Christmas with non-religious family?

misssunshine17 · November 2012

Hi ladies! I was going to post in Christian weddings, but it's pretty dead there and you were so nice about answer my timeline question, I think I might hang around while I explore the Catholic faith more.

So I'm starting to realize I really struggle with people who celebrate Christmas as a secular holiday. My brother and his girlfriend are basically (we don't talk about it) atheists, yet still celebrate Christmas in purely the gift giving sense. Is it wrong to think this is hypocritical behavior? How do you feel about this sort of thing?

Resa77 · November 2012

First, definitely stick around!

Now, to answer your question....I don't get too bothered by it because I'm so used to it. I recognize that both secularly and religiously, Christmas is a holiday. Christmas means a heck of a lot more, though, to those who actually believe in Christ. If non-believers want to celebrate it, then they can. It only takes a tiny seed in order for faith to grow. Perhaps while they're trimming their tree and listening to a Pandora Christmas station, "O Holy Night" will come on, and they will be struck by the words. And perhaps that will grow into a deeper curiosity about Christ, which will lead to conversion.

mandi195 · November 2012

Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I look at Christmas as 2 holidays in one. First, there is the religious holiday upon which Christmas is founded. I celebrate with my church, family, and friends who are also Catholic/Christians the birth of Jesus and the joy of God's love for us.

Secondly, I see a commercial, Americanized, consumer holiday. I have no problem with that part of it either, as I don't see it as "taking away from" what Christmas means to me. Yes, my family exchanges gifts and has the family celebrations; but we also attend midnight mass, involve prayer in our meal time, celebrate the Advent season, and break Advent wafers at our Christmas Eve family gathering. To many I know they view "commercial Christmas" the same as Valentine's Day (also based on Christian holiday), Sweetest Day, and other "gift giving" holidays.

I don't think it is hypocritical so much, though CHRISTmas is a religious holiday. For those who are not of faith, it's tradition to celebrate, and is likely very meaningful to their family. I liken it to how I view Thanksgiving. I hate the holiday, and what it is based on. However, it is tradtion for my family to get together and is one of the few times of the year I see many of them, so I go and celebrate my family and togetherness, just not the basis for the holiday. I hope that makes sense.

Riss91 · November 2012

Stick around! we love new voices and points of view!

I agree with pp. As long as they aren't mocking/insulting/degrading, I don't really have a problem with it. I'm happy that the secular world holds some of the same traditions, even if they don't celebrate the origin/meaning. I don't think it is hypocritical for an atheist to put up a tree and exchange presents. I think it might be hypocritical and certainly offensive for an atheist to attend midnight mass and take communion.

I do take exception when atheist/non-Catholic "Catholic" relatives are offensive towards the faith when we gather to celebrate. But I would not approve of that behavior whether it was a holiday or not. And, unfortunately, this is a common occurence with my husband's family.

misssunshine17 · November 2012

Thanks ladies! I need to let it go. I think it bothers me because my brother is very vocal about not believing.

I kind of have the same feelings about wedding ceremonies. I think there are two sides-- legal and spiritual (whatever that may be), so why have the big ceremony when you only believe in the legal side. Being hard headed is not one of my better qualities

bibliophile2010 · November 2012

I agree with PPs that is doesn't bother me as long as they are not otherwise degrading faith.

On the other hand, I am pretty adamant about finding balance between the two for those of us who hold fast to faith. As Christians, we need to rise up and stand for something, and sometimes to stand apart, not for the mere sake of standing apart, but as witness to the Truth. Here, the Truth is that Christmas is not just about family and gifts and warm-fuzzies (not that there is anything wrong with those), but about the gift of the Incarnation of Christ come to Earth as a helpless infant. What joy! That is the source of all of those other blessings we get to celebrate! I think it also has the potential to provide a source of solace for those who struggle during the holidays. It shows that true happiness does not come frome external sources, but from an internal fullness of the Spirit.

Please, please stick around. I know you mentioned that you are exploring Catholicism. If you have questions or concerns, please know we're happy to talk or answer questions.

theelusive1 · November 2012

I have friends of many faiths and friends with no faith. There use to be discussions. But I told them to stop. It was simply that you let me believe my way and you believe yours. I will not said a table prayer out loud with you around and you don't spout your stuff either. It has worked well for a lot of years. We were at a wedding once and they did a prayer and one guy started to complain behind me about well you said no table prayers out loud I guess I get to say what I want now. After they were done praying. I said for one this is not my wedding, it is our cousins, I did not pray out loud in front of you now shut up.

femme55 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_christmas-with-non-religious-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:cc816ff5-fc2b-43af-b316-20b19f53c215Post:c5f4485a-eb02-4e2b-b2ef-a76e14c9f38d">Re: Christmas with non-religious family?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I need to let it go. I think it bothers me because my brother is very vocal about not believing. I kind of have the same feelings about wedding ceremonies. I think there are two sides-- legal and spiritual (whatever that may be), <strong>so why have the big ceremony when you only believe in the legal side</strong>. Being hard headed is not one of my better qualities :)
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

<div>Most non-religious ceremonies are short and sweet, 15 minutes or so. Even if the couple does not believe in a spiritual basis for the union, it's still meaningful for them to get married in a beautiful setting and incorporate readings, etc. on LOVE (which they do believe in if they are getting married) and not just recite some legalese.</div>

s-aries8990 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_christmas-with-non-religious-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:cc816ff5-fc2b-43af-b316-20b19f53c215Post:c5f4485a-eb02-4e2b-b2ef-a76e14c9f38d">Re: Christmas with non-religious family?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I need to let it go. I think it bothers me because my brother is<strong> very vocal about not believing</strong>. I kind of have the same feelings about wedding ceremonies. I think there are two sides-- legal and spiritual (whatever that may be), so why have the big ceremony when you only believe in the legal side. Being hard headed is not one of my better qualities :)
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

Regardless of the holiday, this is what gets me kinda P.O'd. I understand that everyone has their own beliefs, and I welcome conversation, but its when athiests are offensively vocal that I get upset. I love my friend from college, she was an athiest, but she would give me a hard time about my cross, wanting to attend masses held on campus, and wanting to volunteer with Catholic organizatons.

I am not offended by non-belivers celebrating Christmas- when they have up religious symbols but don't believe (nativity, etc) I get offended. Just as long as they aren't pretending, I don't care. I feel like the holidays (Thanksgiving time - New Years) are about spending time with family and reminding those that you love how much you do care about them and their well being.

Calypso1977 · November 2012

i know alot of secular people who are very generous during the christmas season in terms of donating, and giving to others in a non-material sense, etc. in fact, some of them celebrate the true spirit of giving much more so than my religious friends and family. so it doesnt bother me.

believers and non-believers who just go for the vast material consumerism bothers me.

Riss91 · November 2012

My husband's cousins attacked and insulted our faith at the luncheon we hosted after his mother's funeral mass. His mother died suddenly, at a young age. He is an only child, his father is not in the picture - all of her arrangements were on us. Getting through the week between her death and the funeral was the toughest week of his life. We didn't eat or sleep. But, for some reason, his cousins felt that attacking religion was the best thing to do to comfort and support him.

Every year, when we get together for Christmas, I am on edge because they cannot get through one family gathering without a religious/political assault aimed at my husband. He never raises his voice, or insults them. There isn't any reason for them to act this way, other than their own angst. It is very upsetting to witness. I honestly dread seeing them.

Calypso1977 · November 2012

riss, my father in law would insult the faith constantly - and he's catholic!!! its a huge drain, you have my sympathies.

Riss91 · November 2012

:-)

His two uncles are lectors!!! They will jump right in with their kids... it's very draining.

bibliophile2010 · November 2012

Riss and Calypso, you have my sympathies.

Thankfully, my non-religious family has the good sense to shut their mouths.

misssunshine17 · November 2012

Thanks for you perspective, ladies! I should be more positive about the secular aspect

s-aries8990 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_christmas-with-non-religious-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:cc816ff5-fc2b-43af-b316-20b19f53c215Post:2265d591-996f-41a1-be4a-a973181668dd">Re: Christmas with non-religious family?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for you perspective, ladies! I should be more positive about the secular aspect :)
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

As long as those who celebrate celebrate with the spirit of giving, it is a very positive thing!

Resa77 · November 2012

I get annoyed with H's family sometimes because they're very liberal in some ways, but there usually isn't much attacking. I just know I have to keep my mouth shut. Thanksgiving was an Obama praise session.

lalaith50 · November 2012

This thread is making me soooooo grateful that for the most part, DH's extended family is wise enough (polite enough? apathetic enough?) to avoid conversations of politics or religion!

meltoine · December 2012

The only thing that bugs me about it is how early celebrating Christmas is starting now. I love Advent and it seems sometimes like we are the only ones who wait to celebrate Christmas until we've gotten the spirit of Advent for all it's worth. It makes me sad, because I love to celebrate Christmas in its entirety, from Christmas Eve through the Epiphany, but it seems like everyone else is sick of Christmas by Christmas Day, since they've been celebrating since mid-November. I'd love to have a Christmas party December 27 or 28, but everyone is Christmas-Ed out by then! We still celebrate that way in our family, but it's a little lonely since none of our friends or family do.

Christmas with non-religious family?

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