1yr of dating, 1yr of being engaged...still waiting...

sboundk · October 2009

I know everyone has a unique and amazing story of how they met their love of their life, while mine is unique it is also truly something I never anticipated. The Story~ This whole story starts at one of the local Harley Davidson shop. My dad bought a Harley three years ago. As I started looking for a bike in March of 2008 and I met my boyfriend at the HD shop through my Dad. We started talking and found out we had crossed each other's paths for the past ten years as well as we had some of the same friends...the big kicker - we never once met. We exchanged numbers and he told me to come hang out - well, I stood him up because I was tired, so he deleted my phone number out of his phone. So, to make a long story short, I didn't see him at the shop for about a month (not knowing till after the fact that he would go and hide if I was with my dad but would hang out with my dad if I wasn't there) and when I finally saw him again, he told me to call him if I wanted to hang out. So, that same day after everything that day, my dad goes "you need get out of the house, why don't you go hang out with Scott?" Of course, this is not my dad...at least the one I know or at least thought. So I called him and of course he was shocked. We hung out and when we left downtown, he walked me to his car, drove me to my car, followed me home and made sure I got in okay and then he left. I was on cloud nine! About a month and a half later, he asked permission from my dad to date me and we've been together ever since. The dilemia~ Since we started dating we've known that we were going to get married and so has everyone else. Pretty much since a month or two after we started dating everyone has been asking when we were going to get engaged and get married. He has always said a year of dating and a year of being engaged. Well, it got to the point everyone was asking him about when he was going to purpose and at the time it was agrovating to the both of us. Now he is saying he isn't going to purpose until everyone stops asking... Well, now the dilemia...we technically started dating June 28th and the year was June 28th of this year...its now almost the end of October and still no question popped. We don't live together, I never stay the night at his house and we don't plan on doing this or sleeping together till we get married. And furthermore, we have a 17 years of age difference between us and its not a big deal between us but when it comes to kids, I would like him to be around to see our kids have grandkids. So yes, I am excited and anxious to get married because I cannot wait live together and have him by my side each night. So my dilemia, he hates to plan anything (because of some other past experiences) and I feel like I am the one getting punished for everyone asking about the purposal. So my question is what should I do???? Neither of us want to have a big wedding - just immediate family and a couple very close friends but we want to have a big reception. I really don't want to ruin his idea of a purposal, but I am so close to saying lets just elope and not worry about any details, engagement ring, wedding dress...but I want to still plan my wedding. So I am torn......and while I am not resentful about his waiting to purpose, I guess I am resentful to everyone who keeps asking. So, anyone who has some advise for me, please post..... :-) Thank you in advance and I enjoy reading everyone's posts.

Jessicaanne_1 · October 2009

I know your anxious, but I mean really you have only been dating just over a year. We had been dating 4 years before we got engaged. What is the rush? It is a lifetime commitment a few extra months will not change anything. I know its easier said than done. Relax and let him plan the proposal that is his deal. Its important to a lot of men. He isn't going to want you to know when its coming.

laurenclaire1386 · October 2009

You just have to wait. Period. Or propose to him, if it's that big a deal to you.

Sewilson33 · October 2009

You do need to let him plan the propsal on his own. For all you know he is waiting for you to stop expecting it any day and he will catch you off guard. So take the pressure off of him and don't bring it up or even leave hints about it. If he is not into being told what to do he is not going to want to be told to propose. I'm sure you two are very much so in love so there is no reason to worry. As for kids... do not rush him... I am sure he is aware of his age but you can still enjoy havig your own kids and watching them grow. Everything is meant to happen obviously look at how you met. Things will fall into place right before your eyes just give it time.

redheadfsu · October 2009

don't do anything... relax & enjoy the relationship. 1 year plus some months is not that long. Really! Just enjoy the relationship & tell everyone else to back off.I have a feeling they are only asking you because you bring it up or hint that you want to be married/ have kids really soon.Tell people you are happy and you are not worried about your future & they will get the hint to shut up. If they don't just change the topic like "you should try this bean dip"

BubbleJ · October 2009

I got sick of waiting and said how about that marriage, showed him the ring I wanted and went from there. Don't do this! I get very depressed knowing I didn't get a proposal

lookame3639 · October 2009

Well being engaged and planning is obviously on your mind...a lot. It may be your friends and family asking or you bringing it up but he's obviously not feeling it right now. My boyfriend isn't one to like being pushed either. He was fine to look at rings with me when he decided he wanted to propose but when it comes to the proposal or anything else he wants to do it his way. He was like that when I asked him to move in(he wasn't ready and therefor we didn't till a yr later) It sounds like your hunny is similar to mine in that way. He wants to do it on his terms. Don't push it and back off a little, or if you really feel you need to, propose yourself. I was about to propose then he started hinting he was going to do it before the year was done. You can always start saving for your big day though. Always nice to have that to fall back on

dsouldiva · October 2009

I would definitely recommend chilling out, there's no rule that says you have to be engaged within a year, although I can understand your frustration if not being married is stopping you from actually being together.If he's been under pressure from people to PROPOSE (sorry for the obvious spelling flame) since you first got together he is probably just fed up of their constant pestering.Perhaps you could have a friendly word with the worst culprits and just let them know their constant pestering is not welcome,I wouldn't suggest eloping since that will just be pushing him even further, give him until the New year and then maybe discuss it with him again. Why not start saving towards your wedding now (if you haven't already) and concentrate your efforts on saving as much money as you can, it will make your life a whole lot easier and your planning a whole lot happier when he does propose.

mjlkhk · October 2009

Let it work itself out. Nothing in life every goes perfect. You will not know the real reasons of his hesitancy and need to just relax. It will either happen or it won't but don't rush it. :-)

chosen175 · November 2009

I think it's completely insane that people are asking you when you're getting married after a year. 3 or 4 years, sure. But ONE year? It sounds to me like your bf isn't ready to get married right now. For whatever reason that is, you have to accept it and drop the pressure you're putting on him. Nagging him to death is a surefire way to get him to walk away from you. Nobody likes a nagger. Maybe he wants to save for a nicer ring than he can afford right now. I know my FI had NO CLUE how much e-rings cost when he first started shopping. (He is also not a planner and I, too, was getting impatient by the time he finally proposed.)Back off him for a while. I know you want to be engaged and have the wedding, but a marriage is MUCH more than just the ring and the wedding day. If your bf isn't ready and can't go into a marriage 100% committed to making it work, it will fail. It's better to wait until his heart is in it than to force him into proposing just to shut you up. He's not going anywhere so just enjoy what you have and don't nag him about getting married.

simplemachine · November 2009

Without knowing him, the best I can guess is that he started saying the "1 year of dating, 1 year of engagement" thing because it dealt with the immediate problem (people asking after just a month of dating). Then when it came to the "crunch time" that he had unwittingly set himself up for, he started thinking it made no sense to schedule things in this rigid-ass way instead of just doing everything when it felt 100% right.Not a super foresight-ful way to deal with the 3rd party naggers, but if that's his real reason behind this, I wouldn't hesitate to cut the guy some slack. If I were you, I'd try to find a way to mention that I wasn't holding him to the 1 year/1 year thing and that instead I wanted him to do things when it felt right. If you think you can do it tactfully, you could also try pointing out that the "I'm not doing it until everyone stops nagging" stance makes his proposal just as dependent on random 3rd parties as if he allowed them to pressure him into doing it sooner. (This will ONLY work if he truly believes that you are not one of those people asking him to propose though!) I don't want to encourage deception, but if I were you I'd NOT mention the children/grandchildren concern to him. On a practical level, the odds are low that even a whole year of dating would make the difference between seeing and not seeing grandchildren. (Plus that all depends on how young your kids have kids, which IMO is not a number you want to minimize. At all. For any reason.) On an interpersonal level, this could cause him to fear that you will rush into life-changing things because of your age difference.

whiteangel97 · November 2009

Wow, I think we are living pretty close to the same life! I can completely relate to you! I knew about 2 months into the relationship I wanted to marry my boyfriend. And he always said he would propose after a year of dating. Needless to say, the year came and went back on May 3. My friends and people at work were asking me after 4 months when we were getting engaged, so I completely know what you are going through!It is wonderful to know that your feelings of "when is he going to propose already?!?!" are justified when the other close people in your life are wondering the same thing. But at the same time, it is a constant reminder that you aren't where you thought you'd be yet. Major hugs to you. I know where you are and it is very very tough to just sit back and wait. I agree with SimpleMachine. He probably thought a year of dating sounded good at the time, and then when that year came, he wasn't as ready as he thought he'd be. I've come to realize that when they say a year of dating, then getting engaged, I think they mean, a year of dating, then they will finally start THINKING about proposing. But the actual thinking process takes months, lol. You are very justified in your worries. You can try to keep your own mouth quiet about it, but you can't control what other people say to him. Maybe tell them that he will propose as soon as he sees that other people aren't bugging him to do it. Urge people to try not to ask him about it. If they really feel the need to talk about the imminent proosal, talk to them yourself. You can both express your frustrations to each other and not have to get him involved in the discussion. I feel for you. I am right there with you, trust me

It's very hard to be on our end of this!

diandmat · November 2009

I know how you feel. I changed countries to move in withg my now fiancee. I left a perfect job and a great life for the POSSIBLITY of this working out, finally.

I moved in with him, and my family bieng very religious, were super offended about us living together.... my life was a disaster, I was moody allt he time, worried, anxious, wondering if he would even get around to it. I felt really taken for granted.

and for that period of time, i created a lot of problems in my head that never existed.

...to make the story short, seriously, if you have discussed it before, be sure that it will happen. and dont bring it up over and over again....it puts them off...int his case, it wasnt you , it was yoru firends and family that have done this.

My suggestion is to talk to them, seriously and ask them to stop, and explain that they really need to take a step back. and talk to him, and tell him how you feel.

and then just relax and let it happen and enjoy

good luck!

1yr of dating, 1yr of being engaged...still waiting...

Re: 1yr of dating, 1yr of being engaged...still waiting...

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