c560d12">Re: Need Advice - Guest List</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think there's a difference between not wanting people you've never met at your wedding (IMO, kind of unrealistic unless you're having a very intimate reception) and not wanting your guests to wrangle up someone off the street just for the sake of bringing someone to your wedding.  
    Posted by PharmJen[/QUOTE]
    THIS I agree with :-)
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    LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jess -- I totally hear you, especially since they're traveling so far! Most of my family is far away, and I feel like it's a lot to ask for them to travel that far without the option of bringing a guest. One of my cousins isn't seeing anyone right now, but I'm still going to give her a +1 just in case she does meet someone over the next 6 months.

    Frankly, one of my guy friends invited me to his wedding without a +1, and it was difficult to do all of the travel by myself -- it was a long drive and the hotel was really lonely until I was able to connect with some of the other guests. Maybe that's why I'm always heistant to not include a +1 when someone is coming from a distance. Of course, I am hopeful they wouldn't wrangle someone off the street to travel so far, stay in a hotel, etc, just for my wedding!
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
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