Potluck reception

SherryW23 · September 2010

We are getting married next month. This is a second wedding for both of us. My late husband passed away 4 years ago from cancer. When I announced that I was getting married again, our friends were so excited and wanted to be a part of the celebration. We wanted to be able to include as many people as possible to thank them for all of their support in the past. We knew that we couldn't afford a sit down dinner for a lot of people, so a friend suggested a potluck. We are providing roasted pork for sandwiches, cake, coffee and punch and asking our friends to bring their favorite dish to pass. A friend of ours (the one that suggested it) has volunteered to coordinate it and has lined up our friends to help. We will have serving lines that they can constantly keep filled with new dishes.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

I think someone got lost on the way to their blog...

lyndausvi · September 2010

thanks for sharing???

I'm not really sure how to respond.

MyNameIsNot · September 2010

Uh, good luck with all that.

I'm sure you are well aware of how rude a potluck is, but since you aren't asking, I don't need to tell you.

justdreaminaway · September 2010

If a friend told me she was getting married and asked me to bring potato salad, I'd be thrilled!

But like any sort of pot-luck make it clear that it's a pot-luck or else you run the risk of sounding like a freeloader.

Anyone who feels jipped out of not getting free food & booze & the whole "wedding experience" is a jerk.

I'd keep just make sure from the start that no one is anticpating a wedding-wedding.

I hear you on the second wedding deal. You want to be married. You want your friends with you when you do it. But you don't want the whole "wedding" crap just a "more special than Labor Day kind of picnic"...

This probably isn't the wedding website for gals like us!

justdreaminaway · September 2010

.Well, I still think it’s OK. My fiancé is allergic to dairy and shellfish and my best friend is a gluten-free vegetarian and we never have issues getting together for dinner. We know who can eat what and can ask one another what the dish is.

Granted, this idea only works if it’s a small crowd (30-ish?).

I trust my friends’ cooking over some indiscriminate caterer’s any day.

And if the wedding has a collaborative feel then the need for hosting is nearly gratuitous. Cake and punch is charming but this just has a different feeling to it. You can loosen up, enjoy the afternoon, play some badminton, etc. But I think I would out back smoking during the hosting component of debutante class

justdreaminaway · September 2010

I’d like to clarify that I never accused anyone in this message board of feeling gypped. I was only thinking of possible reactions from guests’ point of view

justdreaminaway · September 2010

I think I WAS outside...

Really?
Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?

MrsMack10612 · September 2010

Really?
Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?

Are you surprised because it appears a rarity these days or are you surprised because mothers shouldn't teach this skill anymore?

justdreaminaway · September 2010

OMG why am I even bothering with you...

But for the record it was in reponse to the person who mentioned that the caterer needed an exact number...

What the hell is your deal?

justdreaminaway · September 2010

Neither.

I guess I'm surprised because it's never been a topic that's come up between my mother and I.

I have friends to dinner a few times a month without any training from my mom on the concept. Although I steal a few of her ideas from time to time... So maybe my traning was more informal.

vsgal · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:2cd0d791-02c7-438a-8f39-890dc60fd5b3">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG why am I even bothering with you... But for the record it was in reponse to the person who mentioned that the caterer needed an exact number... What the hell is your deal?
Posted by justdreaminaway[/QUOTE]

What is your deal? You are coming on a board with established and experienced posters and spouting "etiquette" without having any idea what you are talking about. Your opinion is not fact. The fact is that potluck weddings are not conducive to proper hosting.

Proper etiquette is to not expect your guests to bring dishes to your wedding. The point of a wedding reception is to thank your guests for celebrating your wedding. They are not being thanked if you are making them cook. There are hundreds of other reasons why potluck weddings are not good.

justdreaminaway · September 2010

Well, I'm not sprouting etiquette. I am stating my opinion.

As long as the paperwork is completed, you're married. The reception is just gravy. Get over yourselves.

I guess I'll just be thankful that I'm capable of planning a party without input from "expeienced posters" on some random wedding website...

I'll probably break all the etiquette rules along the way, but, at the end of the day I'll be married and my guests will have enjoyed themselves and isn't that the point?

MyNameIsNot · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:3ccd4e2d-c5e7-4ac4-a488-363b31f6aac2">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Neither. I guess I'm surprised because it's never been a topic that's come up between my mother and I. I have friends to dinner a few times a month without any training from my mom on the concept. Although I steal a few of her ideas from time to time... So maybe my traning was more informal.
Posted by justdreaminaway[/QUOTE]

<div>That's just sad. I supposed she didn't teach you how to share, or to excuse yourself when you burp either, did she? Generally parents try to instill at least a little bit of good manners and how to treat people in their kids, but if yours didn't bother, well, she didn't. </div><div>
</div><div>Potluck is rude because you don't ask other people to cater your wedding. You make the decision to throw a party, you make the decision to invite them, and you make the decision to have a meal. You pay for it. If you can't afford it, don't have the party, don't invite them, or don't do a meal. But it is rude to ask other people to pay for the party that you decided to throw. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not even going to address what a disaster having a potluck wedding can be, or the food safety issues. </div>

trix1223 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:dc567727-83c2-4fea-839b-e61a6b1c94db">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I WAS outside... Really? Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?
Posted by justdreaminaway[/QUOTE]

Yes. I did. My daughters DO know how to properly host their guests. So does my son. I taught them all, both by my actions and my words, just as my mom taught me.

I find it sad that you think teaching someone how to be a gracious host is an outdated concept.

Go ahead. Have the reception you want. No one here is going to stop you. And no one here will be surprised if you get eye-rolls, side-eyes, and snarky comments along the way.

Oh yes~one more thing. As a mom, I also taught my children the difference between plurals and possessives.

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:3fbb4b6a-1244-4c89-a572-cdb1e4ba0cf5">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'm not sprouting etiquette. I am stating my opinion. As long as the paperwork is completed, you're married. <strong>The reception is just gravy.</strong> Get over yourselves. I guess I'll just be thankful that I'm capable of planning a party without input from "expeienced posters" on some random wedding website... I'll probably break all the etiquette rules along the way, but, at the end of the day I'll be married and my guests will have enjoyed themselves and isn't that the point?
Posted by justdreaminaway[/QUOTE]
The reception is not "just gravy", at least not for the B&G - it is a thank-you to the guests for coming to the ceremony. But I guess to you, nothing says "thank you for witnessing our vows" like "bring your own food so that you can feed yourselves".

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:dc567727-83c2-4fea-839b-e61a6b1c94db">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I WAS outside... Really? Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?
Posted by justdreaminaway[/QUOTE]
My mom did.

2dBride · September 2010

For some tips on how to have a potluck wedding that does not violate etiquette rules, check out this page.

Yeah, I'll probably get flamed for even suggesting this might be possible. But I would suggest reading the page before flaming.

caseyandlizzie · September 2010

I'm really not opposed to the potlock wedding idea under certain cirumstances. I went to a friends wedding in Alaska and she lived in the small, small town where there was a real sense of community. When my friend got married, everyone in town brought a covered dish and it was perfect for them. She didn't ask her guests for this, they insisted. Her wedding was very informal and her out of town guests were not asked to participate in this, but it was perfect for the kind of wedding she had.

If I was having a bigger wedding, where it was more formal, then by all means, a potluck would be in poor taste and you should just scale back on what you're offering.

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:92756c67-2d74-42e7-9a10-d7e088bc6d75">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really not opposed to the potlock wedding idea under certain cirumstances. I went to a friends wedding in Alaska and she lived in the small, small town where there was a real sense of community. When my friend got married, everyone in town brought a covered dish and it was perfect for them. <strong>She didn't ask her guests for this, they insisted.</strong> Her wedding was very informal and her out of town guests were not asked to participate in this, but it was perfect for the kind of wedding she had. If I was having a bigger wedding, where it was more formal, then by all means, a potluck would be in poor taste and you should just scale back on what you're offering.
Posted by caseyandlizzie[/QUOTE]

See, I'm totally okay with this. I would have no problem offering to bring something if I knew a friend was having an informal wedding reception and were making the food themselves, or helping out with that- but I wouldn't like to be asked as if it was an expectation of my attendance. That's the difference to me.

OP, I don't think you should ask guests to bring something because it's similar (no, not the same: similar) to charging people a cover charge. Your reception is supposed to be a thank you to them. If people offer- great! That's wonderful. But I think what you stated in your OP sounds perfect for hosting your guests. You don't need a formal "sit down" dinner- what you're providing sounds sufficient to me without the need for a potluck.

ootmother2 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:30b8898a-474c-43ab-b11f-d220c427a82b">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]If a friend told me she was getting married and asked me to bring potato salad, I'd be thrilled! But like any sort of pot-luck make it clear that it's a pot-luck or else you run the risk of sounding like a freeloader. Anyone who feels jipped out of not getting free food & booze & the whole "wedding experience" is a jerk. I'd keep just make sure from the start that no one is anticpating a wedding-wedding. I hear you on the second wedding deal. You want to be married. You want your friends with you when you do it. But you don't want the whole "wedding" crap just a "more special than Labor Day kind of picnic"... This probably isn't the wedding website for gals like us!
Posted by justdreaminaway[/QUOTE]

Did you say GIPPED?

related to Scooby, right?

ootmother2 · September 2010

scooby used the term and had to GBCK

She went to make a pot roast and never returned!

ootmother2 · September 2010

::waves hi to Retread::

emilylovesisaac · September 2010

it didn't really seem like she had planned on the potluck.. a friend offered and she accepted. it would be rude not to. didn't your mommas raise you right! (jk folks..)

have fun and congratulations!

Nicky5951 · September 2010

If you are expecting the day to feel special why don't you have a dessert recpetion and just offer different types of deserts, fresh fruit and champagne. I've been to a reception like this and it was very classy but doesn't seem too expensive. Then you don't have to worry about guests not bringing what they signed up for or showing up empty handed. I think that most friends and family would be understanding but some would be offended if you asked them to bring food.

Also, if you decide that you would like to do the potluck maybe you shouldn't ask for gifts since everyone will have some input on the wedding cost.

PS. I hate how harsh some of these posts are! It's already stressful enough to plan a wedding!

Nicky5951 · October 2010

What I meant was to print "no gifts please" on the invites. Even when registry info isn't sent guests feel obligated to bring a gift. She wouldn't want to give the impression that she wants both gifts and dinner from her guests.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2a2bddd5-134f-4da0-a016-1b58f64350b0Post:dbccd143-e538-41a3-9a29-3064d32e7300">Re: Potluck reception</a>:
[QUOTE]What I meant was to print "no gifts please" on the invites. Even when registry info isn't sent guests feel obligated to bring a gift. She wouldn't want to give the impression that she wants both gifts and dinner from her guests.
Posted by Nicky5951[/QUOTE]
But no mention of gifts should ever go on the invitation, even if it's to say that you don't want them. If someone really wants to give you a gift, it would be rude to tell them that they can't.

Potluck reception

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