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Dad getting remarried.(long sry)

mkippomkippo member
First Comment
in Second Weddings
hi... okay so i need to vent a little and need some advice... this may be long sry in advance... so

the story: my dad is getting remarried to a girl only 3 years older then me, im his oldest daughter... in all honsety the age doesnt actually bother me at all since my dad has always dated girls young. im happy that my dad is happy and found someone but im not happy as to who it is with. ill give you the short version, so first she was still married when she met my dad and there was drama with her now ex, and while i was still in my dads house there was a scare cuz the ex was comming to the house when i was there alone... well she moved in then i moved out so she could move in with her 2 kids, it worked out cuz i was getting married and was moving with my hubby.. my little sister moved in my dads "basement" cuz she had just had a baby and my dad let her move in cuz she had no where to go. Well my dads FI was starting problems with my sister they had an arguement and the FI said some mean things to my sister... not to get into details cuz this happened many times my sister got kicked out because my dads now FI wasnt getting along with my sister... the FI started writting crap on facebook about me and my sister and it just got bad, at this point i was nto living in the same state, my hubby is in the military so we were stationed somewhere else... well to get to the point my dad and her are now engaged, just happened in march and their wedding is in August, my sisters wedding which was being planned first is now being pushed back to april of '11... i do not like this girl my dad is going to marry because she is inmature and picks stupid little fights... my dad and my family know i get along with everyone and never had a problem with my dads gf, or prior FI.. i think the current FI is after my dads money and i dont approve of her. We have been asked my sister and i want to be invloved in the wedding, my sister isnt going to be and the more i think about it i dont  think i want to be either i just will attend for my dad. The FI has recently gotten mad because my sister and i said we wount except her as a step mother... or her kids as step siblings but will recgnize them as my dads wife and her kids. so am i over reacting in any one opinion?? does anyone think i should be in the wedding or just a guess? ( oh ya im 24, dads 47, Fi is 27, sister 21)
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Re: Dad getting remarried.(long sry)

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    AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She certainly does sound immature to me. Anyone who uses FBook as a platform for arguing at age 27... well, should grow up. fast.

    No she isn't your stepmother, IMO. She and her kids will now be part of your family, though, and I would try to welcome them as such. Especially the kids.  I'm thinking that getting real involved in the wedding plans would probably stir up more trouble with her... but perhaps what she is really wanting is your acceptance, even though she sucks at trying to get it!

    If I were in your shoes, I'd take the high road here (and thus show a stark comparison to her immaturity). I'd say "golly i'm glad you two are happy. i cannot at this time help with your wedding plans, but i am looking foward to attending. i hope the wedding is everything you want it to be." 
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    right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Adelphi hit the nail on the head.  What she said is PERFECT!!

    Take the high road, and don't take it out on her kids- they are just along for the ride, and are the product of her parenting.  ~Donna
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You other ladies are nicer than I am.  I'm calling MUD.  Whose AE is this?  Come on, now. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    candyr99candyr99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Be happy for your dad and polite with his FI. Who knows, they may not make it to the wedding. It never hurts to kill them with kindness!
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    Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    What does MUD mean?  I've seen it on other threads.
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    thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Made Up Drama
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    Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Ah so.....thanks!
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    mkippomkippo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    first off thanks everyone... i feel a lil better now that i vented and that u girls gave me the advice i was thinkin in my head :)

    as for hand" sry to disapoint u but this isnt MUD..... and this is an AE.... i was on this site since tryin to plan my wedding that i had 8-09..... and trust me i wish this way made up drama!! but sadly its not....
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First of all, that was really hard to read. Brush up on grammar and use paragraphs next time. The only reason I suffered through it was before I wanted to give my 2 cents.

    My dad's third marriage was to a woman only 8 years older than me (she was 21 when she met my dad, he was in his 40s)). She was the reason my dad left his second wife, my stepmom (I still consider her my stepmom and my former stepsis is my MOH). Needless to say, I (and everyone else) hated her. Unlike your dad, mine eloped then told my little brother and me in the car on the way to his place, "oh, by the way, XXXXX and I got married last weekend." Not cool.

    She was a terrible person, yelled at my brother when he ate her chips or ice cream (yes, she thought we should bring our own food to dad's), constantly called him fat (he wasn't), and made nasty remarks about my family. People either kept their mouths shut or told her to f--- off, which was my approach.

    So, this resulted in her essentially poisoning my father against his family so that he wanted nothing to do with us. It wasn't until they divorced that he realized how crappy he was and we are still rebuilding that repationship. So, I tell you this because how you handle the situation depends on what relationship you want with your dad.

    If you want to keep it, then play nice and take the high road. If you or anyone else is nasty to her, then she'll likely take your dad away for good and he'll want nothing to do with you. That's how women like her get in, by taking away the father from his family. If you would rather put her in her place then by all means, do so, just be prepared to accept the consequences. The best you can do is ignore her, or talk to your dad about how you don't appreciate being treated that way, and hope he listens.

    Hope that helps, if at all.
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you Seshat, that's the type of thing I usually say, but then I get attacked by the OP, and called the "grammar police." 

    OP--so if you really don't care about the age thing, as you state in your post, then why are you mentioning it?  I think that's the crux of your issue here,  much as you would try to deny it. 

    I married a man 10 years younger than me.  Do people call me a cougar? Yep.  Do I care? Nope.  Am I happier than I ever have been in my life? Yep.  DH is is only 15 year older than my daughter.   Your father is a grown man.  Get out of his business, and be a loving and supportive daughter.  He has the right to be happy, and/or make mistakes, just like you. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    mkippomkippo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    im not going out of my way to be grammer corrct when writting a post on the internet

    i mentioned the age because i wanted to show how inmature she was being. compared to my age and my sister we are all close... and yet shes acting like shes younger then us ..... my parents are 10 yrs apart in age and my is older..

    and like i said before my dad has dated girls around my age before and i got along with them just fine... this is the 1st girl i have not gotten along with and i think its because of the drama she was creating...ive been the bigger person the whole time havent said anything mean
    i just wanted advice as if i should be IN the weddint or just a guest. and to see if anyone thought i was over anylazing the situation

    seshat- thanks that did help. some people in my family also said they might not make it to the wedding because that is just how my dad is. haha
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    CandyGirlSparksCandyGirlSparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    mkippo: I've found that a little reverse psychology almost always works like magic on all men. I suggest going out of your way to seem super supportive, but do it in such a way that will make your dad think twice. You say you think this girl is after his money...you could say something like "Most men with as much money as you would want a pre-nup...oh, but you and her are so much in love, you don't need one..." Just an idea.

    Don't try to convince your dad not to marry her. People don't like to be made to feel like they're not making a good decision, it makes them feel like you think they're stupid and incompetent. If you appear to think that they're doing the right thing, a lot of times they'll come to the right conclusion on their own.

    Good luck with all that...I can't imagine having to deal with that sort of thing. :(
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