Military Brides

unsupportive family members?

FI and I have lately decided to go public with our engagement to our families. Most of them were excited. Including our mothers (we dont talk to either of our fathers) His cousins and my one sister and our friends. HOWEVER, when iwas younger my oldest sister became my mother but recently within two months she kicked me out and we had a huge issue so i was to move back in with my mother  which i did. I asked all my bridesmaids and they all accepted. but when it came time to ask that same sister if her daughter could be my flower girl and her my last bridesmaid she denied it and said she will not be around my mother at all an neither will her daughter. i was very close to thsi sister considering she raised me. i just dotn know what to do. I've went thru my crying phase, my mad phase, but right now im just hurt to the biggest extreme, she is a big important person in my life to deny being a bridesmaid none the less neither her OR my two neices (who had become like my sisters) to even be attending the wedding upsets me. any suggestions on handling it ? i still have quite a while till the actual wedding its planned for either august 2012 or October 2012.

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Re: unsupportive family members?

  • edited December 2011
    Let her simmer down. You still have quite some time to help her change her mind, or accept that she's not going to come around. Maybe you could remind her, that this is about you, and your FI, and not her and her issues with your mom. It's YOUR day. If she can't go and be happy for you, and put aside her feelings, then You don't need her there. But I'm sure that in all this time, she'll come around. Good Luck!!
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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would give her time to cool down as well. I can only imagine but I am sure some of what she is feeling has to do with your moving back in with  your  mother. I know she is the one who kicked you out but she is probably feeling hurt and unappreciated for raising you. After she stepped up and took care of you, now you are back at your mother's and I assume letting her have the role of MOB?
     I know it is not really close to being the same thing, but when I worked as a nanny I raised the 1 year old around the clock for 2 1/2 -3 years. Then suddenly the parents decided she was fun and could interact, and that they resented me making decisions for thier child without asking them. Basically they literally woke up one day and decided they were going to be parents. I went through some of the same emotions as I mentioned your sister feeling. I know logically that kids always prefer thier own parents, but I was hurt and frustrated among other things. We worked through it and i stayed for another 5 years.
    I am sure the bond between you and her is stronger and different than mine with my baby girl since you are siblings. But it is hard to put so much time, and love into somebody and then just have them not be your responsiblity anymore. I felt cheated, unappreciated, empty, and resentful. Give her time and hopefully she will be mature to know that having a relationship with your mother is the best thing for you. just make sure she knows how much you love her and appreciate her for what she did for you.
  • edited December 2011
    I apreciate everything shes done for me. I did indeed did tell her when i moved in with my mom that i didnt want it to change our relationship but i had NO where else to go i even went to the DSS buliding considering moving into a shelter. however, my mother had found out from my other sister that i had been kicked out so she called and found where i was temporarily and told me she wanted to make up for the past and give me some place to stay till i can get on my feeett.

    I also apreciate your input guys. i hope she comes around aslwee.
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yea you have plenty of time until your wedding. Give her some time to cool off. I hope things get better for you :)
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  • edited December 2011
    This about you and your big day and not the issue with her and your mother. She needs to put on her big girl panties and buck up.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the positive feedback ladies. I just needed to know if it was a "Bridezilla" moment or not because i was mad hehe
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