Moms and Maids

Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's

I just received an email from my MOH divulging in some problems with my shower. She of course didnt want to tell me but doesnt know how to handle the situation.

My shower is in 3 days. My mother and my MOH did the planning, have their names as hosts on the invite etc. and now, 3 days before the shower, my mother asks my MOH if the other bridesmaids are pitching in...

My other BM's are young professionals and have already mentioned money woes to my MOH about the bachelorette party etc. so my MOH knows that they wouldnt be able to pitch in much, or happily, to the shower when they had no input what so ever on the event.

I'm a bit annoyed with my mother because, as of right now, she has not contibuted to the wedding costs what so ever, other than my dress which was not a phenominal cost. Everything is being paid for by my future parents in law and myself and my fiance. Shes the type of person who just orders/buys things without thinking it through and now, I know its gotten down to details like plates and linnens and shes worried about money because she hired an expensive caterer for the shower.

IMO, the money thing should have been talked about with everyone (all BM's and my mother) and a game plan should have been made from there. I dont think my other BM's should have to pitch in 3 days before the shower. They are, however, helping to set up.

Any ideas on how my MOH can handle this situation with my mother? My MOH is obviously pitching in as much money as she can towards the shower.

Thanks!

Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's

  • If your mom and the MOH are planning/hosting this, it's THEIR responsibility to pay.  End of story.  If they now can't afford it, they need to work on a way to cut costs fast, but it would be rude to expect the other BMs contribute toward something they had no say in planning/budgeting for. 

    As for her paying for your wedding, it's not her responsibility anyways.  Your mom doesn't have to pay for anything, not your dress, not your shower, not anything...and neither do your ILs.  The only two people responsible for paying for the wedding is the two people getting married.  Of course, it's very generous when people offer to help and you should thank your ILs profusely, but you cannot hold it against your mom because it was never her responsibility.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_shower-woes-3-days-to-go-and-mom-wants-more-money-from-mohbms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95eb2110-a29d-443c-b84a-a421860c4a08Post:fc2fc055-7690-4b8f-a118-6ca66d4df2f3">Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your mom and the MOH are planning/hosting this, it's THEIR responsibility to pay.  End of story.  If they now can't afford it, they need to work on a way to cut costs fast, but it would be rude to expect the other BMs contribute toward something they had no say in planning/budgeting for.  As for her paying for your wedding, it's not her responsibility anyways.  Your mom doesn't have to pay for anything, not your dress, not your shower, not anything...and neither do your ILs.  The only two people responsible for paying for the wedding is the two people getting married.  Of course, it's very generous when people offer to help and you should thank your ILs profusely, but you cannot hold it against your mom because it was never her responsibility.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    I didnt mean it like that. I fully understand that it is our responsability to pay for the wedding. There are a few minor details that I a bit more personal that I didnt write here. More or less, my mother would rather choose to pay for herself and buy herself very expensive items but now apparently cant afford to pay for a shower that she WANTED to host. If you catch my drift.

    I totally agree on your first statement though. I deffinetly dont think the BMs should have to pay so close to the date. Now I just have to work on helping my MOH tell my mother that. haha

    Thank you :D
  • You are right. Your mom and MOH should have decided on a budget for the shower and stuck with it. Your  MOH should tell your mother that she will not ask the bms for money because it's not fair to expect them to chip in for a party they didn't help plan.
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_shower-woes-3-days-to-go-and-mom-wants-more-money-from-mohbms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95eb2110-a29d-443c-b84a-a421860c4a08Post:424731e3-2f0f-4844-ac95-de4f8765a9c9">Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's : I didnt mean it like that. I fully understand that it is our responsability to pay for the wedding. There are a few minor details that I a bit more personal that I didnt write here. More or less, my mother would rather choose to pay for herself and buy herself very expensive items but now apparently cant afford to pay for a shower that she WANTED to host. If you catch my drift. I totally agree on your first statement though. I deffinetly dont think the BMs should have to pay so close to the date. Now I just have to work on helping my MOH tell my mother that. haha Thank you :D
    Posted by ahhmunduh[/QUOTE]

    Gotcha.  Yeah, that's really rude of her to take back her gift (because that's what a shower is) just because she decided she wants stuff for herself...and then to expect the BMs to cover her costs now.  It sucks that your mom got you involved in this, but at this point, I think you need to be the first to mention that what she's doing is rude.  Then your MOH can reinforce that she will not be asking the other BMs, so she either needs to pay her original part, or they need to start slashing costs where they can.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_shower-woes-3-days-to-go-and-mom-wants-more-money-from-mohbms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95eb2110-a29d-443c-b84a-a421860c4a08Post:e5c3d8cf-39ab-4b88-94d9-62f97a5f5d60">Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's : Gotcha.  Yeah, that's really rude of her to take back her gift (because that's what a shower is) just because she decided she wants stuff for herself...and then to expect the BMs to cover her costs now.  It sucks that your mom got you involved in this, but at this point, I think you need to be the first to mention that what she's doing is rude.  Then your MOH can reinforce that she will not be asking the other BMs, so she either needs to pay her original part, or they need to start slashing costs where they can.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">In a CRAZY turn of events decided to call my mother. I told her, nicely, that I dont believe they should pay for a, b, c, reasons. She hung up on me. I then decided I would just ask the BM's anyways, just incase and because it cant hurt. I texted my mother and told her i was planning on asking the BM's to pitch in whatever they could to help out. I received a very nasty text back telling me that she now is going to handle ALL of the costs. She also sent my MOH a NASTY text informing her that she no longer had to pay for anything and that she was mad that she went to me. My mother also told me she wouldnt come to the wedding if i asked the BM's to pitch in.

    </span><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">I now how a crying and an embarassed MOH and a mother who is being OVERRRLY dramatic.

    I personally think my mother is embarassed because, well, she messed up on her expenses for the party. I dont apprichiate her threats and told her that and told her I would be expecting her phone call when she got out of work to apologize.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">Any input on this NEW issue?! haha</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div>
  • pkontkpkontk member
    First Comment
    Honestly, I don't think you should have involved yourself - this is between your mother and the MOH and bridesmaids, you should not ask them to contribute more to the shower, especially if you already acknowledged that they didn't have much extra money hanging around.
  • Honestly, I think you meant well but your MOH was out of line to get you involved and you should be apologizing for butting in.  That doesn't excuse your mom's responses but you need to extend that olive branch.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_shower-woes-3-days-to-go-and-mom-wants-more-money-from-mohbms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:95eb2110-a29d-443c-b84a-a421860c4a08Post:4f61d284-ab61-4368-b626-a8c8ecf24b30">Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower woes, 3 days to go and mom wants more money from MOH/BM's : In a CRAZY turn of events decided to call my mother. I told her, nicely, that I dont believe they should pay for a, b, c, reasons. She hung up on me. I then decided I would just ask the BM's anyways, just incase and because it cant hurt. I texted my mother and told her i was planning on asking the BM's to pitch in whatever they could to help out. I received a very nasty text back telling me that she now is going to handle ALL of the costs. She also sent my MOH a NASTY text informing her that she no longer had to pay for anything and that she was mad that she went to me. My mother also told me she wouldnt come to the wedding if i asked the BM's to pitch in. I now how a crying and an embarassed MOH and a mother who is being OVERRRLY dramatic. I personally think my mother is embarassed because, well, she messed up on her expenses for the party. I dont apprichiate her threats and told her that and told her I would be expecting her phone call when she got out of work to apologize. Any input on this NEW issue?! haha
    Posted by ahhmunduh[/QUOTE]

    This, right here, is where you drove the whole situation off the cliff. You should have stayed out of it! Now you look like the meanie all the way around. Expecting apologies? Not likely. Was she wrong to begin with? Absolutely. But now all anyone sees is that you got involved and now look like a bridezilla.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • BMs are not required to help pitch in for the shower. Their only job is to show up in the dress that you chose, anything beyond that is generosity on their part. How did the shower go, I am assuming it has passed? Is your mom still being a crazypants or has she apologized?
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