Snarky Brides

Thanks All, It Has been very helpful

I thank everyone for their responses. Clearly I have grossly miscommunicated myself. I apologize for the impressions I have given and have seen that I have not yet developed the proper skills to communicate effectively in this form of internet communication. It was really so much fun bouncing around these boards, but I don't thinkI make a very good knot girl. Best Wishes to eveyone you're all a lot of fun!

Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful

  • Actually, I feel like this boards have very far in that people who do choose to spend a lot on their wedding are not flammed as much any more. The only reason people are flammed recently is if they act like their wedding is sooooo much better OR they are bragging about what they spend.

    I got flammed now and then for spending a lot of my wedding when I was planning 3+ years ago on here. I also got a lot of snide comments about being a 'daddy's' girl. For one, I don't think people honestly understand the cost difference of planning a Boston area wedding compared to many other parts of the USA. That right there was enough to confuse people. For two, it is really no one's business how you chose to spend your money. That is the bottom line plain and simple.

    Like Nate's said, know your crowd and know your delivery.
  • edited September 2010
    Okay, I might have read it wrong. GO with what everyone else said and stop talking about how much you're spending. This board tends to be frequented by budget brides, so whether they're bitter or just think it's silly to spend $10K on flowers, they're going to voice their opinion that your money is ill-spent. It's not their business, but you can avoid frustration on your end by not putting it out there.

    Edit: BTW, I was a budget bride. I do think girls like me can be bitter. I'm personally not at all bitter about other girls having big budgets. I wouldn't have spent a single dime differently (except on my photographer, but whatev). Too each her own. All I meant by my statement above is that not every bride with a small budget is happy with it.
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    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:b0ac0f2d-7b6b-42ee-91a4-613b1556ae5c">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know who you are or anything about your plans, but I'm pretty sure this is unnecessary. Are you trying to make us like you? That's what your post title implies. What you're spending on your wedding is no one's business. Maybe the problem is that you're talking about it too much.
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    You're reading my mind. No one knows anything about me on here unless I type it. So why are you having to defend yourself against "people" if you havent given them ammo.
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  • I do really agree with Brook though - if you are going to put prices out there, be ready for people to have opinions on it.
  • Threadjack, but whatever

    Brookelynn--I just checked out your bio and your pics are beautiful.  I love the purple and yellow and was thinking baout going with that for our wedding. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:86eb58d8-8e75-42eb-ab37-0a4736da68c2">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Threadjack, but whatever Brookelynn--I just checked out your bio and your pics are beautiful.  I love the purple and yellow and was thinking baout going with that for our wedding. 
    Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

    Damn I'm jealous now, you are stalking another. And I thought I was your one and only.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:86eb58d8-8e75-42eb-ab37-0a4736da68c2">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Threadjack, but whatever Brookelynn--I just checked out your bio and your pics are beautiful.  I love the purple and yellow and was thinking baout going with that for our wedding. 
    Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

    Aw, thank you!! It's actually lime green in place of yellow. Our florist gets all the credit for making that come together :)
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    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • Oh, and I think M&M also raised a valid poing about varying price points in varying parts of the country.  My FILs almost died when they heard our budget, but when we explained it to them and showed pricing, where we were cutting corners, etc, they got it.  Also, I've shared that information with family, not everyone on the internet.

    Think of it this way.  If I come on here constantly complaining about my FI, people are going to come to one of two conclusions: I'm a total bitch or he's an ass.  It's not their fault if you put something out there AND they don't know the whole picture.

     In the future, don't mention specifics and you should be fine. 
  • KD, please.  You know you have stalking priority.  Look for me later outside your house.

    Brookelynn--I have to recheck the color, then.  But whatever she did, the combo is gorgeous.  I was going back and forth between a similar color combo and the black/fuschia we went with.  FI said our combo was more my personality, but I do love that deep purple color. 
  • Oooh, black and fushia is pretty! I'm not much a pink girl, but fushia can be done really well. I'm sure your wedding will be gorgeous!
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    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:07919bc3-3e45-4eb0-bc25-ad41e90f1126">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]KD, please.  You know you have stalking priority.  Look for me later outside your house. Brookelynn--I have to recheck the color, then.  But whatever she did, the combo is gorgeous.  I was going back and forth between a similar color combo and the black/fuschia we went with.  FI said our combo was more my personality, but I do love that deep purple color. 
    Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

    Oh and I just realized you cant go on vacation with us as much fun as that would be, you have that pesky wedding thing going on at the same time. So we have to reschedule.
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  • Thanks, Brooke. We're just doing small accents because I don't want a Pepto wedding and FI would probably walk out if everything were pink :)  It's a long wait from here, though.

    KD, stupid wedding.  It ruins all of my fun.
  • Ha, that's another reason I went the purple route. It's feminine without being too girl. Neither DH nor the GMs would have looked right with pink, but the purple on them was minimal.

    OP - you stopped talking about all that money you're spending and we've all moved on. See how that works?
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  • Our wedding is costing what seems like a lot to me but it is all relative. There are knotties on here who spend 5k and think it is a ton of money because to them it is. There are other knotties who I am sure spent more than 50k and to them it is a lot of money.  

    You have money to spend, spend it. But realize that not all the girls on here have as much as you do and some chose to spend it differently than others. 

    Do I cringe when people say their flower budget is $3000, a little. But that's just because I can't imagine having that much money to spend on florals. I wish I could but I don't. Am I little envious when people post their SDEs, yep, I am. But we all make choices about our wedding and you kinda have to take them in stride.

    Don't let it get to you. You certainly aren't the first person to get flamed for spending money. But then again, girls get flamed all the time for being cheap too. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:ba592135-fdbd-451f-b196-4f194307ba46">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree Number. And stangely it bothers me just as much to see budget brides getting flamed! A friend of mine was a budget bride and that was so awesome, so creative it was inspiring! For clarification I think I have only put actual numbers for my own wedding out there twice, and that was for posts that were asking for that. Unfortunately it was before I realize that was a bad idea. But it just sucks that everyone can talk about their wedding details and I have to shut up b/c someone might guess what I'm spending (thats in life and boards). There seems to be a consensus here on the board so II take the advice here and do what I figured would be the case.<strong> Shut up about it all and share nothing about the wedding with people. Oh well, way of the world I guess.</strong>
    Posted by Solo1018[/QUOTE]

    See, I don't think you need to shut up at all, if it is done appropriately. If some one asks, "who is your florist and what did you spend?" on your local then that is fine. If you make a new thread about how you got a band for 7k, then no - not cool.

    However, if you do decide to share what you spend, be prepared for people to have opinions. Like pp mentioned above, you may notice people get flammed for being cheap as well (not having cash bar etc)... It is just how things go.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:a838d65e-47fd-48b1-9129-dcd549d98b7e">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In need of a good comeback! : See, I don't think you need to shut up at all, if it is done appropriately. If some one asks, "who is your florist and what did you spend?" on your local then that is fine. If you make a new thread about how you got a band for 7k, then no - not cool. 
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. If people ask, post. But don't post to be an AW.</div><div>
    </div><div>In the end, if you feel comfortable with what you are spending, who cares. If you are spending it for appearances sake though, that is a crappy reason (as in to keep up with those around you...)...</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:181a8e76-c94b-4212-96fe-012d83fdbc2d">In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so tired of getting the flack from people about how much we are spending on our wedding. The saddest part is that a good chunk of it is coming right off of these boards! I swear if one more person tells me that "I don't have to spend that much on X, and that I could put that money into savings or use it as a down payment on a house" I'm gonna scream. First off what does a house have anything to do with a wedding? And secondly why do people assume that what I'm spending for my wedding is every last dime I have! I would hate to have to say to someone "well don't worry I have enough money to pay for my wedding outright in cash, and have more than enough left over for a downpayment on that "house" you speak of and still have plenty of cushion", but how else do get people to understand. This is not to be braggy about how much money I have, really I don't have that much. I've just been able to put myself into a position to where I have enough to do what it is I am doing. <strong>History has shown me that I'm probably going to get flamed for this post, and scolded like a child</strong> about my "financial irresponsibility", and I'm so not asking for sympathy (I realize that there are far worse things in life) but I was just curious if I was the only one to run into this annoyance, and if anyone had advice on dealing with it.
    Posted by Solo1018[/QUOTE]

    I was with you right up to that point, but then I started to think you were a douche.

    Other than that, the best advice I can give you is to ignore it. Who cares what people say? They don't know you. They don't know your situation. They have absolutely no impact on how you chose to spend you money. People will always find ways to find fault in what you do. That's just life. You just have to have enough self restraint to not have a hissy fit over it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:ba592135-fdbd-451f-b196-4f194307ba46">Re: In need of a good comeback!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree Number. And stangely it bothers me just as much to see budget brides getting flamed! A friend of mine was a budget bride and that was so awesome, so creative it was inspiring! <strong>For clarification I think I have only put actual numbers for my own wedding out there twice, and that was for posts that were asking for that. </strong>Unfortunately it was before I realize that was a bad idea. <strong>But it just sucks that everyone can talk about their wedding details and I have to shut up b/c someone might guess what I'm spending (thats in life and boards).</strong> There seems to be a consensus here on the board so II take the advice here and do what I figured would be the case. Shut up about it all and share nothing about the wedding with people. Oh well, way of the world I guess.
    Posted by Solo1018[/QUOTE]

    I was with you until this post.

    Now I don't know what to believe because in your OP, you said that most of your bad experiences were on the boards.  How exactly were people so rude to you, if you only posted numbers twice, in threads that asked for numbers? 

    I agree with you that money judgement sucks either way, whether people are calling you extravagant or cheap.  But I'm just not sure if I buy the "I only said things twice and people were SO judgey and now I can never talk about my wedding".  You're either giving a ton of slightly veiled references (OMG my Tiffany ring came in today) or blatantly bringing up money either way. 

    As you pointed out, the girls here did have a lot of fair suggestions for how to deal with the issue from here on out. I think, here and IRL, it does well to know your crowd and keep money details vague.  I think you realize this now, as well :)
  • Wait, where did your GBCK go? Am I crazy?



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • Solo, by saying know your crowd and be tactful, I don't think anyone was saying get the fvck off the boards.  What happened here? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:88cb53f1-9d10-496f-8b88-a95f7c595bec">Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful</a>:
    [QUOTE]Solo, by saying know your crowd and be tactful, I don't think anyone was saying get the fvck off the boards.  What happened here? 
    Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I think people gave you some really good advice.  I read the thread with the edited OP and her other messages deleted, but I really don't see where anyone told her to go away. 

    OP, you got good advice not just for these boards, but for any other internet message board really.
  • This is a bad time to be throwing around big numbers and brand names on any board. There are people here, regardless of if they are saying so or not who are worried that they will not have a job by the time they get to their wedding date. The economy is so bad right now and that is easy to forget if you are one of the more fortunate.

    We had what amounted to a platinum destination wedding for a tiny number of guests. We were so fortunate to be able to do that, and I would never put figures out in any post here.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:59d06e63-ef19-47c7-9574-473ca58f4042">Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a bad time to be throwing around big numbers and brand names on any board. There are people here, regardless of if they are saying so or not who are worried that they will not have a job by the time they get to their wedding date. The economy is so bad right now and that is easy to forget if you are one of the more fortunate. We had what amounted to a platinum destination wedding for a tiny number of guests. We were so fortunate to be able to do that, and I would never put figures out in any post here.
    Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

    I dont think telling people if they asked about, say, how much your dress was etc is rude.  If you came out posting "Ohhh like my 15K dress???" that would be different. 

    I just dont think because the economy is bad for some that people should not be allowed to show brand names or reveal a large number when asked.

    I think its all about the delivery.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • edited September 2010

    Apparently I missed something. Dangit. I hate when I'm outta the loop!

  • Jenna most of it got quoted in response posts.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:82b4fec6-e740-423c-9b8c-19b13cfd00ba">Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful : I dont think telling people if they asked about, say, how much your dress was etc is rude.  If you came out posting "Ohhh like my 15K dress???" that would be different.  I just dont think because the economy is bad for some that people should not be allowed to show brand names or reveal a large number when asked. I think its all about the delivery.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. I'm definitely a budgeter, and am definitely jealous of the bigger and more expensive weddings but that doesn't mean people can't have them. Just don't run around flashing numbers needlessly and you'll be fine.

    Besides, you can always post about your dress, you flowers, your hair, etc without attaching numbers. You can't really tell a $200 dress from a $20k dress from pictures anyways (or at least I can't).
  • I also think making a post whining about people being mad that you are spending alot is just as bad as making a post about how dumb it is to spend alot.

    Just my opinion.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • n Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-of-good-comeback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7611bacc-ea0f-4192-b5e2-8386aba85a85Post:82b4fec6-e740-423c-9b8c-19b13cfd00ba">Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thanks All, It Has been very helpful : I dont think telling people if they asked about, say, how much your dress was etc is rude.  If you came out posting "Ohhh like my 15K dress???" that would be different.  <strong>I just dont think because the economy is bad for some that people should not be allowed to show brand names or reveal a large number when asked. I think its all about the delivery.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]</strong>

    <div>"When asked" is key here. Offering the information, UN asked sounds like bragging in any economy, and in this one looks insensitive. I can see why people would get nasty about it.</div>
  • Thanks Blue! Your siggy quote always makes me want to go out and buy some cool pencils and stickers to put on my notebooks.

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