Wedding Woes

H broke his hand, is it wrong to use it as a teaching moment?

My H plays college football, a week before the school year starts they have intense camp. H has stayed in better shapre than most of his teamates BC he has a physical job in the off season, but he's also packed on 50 lbs since last season. Some of this is a growth spurt, taller, wider shoulders ect. but 20 of it is Pepsi, he started going through (Literally!) a 2 liter a day. Carbonation is really not great for bone density, right?

3rd day of camp, he's up against "Big Carl" (never just "Carl"), who outweighs him by 100 lbs. Big Carl falls on top of H, hand breaks (spiral fracture of 2 metacarples, needed plates and screws). H is in misery.

Is is totally wrong of me to mention that his 2 liter a day habit didn't help? I have no issue with the lbs he put on, but health and budget wise, not to mention me lugging bazzillions of Pepsis out of the grocery store make me want to nip this habit in the bud, and H hasn't gotten my other hints.

Re: H broke his hand, is it wrong to use it as a teaching moment?

  • edited December 2011
    Your H still has growth spurts?
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  • **O-Face****O-Face**
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    edited December 2011
    Um no.  I would not say this.  Regardless of whether it does affect bone density, he doesn't need your criticism he needs your support.  Especially directly after an incident like this.
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  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle
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    edited December 2011
    I imagine you're a lot like this.

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  • hmonkeyhmonkey
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    edited December 2011
    so you buy the liters and liters pepsi but don't want him to drink it anymore?

    have you ever watched a show on a&e called "intervention"?
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  • jojobrnjojobrn
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    edited December 2011
    It isn't likely one off season of drinking Pepsi ruined his bone density unless he already had bad BD to begin with.

    And really, rubbing an injury like a spiral fracture in his face by saying "I told you so!" is childish. Although if he is still having growth spurts, it is likely he is a child himself and used to it.

  • notamrsnotamrs
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    edited December 2011
    2 liters a day is a huge amount of soda.  Maybe it's because I work in a public health setting, but I'm amazed that in this day and age, grown adults don't realize how damaging that isht is in large quantities.

    Hmonkey is right - don't buy it for him.
  • edited December 2011
    Do you mean, "teachable moment?"
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  • loveshine1loveshine1
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    edited December 2011
    I really don't think telling him, "I told you so" is the best way to handle this.


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  • hmonkeyhmonkey
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    edited December 2011

    in case it's not obvious to you, lrivard (and i suspect few things are), the soda issue is a completely separate discussion from the "your completely crushed hand might have something to do with the weight disparity between you and your teammate" discussion. 

    "i told you so" actually does not work in this case, because a 100 pound weight difference is significant and a direct factor in the hand crushing. 

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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl
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    edited December 2011
    I broke my ankle in high school when a boy with a perm fell on me.  To this day I blame his hair stylist.
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  • jojobrnjojobrn
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: H broke his hand, is it wrong to use it as a teaching moment?:
    2 liters a day is a huge amount of soda.  Maybe it's because I work in a public health setting, but I'm amazed that in this day and age, grown adults don't realize how damaging that isht is in large quantities. Hmonkey is right - don't buy it for him.
    Posted by notamrs
    While true, I would like to point out he has a spiral fracture. Click me.

    This was a result of the trauma more than anything, not 6 months of drinking soda. Although I agree with you the amount is excessive and unhealthy.

  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle
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    edited December 2011
    Oh zsa... LMAO
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  • edited December 2011
    Seriously, never occurred to me to just not buy it when I'm on the phone with him while I'm at the grocery store and he asks me to pick some up. Otherwise he gets it. I haven't had that pepsi laden shopping trip YET. I'm just thinking it may become the norm.

    It's really not unusual for a college guy to have a growth spurt of an inch or two.

    I don't want to throw it in his face, I was just hoping to subtly link the two together. However, by the response I can tell that it's not going to go as I intended. I can't make it sound nice in any way. Thanks for the perspective ladies, it was going very differently in my head, needed a reality check.

    Mrs Myrtle, I wish I looked that good in a bikini.

    Notamrs, Yeah, Isn't it ungodly? I literally look at him at least once a day and say "Um, did you just polish off a 2 liter since this morning? Seriously, dude, you're coach is going to kill you." or something like that, he hasn't gotten the point.
  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle
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    edited December 2011
    "It's really not unusual for a college guy to have a growth spurt of an inch or two."

    If you say so.
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  • 6fsn6fsn
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    edited December 2011

    There is no subtle way to link them because the SPIRAL fracture has nothing to do with the Pepsi.  The pepsi isn't good, but the big guy falling it caused the fracture.

  • edited December 2011
    "not to mention me lugging bazzillions of Pepsis out of the grocery store" + "I haven't had that pepsi laden shopping trip YET." = you are contradicting yourself. 
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho
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    edited December 2011
    guys grow up through about age 21, 22 for some so a growth spurt in college is not unusual.

    Unusual is a kid I went to school with. He stopped growing in 3rd grade, they had to order a special band uniform for him he was so short.  During his freshman year away from college he had a major growth spurt, was in constant pain because of it. He ended up 6'2" and that is not a lie or an exaggeration.
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  • GBCKGBCK
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    edited December 2011
    So...you essentially want to 'PARENT' your H by using this 'teachable moment' the way you would with an 8 YO?
  • mysticlmysticl
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    edited December 2011
    It's hard to use that as a teachable moment unless you know for sure that is why his hand broke.  I lean towards the huge football player landing on him being the cause. 

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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis
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    edited December 2011
    I've actually read studies that said that more than one cola per day is really bad for women, the effect on men is negligible. If you want him to stop drinking so much soda, try talking to him like an adult.

    Add this to the book of reasons you shouldn't get married when you're still in college.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: H broke his hand, is it wrong to use it as a teaching moment?:
    guys grow up through about age 21, 22 for some so a growth spurt in college is not unusual. Unusual is a kid I went to school with. He stopped growing in 3rd grade, they had to order a special band uniform for him he was so short.  During his freshman year away from college he had a major growth spurt, was in constant pain because of it. He ended up 6'2" and that is not a lie or an exaggeration.
    Posted by skippylouwho

    That is so weird.

    Anyway Pepsi has nothing to do with what happened to your husband.  I wouldn't say anything except "hot damn you drink a lot of Pepsi."
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump
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    edited December 2011
    If he keeps drinking that much Pepsi after you've told him not to, you can always put him in time out.  The current recs are one minute per year of age.  HTH
  • edited December 2011
    I've talked to him like an adult. I've talked to him like his physical trainer, like his football coach, etc. He knows it's bad, but he sasy "It's just so tasty!"To this I replied "I hear antifreeze tastes nice too, but I'm not lapping it up off the garage floor now am I?" (That tone sounds awful in writing, so take however that sounded in your head, and then add sarcasm and smile a little)

    What I was thinking is that if I could give him something to associate negatively with the Pepsi problem. But you're right, it'll just sound like I'm blaming the injury on him and this non-related habit. The spiral fracture was certainly due to big Carl, the hip fracture in his early 50's will be related to Pepsi consumption. And don't pretend you don't have these little tricks in your own communication with your H's. My OP was unclear and terrrible though, I do sound like I'm trying to "parent him".

    H is still in school, he took time off to work between HS and college, I graduated in 08. I say college and I think you are picturing two 19 year old kids.
  • GBCKGBCK
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    edited December 2011
    I think we're picturing two 19 YO kids because honestly, yo'ure trying to parent and fundamentally change your husband.

    And one spouse parenting the other is NOT a healthy-grown-up relationship
  • edited December 2011
    And don't pretend you don't have these little tricks in your own communication with your H's

    Um, actually I don't. I tell my H exactly what I am feeling, in real time. I don't have any "tricks."
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  • edited December 2011
    The amount of Pepsi my H drinks isn't fundemental to his character. And let's not pretend that noone tries to change their H's bad or undesirable habits. I recently read a post about someone trying to be in the same room as a chore she wanted her husband to do, since he was less likely to do it if he was alone. He started doing the chores, and everyone congratulated her.

    We're not even arguing anymore about whenther i  should do it, It took 1 post for me to realize it wasn't going to come out right.

    I know this post makes it seem like I'm "parenting him", but its been a an ongoing thing, you don't get to see the whole story.

    I've been up front, he doesn't seem to be able to quit the habit. I think the next step is Pepsi rehab.

    Update: Big Carl works at a sandwich place in town. He mistakenly charged our card 3 times for dinner last night. I'm staying the heck away from this feller, he's trouble.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: H broke his hand, is it wrong to use it as a teaching moment?:
    I say college and I think you are picturing two 19 year old kids.
    Posted by lrivard01
    I think it was the growth sput comment that makes me think you're 18. You're probably older than me...but my H has stopped growing.
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  • edited December 2011
    BS on no tricks. No one is a perfect communicator, and no husband listens, understands, and responds appropriately on the first try, everytime. So EVERYONE developes what communication scholars call "Tertiary Methods" (Think as in the Tertiary or 3rd sector of econ.). We learn them as children when our parents tell us "no", We use them when our partners don't "get It". And you are right, we also use it as parents to convince children to do things that they do not want to do. Think of it as subtly training people specifically to interact with you. Husband is probably the person we would do it to the most. or Roomates of any kind.

    This was a failed "trick" obvi. I'm glad I posted my hairbrained scheme between reading the article on soda causing bone density loss, and actually saying something to my H.

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